Ryan

... They were here for breakfast...

... they asked for my hand...

.... and you said be mine... I'm yours...

... I'm not doing it Ryan... I can't... I won't...

Over and over. The same words over and over, again and again. I can't kick them out of my head. Her sobs and her shaking, I can still feel them. I can still taste the tear I kissed away from her cheek on my lips. She was disoriented. She was a little girl again.

And that's what's been keeping my blood boiling since last night.

I'm physically present in the auditorium, listening to the chubby professor we all know as the Wart explain Exposure: Aperture, Shutter speed and ISO. But mentally, I'm still in Julia's room, holding her to my chest as she sobs, my heart breaking up to pieces inside me.

...you said be mine... I'm yours... I can't... I won't...

Each and every word echos in my head with each flick of my pen in my fingers.

She didn't come to university today. I waited for an hour before my class started at the gates, but I didn't see her anywhere. I really wanted to see her— needed to see her. To see if shes better now. To see if she cried after I left. To see, to prove to my heart that shes here. That she'll stay true to her word..

...I'm yours...

No. I don't doubt her. I trust Julia with my everything. Who I don't trust is her father. And apparently, he's holding her captive. And my heart— the idiot it is— is creating scenarios in my head which are holding my lungs in a vicelike grip.

... yours...

Sick of being unable to do anything, I pull my phone out of my pant's pocket.

No New Notifications

As expected. I unlock it and go straight to the messages.

The girl sitting a seat away from me gives me a You're not allowed to do that in class look, but shes not me. She hasn't lost Juliet. I have.

There's no reply to my text. It hasn't even been seen.

Text me when you wake up.

Maybe she's still asleep... i think to myself.

Maybe her phone got confiscated. Myself shrugs.

If you don't have anything good to say, I tell myself, remain silent!

Whatever. My self replies, and for the next two hours, each time I check my phone for a notification, my stupid self makes more stupider scenarios.

No! I tell it, she cant just fall if a staircase!

Anything can happen... myself replies.

I hate myself.

"Ryan?" Simon calls my name.

I look up from my phone at him. He's sitting all casual in his usual chair facing the cafeteria door to keep an eye on blondie. Josh just left for the book shop flaming he has some notes for the photocopier.

"What?" I ask him, unintentionally grumbling.

It's irritating, to be honest. Everyone around me is so casually doing things. Its like nothing has happened. Like Julia is just in class. Like she didn't cry last night. Like she didn't fall asleep crying in my arms. Like—

"Look." Simon passes me his phone.

The phone slides over the table and stops just beside my plate of pasta which hasn't been touched ever since it was brought half an hour ago.

On the screen, is a notification. A text.

From Julia.

Julia: 𝚃𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚁𝚢𝚊𝚗 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚝. 𝙵𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚘 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗. 𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚏 𝚊𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛. 𝙹.

"That means you gotta eat." Simon concludes.

I read the text again and again.

Half an hour...

who's he meeting up with? I wonder.

Probably the McKays. Myself replies.

I told you to be quiet! I scold myself.

"Dude, at least look at me when I talk." Simon complains, and I look up at him again. He reaches forward and snatches his phone, pocketing it with a frown.

"You have to eat Ryan." He says like a worried mother. "You didn't even have breakfast!"

"Im not hungry." I tell him.

Yea. Myself thinks back. I'm starving. What I also didn't have was dinner last night.

"You look blemished." Simon gestures to me with his fork. "You won't survive half an hour more like this."

I survived all night. I survived all day. I can survive half an hour more.

"Watch me." I tell him, crossing my arms on the table in front of me.

I'll eat after I've talked to Julia.

"Right." Simon nods, swallowing a bite of his own pasta, wiping the ketchup from the corner of his mouth.

Yes. He puts ketchup on his pasta, spaghetti, and macaroni.

He's weird.

"Are you counting my bites?" Simon raises an eyebrow at me.

Thats when I notice that I was staring.

You've lost it. Myself tells me.

Yeah... I've lost it... I tell myself.

Kira

Should I? I think to myself, looking down at the envelope in my hand. The envelope delivered by the boy the Lady hates the most.

How do I know?

