Trigger Warnings

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Domestic abuse
Infidelity
Emotional manipulation (including using suicide threats and reverse psychology as manipulation tactics)
Mention of rape / sexual assault
Victim Blaming

(To make this clear: I do not condone any of the actions listed above. However, they happen to be a part of a harsh reality of abusive relationships that we don't see or talk about often, so there is a need to bring them to light and make sure they're discussed. If you or someone you know has gone through/is going through instances such as these described in this chapter, please reach out to either me or someone you trust. You are not alone in this; there is always someone willing to help.)

Please be safe.
Message me for brief summary if needed.

Start the song. Its Arsonist's Lullabye (Instrumental) by Hozier.

The entire drive back to Hayley's, Josh could feel his stomach churning. This confrontation is most likely going to go absolutely horribly, but he's tired of acting like everything is okay, because it isn't. He tired of the fighting, the constant back and forth with no winning outcome. He's tired of the screaming, the degrading, the sincerity behind each of their words when they spit venom at each other.

He's in love with Tyler, but he's tired of acting like he's happy with him.

When he pulls up to the house, he curses under his breath as he sees all of his friend's vehicles in the driveway. This could be good for several reasons: he could have backup if things get too out of hand with Tyler, he could have his friends to reassure him that he's making the right decision, and he knows they'll protect him if Tyler tries to actually hurt him. However, on the same note, they could also assume that things are already too out of hand and intrude on the confrontation before he gets to actually get closure and answers for what's happened.

Looks like he'll have to talk to them first.

With a heavy sigh, he killed he engine to the car and headed up toward the house. He hesitated outside of the door, feeling anxiety bubble in his stomach before turning the knob and walking inside. As he closed the door, Brendon was the first person to notice the sound. "Josh?" Brendon's voiced sounded concerned and relieved all at once. "Josh, is that you?"

Josh swallowed the lump in his throat before answering as best as he could to not make his voice sound out of character. "Yeah, B," he said softly, "it's me."

The sound of footsteps echoed around the corner of the entrance before Josh was looking at an incredibly relieved looking Brendon. "You were supposed to be home over an hour ago," he exclaimed, throwing his arms around his best friend. "Where've you been?" Tears threatened Josh's eyes then, causing Brendon's face to fall in concern. "Josh, what's going on?"

Two small tears fell from Josh's eyes before he abruptly wiped them away. "I need to talk to Tyler," he whispered brokenly. "I need to tell you what's going on first, but you've got to let me explain and understand that I need to do this on my own."

And with that, Josh went into the detailed description of what he saw when he initially came home this afternoon. He told Brendon about Pete, about leaving the house and going to the skate park, about meeting up with his new friend Dallon to talk -("Nobody was home when I got here first, so I didn't want to call you because I didn't know where you were or what you were doing.") - how Dallon helped him come to the realization that he needed to talk to Tyler and that he needed to do it today and he needed to make the decision to leave him or to make him leave.

"Which brings us here now," he concedes, his head hanging a little
low.

Brendon took in a sharp inhale and let out a heavy sigh. "You're my best friend, Josh," he said in a low, dangerous voice, "and as much as I want to wring Tyler's fucking neck right now, I know you have to do this alone."

Josh smiled a pained smile before hugging a Brendon tightly. "Thank you, Brendon."

Brendon nodded against Josh's neck before pulling back from the hug. "As soon as I think you're in distress, though," he said, warning clear in his voice, "I'm coming in there and someone will have to pry me off of him or I will kill him."

Josh nodded, chuckling sadly. Brendon patted him on the shoulder one more time for good measure before stepping aside and letting Josh trudge down the hall to his room. Outside of the door, he paused, much like he did before entering the house. He could smell the cigarette smoke coming from under the door, meaning that Tyler didn't close the bathroom door all the way before smoking in the room. Or, maybe he didn't try to smoke in the bathroom at all. Maybe, right after he got done with his... business, he just lit one up. He tends to do that.

After another deep breath to gather his nerves, Josh was pushing open the door to find Tyler lying in their bed, wearing sweatpants and nothing else as he scrolled mindlessly through his phone. He let himself admire Tyler's body and face for a split second before remembering what he was doing. He cleared his throat, catching Tyler's attention.

"Hi, baby," Tyler greeted, his voice sweet and unaware as he climbed off the bed and started walking toward Josh. "You're home late. How was—"

"Tyler, please stop talking," Josh whispered frantically.

Tyler looked confused and slightly hurt as he paused walking toward him. "What's— What's going on?"

