^^dedication to I_Make_Covers for the fantastic new cover :)

Hey guys :) here's chapter four - and on time, too! I made sure of that, even though it's my birthday :p

Also, 25,000 fans!!! WOW! Thank you so much :) Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! x

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Chapter 4

Ever had that nauseating feeling where you text a guy you like for the first time?

Well imagine that; the twisting stomach so bad I almost need to pee, and the clammy hands, the racing mind. Deleting and retyping one text at least a dozen times.

Except it’s even worse – since I’ve never text a guy before, period. I have no idea what the protocol for this is.

I spend about twenty minutes trying to form a text to Dwight. It’s just gone five o’clock.

Right now, the screen on my cell phone reads ‘Hey! How’re you? I was just wondering what to do about meeting you later for the party :)’ and all I can do is stare at it, and wonder if it’s alright. Should I delete the ‘how’re you’, or should I add a kiss on the end?

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!

I drop the phone on my bed and run my hands through my hair, biting down on my lip to muffle a little scream of frustration.

Ping!

I freeze. Then I drop my hands. Then I open my eyes wide and stare at my phone. I think my heart actually stops beating for that moment.

I lunge for my phone, snatching it up and staring at the screen helplessly.

It’s sent the message.

I pressed the button to send when I threw my phone down. I hear a little whimper of worry escape my mouth, and my heart starts beating again, and beating hard.

I check the screen of my cell again – yep, it definitely sent the text to Dwight.

It takes a couple of minutes for the panic and anxiety to subside. It was probably the kind of thing I would’ve sent him anyway. If anything, it’s probably for the best I’d sent that on accident; I was being so irrational, and it isn’t even that big of a deal. I was being stupid.

Now all I have to do is wait for him to text back.

I remember he’d told me he was working the afternoon shift, so maybe he’s still in work and won’t text back for a while. That makes me feel a bit better about having to wait – like, there’s a good reason for me to have to wait.

So in the meantime, I go to my closet and pull out the outfit Jenna helped me to pick out. It’s a pair of teeny tiny shorts that only reach a third of the way down my thigh, light blue denim and kind of torn at the hem. Then a white camisole, with a low neckline that’s decorated with black lacey stuff. A pair of black sandals, and some gold bangles, and thin white hoodie – because according to Jenna, people won’t be too dressed up, and it might be cold, but I still want to look good.

I’m not sure about the camisole though. I mean, I haven’t got much by way of curves. Jenna always teased me (and actually still does) about being flat chested. Which is a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much.

Mom bought me this top. I wouldn’t have picked it out. I’ve always been way too insecure to wear low necks. It’s still true now.

But hey, Jenna may not have been to any beach parties, but she sure knows a heck of a lot more about parties and what to wear than I do.

I’m so busy contemplating how the outfit will look, when my cell phone goes ping! again, I jump.

Oh, gosh, he’s replied!

I hastily put my clothes back into the closet as tidily as possible, not wanting them to be creased up tonight. Then I throw myself toward my bed to see my cell.

‘One new message: Dwight.’

I grin, but at the same time I’m feeling hideously anxious. But I do it – I open the text up.

‘Hey :) where do you live? I can meet you at your house at eight, if that works for you?’

I text him back with my address, and say that works out great, thanks! I throw in a smiley face and hit send; then, I fall back onto my bed, amongst all the cushions, and I smile.

It’s a mixture of excitement and fear that’s coursing through my veins and taking over me. I honestly don’t know what I’m thinking. I can’t stop smiling, because I’m finally being the person I want to be, and getting out there in the real world, and I’m not being left behind in the shadows, or laughed at. My stomach has just totally disappeared though, because I’ve never been to a party before and I have no idea what I’ll do there. I don’t know anybody except for Dwight, and I can’t exactly expect him to spend the whole night with me.

I know I’ll have to talk to people, and I know I’ll have to face up to most of these people at the party at school on Monday. But what if they don’t like me? What if I can’t find anything to say to them, or I make an idiot out of myself? People never wanted to talk to me in Pineford, so I never really got the chance to develop any social skills.

I feel like I’m being thrown in the deep end without anyone standing there to toss me a kisby ring.

I know this is probably better than me just turning up at school on Monday and being a lost sheep in a pool of piranha. At least with this party, I’ll have chance to meet people, maybe even make a good impression.

And before I know it, it’s almost seven o’clock.

I jump in the shower and then take extra time to fix my hair. I take my time getting dressed, and I even do some makeup. Since moving to Florida, Mom had convinced me to buy a whole load of makeup.

“Not that you even need it,” she’d said, “you’re beautiful, sweetie. But when you just want to look that little bit better, you’re going to want it, I know. Jenna was exactly the same.”

Lately, I’d only worn mascara, since my lashes were so blond they looked almost nonexistent, and not bothered with much else. If I was going to the mall with my mom, I’d maybe add some concealer under my eyes. But that was it.

