Robin separated his body from Yohan, the abrupt movement jolting him back to reality. As he let his eyes adjust to the sudden flood of light that had invaded the dim space, the sweet taste in his mouth quickly turned sour. His heart was pounding in his chest as he turned to see Lucy standing in the doorway, their expression a mix of shock and disbelief.

     "Uh, Lucy, hi, uh, me and Yohan were just..." Robin's words stumbled out in a frantic rush as he desperately searched for an excuse. His hand instinctively reached for the nearest object within reach and his fingers closed around the cool plastic of a bottle of toilet bleach.

     "Getting stuff to clean," Robin trailed off uncertainly, holding up the bottle awkwardly, the feeble excuse hanging in the air with it.

     "I was just getting a mop, a kid threw up," Lucy replied, their voice strangely monotone as they reached past Robin to retrieve the mop and bucket leaning against the wall. With a quick nod, they turned and disappeared down the corridor, leaving Robin and Yohan alone in the suffocating silence of the cupboard.

     "Shit..." Yohan muttered under his breath, his usual calm demeanour faltering as he ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "I think they saw."

     "Do you think?" Panic surged through Robin, threatening to overwhelm him as he paced back and forth in the cramped space. "For fuck's sake, Yohan, what the fuck are we going to do? What if they tell Jemma? We're fucked!"

     "Chill, chill," Yohan attempted to soothe him, though his own voice betrayed a hint of anxiety. "I don't think they will... It'll be fine, let's just go back. Maybe I'll try to talk to them."

     "Don't do that! What if they didn't see? Talking to them will just make us more suspicious, surely? But then, what if they did see? Then we have to talk to them before they talk to Jemma! Fuck!" Robin protested, his mind racing with worst-case scenarios.

     They're definitely going to tell Jemma. Fuck she's going to be so upset. And then she'll probably tell the whole school I'm gay! Fuck everyone's going to find out by me being some sort of home-wrecker. And Yohan will be forced to leave the band, and it'll be all my fault, what if–

     "Hey, hey," Robin's thoughts were halted by two warm palms reaching over to cradle his face. "You look like you're spiralling man. It'll be okay. Look, let's just go back to the stall, pretend nothing happened, and we can deal with this later, okay? It'll be alright."

     Exhaling slowly, Robin felt Yohan's words ease his worried mind slightly, and he raised his eyes to meet Yohan's soft and concerned look.

     "Okay... Let's go back."

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

     Robin and Yohan made their way back to the stall separately—maybe only five minutes apart. Robin gave the excuse that he needed the toilet, and Yohan said that he needed a smoke break, which Liam and Max seemed to buy.

      Robin felt a bubble of panic throughout the rest of the Christmas fair, threatening to escape his body, but he managed to keep relatively composed by intermittently taking long deep breathe to slow is heart rate. Scanning the room, Lucy was nowhere to be seen. However, from across the hall, he could see Jemma, eagerly engaging with the fair guests of the game of hook a duck. Nothing seemed to be untoward about her, which made Robin feel a slight sense of relief.

      He caught a glimpse of Lucy during the snippet of the Hamlet performance from the A-level drama class. He desperately tried to understand Lucy's expression, or catch their eye during the performance. However, they appeared completely oblivious to Robin's piercing gaze, and just seemed engrossed in the performance.

     Then finally, the evening came to an end, and the last few attendees made their way out of the hall, leaving behind only the students who participated and the teachers who took part in clearing up.

     "Great job, everyone! Now let's do a quick clean-up so we can all go home. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas break and thank you for all of your help!" Mrs. Wheatley's bellowing voice rang through the school hall without even the aid of a microphone.

      "I'm going to go talk to them." Robin said in a hushed tone to Yohan. They had started packing away the few remainders of the treats. Max and Liam seemed to have vanished in protest for Robin and Yohan being vacant through most of the stall. Robin spotted them chasing each other around the hall, whacking their behinds with strawberry laces.

