Warning, angst?
••••••

You laid in bed, laying on your stomach and your arms folded over your pillow so you could rest your head on them, staring at the window, watching the rainfall.

All day and night you were like this, stuck in bed, with really no purpose to move. Sometimes you would switch positions or pick up the phone if someone had called. You rarely ate, and you would only get out of the bed to use the bathroom, then get right back in.

Lots of times your best friend would call you, asking you out, to get out of the house for your own good, but you said you would rather stay home. Then she would tell you, "You can't be doing this! It's irresponsible and you'll lose your job if this keeps up. I understand your pain, but (Y/N), you need help."

And she was right.

You did lose your job.

It is irresponsible.

But at the same time, you did lose both of your parents in one day. It had only been several weeks. Or months. You forgot how long you had been in bed.

Your mind could only see that car crash. You were in there with them.

-Flashback-

You were riding in the back seat of the vehicle, while your mom was driving and your dad sat in the passenger seat. They were taking you to dinner to catch up since they were visiting for a couple of days.

"I'm so excited, where are we going?" You asked, feeling like a little kid again.

Your dad chuckled. "I was thinking some kind of burger place, does that sound fine? Oh and if you've turned vegetarian or something you can always order a salad--"

"Dad, don't worry I'll be fine. I'm sure wherever we end up going will be fine," You say, staring out at the window.

"Yeah! It'll be great. We're very excited to meet--dear! Look out!"

As soon as your dad yells, you instantly see two cars zoom out in front of you, causing your mom to spin the car away from the two vehicles. And with a jolt, you felt the crash, crashing into another car in the next lane over.

Everything happened so quickly, the car spun into the next lane, where cars were coming from the opposite direction. Panic was ridden all over your face as you saw your dad passes out, limp over his seat, while your mom was still driving. Then you quickly turned to look out of your window and saw a car coming your way, letting a scream come from your body, and then-- that's when you blacked out.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

Slowly, you blinked open your eyes to see you were in a white room, with doctors and nurses busily gathered around you, talking quietly amongst themselves.

You tried sitting up but felt immediate pain in your head and a burning sensation in your left arm, which made you press your hand against it to ease the pain. You groaned from the feeling, which seemed to get the doctors attention, making them rush over to you.

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on there. Lay back down, you need your rest," said one of the doctors, who looked a lot older than the rest.

"No," you said in a weak tone. You were surprised that you could hardly sleep. "Wait, what--why... doctor, why am I here?" You asked as he laid you back down, a feeling of worry spread across you as a fire would over gasoline.

He pulled away and crossed his arms. "You don't remember?" He asks, grabbing the clipboard next to your bed, and placed the half-mooned glasses that hanged around his neck by a silver chain on to his nose. "Well, it says here in the police report that you were in an awful car crash. " He gave you the clipboard to look at, and read it for yourself, and that's when the memory came flooding back to you.

You gasped, your eyes widening. "Are my parents okay?!" You asked in a croaky voice, looking at the doctors frantically.

Suddenly the room fell quiet, and a few doctors and nurses evaded the scene, leaving only the doctor and you in the room. He slowly put the clipboard back and grabbed a chair to sit beside me. At the moment you knew the answer. You could feel tightening up in your throat.

"(Y/N), I'm afraid to tell you this, but, your parents are dead," he says firmly--a look of sympathy in his eyes.

At that second, you could feel tears rolling down your face. You could cry more, but you didn't want to in front of the doctor. "I um... How did they... Pass?" You asked, sniffing.

The doctor got up from the chair and grabbed the clipboard again, and sighed, flipping through the pages. "Your father died of shock, and your mother died from heart failure. Your mother made it back to the hospital and was only alive for five hours while your father... He did not make it back."

That's when you felt it. The tears. The agony. The pain. The grief. Everything.

You cried yourself to sleep that night.

Them you stayed in the hospital for weeks, as they continued to pull blood, run tests, and give you that awful hospital food.

Turns out you had a concussion, a broken arm, broken ribs, and several bruises all over your body.

And then when they let you go, everyone was sending you flowers, cards, casseroles, money, and people kept calling about your parent's wills, and the funeral. You were overwhelmed and couldn't keep up with anything. And after the funeral, that's when you stayed in bed. And hardly ever got up.

-Present-

You sniffed, as you sat up, looking around the room at all of the flowers and gifts sent by people. Some of them you didn't know, from distant cousins and relatives, and people's aunts and uncles you had no clue of. Then, of course, you had some from friends of your parents, who you really had no idea of.

The overpowering smell of flowers and chocolates made you want to faint.

You looked down at your arm covered in your (f/c) cast, with a bunch of signatures and sorry notes, and then laid back down again, feeling hopeless.

Suddenly you hear a knock at your door and quickly cover yourself up as you weren't presentable enough to the outside world.

"Come in," you said, your voice being muffled by the blankets.

"Hey, hey!"

You smiled and sat up, opening your arms wide for him to come to. "Ben!"

He came in and smiled his big grin of his, also with a gift and flowers in hand, setting them down where the others were. He took off his tan coat, revealing a short-sleeved black shirt and quickly ran over to you to give you a hug.

