Y/N

When I got home after visiting him, my mom hugged me tightly. I slept in her bedroom, as she kept patting my head that day. Emma and Dae visited me, trying to cheer me up.

I was just exhausted.

Not physically.

But mentally.

I didn't bother pulling myself, I just stayed like.....like.....a statue.

I spent most of my time at work, then in-store. I kept painting, dancing, singing all alone.

Dae always tried to cheer me up at work, he would do anything to make me smile, mom, Emma, and Hye Jin were trying to do the same.

But I couldn't smile genuinely.

The picture kept popping in my mind, taking away my sleep, peace, and sanity.

Gradually the time passed and college started. I and Dae begin our second year. The worst part was we assigned to have morning lectures then we had to work in the afternoon.

The best schedule for someone who is trying not to overthink.

I talked to Bangtan boys, One of them would call me at least once a day.

That day when I left the office, he visited at night. I didn't let him in my room, I didn't see his face, I didn't talk to him.

He kept sending flowers every day. One of the staff members would drop them. There would always be a sorry note, written by him. Jungkook told me that he wrote all those notes the same night he visited me before leaving for the tour and gave them to Bang PD.

I know he didn't cheat me. I won't label what he did as a mistake.

“Here your flowers," mom gave me the bouquet of lilies.

I took them and place them in a vase.

“Call him, at least once. He is trying so hard," mom told me.

I unfolded the note.

You know, what's without you my life is?

A barren sky lacking all the life.
A tea without sugar.
A cake without cream.
And my existence without significance.

~ Only Yours.

I smiled reading the note and dropped it in the jar which was replenished with notes from him.

“He loves you Y/N. He did take a stupid step but he regrets it so bad. Take him back, he does deserve your second chance," mom patted my head and I nodded.

They completed their tour and were returning.

I am excited to meet them.

All.

Especially him.
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Yoongi

I want to see her.

I practically shoved clothes in my suitcase. I was the first to get up and was the first to get on the plane. 

When we reach our homeland late at night and slept straight away.

The next day I woke up in the afternoon, that too listening to her voice.

I walked into the living room, they were face timing her.

In the USA they use to face time almost every other day. I would just sneak somewhere and listen to her talk.

Four months and 17 days, without her.

No contact, nothing. Bang PD, told me that she never refused the flowers and notes. I wrote two hundred notes for her.

Before leaving for the USA, I visited her house. But she didn't let me see her.

I told her mother about the incident and I also apologized to her again and again.

She said, she believes me and urged me to give her some time. Hye Jin hyung and all the members advised the same.

Give her time.

I did.

If that makes her happy, then I could do anything.

“We are going over to Y/N house,” Hobi informed me.

She invited them.....I wanted to go, but she might still not want to see me. I still couldn't gather the courage to face her.

“I will be at home,” I said.

“Suga, it's time. Grow some balls face her, don't be such a pussy,” Namjoon snapped, and I look at Jin hyung expecting him to smack Namjoon for using such a word.

But he rolled his eyes, “He is right.”

I sigh, amd climbed off the bed.

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Y/N

It was one of the best days. Boys were coming over, Emma was also coming over.

Emma might shift back to Seoul, she entered the architecting competition online and won it. Surprisingly she was offered a well-paid internship in one of the best companies in Seoul.

She was still considering the decision though.

“Y/N? Do you need help?” Dae asked walking into the kitchen.

“Yeah, can you brew coffee, they will be here,” I told him as I check if the cake was baked.

“Sure. How many cups?” he asked.

Emma doesn't like coffee.

I am allergic to it.

So Dae and those seven...

But will he come?

He will join his squad right?

He won't stay home alone.

“Eight cups," I replied.

“Okay”

I toast some bread for them and prepare other snacks along with the plump cake.

“Stop trying to hide your excitement. I know you are dying to see him, even he is,” Dae flicked my forehead.

“How do you know?”

"I and Namjoon hyung talk sometimes,” he shrugged.

Before I could respond, the bell rings. I smile widely and run to get to the door.

I swung it open and Jimin and Jungkook hugged me tightly.

