Day 3: Hand & Touch Starvation

Warnings: insecurities, hints at touch starvation but doesnt mention anything outright, theyre disgustingly sappy i guess

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"Jan?" Roman said softly and he felt him shift, lips pressing to his temple. He hummed, tethering on the edge of unconsciousness, somewhat aware of the noise of the movie that they had been watching.

"Darling, you can't sleep like this." Roman said and Janus cracked his eyes open a smidge at the pet name Roman had used. Everything about their relationship was new. The two of them had only been together for three weeks and Janus was still getting used to Roman constantly being all sappy. (It was... a very nice thing to get used to.)

He felt Roman pluck the hat from his head, which was just as well as it felt like it was about to fall any moment anyway. Janus didn't move from where he was sitting curled into Roman's side, he was far too comfortable and far too sleepy, entirely content to stay exactly where he was until the morning.

The music from the credits of the movie was cut short as Roman turned the tv off, and then he detangled himself from Janus' grip and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Janus huffed at his audacity to leave him there uncuddled for a few minutes, allowing himself to slide down a bit onto the bed, lying down instead of keeping up the half sitting position that became surprisingly uncomfortable as soon as Roman left his side.

He heard the faucet running and he sighed, wishing he could slip back into the comfortable half asleep state he had been in before Roman had insisted on bringing him back to consciousness. A moment later he heard Roman re-enter the room, stopping by the bed and awwing. Janus opened his eyes, feeling the bed dip as Roman laid down next to him.

"You are utterly adorable when you're sleepy. You're just so pretty all the time. Every day it amazes me that there was a time I didn't feel this way about you." Roman said, smiling fondly, and Janus scoffed and looked the other way to hide his flustered face.

"We have both come a long way since then." He said, forced to turn his face back towards Roman as he cradled Janus cheek in his hand, thumb brushing over the scales covering that side of his face. That helped his blush in absolutely no way and he placed his gloved hand on top of Roman's, making his hand squish his cheek a bit, but he couldn't bring himself to care because Roman's touch was always so wonderfully warm.

Maybe all touch was like that, but Janus wouldn't know. It was a long time since he had let anyone close enough to touch his face, and since he tended to layer his entire body in clothes no one could ever touch him, not really.

Roman glanced down at his lips, which made it pretty obvious what he was thinking about, and as Roman was currently making Janus feel awfully gay it was only fair he returned the favor. He leaned in and kissed him, Roman immediately returning the kiss. It was gentle and unhurried, very unlike the first few kisses they had shared where they had channeled all the frustration and pent up feelings that the other had caused them.

They parted slowly, both smiling equally widely as they opened their eyes again. Maybe it was not that awful that Roman had caused him to stay awake for a bit longer.

"Would you wanna stay here tonight? There's plenty of room and you seem pretty comfortable." Roman said shyly, letting his forehead press to Janus' shoulder.

"No, I'd absolutely hate that." Janus said, smiling. Roman looked up at him, relaxing down against the mattress again at the sight of his expression.

"Great, good, then I can hold you all night. I think I deserve unlimited cuddles after all the work I've done this week." Roman said, a hint of pride detectable in his words.

"As you should." Janus said, rolling over onto his side and burying part of his face into one of Roman's soft pillows. It was easy to relax in Roman's bed. It was so big and so soft and filled with pillows and blankets, and not to mention the company of Roman himself. There were no harsh lights in the room, but a bunch of smaller lamps and fairy lights strung across his walls, the latter one what was currently illuminating the room in a soft glow.

"Come on, Jan, do you even keep the gloves on while you sleep?" Roman said with a quiet laugh. Janus felt him take his hand, and then Roman was tugging gently at his glove to help him take them off.

Janus immediately yanked his hand free from Roman's grip, before even thinking, sitting up fast and pressing his hand close to his chest, out of reach from Roman who was staring at him, mouth hanging slightly open at his surprise at Janus sudden reaction.

"I- I'm sorry." Roman said, sounding terribly confused, but Janus could tell that the apology was genuine and he instantly felt stupid for how hard his heart was beating in his chest.

"I didn't know it would upset you to... I just wanted to help. If you sleep with your gloves on then that's alright, it doesn't matter." Roman continued, sitting up too, facing him.

"I ...usually don't." He said truthfully, taking a moment to convince himself to lower his hands to his lap. Then he sighed.

"I certainly meant to react like that. I'm not sorry." He said, glad to see that Roman picked up on the fact that those were obvious lies.

