"they say that time's supposed to heal ya

but I ain't don much healing"

Haruka Nanase had been left alone, really. In the beginning, being in Tokyo with Makoto was all he could ask for. He had been perfectly happy in his swimming circuit. The months began taking a toll on him. He thought he'd be okay with leaving Rei and Nagisa in Iwatobi, but it was much harder than expected. After everything they'd gone through, their relays, it wasn't that easy to be so far from them. He had expected that everything would be fine if he had Makoto, as he'd only really had him for three years. Reuniting with Nagisa had been great for him. And Rin...

Haruka had hoped something more would come out of his time with Rin. It still seemed they were dancing around one another. They'd both become flustered both times they had physical confrontations. The one time when Rin had just stayed on his lap and stared at him. Haruka had to put all of his effort into keeping his face it's natural color. His heart had been wrenched out of his chest when his red-haired friend had started crying. When his tears met Haru's cheeks, his own eyes burned.

"Why doesn't it say free?"

Haru couldn't recall how many times he'd repeated that in his head. Rin's broken voice, the tears, the despair he'd seen on his face. He knew it had to hurt him, as well as bring him immense joy. It was the same for Haru.

"Hey, Nanase!" his coach said briskly, "I said 'ready'. We can't start unless you're in position,"

Haru blinked a few times and pulled his goggles down over his eyes. He adjusted his cap before bracing his hands against the platform. His toes curled around the edge of it, ready to push off and start his dive. The water was rippling beneath him, reminding him of the real presence it had. Joining the college team may have taken a trip to Australia, but it had been worth it. It had truly fixed his temporary fear of the water. He had no shame for when he stopped swimming during the race, as it was what he needed to do. He had instead put it behind him and focused on winning, and being free.

Rin had helped him more than he could have ever expected. Even though he had to spend a dreadful night in the same bed as his friend, he'd woken up to a better day. He woke up to see the pool his friend would soon inhabit, the pool that would soon be his home. It would completely replace the other pools in his life, and become his new training ground. Haru didn't know what he'd do if he didn't get to swim with Rin again. He wanted to swim with him after he'd learned from real professionals. After he truly improved himself.

Haru wanted to swim in a pool of cherry blossoms again. He wanted to do it in a better pool, better swimmers (not that Rei and Nagisa weren't good swimmers, no), and better abilities for himself. He wanted new friends to share the experience with, but he also wanted Rin alone. He wanted to spend a night in Australia with him again. The same bed, again. Another screwup with just one bed, but this time they could laugh instead of fight.

"Oh no, it happened again. We made it last time, it's fine."

"Yeah, it's fine,"

But Haru knew Rin wasn't like that. He knew he himself wasn't like that. They would both fight, no matter how much both of them wanted to share that bed.

When Haru's hands first met the water, he felt the immediate pull. As it seemed to suck him under completely, he let it. He didn't resist. He let it pull him to the surface, assisting it on it's way. He sucked a breath into his lungs, before letting his face go back under the surface. A few strokes of his arms before his lungs were relieved. A few more. He was kicking off of the wall before he really even realized it was there. As he pushed himself back towards the platform, Rin's sharp (literally) smirk appeared in his mind. He pushed his arms harder and harder. He couldn't let Rin win again. He couldn't let him say he'd never swim with him again.

Haru's hand slapped against the sensor, setting his time. He resurfaced and tugged off his goggles and cap, sucking in desperate breaths. He shook the water out of his hair before turning his deep, blue gaze to the times that were being displayed. He'd been third, just barely above fourth. Fourth place was Maekawa Kanezane, who had been about 0.03 seconds behind him. First place was Kobayashi Tokuhei, who hadn't been very nice when they'd first met. He still wasn't friendly towards Haru, who had been a close second to him since the beginning. His swimming was off. He had been thinking of Rin, so obviously he wasn't very focused.

"Nanase, that's almost an entire second slower than your best time," Coach Gengyo said with a cringe. "Nishihara was at the top of his game, but you were not. Fix it,"

"Being told off by the coach, Haru-chan?" Kobayashi taunted, his feet slapping against the tile behind Haru. Haru had once had an interview, after the Iwatobi team won nationals. The entire time had, as that was the usual. Nagisa had said "that's our Haru-chan!", and now, Haru was teased for it. It was probably because he had slipped up and told him to 'stop with the chan' in front of the camera. "You should really step up your game if you want to swim with your precious Rin again."

Ah, Kobayashi teasing him about Rin. That was a classic, as it had been since he'd hugged Rin after a tournament against him.

"Honor to swim with you again, Haru."

"You too, Rin."

Haru wasn't sure if Kobayashi was aware of the depth of his words, but he had to know they meant something. Staying loyal to his usual silence, he didn't respond. He didn't want to interact with Kobayashi, anyway. His words would just become more harsh as their conversation went. He didn't need to deal with that today. It was one of his rare "bad days", so he didn't need to be provoked further. The last time that had happened, he had snapped at Rin. His wrist had hurt throughout the entire relay, but he hadn't let it affect his performance.