I laughed hugging them back. Then others hugged me. Namjoon hyung and I shared the longest hug. I am closer to Namjoon and Tae. I mean I love them all. But still, they both are a little more closely than others. My eyes wandered desperately searching for him.

He isn't here.

A pang of dismay striked me, but I try to hide it. Boys remove their masks and settle on the couch.

“Hii guys,” Dae poked his head from the kitchen.

“ Hii Dae,” they all chimed.

I sat between Namjoon and Hobi hyung.

“You guys slept well? Or are you tired?” I asked them.

“We did. Don't worry. But I guess you are not sleeping well,” Jin hyung gestured at my dark circles.

Of course, I couldn't sleep these days.

“We have so much work and school,” Dae walked in with a tray of coffee.

I get in the kitchen to get the snacks and brownies for them, knowing they like the cake I make.

“Oh Y/N! Thanks! I love this!” Tae smiled widely. I missed his boxy smile.

Then we all just gossip, laugh, and tease each other.

“I will get it,” Dae stood to get the door.

“-yeah then I show him my middle finger,” I told them and they let out a soft laugh.

“EMMA!”  Dae screamed and hugs her tightly.

“Oh boy, I missed you!" She yelled then look at me and others. Jimin and Jungkook run to get her, she laughs when they argue who will hug her first.

Jin hyung stands flipping his none existing hair and hugged her first.

“How are you, Emm?" Hobi hyung asked

“I am good hyung, hello bitch,” we both bumped our fists.

“You look like a shit,” She told me and Jin hyung smacked her head.

“Gee..thanks bestie,” I rolled my eyes and shove chips in my mouth.

I glanced at Tae, and he was looking at his fingers. I glanced at Emma, and she was looking at him.

My heart aches to see them like this.
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Emma

I was cooking ramen for us when a pair of arms wrapped around me. I jumped and my eyes widen when I realize it's him.

“Tae...,” I said in a low voice.

He pressed his body against me and back hugs me tightly. His heavenly cologne hits my senses, his body warmth seems to make my every cell burst with happiness. I could feel his heart was pounding inside his ribcage.

It's been so long.

Then he abruptly pulled away.

“S- sorry, I.....I was just so happy to see you,” he lowered

I stare at him and he just simply stare back.

My heart was thumping so loudly that I was afraid he might hear it.

“Y-you.....It's fine,” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I am happy to see you too.

He nodded. The blanket of awkwardness fell on us.

“I....umm....wait outside,” he scurried out.

“Okay,” I said and continue making the ramen, ignoring my overwhelmed aching heart.

Once Jin said...I wish love was perfect as love itself.

I understand the meaning of that sentence now.
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Y/N

Later boys went back, Emma and Dae stayed.

We three lay on my bed talking to each other.

“- yeah he is my senior at work and also my roommate. Gosh, it's weird to live with Hyun ki,” Emma sighed.

“Are you considering shifting back?” Dae asked her.

“Yeah...I guess I should. It's hard to stay in Incheon all alone. Also, the company which offered me an internship better than the one I am working in,” she told us.

“Then girl get your ass back to Seoul. I and Dae miss you a lot,” I pulled her hair slightly.

“Yeah,” she pulled my hair back.
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Dae

I do believe your galaxy
I want to listen to your melody
Your stars in the Milky Way
Don’t forget that I found you anyways
At the end of my despair
You’re the last reason
For me who was standing at the edge of the
Live

On days you hate being yourself, days you want to disappear forever
Let's make a door in your heart
Open the door and this place will await
It's okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you

While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop

So show me (I'll show you)
So show me (I'll show you)
So show me (I'll show you)
Show you show you

I sang for the girls as creased Emma's back and watch Y/N as she sketched listening to me singing.

I stretched my arms when I wake up, I see Emma cuddled up beside me but I don't see Y/N.

I look at her desk and sighed.

This girl!

I walked over to her and chuckle at her open mouth.

She was sketching in her sketch pad and dozed off on the desk. She treasures it as he gave her. I slowly take the sketch pad and bit inside of my cheek.