"It's alright. I clearly crossed some kind of boundary. I should have asked first. I don't think I've ever seen you without your gloves before, I shouldn't have done that without thinking it through." Roman said with a shake of his head. His hair was getting long, Janus noted. It fell in his eyes and made him look very cute, and normally he would have reached out to brush it away, maybe snuck in a little kiss.

"No. Relying on others continuously making the right assumptions is not the way to go. You did nothing wrong." Janus said slowly. It was easier to keep his sentences truthful if he concentrated. He didn't want Roman to think it was his fault, even if he could be a bit impulsive.

"I am not nervous, not at all." Janus stated, which was another lie. How did the others just go around speaking the truth all the time? Janus didn't get it. Then again the other's main function wasn't deceit.

Maybe he had no reason to be nervous, but he couldn't help it. His face was not the only place he had scales. They showed up in various spots across his entire body, including his hands. He had always hidden them, for as long as he could remember, always wearing clothes that would conceal their existence.

Except for the ones on the left half of his face, because those he could not hide, not without using his ability to shapeshift, and constantly altering his appearance was just too tiring, there was no way he could have ever kept that up the entire time he spent around any of the other sides.

But Roman would see them all eventually anyway, wouldn't he? They were boyfriends and he knew that eventually they would be taking some steps in their relationship, some more serious ones than sleeping in the same bed for the first time, and hiding that he had more scales than the ones on his face was just not a realistic plan.

"I don't want to show you." Janus said, staring down at the yellow gloves that he had been wearing for so many years around all the other sides.

They were a protection against the opinions he worried that the others might have. Opinions that he knew none of the other sides would ever voice even if they had them, but these were thoughts steeped in years of insecurities and despite knowing that Roman of all people would not care much that his hands were covered in scales he struggled to bring himself to remove the gloves.

"Is... is that a lie or the truth?" Roman wondered hesitantly. Janus looked up at him, opening his mouth and realizing that he was not sure himself.

"I don't know. Both." He said, forcing a little smile that made Roman frown.

"You don't have to take them off, you know. Not if you don't feel ready. All I want is to cuddle with my boyfriend, with or without gloves, doesn't matter to me." Roman said. Janus wanted to pull him closer and give him a kiss for being so understanding about his weird actions, but he didn't, because there were more important things to do.

"No. I want to. I trust you." He said firmly, partly just reminding himself of that fact. Hiding his scales forever really wasn't a possibility and he might as well start now.

He tugged at his glove, thinking about that expression Virgil always used. Ripping off the bandaid? He thought he might have been the one to teach him that, many, many years ago.

He pulled one glove off, then the other, setting them aside on the bed and looking up to meet Roman's eyes as he extended him his hands. Roman took them in his, and the direct touch against his skin was almost unbearable, in the best possible way.

He watched Roman carefully, seeing him look down at their hands. It was nerve racking and all he really wanted to do was to pull away from the wonderful warmth of Roman's touch and hide his hands in his sleeves.

"Oh, Janus, your nails are, like, perfect, if you don't let me paint them some day I will sulk about it." Roman said, looking up at him with the kind of puppy-eyes that only Patton could have taught him.

"What?" He said, wondering if he had heard him right. That can't be all that Roman had to say about his hands?

"What?" Roman echoed. "What did you expect me to say? They've got the perfect shape for the kind of nail art I wanna do. I keep biting my nails without realizing it while I'm working so..."

"There are scales on my hands." Janus reminded him, just in case Roman had somehow missed that part. His boyfriend looked down at Janus' hands again, then looked up at him suspiciously.

"Uh huh. Are you aware that there are also scales on your face?" Roman said, sounding as confused as he had when Janus had ripped his hand from his grasp. Janus just stared at him, not sure how to react at all. He had expected something, not Roman not even having any idea what it was about his hands that made Janus hide them.

"It doesn't bother you?" He wondered, and it was Roman's turn to stare.

"Why in the world would it bother me? If I would be bothered by scales on someone's hands then I don't think I would be dating the person with scales across their face. Not to mention that your scales are pretty." Roman said, as if it was just so obvious, and Janus couldn't help the scoff that left him.

"Oh." Roman said and frowned.

"That's what this is about. Well, insecurities I do understand. You view a part of you as wrong for so long that you forget that not everyone sees it that way. You if anyone knows I've got tons of insecurities. But you've helped me realize that they're just something that's in my head and not something that anyone else thinks. Let me return the favor." Roman said gently and, damn it, Janus didn't like it when he made good points.