     "No, don't," Yohan replied, but Robin was already making his way across the hall to the stage, where he thought Lucy would be. He pushed his way through the doors to find the bustling drama students removing makeup and packing up the antics from the evening. But looking around, Lucy was nowhere to be seen.

     Fuck.

     He left the room and scanned the rest of the hall. Still, no Lucy.

     "Hey Robin!" In the midst of his panicked daze, Jemma seemed to magically appear before him, causing him to jump. The thumping in his chest grew louder as he was confronted with the precise reason he was a complete anxious wreck.

     "Um, are you okay? You look a bit pale."

     "Have you seen Lucy?" Robin blurted it out before thinking. His palms were getting increasingly sweaty as he formed his hands into fists repeatedly to try and calm his nerves.

    "Oh, they went home straight after their performance. Why? Has something happened?" Jemma said with a slightly concerned expression on her face that Robin could just about make out through his slightly blurred vision.

    "Oh, nothing, nothing, just, yanno, I wanted to see them before we broke up for the holidays."

     Fuck hopefully she buys that excuse.

     "Oh, okay," Jemma said. "Well, you don't look too good, man; you eat too many of the sweets?" She let out a nervous laugh.

     "Yeah, maybe," Robin replied. "I better go, I'm staying with my grandparents over the break, so, like, I'll see you back at school?"

    "Yeah okay! Well, Merry Christmas, hope you have a nice time." Jemma said, smiling and wrapping him in a hug. The affectionate gesture only caused his chest to grow even tighter with a gnawing guilty feeling.

     "Merry Christmas, Jem," Robin managed to say through the lump in his throat, barely managing to maintain eye contact as he went back to return to Yohan and the two other boys at their stall table.

     "And...?" Yohan said in a hushed voice, "Did you speak to Lucy? Why was Jemma hugging you? What's happening?"

     "Lucy has gone home already; Jemma was just saying Merry Christmas."

     "Oh, okay, so we're in the clear?"

     Fucking barely...

     "I don't know... I just need to talk to Lucy."

     "You don't look so good... want me to walk you home?" Yohan said, resting a hand on Robin's shoulder.

     Robin jerked his shoulder back, releasing Yohan's grip. "No. I'm fine."

     "No, let's go." Yohan said, turning to collect both of their bags.

     "I said I'm fine!" Robin raised his voice, catching the attention of Liam and Max, who were stacking chairs.

     Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

     "Woah, all good, man?" Max said, and he and Liam approached Robin and Yohan. Max's eye looked kind, while Liam's expression showed one of slight irritation.

     "Yeah, I just need to go home."

     "And leave us with the clean-up?" Liam said, which caused Max to whack him on the side.

     "That's fine, man; we can handle it. Have a good Christmas break." Max said with a warm smile.

     Robin snatched his bag and coat from Yohan's grip and headed to the door, leaving Yohan standing slightly stunned. He could feel tears pricking in his eyes, his mind felt like a mess. He needed to get out of there. He couldn't think properly. Lucy's shocked expression just kept replaying in his head over and over again.

     As Robin pushed through the double doors into the cold winter evening, darkness had already settled in for the night. He felt his whole-body shiver but was unsure if it was the anxiety or the cold that was the cause. Quickly slipping into his warm duffle coat, he inhaled the sharp winter air into his lungs slowly to try and control the fast pounding in his chest.

     He heard the door open behind him, followed by the sound of panting.

     "Wait, Robin, please, let me take you home," Yohan called out, catching up to him. "You don't look too good, and I don't want you passing out without someone to look after you."

     "I really don't know if—"

     "I literally have to get on the same bus, so we might as well go home together." Yohan said as he seemed to catch his breath, standing next to Robin.

     "Okay, fine," Robin relented, making his way to the school gate to leave.

     The two boys walked down the street towards the bus stop in silence. The only sound breaking the night air was the crackling of the cigarette Yohan had just lit. Robin hung his head low, eyes fixed on the pavement as they walked. 

     I have to do something.