Josh shook his head gently, tears gathering in his eyes. "I'm going to ask you a question," he started, "and I'm only going to ask you once, so I need you to tell me the truth. Okay?"

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest,  nodding gently. "Okay?"

Josh took in another deep breath, the tears falling from his eyes slowly. "Did you—" He paused, fixing his words. "Are you — cheating on me?"

Tyler looked at Josh like he wanted to laugh. The look turned into one of relent, then to one of defiance. "I have no idea what you're—"

"Don't fucking lie to me, Tyler Joseph!" The sheer ferocity of Josh's voice was enough to shock both him and Tyler momentarily. "I came home on time! I saw you and— and Pete fucking Wentz, lip-locked and rolling around in our fucking bed, Tyler! Admit it to me! Admit it to me right now!"

Tyler looked like he wasn't even looking at Josh, but instead right through him. "Don't raise your voice at me, Josh," he said, his voice calm but warning. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"I don't give a single shit what you hate right now," Josh yelled back, completely ignoring Tyler's words. "I want you to admit it to me, because I already saw what happened, so tell me the fucking truth!"

"Yes, I did it!" Tyler yelled back, the sound making it seem like the floor was shaking under Josh's feet. "I cheated on you with Pete, is that what you wanted to fucking hear!? Congratulations, Josh! You heard it loud and clear!"

Josh felt his heart completely finish shattering. It was already in shambles when he saw it, now there was absolutely nothing left. The tears fell straight from Josh's eyes in a never-ending stream as he choked out, "W-Why?! Why would you do this to me? To us!?"

"Well it's not like I'm getting any from you, Josh," Tyler sneered, his voice coming out harsh and accusatory. "After what happened with fucking Brad, you barely even let me touch you anymore. I can barely even hold your hand while we're watching a movie, I sure as hell can't fuck you! God, Heaton fucking rapes you and I'm the one being punished for it?"

Josh felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. "P-Punished?!" He laughs brokenly, the sound coming out painful and choked. "Y-You think I'm punishing you?! You don't think that every time I want to get intimate with you, I close my eyes and I see Brad Fucking Heaton hovering over me and telling me to keep my fucking mouth shut? You think that I want to shut you out? You think I fucking asked to be raped, Tyler?! You think I wanted that?!"

Tyler laughed humorlessly. "You didn't try too hard to stop it, did you?"

The words barely finished leaving Tyler's mouth before Josh's fist was balled up and connecting harshly with Tyler's cheek. As Tyler fell against the adjacent wall, Josh no longer felt any kind of remorse. "Fuck you!" His voice was resentful, hard and venomous. He didn't care if he was hurting Tyler right now. "You said you would be here for me! You said you would care for me, treat me like I deserved to be treated, and you promised you wouldn't hurt me! Well, fuck, Tyler, you broke that rule the first time you fucking hit me and I forgave you then! I'm not fucking forgiving you now! Get your shit and get the fuck out!"

Tyler was still lying against the wall, tears gathering in his eyes as Josh started to leave the room. "Josh, wait!" His voice was frantic; scared. "Josh, please don't leave me."

"No," Josh screamed at him. "I've given you way too many chances, and I've had enough black eyes and bruised ribs to show that I should've put a stop to this the first time!"

"Josh, please," Tyler cried helplessly. "I fucked up. I did. I made a mistake. Please don't leave me, Joshua. Please, I'm nobody if I'm not with you."

Josh felt his heart stretching. It was in so much pain, and Tyler's wails we're doing all they could to make him relent and give in, but he couldn't give in. He knew he couldn't. "Then be nobody," he said quietly.

"Josh," Tyler called again, a last attempt at keeping Josh pushing past his teeth. "Josh, I'll die without you! Please!"

Josh shook his head. "You're fucking unbelievable," he seethed quietly. "Get. Out."

Josh didn't stay longer to hear more of Tyler's pleas, but walked out of the room only to find his friends waiting nervously in the hall. "Somebody take him home," he whimpered out, allowing Brendon to take him in his arms and lead him to his and Ryan's room.

He heard Tyler calling for him the entire time Dom and Ryan were pushing him out of the house. Each one syllable call made his heart break even more, it seemed, as Brendon held him tight under the thick blankets. Josh's entire body was shivering from the cold he now felt. There was now a completely emptiness in his heart as a space that used to be occupied by Tyler, but now is hollow and haunted.

As he cried himself to sleep, he found himself wondering if he would - or could - ever forgive Tyler. Wondering if he would ever see the doe eyed boy again, and wondering if he would be alive when he did. Nothing could ease the pain in Josh's heart, so he opted for darkness instead.