Chapter 17

J's P.O.V

I open one of my eyes, peaking to make sure it was morning. All I see is gry skies so I close it with a huff blowing out of my snout.

It was raining.
I hate rain.

Eventually, I force my eyes open and look at the pouring sky that wet all of the forest through the view of my cave.

I'm cold - Roger whines and I growl lowly. It was too early to deal with Roger.

I'm not cold - I reply, shaking my body a bit to shift the heat of my thick fur.

Well I am - He growls back. I'm cold and tired and hungry, we're lying on fucking rocks. I want a blanket.

What's a blanket? - I ask, giving into my curiosity.

Goddess have mercy - He sighs.

When Roger got like this, I learned to ignore him. He would talk a lot and use words I didn't understand, but they sounded like angry words. He'd keep yelling until he got tired, then he'd shut up for a couple minutes before starting back up again.

Against my will, my head made me think of Levi. The thought of him made every part of me hurt, it was like I was being attacked by multiple wolves who were digging their claws deep inside of me. I knew it hurt to think of him, but I did it anyway.
I think of his wet face and his broken sounds. I think of his pain so then I feel pain. I bury my head a little further, trying to hide from the bad thoughts.

I didn't like thinking of hurt Levi, it made me hurt too.

Trying to forget it, I look up at the grey sky, it was getting a little brighter now and there was less rain.

I wonder if Levi hated rain too. I wondered what he was doing now, if he felt the pain like I did. Was he sad like I was? Did he want to see me again too?

I quickly shake my head and stand to my feet, he would choose them not me. He'd leave me again and I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be without him, but it seemed like that was the way it would always end up.

I made my way out of the cave, the sun was coming out now and made the wet grass and rocks look a bit more shiny.

Are we going hunting?! - Roger shouts loudly, the volume scaring me a bit.

Shut up Roger! - I shout but it sounded like a whine.

.... I just wanted something to eat - he mumbles quietly and something inside me almost felt guilty but I buried it immediately.

If you want to eat so badly, you hunt - I say giving in a bit.

Finally! - He shouts again but beforr I could yell at him he pushed his way to the foreground and I felt myself sinking back.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the way it felt to sink into my truest form. 8 could feel the wind in my fur, soak in the wetness of the dirt in my paws, smell every creature that dared to breathe in my presence.

I felt alive and I loved it, I just wished he was here to share it with me.

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When I retook control and let Roger rest, the sun was setting and the clifftop I was laying at let me watch the entire thing.

I liked sunsets. I think I always liked them, it reminded me of the flames in my mind. Flames which seemed to burned brighter whenever Levi was around.

He made me feel different inside, taught me new things, things I think I knew before. Sometimes when I looked into his eyes, I thought I'd seen them before. It was strange, but everything with him was strange....and different, but it felt good inside.

He made me feel good inside.
I just wish I could do the same for him.

"J."

My body tenses as my ears perk at the sound of his voice. It made my insides swirl and my body spark with need.
I turned carefully, my eyes catching his immediately and I stood to my feet.

He looked like he sounded. Sad and tired. The way his hand twitched made me think he wanted to run to me like I wanted to run to him. 

He came back. I knew he would, but for long. And wouldn't he just go again after?

"H-Hi." He says shakily, fear in his eyes. I called for Roger but he was far gone and I cursed him inside for leaving me.

I'd have to do this alone.

I shifted first and he turned, it was always easier when I was in my second form. When the sound of my bones cracking came to a stop he turned back to look at me.

He stared at me for a long time before he took a step forward. I followed his movements but I didn't mirror them.
I waited, watching him cautiously until he was right in front of me.

His scent flooded my nose and I soaked it in completely, every part of me buzzed being so close to him. But not touching him was what made it all hurt. I wanted to touch him but my body wouldn't let me. Something inside made me stop, something telling me I couldn't touch him until we were okay again. It was like I was being torn apart from the inside and I didn't like it.

He looked up at me with large, fearful eyes. He bit his lip a little before finally bringing the arm he kept behind him forward.
Between his fingers, there was a red and pink flower which I'd seen around the woods, but I'd never shown it to him. I was surprised and a little mad that I didn't show him first.
He stared at me for a moment before putting the flower into my hair. I knew what he was saying and couldn't help the way my insides fluttered.

He was saying sorry.

"J," he whispers and I force my eyes back to his.

I couldn't tell him what I was thinking and I couldn't make him understand without Roger, so I stared at him. I stared him straight in the eyes and tried to put everythign he made me feel into it.

"I-I know that you're mad at me and you have every right to be." He started, water already in his eyes. "But please, please don't give up on me."

I got the feeling that he was begging a little so I crossed my arms and raised my chin just a little.
His eyes widened and a paniced look covered his features, making me thing I was maybe doing too much.