"I haven't told you this, cause I thought you'd be too smug about it, but I guess it's worth it. Anyway, you remember that one picnic Patton dragged all of us out on ages back?" Roman said, which was a vague description for an activity that Patton often coaxed them to join him in, but immediately Janus knew which instance he was talking about.

"It was not at all a disaster." He said, remembering the evening. It was about a year ago, about the time that Janus had first been accepted and before Remus had been accepted. Needless to say it had been a very tense meal with Patton trying very hard to hold a conversation and everyone else being uncomfortable having to be there. It had ended rather unpleasantly, Roman having been in an unusually sour mood, Virgil being anxious, Janus feeling unwelcome and threatened, and Remus just being himself.

"Yeah. It wasn't great, I wasn't very nice. Patton was the only one happy to be there. Okay, but, the point is, you were sitting in the shadow of Patton's rainbow parasol, but then that fell over because we didn't manage to stick it in the ground properly, and the sun was shining right at you, and it made your scales kind of glitter and shimmer and..." Roman flushed brightly.

"It pissed me off for some reason, and it took me about a week to realize that I was upset because suddenly I was constantly aware that you're attractive and I didn't know what to do with those feelings." He said, chuckling and shaking his head. "It's why I was extra grumpy for a week and then disappeared for like almost two weeks."

Janus could have cried over it, perhaps he would later when he was alone, because despite not knowing how the insecurity originated he had never liked his scales, they had always made him feel bad about his body, another reason for the other sides not to like or trust him, and here Roman had gone and fell in love with him not in spite of them but because of them. Janus did not know how to process whatever it was he was feeling.

Neither was there any time for it, because he could feel Roman's lips press against his wrist and he knew his face was red as he focused on Roman who was leaving kisses over his entire wrist, and his scales felt just as warm and tingly as his skin would at Roman's gentle touch.

"You're not telling me you've had feelings for me ever since then?" Janus said, attempting to pay Roman's many kisses no attention.

"Yep. Oh, it was so upsetting that someone I didn't trust was so hot. Course, then a while later I realized that you were trustworthy, and then I stood no chance. I fell for you ridiculously easy." Roman said, his lips trailing kisses up his pinky finger.

"What are you doing?" He asked, caving as Roman seemed to have made it his mission to press kisses over his entire hand.

"Kissing each and every one of your scales to prove how much I love them, how handsome they make you." Roman said in between kisses, and it was not fair how easily Roman would make him blush. Janus needed to get his revenge soon, but at the moment he was chanceless.

"You do not have to do that." Janus said, voice coming out a little bit choked, but if Roman noticed it he did not show it, all he did was leave three kisses on the soft part beneath Janus thumb.

"No, no I do. My life depends on it. I cannot live knowing that I have not kissed every scale of yours." Roman said, fully seriously, and Janus couldn't help but to chuckle, shaking his head at his boyfriend's antics and pretending he was not blushing.

"If you say so, but I think that might take a long time as my scales are kind of everywhere, not limited to my hands and my face." Janus said, detangling his other hand from Roman's and grasping the hem of his sleep shirt, raising it just slightly to give Roman a small glimpse of the big patch of scales travelling down his stomach.

The whole left side of his body had more scales than the other, even on his hands it was visible, his left one having scales all the way up on his fingers while the right one just had a patch of scales on his wrist and the back of his hand and some scattered close by.

"Bold of you to assume that's going to deter me from my noble quest of showering my boyfriend in love and affection, unless you don't want me to." Roman said, kissing the scales on his knuckles. Janus swallowed and looked away, then letting himself fall back onto Roman's bed. It was late, he was tired, and Roman was being too sappy to look in the eyes. He had reached his limit for how much he could stand blushing in one evening.

He felt the mattress shift slightly as Roman lied down next to him, and as his hand was finally (unfortunately) released from Roman's he looked up from where he had been hiding his face in a pillow again. Roman reached for the covers and pulled them over them both, making sure to tuck Janus in before worming an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to his nose.

"I'll continue my quest tomorrow, I forgot how late it was and I suppose I better let us both sleep." Roman said, ducking his head to yawn into the covers. Janus hummed, kissing Roman's forehead, allowing one of his hands to bury into the soft material of Roman's pajamas and the other loosely grasping Roman's hand. He could get used to this.

There were other conversations to be had about Janus' snake traits and his insecurities around them, he supposed, but this... this was a very good start.

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Written: 9th, 10th & 11th May 2022
Published: 11th May 2022
Words: 2991

Idk if this is terribly in character but anyway. Its cute. Who needs accuracy.

Wanna write a part 2 thats them realizing janus is touch starved but we'll see