Tonight though, I stand in front of my dresser and carefully apply it all – eyeshadow and eyeliner, foundation and blusher, mascara and lip gloss. I go all out.

And again, I’m so glad I grew up with Jenna for my older sister; I didn’t wear much makeup, but I at least knew how to apply it properly.

Once I’m dressed and ready, I step back, and take a good look in the mirror.

I’m getting used to seeing this strange version of myself in the mirror, but I honestly am shocked by what I see this time.

I look…

I look good. I don’t look anything – anything at all – like I used to be. I stare at my reflection and wonder what happened to Fatty Maddie, wonder how the heck I got from being bullied and alone and, if I was lucky, ignored, to looking like… like this.

I wouldn’t ever admit it out loud, but I look more than good.

The new Madison was supposed to be cool, daring and spontaneous.

And I sure look like the new Madison.

I can’t help it when a smile spreads over my face. And I stay there smiling at myself, feeling confident, like I can handle this party, like I can go out there and talk to people and like I’ve got this. Then I switch my bangles from my right arm to my left, because I don’t want anybody to see my scar and ask about it.

The doorbell rings.

I gasp. He’s here!

I laugh out loud, then, wondering how excited I’d feel if the guy ringing the doorbell was here for a date.

“It’s not a date,” I tell myself quietly, looking the Madison in the mirror right in the eye. “He’s only asked me because he’s a nice guy. It’s not a date.”

I’d decided earlier that day that he really wasn’t interested in me. Despite what Jenna had said, I knew that Dwight hadn’t asked me to the party or given me his number because he liked me in that way; he’d done it to be friendly, because from what I’d seen, he was a genuinely friendly person.

I exhale sharply, and smile, nodding my head slightly.

But I’ve totally forgotten about the fact that Dwight is downstairs, waiting at the door, until Dad yells up, “Madison! Your friend’s here.”

I practically sprint down the stairs in case Dad embarrasses me – or Dwight – at all. I don’t want to look eager or anything, but seriously. I’ve witnessed how embarrassing my parents can be when they want, when Jenna brought guys home. But they’re usually pretty good. Even so, and even if Dwight was just a friend, I wasn’t about to put either of us through that experience.

But Dad decides to embarrass me anyway and says, “Shouldn’t you go put some pants on with those, Madison?”

I clench my teeth, and restrain a blush. I got quite good over the years at not letting my cheeks burn after being humiliated at school.

“And half eleven curfew, I’ve got it,” I reply. Then I turn and shoot Dwight a smile, looking at him for the first time. He’s wearing khaki pants and a white t-shirt. It’s not a fitted tee, so it makes him look even more gangly and thin – but not in a bad way as such. He smiles his lopsided smile back at me.

“Ready to go?”

I nod. “Yep.”

“Got your cell?” Dad asks me.

“Yes,” I say, kind of testily, because I just want to go.

“Good.” He turns to Dwight then and nods briskly – a businessman’s nod. Considering my dad’s a doctor, it looks weird and makes me smirk. “You kids have fun.”

“Bye, Dad,” I say, and move toward the open door where Dwight is stood in such a way that he has to back up outside so I don’t ram into him. I pull the door shut with one hand and then stop, looking at Dwight and letting out a puff of air so my bangs fly off my face for a moment.

He laughs. “It’s almost like you’re embarrassed by your father, Madison.”

“What?” I say, pulling a face like I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Wherever did you get that from?”

He laughs and smiles at me again. “Don’t worry, your dad seems nice. I know my mom’s the worst. She decided to show my friends baby pictures once. And I mean the kind of baby pictures that should stay gathering dust in the loft.”

I laugh, and remember when my parents did that to one of Jenna’s boyfriends.

“Cool piercing, by the way. It suits you.”

“Oh, thanks!” I beam at him. He smiles back.

We start walking down the sidewalk. The beach is about fifteen, maybe twenty minutes’ walk away, I think. I walked there once, just to see where it was, what it was like, but I never went down onto the beach.

Walking next to him, I realize just how much taller than me Dwight is. I’m a little on the short side, and since I lost the weight I’m kind of petite. But Dwight’s tall, so the height difference seems even more.

“Thanks for asking me to come tonight,” I say, filling the silence a little.

“No problem. I figured you might want to try and meet some people before school starts.”

I smile, grateful.

“It must be scary,” Dwight carries on as we turn a corner. “To be starting a new school, I mean.”

I shrug. “Can’t be any worse than at my last school.”

“What happened at your last school?”

I’m silent for a moment, and beating myself up inside. I can’t believe I just said that! How stupid can I get?

“Sorry,” Dwight says. I guess I paused long enough that he figured out it was a sensitive issue. “I didn’t mean to pry, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. Just – me and my big mouth,” I joke, and force a laugh. “It’s just that, um, I wasn’t really… My school in Maine didn’t exactly have the nicest people.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry. I didn’t want to make things awkward. I just have a big mouth sometimes, it’s my own fault.”