What gave you that idea? The fact that he looks like he's about to cry? - Roger grumbled and for a little moment I was happy that he was here. Lower the chin a bit and relax those caterpillar brows.

I do as I'm told, ignoring the way the one insult I actually understood. Levi's features relax a bit but they remain mostly tense as he rubs his hands together and shifts on his feet. 

"I told them." He says drawing his eyes from the ground. "I told my dad, my brothers, my sister, everyone I care about I told. I didn't tell my other dad but I'm working on it."

He told his family about you - Roger fills in and my eyes widen in surprise.

He didn't tell them before? - I question and Roger sighs.

How are you behind in your own love story?

"I'm going to tell him though, I will but it'll take some time." He conrinue snervously. "And I'm not going to keep us apart any longer, there's a small house my uncles used to live in, its empty and on the edge of pack lands. I told my dad I'm fixing it up as my own project, but that's where we'll be."

He wants to take us....home - Roger fills in sounding surprised and a little excited.

Levi smiles up at me, looking a little nervous but the smile that spreads across my own lips makes the nerves disappear.

He wasn't going to leave me again, we'd go together.

"It's going to be hard, but I'm going to have you and my family in my life. I'm not losing anyone." He says, his face become tense. "I refuse to."

He's going to fight for you - Roger says fondly and my smiles grows a bit more.

Really? - I ask and I probably showed my question because Levi answered it before Roger could.

"I mean it. I know I haven't been the best mate and I have to make up for," He says with a deep frown, "but I love you J. I love you so much that all I can think about from the moment I wake up to the last second before I go to sleep is you.
Hurting you was toretous for me and I'm so sorry for putting you through that kind of pain. But it won't happen again, I won't let it.... because I love you." He finishes, taking a careful step towards me, closing the small distance left between us.

He sai-

I think I got it - I reply, my eyes holding my mates as I raised a hand to touch his cheek.

The minute my fingetips brushed his smooth skin my nerves surged to life, I took a deep breathe as he snuggled his cheek into my palm. Whatever kept me from touching him disappeared and I quickly wrapped my other arm around his waist and pulled him in. Our lips crashed together and I made a hungry sound that matched his needy one.

His hands dug into my hair, pulling me in closer as our mouths moved perfectly like they always did. All the pain faded as we moved together and I melted into him, my only need to take as much of my mate as I could.

After a while, he pat my shoulder and pulled away, gasping for air as he put his head to my chest. My heart was beating hard and I was pretty sure he could hear it, but I didn't mind, I could hear his moving to the same beat.

"I know it was only a day," he starts once his raises his head, his eyes moving from mine to his lips, "but I've missed those lips of yours."

I give him a quick kiss on his nose then his forhead and his nose again and he giggles against me. His hands clenching onto my shoulders tightly as he smiles up at me.

"J, you do know that I love you right?" He says and I press a kiss to his nose. "I never want you to doubt that I do."

He wants you to know that he loves you, for you to always know that he loves you - He clarifies and I nod a little.

Levi visibly releases a breath so I quickly press my lips to his temple.
He inhales my scent deeply and I do the same. I frowned a little when I realised that I couldn't smell my scent on him, his still covered me so why was mine not on him.

I forced myself to leave it alone, maybe because I was in my primary form more of the time that his scent remained on my fur. That made sense so I made myself believe it, because when I thought of any other reasons, it made everything feel bad inside.

"Are you okay with leaving the woods, at least until we figure something better out?" He asks doubtfully and after Roger explains, I have to think about it for a little while.

I didn't want to leave the woods, it was my home. Everything I knew was here and I felt safe here, I never felt safe when Levi's people were around and I knew I wouldn't be very happy if I went with him. But I'd be with him, he was my mate and I'd always be happy with him around. I'd be okay, once he stayed with me.

I nodded after a while and he smiled really big and I smiled right back, it always made me happy whenever I made him smile like this. He then stood on the tops of his toes before pressing his lips lightly to mine. I didn't get to soak it all because all too soon he was back down to his normal height.

"Is there anything you need to get before we go back?" He asks using his hands enough that I understood him. I shook my head and he beamed again.

He looked at me for a long time, long enough to make his smile fade. Before I could wrap my arms around him and kiss it better, he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry J." He whispers against me. "I won't ever make you feel like if I don't love you again, I promise. I want to be with you...always."

His fingers grip mine and he tugs me a little, I follow without a fight and let him lead me to his home.

What did he say? - I ask after a moment.

He said that he chooses you - Roger answers and my chest fills with something I'd been feeling a lot more ever since I met Levi.

It made me think everything would be okay. He chose me, so I felt more than good inside.....

I felt loved

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J is my heart and the sweetest thing on this fucking planet.

I know this chapter is a bit short, for that I'm sorry but I had a shit day so I had to rush this. Sorry.

Hope you enjoyed it either way,
Vote and comment if you did.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee humansssssss

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