I heard her weep. I was there, delivering her dinner, as she cried her lungs out about how she's like to have them all burn in the deepest depths of hell. She cursed the name Ethan Mc'Kay over and over, as her shoulders shook and a river of tears flowed from her eyes.

I feel sorry for miss Garfield.

I straighten my uniform, the typical black with a white apron, and clear my throat.

It's easy. I prep myself mentally. In and out. Thats all. I'll just give it, and come out. In and out.

But deep in my heart, I know it isn't.

The Lady will scream at me for delivering such a thing to her. She'll have me fired for even receiving it! What will happen of my children? My good for nothing husband?

In and out. I repeat to myself, over and over. I can do this. Its just a message. In and out.

I can do this. I take a step forth. I can—

"Kira?" Comes a stern voice from behind me, pausing me mid stride.

"Yes?" I turn around, displaying my smile for the elderly lady. She's old— too old for those heals she's wearing— but the look she gives my makes her look like she's the one who's mid thirties and I'm just a teenager.

"What are you contemplating?" She asks, her perfectly threaded eyebrow raised. "Your life's decisions?"

I wonder if I should tell her that I might or might not be...

"And what is that you have in your hand?" She adds, pointing to the white envelope in my hand.

"It is a message, ma'am." I tell my senior.

"A message?" She cocks her head, her snowy white hair swaying.

I wish my hair was that silky.

"Young mister McKay hand delivered a message a while ago, ma'am." I tell her, holding the envelope out for her to see. "He was here, having a conversation with the Master. He forgot to give it then, so he asked me to deliver it to Miss Garfield."

Madam Beth, the old senior lady, takes the envelope and opens it.

She shouldn't do it. I think to myself, as her gunmetal grey eyes go through the text.

"Strange." She mumbles. "Utterly strange."

She hands me back the envelope, but the card is not in it. My eyes fall to the text and I think the same thing.

Strange indeed.

"What do you think ma'am?" I ask, unconsciously, putting the card back into the white envelope.

To an outsider eye, this might not be such a peculiar happening. But to us, who work in this place, its very very peculiar.

We're the witnesses of all what happens inside this palace like house. We have all the news of all the comings and goings. The walls, indeed, whisper to us.

"Oh, you know what I think." Says Madam Beth. "With the new paintings drying in her balcony, the young Lady will be outraged to see this!"

Indeed she'd be. I think to myself.

Ive seen those paintings. Ocean blue eyes and ebony hair, a handsome man with a camera hanging around his neck. With the details the lady had added to all four of these pictures, we had to deduce that that man was not a fictional character, but her beloved. She had scribbled a name over and over in her sketchbooks, which we saw while cleaning the room this morning.

Ryan Hunt.

Madam Beth's eyes had went wide in horror at reading the name. I didn't know why. To me, it was a nice mame, and the paintings showed the owner of the name was fairly nice too.

There was a copy of Romeo and Juliet which layer open on the Lady's bed, which made me smile. Reading had never been the young Lady's thing, but her reading such a play while making such painting and writing such names made me smile.

She's in love. I realised. What a beautiful thing.

Then came the revelation that the young mister McKay had proposed for miss Garfield's hand, and the master had said yes!

Such an heartbreaking thing!

The arrival of this invitation to the celebration at such a time is nothing but peculiar.

And so, if I deliver this envelope,  I'll definitely be kicked out if my job just for delivering such a message!

"Indeed ma'am." I nod to my superior. "The Lady wouldn't want anything related to young mister McKay be delivered to her chambers."

Madam Beth sighs.

"True." She nods too. "But then, Kira, no one asked for our opinion. We're just maids, no matter how much wise we are."

"Yes, ma'am." I lower my head. Shes right. I was told to deliver this, and that's exactly what I should do.

"Now, hurry up." Madam motions with her hand for me to run off. "Or you shall have to find some other job to feed your drunkard husband."

"Yes, ma'am." I ignore the last comment, and straighten my dress again.

In and out. I tell myself, scurrying off to the Lady's chambers. In and out.

———————

A/n: you all know that song? "Im bad! I'm bad! You know it, you know it"

Yea, you get my point.

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