As September seamlessly transitioned into October, a noticeable chill descended into the air, signalling the arrival of autumn. Nature's canvas transformed as leaves gradually shifted from their vibrant greens to an array of warm, earthy hues, gracefully pirouetting down to blanket the ground in a mosaic of orange, yellow, and brown.

      Throughout the last month, Robin had immersed himself in his studies. Finding solace in the academic realm was comforting and familiar, and it helped in his attempt to ensure his attention was steered away from a particular boy.

     He knew he couldn't avoid him in their form room or in English forever, but they kept their conversations to a minimum whenever they were forced to be in each other's presence. The seasonal shift mirrored the transformation in their dynamics. Only exchanging words to make an occasional snarky comment or sarcastic remark at one another. It didn't help that Yohan and Jemma appeared to get closer and closer by the day—according to her, at least.

      Yohan would occasionally grace them at their lunch table. Jemma's laughter, resembling the innocent giggles of a carefree girl, echoed through the air as she interacted with him. Yet Yohan, sitting beside her, seemed oddly detached. A stiffness permeated his demeanour, a stark departure from the ease and familiarity Robin had once shared with him during their private moments. The Yohan when they had been alone seemed different—more relaxed, genuine, and unguarded. There was a warmth in his expressions—a shared understanding that transcended the need for spoken words. That was not the Yohan he was seeing when interacting with Jemma.

     During one of those lunchtime gatherings, Amber and Lucy found themselves inseparable—as usual, sitting as close as humanly possible. The air was filled with the cosy whispers of couples intertwined in affection. Jemma, draped in Yohan's leather jacket that almost engulfed her, leaned into to him, seeking refuge from the brisk autumn air.

     "Ahhhh, this makes me feel very single," Isha grumbled, casting a disdainful glance at the paired-up duos.

     "Well, Jemma and Yohan aren't officially a couple," Robin mumbled, hoping he had said it quietly enough for only Isha to hear him.

     "Yet..." Isha added with a knowing smirk.

     Robin glanced over towards Jemma and Yohan, sitting together side by side. Her chest was pressing against Yohan's arm as she removed any possible space between them. She looked relaxed, happy even. Yohan, however, appeared to paint a slightly different picture. Visibly stiff-shouldered, sat bolt upright as he occasionally nodded in agreement with whatever Jemma was talking about. The smile resting on his lips seemed rehearsed, almost forced, with the slight twitch appearing at the corner of his mouth each time he looked down at her like clockwork.

     As if he knew he was looking, Yohan's chin tilted, his gaze meeting Robin's. As their eyes met, Robin braced himself for the usual glare he had become accustomed to in the past few weeks, but Yohan's eyes appeared soft, almost sorrowful. Yohan blinked slowly as he looked at him over Jemma, but Robin, caught off guard by the unexpected connection, swiftly averted his gaze to the mundane refuge of his sandwich.

      What the fuck... Why is he looking at me like that?

     "Attention, everyone! I have some exciting news to share!" Amber declared, clapping her hands together to catch the group's attention. "Let's have a drumroll, please." She playfully beat her hands against the wooden table, mimicking the sound of a drum. "I'll be hosting my annual Halloween party this year! You know it's the gays' favourite time of year, so I expect each and every one of you to bring your A-game!"

     "Ooo yay!" Jemma chimed in, clapping her hands together with infectious enthusiasm. "Babe, oh my god, we should totally do a couples costume! Wouldn't that be absolutely adorable?" She turned towards Yohan, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

      "Um... sure," Yohan replied, not seeming to share her excitement. Amber and Jemma delved into an in-depth discussion about potential costume ideas, their animated chatter filling the air.

      As the conversation unfolded, Yohan's disinterest became increasingly apparent. In a somewhat monotone voice, he interrupted the costume brainstorm. "Um, I'll see you later, Jemma. I'm going to take off," he said, rising from the bench. "Keep the jacket; just give it back later, okay?"

     "Um, okay, see you later?" Jemma's voice took on a slightly meek quality as Yohan turned to walk away.

     "Sure," Yohan replied, as he picked up his rucksack and began to walk back towards the school building.

      Once Yohan was out of hearing range, Amber turned to Jemma, her lips displaying a mischievous grin. "So, Jemma, spill the tea! How are things going with you and Yohan?"

      Jemma shifted in her seat, a hint of awkwardness in her demeanour. "Fine, I think. I mean, we've been keeping it casual for what, like, a month now?"

      "Why haven't you made it official yet?" Isha interjected, her curiosity evident as she slapped her hands on the table, her voice slightly high pitched.