I’m babbling. I don’t have a big mouth; I know when to shut up. I’m very good at shutting up. I’m also very good at keeping my emotions bottled up inside. I’m extremely good at not having a big mouth. I’m talking rubbish.

Dwight smiles, oblivious to what’s going on in my head. “It’s fine, don’t worry. I know the feeling, when you say something without thinking. I’ll forget if you want?”

I shake my head. “I’ve said it now, it doesn’t matter. So anyway. How was your day?”

He chuckles and then we talk. I never really talked to people before, so it’s weird how natural it feels talking to Dwight. He tells me about a rude customer and how the toaster nearly exploded; I tell him about how my parents flipped when they saw I’d gotten a nose piercing, and how much I like Florida.

*

It doesn’t take long at all to get to the beach. There are already a lot of people there, all around my age, and I’d guess all of them in high school. The sky isn’t totally dark just yet, but it’s getting there. The sun’s still setting, and it throws red and pink and purple streaks across the rippling sea. I’ve never seen anything like it.

If you removed the random bits of litter and driftwood, and the partying kids and beer, it’d be even more of a breathtaking sight.

As it was, I didn’t spend very long gazing out at the gorgeous seaside sunset. My attention was quickly pulled around to the masses of people. There had to be something like a hundred kids here. Most of them were drinking. They were all talking and laughing with each other, hanging out, some of them making out… The kind of thing I guess happens at parties.

And I’m scared.

Like, seriously quite terrified. I want to grab Dwight’s hand, just to reassure myself that I’m not alone, I have a friend here, that everything will be totally fine. But I don’t, because he’s still walking and I’ve stopped in my tracks.

Before he can notice I’m not right beside him anymore, I hurry forward and fall into step beside him again. I wring my wrists, and flex my fingers out; my hands are sweating.

My confidence from earlier is slipping away pretty darn quickly now. I’m scared I won’t be able to talk to them. I’m scared they won’t like me. I’m scared it’ll be just like Pineford all over again.

“Hey,” Dwight says softly, all of a sudden, making me jump a little bit. “You don’t have to look so scared. They won’t bite. Well, some of them might, but I’ll warn you if any of them approach.”

I laugh, but there’s a nervous ring to it. Dwight bumps his shoulder against me, our arms pressing together, and smiles at me encouragingly. I somehow smile back, and take a couple of deep breaths as we go toward a campfire.

I say ‘campfire’ but it isn’t really. It’s not quite a bonfire, though, it’s something in the middle. There are long logs arranged around it, in an octagon, and some kids are sat on the logs talking and drinking.

One guy crumples an empty beer can loudly, making me look over. He tosses it into the fire and then slings his arm around the girl next to him.

“Are any of your friends around?” I ask Dwight. I feel kind of bad, wondering if maybe he’ll think he has to spend all night with me because I don’t know anyone.

He’s already scanning the party when I ask, though, and then I see his eyebrows rise a little when he spots someone. He raises a hand and then nods, and I guess whoever it was must’ve seen him, too. I go on my toes, and crane my neck, trying to see who it was, but I’m too late, because there’s no one waving over now.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” Dwight tells me. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m fine, thanks.”

“I swear, I’m not ditching you,” he laughs then. “See you in a minute.”

I let out a breath of laughter and say, “Sure,” shooting a smile at him. I stare at his retreating back for a second or two before I feel stupid, standing here alone. I take a few steps to one of the logs around the fire, and flop down onto it.

I fiddle with the zipper on my hoodie for a moment. It wasn’t cold, but I’m tempted to zip it up, just so I can feel like I have something to hide behind. I half wish now that I hadn’t cut all my hair off; it used to be a curtain, a shield, between me and the outside world, sometimes. Now, I feel totally exposed.

My iPod is in my back pocket. I don’t like to be without it. It was an extension of me the past couple of years when I was in school. I’m tempted to put in just the one earphone, but I can’t. I won’t. I refuse to.

I clasp my hands together and rest them on my knees, staring at the fire. I know I should talk to someone, but who? Who are the ‘right’ people to know? Is sitting here alone waiting for Dwight to come back the wrong thing to do? Should I be mingling?

I decide to just wait till Dwight comes back. It’s safest. Easiest.

The chatter and the laughter around me are so loud, but the crackle of the fire seems louder. It feels hot on my face and neck, and my legs.

I don’t even notice the guy until he speaks.

“Now you can’t just leave a pretty girl on her own at a party without a drink,” says a guy’s voice that’s deep, friendly, and most definitely not Dwight’s.

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Oooh, new character! Who could it be, I wonder... ;) Guess you will have to wait till Sunday(ish) to find out, when I post the next chapter :)

Let me know what you all thought of this one! x