His eyes.

She drew them perfectly.

Fuck you Min Yoongi.

I scribbled like a child on his sketch.

“Shit, sorry Y/N," I murmured, keeping the sketch pad aside. I gently pick her in my arms and lay her on the bed.

“Yoongi,” she mumbled in her sleep.

I froze when she held my hand.

Thinking it's him.

My heart aches to look at her like this. She is at least better now, few weeks back she was like a dead person.

If you were mine.......I wouldn't have let these eyes cry,” I creased her cheek and slowly wriggles my hand out of her hold.

I look at both the girls and laugh at clicking their picture.

I just wish that both these girls be happy. Again.
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Y/N

I woke up to the noises down the hall.

I heard his voice and immediately sit straight.

What the fuck he is doing here?

Dae and Emma weren't in my room, they must have left.

I strolled downstairs and lean on the wall, listening to their conversation.

“I don't have time you know, be quick,” my mom told him sternly.

I heard him sigh.

“I...want to tell you....that I am getting married,” he said.

My heart stopped, and I froze.

What?

“Wh-what?” my mom asked.

“Soohee, you are the first to know. I know I am being shameless by telling you this. But I wanted you to know first, that's all. I will leave. I promise I won't show you my face again. Please take care of Y/N.”

With that, he walked out of the house.

I couldn't find the courage to look at my mom.

I heard her slamming the door.
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Soohee

I ran inside my bedroom and slammed the door shut. Leaning on the door, I slide down crumbling on the floor

Loud sobs broke through me, but I try to be quiet. My heart agonized so much, the pain is too much to handle.

I buried my face in my hands and cried.

Was all my life I was living a lie?

A lie of being in love with him?

A lie of having a cute happy family?

A lie that he loved me?

I opened the drawer and took my wedding pictures. I find the matchbox on my desk and burned them. Tears streamed down my face as I watch the scorching flame swallowing the moments I cherished. The days when I was happy, the day when I use to walk home and see my husband waiting for me, the days when he used to hug me tightly soothing me, the days he would tiptoe in the kitchen and back hugged me, the days when he would enter in the house yelling that he brought something for me and Y/N, the days when he would randomly text me saying he loves me.

I burned them all.

Into ashes.

I burned my love for him.

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Y/N

“I will close the shop,” I told the workers.

They all left, I closed the shop and took the bag of alcohol up in the room.

In front of my eyes, I again saw her broken.

Her loud sobs, ringed in my ears.

Why god?

Why my mom has to go through this?

I just drink.

I never drank before.

I hate alcohol.

My phone buzzed and I receive the call.

“Hello?"

“Y/N? Why are you sounding like that?”

“Dae, can you come to me? It hurts....it hurts so much...I don't know what to do...Dae,” I choked on my words.

“Where are you? I will get you. Please don't do anything till I get there”

“Store...” I slurred.

“Wait for me”

I threw my phone.

I am getting married, I wanted you to know first. Please take care of Y/N.

Y/N, you are my daughter. I love you.

Princess comes here, we will eat ice cream.

Let me braid your hair for you.

Y/N sweetie, you shouldn't trouble your mom so much.

Y/N, can you please cook for me.

Come on. Wake up and hug me. My daughter is my lucky charm.

Aww, my little champ is so beautiful like her mother.

I am sorry Y/N.

I slammed the bottle and the pieces of glass scattered everywhere. I tried to stand and stumble here and there. I get near my desk and fumbled through my book.

Our picture.

Dad was smiling at me.

I walked out of the room and somehow climbed downstairs. I took the lighter from the stall and fell while climbing upstairs.

“Fuck!" I let out, holding my knee. I crawled up the stair and bragged in my room.

I poured alcohol on our pic and burn it.

I screamed.

I scream holding my head in my hand.

Please take this pain away.

Please or just kill me.

I smashed the bottles, the lamp, I threw my books down on the floor.

“Y/N?”

I looked in the doorway and see him.

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Yoongi

“Yoongi,” her body trembled when she breathes out my name.