"Oh, come on, Nanase. Don't be grumpy," Kobayashi said with a faux pout. "Haven't we bonded enough?" he crooned, his fingers ghosting over Haru's hips.

Haru's eyes widened very slightly and he stepped forward and away from Kobayashi. "I have somewhere to be," he said in his usual monotone voice. He was careful of his pace as he walked across the wet but quickly drying tile, his gaze straight ahead of him.

Haru never had anywhere to be. After their end-of-practice races, he always wandered. Makoto always tended to be in University longer than him, so he just walked. He couldn't recall the amount of times he had typed up a text to Rin, about meeting up over Thanksgiving or Winter break. After deleting the message, he would stuff his phone into his pocket and head home. In the beginning, Makoto and Haru had lived in separate apartments. Once their rent became too stressful, they'd moved in together, and into an even more luxurious apartment.

Haru decided not to wander today, and went straight home. The pool wasn't necessarily close to home, probably about five kilometers away. Haru usually took the train home, but today he needed a run. Today, he needed to gather his thoughts. Whenever Rin was so prominent that his swimming was effected, that truly meant he had some things to think over. He never talked to Makoto about Rin, even though he knew Makoto would be helpful.

As everyone said, Haru was stubborn. He refused help from certain people, which wasn't a surprise to... well, anyone. Everyone seemed to understand from their first impressions that he was pretty introverted.

As Haru made it closer to the campus exit, his pace sped up. He was jogging before he even got through the entryway posts, his feet connecting with the ground smoothly. He huffed out breaths from his nose, and sucked them back in through his mouth. His nose burned from the cold, but he knew he had to breathe properly so he didn't get a side-ache. He'd commonly had that issue, but discovered how to avoid it.

As he was sucked into his thoughts, he began ignoring everything except for what appeared directly in front of him. His footsteps couldn't really be heard as he pushed himself to run harder, away from Rin, away from the loneliness. He could barely handle seeing Sousuke and Rin together, let alone the kiss he'd once witnessed. Ever since he'd seen it, his replies to Rin had become so little, that he eventually gave up on ever replying. He ran harder, harder, away, away. Away from the thought of Rin with someone else. His calves began burning when he pushed himself to run as fast as he could, but he didn't stop. He eventually had to give up his steady breathing and resort to sucking in as much air as he could. His side began to ache now, but he still had approximately three kilometers he needed to go.

"Haru! Haru, wait!"

Ignore it. Ignore him. Ignore Rin.

Breathe.

Forget.

Leave.

You were here for Rei and Nagisa, not Rin.

You didn't come so you could...

Not...

Haru stumbled to a stop, bracing his hands on his knees. He doubled over, moving one hand from his knees to hold his side. His dark hair hung in his eyes, which were closed. His head bobbed with his breath, his breath that he felt couldn't come fast enough. He lowered himself to the ground on the side of the walkway, sure to stay out of everyone's way. Haru obviously hadn't gone in the right direction, as he didn't recognize anything around him. The strong stench of fish and salt-water had met his nose who-knows how long ago, but he couldn't stand. His legs were protesting to almost every movement, so he just sat there.

After about ten minutes of sitting and staring at the cherry-blossom tree above him, he pushed himself to his feet. His legs ached still, but much less than before. It was late November, so the tree didn't have anything on it. He turned to face the trunk and carefully ran his fingers across the bark. "For the team, huh?" he breathed, leaning his forehead on it.

Teammates don't break each other's hearts, Mastuoka.

r i n

Rin had found himself standing at the edge of the water, watching the horizon silently. He'd tugged off his shoes and socks and abandoned them a few yards up the shore. Small waves lapped at his bare feet, sometimes even splashing up his ankles. Ever since he'd lost contact with Haru, he'd been overworking himself. He needed to win. He had to make sure Haru didn't think he'd been weakened. He couldn't deny that a part of him wanted Haru to care, to feel bad, but he knew there was no reason he should. Rin had been the one to cause that broken look on his face. He'd been the one to cause Haru to run off, just as he had after Makoto had told him he was going to Tokyo.

Rin watched the larger waves come crashing down, just as his life had when he lost Haru. Again. Sousuke had tried to calm him down, but he'd chased after Haru until his lungs and legs could no longer take it. Over that horizon, Haru was living his life. He was living it alone. Makoto had been updating Rin on Haru's mental state, and though he said he didn't want it, he knew he needed it.

Rin's fingers slipped into the pockets of the black and red tracksuit he still wore. He had his hat on, and he felt quite nostalgic for the time when Haru had been next to him at this beach. He had slept in the same bed as him, even though their backs were facing each other. He didn't understand why neither of them took that chance to "cuddle", but he couldn't blame Haru for that. He understood how it felt to admit something like that, even though they both knew how the other felt. Or rather, had felt. He had no doubt that Haru's romantic feelings for him had disappeared in the past six months, as their friendship had ended so abruptly.

Rin knew that Nagisa and Rei always made sure Rin and Haru visited on different days, as they were well aware of the conflict. It wasn't as if that didn't hurt, but Rin always tried to smile for them as much as he could. But without Haru, the group wasn't the group.