Jemma 20:34 to The Girls, the Gays, the They and Robin

     He had fucking hickeys on his neck! Can you believe it! He's already seeing someone new. I couldn't even look at him during band practice. He's such a fucking....

     Robin blinked down at the notification on his phone, feeling his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

     Fuck.

      Robin and Yohan had gotten a little more carried away than they'd intended that night. What began as a simple movie night with snacks quickly turned into something far more intense. The grainy bootleg of Logan playing on Yohan's laptop—a shaky recording he'd found on some sketchy website—was soon forgotten. Their attention drifted from the screen, and before long, it was entirely on each other.

     When Robin got home that night, he barely made it through the door before collapsing into bed. He'd hurried inside, muttering something about being tired, hoping to avoid any questions about his slightly red eyes or the lingering scent on his clothes.

     He'd decided that night—he really liked weed.

     The next day at school felt like a repeat of the one before: Jemma was upset, her friends were busy comforting her, Yohan was nowhere to be found, and Robin was painfully aware of how awkward it felt whenever Jemma was around.

     But today had one crucial difference—Jemma would have to face Yohan later at band practice. Karen's Worst Nightmare had landed a spot as the opening act for The Binsters, a well-known Bristol band, at the end of last year. The band was buzzing, thrilled that such a famous group wanted to uplift up-and-coming local talent. It was a big deal for all of them, especially with a gig at The Fleece at the end of the month—an iconic venue that made their previous pub appearances feel like warm-ups.

     "I have to go. This gig is so fucking important for us. What if we get scouted by a record label? This is a massive opportunity, and I can't blow it because of that shithead!" Jemma fumed, practically attacking her sandwich during lunch. She was clearly working her way through the stages of grief after her breakup, and right now, she was neck-deep in anger.

     "Yes! Channel that fucking energy, Jem!" Isha cheered, throwing her arms up in the air for emphasis.

     With that, the floodgates opened, and the usual barrage of criticism about Yohan's character started up again at the lunch table. Robin was beginning to worry that this might become a regular theme for their lunch periods: Jemma bringing up Yohan, everyone trash-talking him, and Robin sitting there, feeling increasingly suspicious for not chiming in with the same hatred.

     The more Robin got to know Yohan, the more he realised there was a lot more to him than anyone gave him credit for. Yohan wasn't just the moody emo kid everyone thought he was. He had a past, he was funny, he was kind—sometimes. And, most importantly, he liked Robin. He. Liked. Robin. And Robin was dating him. He was actually dating him.

      The reality of it hadn't fully settled in Robin's mind yet. Maybe because he knew that if he let it sink in too much, moments like this—sitting around the lunch table with his friends, who currently despised the guy he was secretly dating—would become almost unbearable. Right now, he could keep his friends and his life with Yohan separate. But he knew that eventually, the two worlds would have to collide. He just wasn't ready for that yet.

     Robin had given an equal sort of pep talk to Yohan over text during his free period at the end of the day. Perhaps not quite as intense as the girls had to Jemma, but enough to try and reassure him that, however awkward the situation is going to be, it would alright.

     But now, as the text notification blared on Robin's screen, a wave of nausea and panic surged through him. He felt like he might throw up and cry all at once.

     Fuck, fuck, fuck.

     More notifications started flooding in, his phone vibrating relentlessly. It was too much. He quickly put his phone on Do Not Disturb, shutting out the chaos. He just couldn't deal with it right now.

     Robin stared at his screen, his thumb hovering over Yohan's contact. He'd already tried calling him earlier to check how band practice went, but it had gone straight to voicemail. He followed up with a quick text, but the silence that followed was deafening.

     He scrolled through his contacts, pausing over Ashley's name. He had promised to keep her in the loop, to finally open up about what was going on between him and Yohan. But the thought of hearing judgement, or worse, disappointment, in her voice made his stomach churn.

     Still, what were his options? He could sit alone in his room, let the panic build until it spiralled out of control, and eventually cry himself to sleep, dreading tomorrow. Or he could call Ashley and maybe, just maybe, feel a little less like the world was caving in around him.

     After a long moment of hesitation, Robin decided he'd rather face whatever judgement was coming than be consumed by his own anxiety. He took a deep breath and tapped her contact, bracing himself for whatever came next.

     The phone only rang twice before Ashley answered.

     "Hey Robin! What's up?"

     "Hey, Ashley," he replied, his voice drawn out and heavy. "Um, not much. You alright?"

     "Robin," Ashley cut in, her tone suddenly firm, shifting from her initial bubbly tone.

     "Something's wrong, I can hear it in your voice. Tell me. Is it that boy again?"

     "Um... you could say that."

     "What's he done to you now!?" she demanded, her voice rising with concern.

      "Um, no, nothing!" Robin quickly retorted, fiddling with a pen on his desk as he tried to keep his thoughts straight. "It's just, um, we might be, well—we're kind of like... dating?"

