Felicity

Just about two and a half hours have gone by since the phone call with my dad. Harry and I are currently stopped at a gas station in what feels like the middle of nowhere. You'd think that from five hours of driving we would be out of Texas or close to the border, but no. I never realized how big Texas is until now when we are driving in the state and have yet to cross a border. I think we are still three hours from New Mexico, and after that we have near four hours until Albuquerque. We'll be in this car for an eternity. I'm going to be sick of this car, and I'm pretty sure Harry and I will be sick of each other by the time we end our traveling for the day. I can't wait until we get to our hotel in Albuquerque so I can collapse on the bed and pass out. 

Speaking of the hotel ... my dad sent me a rather lengthy text message after booking the room. Apparently because it is holiday season and our reservation is last minute, he was only able to get one room, which I assured him is not a big deal. Harry and I have been sharing rooms this entire trip ... sharing another room tonight will be no different. My dad then informed me that there is only one bed, and as much as he knows that I am an adult and he cannot control my actions, he strongly encourages that there be no hanky panky between Harry and me. Although, that was before a second text message was sent asking that I just be safe in whatever I do. But I mean, I don't think any of that will be happening anyway. 

It's sweet, really. I find it touching that he's trying to act like a real concerning father about this kind of stuff. He's always brushed off anything between Colton and me. My dad is not an oblivious man; I'm sure he's aware of things that have happened. But he has never tried to get involved in it or speak with me about it or even talk with Colton. This is both strange and amusing for him to now act this way.

As I wait for the gas tank to fill up, I watch Harry as he walks around a grassy area off to the side of the parking lot. From my spot by the car, I can't tell whether or not he's having a pleasant conversation with whomever is on the phone with him. At times he looks distressed and confused, but the next second he will be grinning widely and laughing. A couple of times he's glanced over at me, making eye contact before smiling and waving. 

Each time he smiles I feel myself smile in return. I like to see him happy and laughing and enjoying himself. For one, it makes this trip a lot more fun. But of course, it just makes me happy to see him like this. 

The longer I observe his behaviors and learn about who he is, the more I find myself falling for him. He is just so sweet, not only to me but to everyone else we cross paths with. He's kindhearted, considerate and charming. Honestly, there are so many things I could positively say about him. I don't think there's anything I dislike ... except for his preferences for air temperature in the car. That is something we will never agree on. The same goes for radio stations. The things about him that might annoy me are only trivial. 

I'm falling for Harry, and I'm falling fast. It's scaring me how quickly this is all happening. It's overwhelming yet exciting. It's also a bit worrying to see how fast I've lost every feeling I once had toward Colton and replaced them with feelings toward Harry. That probably looks really bad on my part, but I can't help it. Even when Colton and I first got together I never felt this way ... and I thought I really liked him. 

But the scary truth is that I think I love Harry. And if this is what it is like to really love someone, then I never loved Colton. Come to think of it, I've never said I loved him, and he's never said he loved me. What kind of relationship is this that we've had for four years? Have I seriously been this blind to not notice that a huge part of any relationship has been missing from ours?

Love is a scary thing to think about. It's both scary and exciting. On one hand it makes me feel happy and on top of the world, and I want to let everyone know about it. But on the other hand, I'm afraid to tell Harry because I don't want him to freak out. He's a guy and we haven't known each other that long. For me to throw out the L-word at him will scare him off. So for now, I'm torn about what to do. 

It's eye opening to see your own relationship from an outsider's point of view. I mean, it's not like Colton and I had a lovey-dovey relationship that everyone viewed as annoying. I realize now that we are definitely annoying, but it is for far different reasons. I know Sierra has always tried to get me to come to this realization, but her methods for approaching the subject were a lot more harsh than Harry's. She can be stubborn and ridiculous and too straightforward sometimes, and I used to get annoyed with her when she tried to say anything about it because honestly she can be very mean. She has good intentions and never does anything with a malicious heart, but she doesn't always know the best way to approach the conversation. 

I jump at the click of the gas pump, alerting me that the tank is now filled. I inhale a deep breath to slow my now rapid heart rate and shake my head from all the thoughts racing through my mind. Making sure everything is situated, I get into the car and drive away from the gas pump and into a parking spot in front of the station shop. Through the side mirror I catch sight of Harry hanging up his phone and making his way towards me. In just a few short moments he appears at the driver's window, lighting tapping on the glass before opening my door. 

"Hey. Do you want to go inside and grab something to eat?"

"Sure. I'm getting pretty hungry."

He offers me a hand to help me out of the car. "I think I saw a sign inside the shop that says they've got pizza."

"Gas station pizza. That's gourmet food right there," I laugh, watching the corners of his mouth turn upwards into a smile that's trying to mask a chuckle. "But pizza is perfect."

"Especially when it's a gas station Pizza Hut," he grins and takes the keys from my hand, locking the car as we walk inside the shop. "Niall says hi, by the way."