I balled my fist observing how much defeated she looks.

“Y/N,” I was about to walk in but she threw a book.

“Don't stay there. I will hurt you,” she yelled wiping her bloody hands on her face.

I couldn't recognize her voice, her bloodshot eyes.

I still walk in.

“STOP STOP PLEASE! I AM TIRED! I AM SO FUCKING MUCH DONE!” She screamed.

She smashed her painting, threw the blankets down. She crashed each and everything her hands could reach. The entire room was trashed down.

She panted running out of breath, she fists her hair and looked at me.

“I don't want to cry Yoongi,” her voice cracked as sobs broke through her. Tears stream down her face and she hit her chest repeatedly, trying to hold in her tears.

My eyes burn with tears looking at her.

I walked inside the room.

Her body shattered on the floor, as she whimpered burying her face in her hands.

I hugged her in my chest. She pushed me away but I don't move.

“I..don't..I...Yoongi....she was crying so much....da-dad...he..he is ge-getting married,” she cried clutching my shirt, her body was shaking as she pulled me closer.

I don't say anything and let her cry.

“I..I...it hurt....pl..please help me.”

I bury her face in the crook of my neck, tears stream down my face.

“Shhh.......I will help you. I am here. I got you,” I creased her back and she let it all out. All the pain and the ocean of emotions she kept buried inside her. She is not weak, she was just strong for too long.

Her cries increased, her body trembles in my arms, and I hold her even tighter not letting her shattered more.
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Dae

I quietly watch them in each other's embraced and wipe my tears.

She looked so devastated.

Yoongi looked at me and nods. I don't say anything and turn on my heels and ran downstairs.

I sat on the counter and drew a deep breath, trying not to cry.

Flashback

After I hang up, I call Namjoon asking for Yoongi's number.

More than me, she needs him.

He received the call on the third ring.

“Hello, I am Dae," I said.

“What do you want?" He asked coldly.

“Show your attitude later. Meet me near the convenience store,” I told him.

“Are you crazy? Why would I meet you?"

“Y/N is in the store. She needs you. Please just reach the store,” I said.

“Okay," he hangs up.

We met outside the store. We were surprised seeing that the store wasn't locked though the sign was closed.

We walked inside and heard the sound of things smashing.

“What the- Y/N,” Yoongi was about to run but I hold his arm.

“I am giving you this chance. If you mess this up, I will steal her away from you Yoongi. Mark my words,” I said, meaning it all.

He nods and yanked his arm from my hold, sprinting upstairs.
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You did the right thing, buddy. Be proud of yourself.
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Yoongi

I tugged her shuddering body in my arms and carefully walked into another room. I ambled straight into the bathroom.

She was calmed down but her eyes were closed, she said nothing. I made her sit on the sink and slowly took her top off, she lets me.

When I completely stripped her, I make her stand beneath the shower and turn the faucet on, maintaining the temperature of the water warm.

I was about to leave to let her shower but her tiny fingers grabbed my shirt.

“Please don't leave me alone, I am scared of my mind,” her teary and hoarse voice whispered.

I couldn't describe how much my heart ached seeing her like this. Completely broken.

I hold her hand and kissed her forehead.

I took off my shirt and pants, leaving the boxers on.

The warm waters drenched our bodies and I again hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around my back and I gently pat her head.

I am here, right beside you. I will face all your problems staying with you. I will not ask you to be strong, I will be there and we will together be strong. I won't ask you to wipe your tears, I will hug you tightly letting you cry in my embrace.

I will not ask you to be happy, I will strive to be the reason behind your happiness.

~Min Yoongi

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I cried while writing this.

I can't understand how people make assumptions about the person who is crying is pathetic. It's not pathetic man. They are strongest they don't fear to express themselves. It's the fear that we all go through, the hardest thing for teenagers, expressing themselves.

So, please don't hold your emotions in, let it flow.

And if you ever need a stranger to rant on, Hey I am Here!

~ Scar.

The topics I mention in this book are really sensitive. I didn't intend to make fun of them, so I apologized if I hurt anyone indirectly.