TW
//
Mentions of;
Domestic abuse
Drug use
Sexual Abuse

Start the song. It's Navy Blue by The Story So Far.

The burning was something unlike anything Tyler has ever felt.

He felt like someone was setting off atom bombs in his head, but his head wouldn't explode with them; the explosion being contained inside, the heat never ceasing. The flames licked and lapped at the sides of his skull and he felt like he was dying.

Was he dying?

Was he already dead?

Maybe that's what's burning. Him. He has to be in Hell, if there is one. After all that he's done, why should he be surprised? The way he's treated his family, his friends - the way he treated Josh, there's no mistake that he's residing in Hell right now.

That's why he's on fire. He just knows it.

So why does he hear an angel crying?

The pain from that realization was almost worse than the burning. The fact that he's made Josh cry so much that he could pick his sobs out from anyone's made him never want to open his eyes, but the feeling of the younger man slipping his hand between his was almost begging him to move.

"You're so, so stupid, Ty," he heard Josh whisper in broken syllables.

Move, damn it.

"I want to hate you," he continued. "You have no idea how much I want to hate you." Silence came for a moment before he added, "But I guess I wouldn't be here if I did, huh?"

You should, Tyler thought. I wouldn't even be upset.

Tyler squeezed Josh's hand best he could, feeling the younger's body tense up at the action. "Don't cry," he heard himself mumble. "I'm tired of making you cry."

His words were coming out like a drunken slur, but Josh knew what he was saying. He let out a dry chuckle before speaking, saying "What the hell were you thinking?"

No point in trying to lie, Tyler thought. "You said you wanted me gone," he said, his voice completely void of emotion. "I was only doing what you wanted."

Josh's brown eyes burned with more tears as he ripped his hand from Tyler's, standing up abruptly. "God, Tyler," he said, a disbelieving laugh interrupting his voice. "This isn't fucking fair. You hurt me, manipulated me, made me feel like I was fucking nothing, and when I get sober, when I get good again, when I rightfully tell you to leave me alone, you try and kill yourself!?"

Tyler finally found enough strength to pry his eyes open, the blurriness fading slowly before he was able to focus on Josh. God, those deep mocha eyes clouded over with tears made him want to glue them back shut, but he shook his head. "I know that I hurt you," he said in a soft voice, "and I know that I can't apologize for it. But you have to believe me, Josh, I didn't sleep with Pete just to hurt you. I didn't even sleep with him because I wanted to."

Another dry laugh. "I find that hard to believe," Josh said, venom in his voice. "It seemed like you were having an awfully good time to me."

"Must mean I'm a good actor, then," Tyler said, his tone slightly bitter.

"Spit out what you fucking mean or I can just leave," Josh bit back. "I only came here to ease my own guilt and make sure you weren't fucking dead."

"He wouldn't supply me if I didn't," Tyler said, tired brown eyes clouding over with his own tears. "Mike was out, Greenwald was out, I didn't want to ask Ryan and risk pissing off Brendon, so Pete was my last option. I didn't have any cash, and I wasn't going to steal yours to pay for my blow, and he wouldn't supply me."

"That usually happens when you have no cash," Josh answered, bored, "you don't get the merchandise."

Tyler rolled his eyes as he continued. "He's always fronted me when I needed it, but this time he wouldn't. Said something about you and not wanting to deal with us anymore, so I begged and he said the only way he'd give me any was.."

"If you slept with him? God, how easy was it for you to say yes to that?" Josh's body bristled with anger and eyes burned with hurt as he shook his head. "Because I distinctly remember you saying that you slept with him because I wouldn't let you touch me after what happened with Heaton."

The older male shook his head, his face contorting in pain as he looked away. "I never should've said those things to you," he gritted out. "I couldn't bear to tell you the truth; that I sold myself out like a fucking street whore. God, I never should've said those words to you. You didn't deserve that, Josh, I swear you didn't."

"I know I didn't," Josh said, crossing his arms over his stomach as he sat back in the chair beside Tyler's bed. "And it's still 'fuck you' for that, by the way."

Tyler cracked a slight smirk at that, nodding his head. "I'd wonder what the hell was wrong with you if it wasn't still 'fuck me' for that." He shifted slightly, forcing his body to sit up higher as he spoke again. "I can't take back what I said to you, and I can't undo the damage that it caused. Just know, that I didn't mean a word of it. I know how much what he did hurt you, and I wish I would've killed him, J. I may be absolutely fucked up, but not so much as to hurt you that way and mean it."

Josh let out a soft laugh, trying to control his tears as they slid down his face. " I wasn't any better," he said quietly. "God, I wanted to fucking hurt you, Tyler. I was — I was so angry, and I don't even think I was completely angry at you. I had to get sober to see that it was ruining me. I don't like that man that I was, Ty. I hurt everyone that I care about in one way or another, and I don't ever want to be him again."

Tyler reached over hesitantly, taking Josh's fingers between his. "I'm sorry I helped you become him," he whispered sincerely. "I hope you never have to feel that way again. And I hope you and your new.. boyfriend are very happy together and he doesn't make you hate him and hate the world like I did."

Josh looked at Tyler with confused eyes, furrowing his brows. "New boyfriend?"

Tyler nodded solemnly. "The guy with the pretty blue eyes you were with at the café," he explained. "I hope he makes you happy, Josh."

"Wait," Josh said, sputtering a slight laugh, "do you mean Dallon?"

Tyler shrugged, bordering on annoyed at this point. "I guess," he said.

Josh fully laughed, letting go of Tyler's hand to lean back and laugh. "Dallon is not my boyfriend," he said through his chuckles. "I actually met him at university the day that... everything happened. I wanted you to meet him that day. He's a good friend. And he's engaged, so."

Tyler nodded, feeling relief flood his entire body at the knowledge that Josh hadn't found someone new. "I never stopped loving you, Josh," he admitted. "This whole time without you I felt like I was missing a whole part of me; the best part of me. I know we weren't good for each other, and I know that everything about us wasn't healthy, but I meant what I said; I'd gladly let you destroy me."

Josh was full on crying again, shaking his head as he let out a pitiful laugh. "I don't know if I'm naïve or just plain stupid," he started, "but fuck do I still love you, Tyler."

Tyler reached out again, cupping Josh's jaw in his palm. "All I want is you, Josh."

Josh nodded, covering Tyler's hand with his. "Can you come home, please?"

The doe eyed man smiled through his tears, nodding his head as he felt his chest explode with happiness.

Home.

What a drastic change from Hell.