     Jemma sighed, she appeared to be nibbling at the inside of her cheek slightly. "Well, I'm waiting for him to ask me, but I don't know..."

     "What? Is he being an arsehole?" Lucy interjected a scowl crossing their face.

      "No, no, nothing like that!" Jemma hastily remarked, waving her hands in front of her face to dismiss any negative assumptions. "It's just that we haven't... yanno?" She made a circular gesture with her thumb and index finger, playfully emphasising her point, using her other index finger to poke into the imaginary hole.

     "Had sex!?" Amber exclaimed, looking wide-eyed, "But you two have had sex before!? I thought you would have done it loads by now!"

     Robin's ears pricked up, and he felt his face flush, a sense of embarrassment washing over him at the mention of sex. He had assumed, along with Amber, that they would be going at it regularly. A sense of jealousy surged through him at the thought, but also feeling his shoulders drop slightly from their tense position from the new knowledge.

     They haven't slept together...

     "I know, I know! That's what's weird. Like we've made out a few times and like a few other things, but like..." She cupped her mouth with her hands and lowered her voice to a whisper. "He won't get hard."

     "WHAT?" Isha almost spitting out the water she was drinking. "What do you mean he won't?"

     "Like, he can't seem to. Which is weird because he had no issue with it before, but, like, each time things have gotten a bit "steamy," he's soft as anything down there. And then he gets all embarrassed and apologises, and we just... stop? That's weird, right?" She turned to Robin, "Robin, you're a guy; that's not normal, right?"

      Robin felt his whole face go hot, flushing at such a forward question. "I, um," he stammered.

      Shit, shit, shit... What should I say?

      "Um, I know medications can sometimes make it harder... I mean! Harder to get hard."

      Jesus, what am I saying?

      "Or, like, some guys suffer from performance anxiety, or, like, yeah."

      The conversation made him reminisce slightly about the first time he had sex. He wasn't a virgin—a gay virgin, perhaps—but he had slept with a girl before. Esme, a girl from the girl's rugby team at his old school who he had dated for two months.

      Esme was sweet, and she was the one to suggest that they have sex, which Robin happily agreed to, hoping that at the time perhaps it would aid him a little in understanding his sexuality better. And although it wasn't a bad experience per se, it was definitely a struggle. He had to rely on raging teenage hormones, willpower, and his active imagination to get through it.

     It was so awkward. The fumbling of removing clothes, the kissing that felt like there was no synchronising between the two of them, and then the act itself. Something about Esme's muscular back definitely helped, but her skin was too soft, her lips felt wrong, and her breasts looked strange on her chest. He still had to use the aid of the male footballers, who gazed down at the two of them, to get him through it.

      "Mmm... maybe," Jemma said thoughtfully. "Well, I'll just have to make sure I look extra slutty at this Halloween party to really get him going!" She laughed, pressing against her breasts playfully.

     "Yeah..." Robin laughed nervously.

     Or maybe he just doesn't like you.

      "Well, the party is a week on Friday, during the half-term break," Amber grinned, redirecting the conversation. "I'll put the address in our group chat, yeah? I'm going to invite loads of other people online. It'll be a proper rager!" She bounced up and down with excitement.

      "Are your parents okay with this? Weren't they pissed at how fucked the house got last year?" Lucy mentioned holding onto Amber's hand.

      "I mean... It took some persuading, but I got them to come around to the idea." She playfully flicked her hair and pouted her lips, making her eyes wide. "I'm daddy's little princess; I can't do anything wrong!"

      "Ugh, you're such an only child," Isha grimaced. "If I threw a party like you did, I'd be grounded for the rest of my life."

      "I'm aware of my special privilege, Isha; this is why I wish to share it with you all," she grinned. "Jemma, make sure Yohan comes; he neeeeds to be there, and Robin, you're definitely coming too, right?"

       "Um, yeah, sure, I will," Robin replied with a polite smile, masking the unease that settled in his stomach. The prospect of attending the same party as Yohan triggered a strange mix of anticipation and anxiety. The last time they crossed paths with alcohol in the mix, it resulted in the unravelling of their entire relationship.

     A wince flickered across Robin's face as memories resurfaced—the raw emotions, Yohan's breakdown, the painful words exchanged—all contributing to the current state of awkward tension between them. A delicate dance played out in Robin's mind, torn between the hope that this time might be different and the nagging fear that running the risk of encountering Yohan under the influence could potentially make things significantly worse. Or maybe he would finally tell me for definite why he had become so hostile towards him all of a sudden.

     "I'm looking forward to it."