      "Whaaaaattt!?" Ashley practically shouted through the phone, forcing Robin to pull the phone away from his ear to avoid being deafened.

     "I know, I know," Robin said, his voice sheepish as he twirled the pen between his fingers.

     "What? When? How? What the fuck, Robin? How did that happen? I thought we didn't like him? What about Jemma? What—"

     "He broke up with her on New Year's," Robin interrupted, already feeling overwhelmed by her rapid-fire questions and already slightly regretting making the call. "And he came over and, yeah, it kind of happened."

     "And he's made it clear you're dating?" Ashley pressed. Robin was quite glad that there was some distance between them through the phone. If she was in the room with him, he had no clue what she might do to him.

      "Well, kind of."

      "What do you mean, kind of?" Ashley asked, her tone sharpening.

     "Well, we like—he—he slept over and then, like, I went round to his, and he didn't put a label on what we are exactly, but he did say we are dating."

     "So, dating like, 'I'm your boyfriend' dating, or like, dating 'seeing each other so it's not official and I can still sleep with other people' dating so he doesn't feel guilty?"

     "I mean, I—"

      "So the latter. Robin! Clearly he's trying to play you. Like, he messed around with Jemma; what if he's doing the same to you now?"

     "I don't think he is," Robin said, trying to sound more confident than he felt, the pen tapping anxiously against the desk. "Like, he's different when it's just the two of us..."

     "Hmm," He heard Ashley mumble through the speaker, followed by a silence. "Look Robin, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just don't want to see you get hurt by this guy."

     "I know I know, but I feel like this is different. He's kissed me in public, the only reason we're keeping it a secret is because I'm not fully out yet. He's sweet, funny, kind. Like... I know he's been a prick, but he explained it all to me, and honestly, it made sense!"

     "Is he out?"

     "Well... no..." Robin's voice wavered.

      "Do you even know what his sexuality is?"

     "I mean, bi, I guess, but he doesn't like labels so..."

      Ashley sighed, "Look, Robin. I will support this for now, but I don't trust him. He's got a lot of making up to do."

      "I know..." Robin signhed, finally putting the pen down on the desk and leaning back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. "Jemma saw he had hickeys at band practice, which I didn't even realise I did."

      "Ouch..."

      "Yeah I know," Robin groaned. "And they've got this massive gig coming up at the end of the month, I've got mock exams to worry about which I've barely started revising for. I don't know Ashley. Like, I want to be with Yohan, but then I also want to stay friends with the rest of the group. But when they find out, which I know I'm going to have to tell them at some point, I don't even know if they'll want to be friends with me anymore. And if they don't... honestly I wouldn't blame them."

     "Well..." There was a drawn-out silence on the other end of the phone, as if Ashley was trying to pick the right words to say. "I suppose you're just going to have to wait and see."

      "Yeah... I need to come out to mum and dad first, and then, maybe after the gig I'll tell everyone else."

      "Just promise me one thing Robin."

     "What?"

      "If once you've come out, Yohan still doesn't want to be public with you and wants you to keep it a secret, dump him."

      "But–"

      "No buts! This is serious. Coming out is going to be a big deal for you. If you're going to have a partner, you need to make sure that they are supportive and feel comfortable and confident being with you. And if Yohan doesn't do that, I honestly think this whole relationship will do you more harm than good."

     "I suppose you're right."

      "No 'suppose' about it," Ashley said sharply. "I am right, I always am!"

      "Hmm... not always. Remember that time you tried to convince me that marmite and honey went well together in a sandwich?" Robin teased, a smirk forming on his face.

      "Lies and propaganda!" Ashley shouted theatrically over the phone. "That shit is delicious and you know it, you just don't have sophisticated taste buds like me."

      "Or that one time you thought you and Emily were best friends in year 6 but then she didn't invite you to her birthday party?"

     "Again, not totally true! I was only trying to be friends with her because—"

      "I know, I know," Robin cut in, finally letting himself smile. "Thanks again, Ashley, for talking with me."

      "Always," Ashley replied, and Robin could sense she was smiling too. "Just hope Yohan knows what's coming when he meets me! I'm not letting any boy mess with my precious Robin."

      "Alright, Ashley," Robin said, chuckling. "Honestly, I think you'll like him. He's a bit of a closed book, but once you get to know him, he can be... really sweet."

      "He better be. Just make sure you're looking after yourself, Robin. And tell Jemma before she finds out from someone else. It'll be better if she hears it from you."

     "Yeah, I'll try."

      "Anyway, I better get back to revising. These mock exams are killing me too. I swear I didn't learn half of this stuff in biology."

     "Probably did, but you probably weren't listening."

     "Shut up!" Ashley laughed. "But really, I better go. Love you, Robin. Call me whenever, okay? I'm always here."

      "Will do, Ashley. Love you too."