Narrator (Ava):
And they sauntered past the gates,
The Capulets had not a single clue
How Romeo caught onto the fate’s baits,
And left the homophobic ideas undue.
Along with Romeo and Benvolio went a friend —
Mercutio was the name;
For this character, we did not genderbend,
But for the right actor, the rewriters did aim.

Benvolio (Jake): Guys, I don’t think our masks hide anything.

Mercutio (Minho): As long as we can feast on turkey without someone noticing, I think we’re good. (grabs a pina colada)

Romeo (Hyunjin): Shush. I need to find Rosaline and get the hell outta here. I don’t have a good feeling about this.

Benvolio (Jake): Why? What’s up with you?

Romeo (Hyunjin): I don’t know… I feel like something bad is gonna happen tonight.

Mercutio (Minho): Let’s be real, guys. The worst that could happen tonight would probably be ripping your pants in front of a girl… or getting caught by the Capulets.

Romeo (Hyunjin): No, dude. I have an uneasy feeling in my gut.

Mercutio (Minho): That’s called acidity.

Benvolio (Jake): (concerned) Do you need an antacid, Romeo?

Romeo (Hyunjin): (annoyed) You two are idiots.

Mercutio (Minho): If you say that again, I’m gonna challenge you to a dance-off. And everyone knows I’ll win that.

Benvolio (Jake): Oh, bro! You haven’t seen him dance! He does it really well.

Mercutio (Minho): Not under my watch, bitches.

Romeo (Hyunjin): Let’s just find Rosaline and leave.

Mercutio (Minho): And the heck are you gonna do when you find her? Propose to her on the spot and embarrass me? Gosh, why did I agree to come here!

Benvolio (Jake): For the food, Mercutio. For the food.

Mercutio (Minho): (realization hits him) Ah, yeah! (picks up a croissant) Too hell with your love story, I’m gonna build my love affair with the booze tonight.

Benvolio (Jake): Holy cow, this is a mess.