Galen Erso: Jyn

Jyn Erso: Hi Dad

Lyra Erso: Jyn

Jyn Erso: MAMA UR HERE TOO?!? 😄

Lyra Erso: JEDHA YAREAL NYONG'O ERSO YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK HOME THIS INSTANT

Baze Malbus: O.O

Orson Krennic: Jyn was an acronym this whole time?!

Cassian Andor: O_O

Jyn Erso: Mama! Nu! Ur not supposed to be in this chat

Lyra Erso: AND USE PROPER GRAMMAR!! HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?!

Jyn Erso: MAMA!! Stop! Why did you have to text everyone in my contact list?! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends! Dad! Back me up here!

Galen Erso: Sorry dear but your mother and I believe it is best if we put your phone under parental controls. You spend too much time on it

Orson Krennic: Wow

Darth Vader: Wait why does she have me as a contact?

Princess Leia: Um

Bodhi Rook: OMFORCE BANTHA ORIGINAL TRILOGY PEOPLE GET OUT

Luke Skywalker: Why?

Bodhi Rook: This book literally says ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS TEXTING STORY

Darth Vader: Yeah but I'm part of it

Galen Erso: Guys, can we get back to embarrassing Jedha Yareal Nyong'o?

Darth Vader: Please do

Jyn Erso: DAD

Galen Erso: Anyway, Jyn. I tried to tell you to be good to your mother and not to come after me but what do I hear?! YOU RAN AWAY FROM HOME AND LEFT YOU

Galen Erso: Damn limited characters. Continuing. YOUR MOTHER BAWLING FOR WEEKS! AND HOW CAN I BE A PROUD FATHER OF A DAUGHTER WHO REBELS AGAINST EVERYTH

Galen Erso: ING HER PARENTS TRY TO WARN HER ABOUT?!

Jyn Erso: ...

Lyra Erso: You get your Forcing ass back home now

K-2SO: O.O

Cassian Andor: O_O

Baze Malbus: I'm glad you cant seem, Chirrut. You would not like would you would see

Chirrut Îmwe: I can hear and Siri can read and text. AND DO NOT USE THE FORCE'S NAME IN VAIN LADY

Orson Krennic: Somebody just got ditched by their texting buddy

Jyn Erso: no way Mama

Lyra Erso: I'll say it one more time. GET. YOUR. ASS. HOME. NOW.

Jyn Erso: I REBEL

Lyra Erso: Galen, go get her

Galen Erso: Sorry Lyra. Kind of stuck in carbonite right now

Lyra Erso: Fine. ORSON

Orson Krennic: It's Director Orson Krennic

Lyra Erso: FORCE DAMMIT IF I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR FATHER I CAN CALL YOU WHATEVER I PLEASE

Orson Krennic: WHAT

Chirrut Îmwe: Oh oh

Baze Malbus: O.O

Galen Erso: LYRA

Darth Vader: Holy BOTHANS

Jyn Erso: So...IM RELATED TO HIM?!?

Orson Krennic: EW

Jyn Erso: EW

Lyra Erso: No you two are not related. You both have different mothers. But I could say you guys are like half cousins

Orson Krennic: I think I'm going to throw up

Galen Erso: LYRA WHAT THE HELL?!? YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE A VIRGIN WHEN I MARRIED YOU

Lyra Erso: I had one after we had Jedha and you left

Jyn Erso: WHAT

Galen Erso: That's it. I'm going to stay in this carbonite for life

Cassian Andor: GUYS THIS CONVO HAS GOTTEN WAY TOO WEIRD SOMEONE SHOOT ME

Orson Krennic: AGREED 🔫

Jyn Erso: MAMA. GET OUT

Lyra Erso: I rebel!

Jyn Erso: MAMA!!

Orson Krennic: Oh for Force sake! DARTH GET HER OUT!

Darth Vader: With pleasure

Chirrut Îmwe: DO NOT USE THE FORCE'S NAME IN VAIN

[Darth Vader has somehow kicked everyone except Orson Krennic and Jyn Erso out]

Darth Vader: There!

Orson Krennic: Good riddance. I thought this chapter would never end.

Jyn Erso: We're not related

Orson Krennic: We better not be