yeah i know it's been forever and even longer, but DruggedUpMan never dies, so neither does this story.

In reality for whatever reason Ghidorah likes this story that much that she requested the final part for her birthday. So happy birthday and have fun with this... well let's call it story.

Tragedy strikes. DruggedUpMan has to face his most devasting challenge yet. His one true trash- eh I mean love got kidnaped. He stops at nothing to get Mick back. Charlizebel, his first suspect delievers an important clue; a ransom letter demanding Brian Jones in exchange for Mick ( that's like exchanging gold for shit tbh... who is that stupid and would go along with it? Oh wait...) 

Okay to get Brian captured Keith consulted an expert- the lovely author who is for whatever reasons Bill's wife. Ofc the author didn't want to help with anything that has to do with Mick and Keith had to come up with his own plan, which involved himself dressed up as a woman and naturally failing miserably. However Keith a.k.a DruggedUpMan- the hero no one needs, but we all deserve won't give up that quickly, he still has got some work to do. 

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- NOW- 

(And no the author doesn't know a show named  Supernatural nor does she get excited when she hears Carry On My Wayward Son. 

Not at all.  Dust in the Wind is a far prettier song anyway. BUT FUCKING KANSAS CANCELED THEIR EUROPEAN TOUR LAST YEAR, BECAUSE EUROPE IS APPARENTLY NOT SAVE ENOUGH, SO FUCK YOU IN THE WIND, YOU BASATRD SON.)

Keith's new plan to capture Brian was faultproof and he was a little proud of himself for coming up with it. It was pure Machiavellian. His idea involved many different and highly complicated schemes, which required  at least a 20 people strong crew consisting only of the most qualified experts, 20 bombs, 6 cars, 3 helicopters, the British Government, the whole population of China  and a trained cat, who could knock things off tables. 

There was only one issue with this genius plan.

How was DruggedUpMan supposed to go through with all this, when he had needed Charlie to find a note on his own kitchen table? 

There was not enough Cocaine in this world to get Keith to that level of concentration he needed for that plan nor to get him on first stage of enlightenment-Sotāpanna.  Not that Keith tried to be enlighten anyway. The only teachings he followed where those of Mary Jane and her friends. Lady Cocaine was his goodness, his queen, his saviour, his true love- well Cocaine and Mick, which he needed to get back.

So Keith threw his plan out of the window, (Quite literally... the table he had written his plan on and thrown out of the 1st floor flat had even hit sb, who survived and promised to take revenge on DruggedUpMan someday, but this is a story for another time... So watch out for the Return of  DrugggedUpMan  in White White Snow)  and came up with a new one. It wasn't nearly as elegant or as elaborated as the last one... to be honest it was quite far from it.

All he needed for this plan was a sack. 

He would just knock Brian out when the blond left the store the next time and put him in a large sack. Maybe because of its simplicity or maybe because Brian simply didn't exactly expect sb to throw him in a sack, it worked out and Keith had finally what he needed to get Mick back.

At this point the author doesn't remember what the note said apart from capturing Brian and neither did Keith, so both had to look it up once again: 

"IF YOU WANT YOUR TRASH CAN BACK, BRING ME BRIAN. YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME."

-THE DEMON COW~

"Wow", both thought nearly at the same time, while scratching their heads, "what shit description is that... I don't even know where I am atm, so how should I know where sb else is?"

Keith however knew an expert at finding girls- or well female beings in this case; Kink Billy Boy Whyman. He disliked the other man though, so Keith being Keith decided not to ask the bassist, but instead to rely on his own nose- A nose that held thanks to his goddess more holes than a golf course.  (credits for that comparison go to a friend of the author, who used it to describe the ex bestfriend of the author. Thanks, mate. ) 

Faster than a flash Keith run through London in search for Cows, which was quite hard, because as we learned from Wicked_Annabella who obviously knows everything about London, living in Australia and all, an average London street is a field with cows. Meaning there were too many  cows for Keith to tell which one was the one that had captured Mick.

Luckily for Keith, just as he was about to give up and slaughter a cow for lunch to hold a nice barbecue, a woman jumped out before him. She was blond and pretty in a black dress and a fur coat, but with a somewhat poisonous aura around her. It didn't effect him naturally, because of his immunity towards anything and everything, but Brian who was still inside the sack- which Keith had momentarily forgotten, even though the multi instrumentalist had kept on screaming the whole time- fell silent and then started to cough violently and even gaged, nearly as if he had smelt something terribly vile. 

"So you finally brought me what I wanted."

Keith frowned. "What?"

"Brian," she replied, gesturing to the sack. "I wrote you the letter."

"No it was from a cow," Keith pointed out.

"I signed the letter with Anita"! the woman exclaimed offended. 

"Oh sorry!" Keith mumbled scratching his head. " I always confuse the two, y'know? Anita and demon cow, where's the difference? They nearly sound the same." 

"..."

"So you have Mick?" Keith asked her. 

"Yes."

"Okay give him back to me and you can have Brian."

"Sure, he's locked up just around the corner. Here's the key," she said and threw a key at Keith, which he ofc didn't catch. As he bend down to pick up the key, the demon Cow or Anita as she preferred to be called picked up Brian's sack and run off with him. (I have no idea how much Brian weighs (wow smth I don't know about him. lol), but Keith's sack is a magical sack that was woven out of a very rare kind of hemp (ofc what else?) and hence could make everything in it light as a feather. Yep everything in this story is explainable and makes sense... a 100%) 

Keith hurried on to the location she told him about and suddenly his nerves hit him (or maybe it was just the effect of his drugs wearing off). His hands trembled and he started to sweat. Mick was just behind the door and they were about to be reunited at last. It had been a painful adventure and a very personal one for DruggedUpMan, but Mick, his love had been worth it, Keith was sure.

He opened the door and grinned like a fool in love at his trash can, who returned Keith's love with a vocal exclamation. 

"What took you so long you idiot? You know how much I hate being on my own! There's no one who can pay attention to me and tell me how amazing I am!"

Yes true love. 

The end.

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Written & Directed  by Judy Drugs Jones mistinthemirror

Inspired by PhoebeTheMediocre666, AlyssaMendez02 and Ghidorah

With the help of Alcohol and Drugs. 

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The trash can  Mick Jagger ....................................as himself

Keith Drugs Richards a.k.a. DruggedUpMan................................. Keith Richards

Brian Jones.......................................... Brian Jones

Charlie Watts; Charlesebub............................. Charlie Watts

Bill Whyman, Kinky Billy .............................. Bill Wyman

Bill's wife, Brian expert........................................Judy D. Jones

The Demon Cow........................................... Anita Pallenberg

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No animals were harmed nor eaten during the production of this story.

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Anita laughed.

Finally she had what she wanted and who could blame her? Brian was kidnapp worthy, but he was too clever to just get a hold of. Mick however was well... all you need was to tell him a compliment and voila you could capture him and Keith... though he was very stupid, somehow everything still worked out for him. So Anita immediately knew Keith would manage to capture Brian.

Sadly the Demon Cow had forgotten about one very important detail in her plan,

Namely who the author of this story was. 

Lamp in hand she hit the Demon Cow over her head and rescued Brian, who.... let's say was very thankful. 😏😏😏

-The end-

So there you go.Thank you for not dying - I mean Thank you all for reading. Then again thank you for not dying too I guess. lol❤❤❤❤

(I probably should reread this.... 🤔 oh well fuck it.)