"I'm so glad you're here," you sighed, burying your face into his chest, while you felt a kiss being planted on to your forehead.

"I came as soon as I could. I took the quickest flight here. I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier," he muttered, pulling you apart so he could look at you.

"Hey, it's okay. At least you came to the funeral," You said in your very still hoarse voice, mainly from the lack of using it.

"Yeah then I had to leave, and I just feel so bad," he mutters, caressing your cheek.

"Ben, it's okay, really." I mean, is it?

"Are you sure?" He asks, looking intently into your eyes.

You nod. No, actually it isn't. Nothing is okay.

"Okay." He brings you back into the hug and you sit there for a second.

You sit there and think about all the possible outcomes that could've happened. Why not you? Why them? What would've happened if you all survived? Would your parents have died quicker than before? What else?

"Hey, I know what we can do," he says, pulling you apart again.

"What?"

"How about you go take a bubble bath, with your bath bombs or whatever, and we can talk while you're relaxing, okay?" He offers, nodding his head to the bathroom.

You sigh. "I dunno, I don't really wanna move."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Hmm... I'll join you if you do."

You chuckle. "Okay fine. Guess I'm getting up."

---

After changing and running the bath, you and Ben sat in the tub apart from one another.

"How long have you been like this?" He asks, pointing to your arm in a cast, in a plastic bag to prevent it from getting wet.

You shrug. "I lost count."

His expression turned from a blank state to a quite concerned one. "You don't know? When are you going back to work?"

You sat silent, looking down at the white, foamy bubbles in front of you. "I lost my job."

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "What? How are you paying your bills?"

You nod, then shrug. "Living off of my parent's will money."

He groans, rubbing his temples. You knew it was awful, that you should be saving that money for retirement, but you felt so depressed that you couldn't get out of bed.

"(Y/N), that's awful. You should be saving that money for retirement, not for your... Whatever you're not doing," he rebuked, looking at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

You nod, feeling more guilty than ever. "You just... You don't understand."

"(Y/N)! You cannot complain to me if you refuse to seek help. You're shutting out everyone, your best friend who hates me called me to ask if you had been talking to anyone, and asked if you were alright because you had stopped taking her calls. You don't let anyone in your house anymore, and I can only get in because I have a key. There are several flowers still downstairs and more outside your apartment door. (Y/N), she was worried sick! She was horrified over the phone. She was worried that you've... You've... You've tried to commit suicide."

Your eyes widened, a lump forming in your throat from the overall shame you were feeling. "I um... I didn't know she felt that way."

"Exactly! Because you ignored her calls!" He started to raise his voice as he clearly wasn't happy with you.

"Hey!" You shout back in that same tone, your voice wanting to break. "Don't yell at me! You don't know what I've been through! How do you think I feel?" You make a pitiful face, then say in a mocking tone,"Depressed, anxious, tired?" You returned to your normal voice,"Becuase that's exactly how I feel! Losing both of your parents in a day takes a toll on you! And I refused to believe they were gone until I was looking at their wills, and I pulled out my phone to call my mom to ask for some help, and continued to call her until it went to voicemail, and I heard her voice saying, 'I'll call you right back, ' when I know that in fact, she would never call back! Because she's gone, Ben! She's gone!"

At that second you burst into tears again, covering your face so he wouldn't pity you. You let all of your emotions wash over you, letting them escape as they had been held in these past few weeks, trying to stay strong for everyone who had sent you notes, and emails and calls, wondering if you were alright.

"Hey shh, shh, shh... It'll be okay," He scooted over next to you and lifted you up to sit on his lap so he could hug you from behind. "I'm so sorry about yelling at you, I know how tough it is to lose a family member. "

You nod, wiping away your tears, sniffling feeling so bad for yourself. "I'm sorry for yelling too."

"Well, " he chuckled. "You had the right to, and I didn't. "

You shrug, beginning to shake from the lack of water and food intake these past few weeks, and the excess crying. "Oh my gosh you're shaking, are you alright?"

You shake your head 'no' and he nods, understanding. "Okay, well, let's get you dry, and how about we... We'll go out, and tell people you're better and get your life fixed up, talk to your manager, talk to your friends, and instead of doing it by yourself and being overwhelmed, you'll have me, right by your side. Does that sound okay?"

You swirl the bubbles in the tub, thinking about it. No matter how much you didn't want to see the real world again, you couldn't let your life go to waste. He was right. It's wrong to live like this. You had to do something. You have to hang on to something.

Finally, you look at him and nod. "Yeah, that sounds... That sounds great, actually."

Ben smiles, planting a quick kiss on your lips. "Perfect. That's the girl I know. Come on, let's get out."

••••••

Uhhh I hope you liked this nodirtydiana! I was writing your request but then totally forgot about half of your request about half way in writing this. I totally forgot about the low-self esteem, but if you dislike this one just tell me, I'll write another one! No hurt feelings here.

Anybody got any ideas, they can dm me or comment. Love y'all 💕💕