"Is that who you were talking to on the phone?"

"Yeah. He called to check in and see how our trip is going."

"That's sweet of him. How is he doing?"

"Well at the moment he has a hangover. I guess after his set last night he was partying with his bartender friend, and the two of them got competitive over who could drink the most. Sounds like a painful night."

"I can only imagine," I laugh as we walk down a couple of the aisles, picking off bags of snacks from the shelves.

Harry and I start roaming the store, each of us going in separate directions to grab the things we want. I've got my hands full with three different bags of chips, a large bottle of water and an individual pizza from the little Pizza Hut stand. I turn the corner of an aisle to see Harry with two waters, a bag of mini Oreos, four bags of chips and an individual pizza. The cashier stares at us in disbelief as we place everything on the counter in front of her. I'm sure we look crazy grabbing nearly everything in the shop.

"Your phone is going off."

"What?" I look over at Harry as he pulls his wallet from his pants pocket.

He points down at my sweatshirt pocket, noting the glowing phone screen through the fabric. "I think it's ringing."

"Oh," I pull my phone out and read the screen, rolling my eyes once I see the caller I.D. I should have known he would call sooner or later. In fact, he called several times while I was asleep earlier. I'm actually surprised he stopped calling until now; although, he did send a lot of text messages instead. I just haven't responded to any of them. "I should take this. I'll be outside."

I take fifteen dollars from my wallet and hand it to Harry to cover the costs of all my junk food on the counter. Stepping back out into the cold winter air, I let my feet carry me over to the grassy area that Harry was once standing in while he chatted on the phone with Niall. I swipe my thumb across the screen and exhale a breath before answering the call. 

"What's up, Colton?"

"Fucking hell! It is so god damn difficult to get a hold of you! What the fuck are you doing?"

"I was asleep in the car. Am I not allowed to sleep?"

He scoffs on his end of the line and I can clearly picture him rolling his eyes at me. "Don't even try me with that sarcastic attitude. What the fuck was that text you sent me yesterday? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"If I remember correctly, I texted you that we need to talk when I get to California. I thought that was self explanatory."

"Oh so now you're a smart-ass?"

"I'm not trying to be."

Harry walks out of the shop with a couple of plastic bags in his hands, his eyes scanning his surroundings in search of me. As he reaches his car, his gaze meets mine and he instantly stops in his tracks. He sends me a look as if to ask if everything is okay, and I simply flash him a small smile before kicking the rocks by my feet. This phone call needs to end as soon as possible because I don't want to keep Harry awkwardly waiting for me in the car. That would be rude on my part. 

"Well we are on the phone right now. Talk," Colton demands.

"Listen, this is not something I think we should talk about on the phone. It's best if we have this conversation in person. I'll be there soon and then we can talk."

"No. We are going to talk about this shit right now. Spit it out."

"You are so impatient!" I nearly shout through the phone. My frustration with him breaks through my collected composure, and I'm kicking myself for letting him get to me like this. "It's not going to kill you to wait a couple of days until you see me. I'm almost there. I'll be driving through New Mexico in the next few hours."

I just want to lay it all out for him. I want to just get this over with and let him know that this thing between us is not working and it's not going to continue on, but I truly don't want to do this over the phone. I know that dragging it out over the next couple days probably isn't the best idea either, but if I were him, I'd hate to be broken up with over technology. 

It seems so cowardly to do it over the phone, like I'm not able to face him in person and tell him myself. I want to talk to him face to face. It will be a personal accomplishment as well. I need to prove to myself that I can hold my ground against him and let him know he doesn't run my life. I make my own decisions on what makes me happy. 

I'm a damn pilot, and he is not welcome on my flight. 

"Just because you're driving through New Mexico, doesn't mean you'll be here soon. Your version of soon means you'll be here next month. I'm tired of this bullshit, Felicity. This trip should have only taken three days, and you're nearing two weeks."

"Does it ever occur to you that maybe you are the reason it's taking me this long? Perhaps the way you've been acting and talking down at me is causing me to not want to be near you."

"God, you are just so full of shit lately!"

"You don't want to admit that I'm right!"

"Why don't you just go on and tell me what it is that you want to talk to me about? I'm not waiting a century for you to get here just to tell me some dumb bullshit that could be said over the phone."

"No!" My anger and frustration is rapidly building within me, I feel like I'm going to burst. I don't even care that I look like a psycho shouting at my cell. 

"Just spit it out, Felicity!"

"Fine! You really want to know? I don't want to be with you! This is not-"

"Jesus, are you hearing yourself?" Colton almost immediately interrupts me. "You really have lost your damn mind on this trip."

"You don't want to hear me say it, do you? We are-"

I'm interrupted once again, but this time it isn't Colton. In the background on his end of the line, I hear a door shut before a female's voice softly drifts through the phone.

"Oh my god, Cole. Is that really how you speak to your sister? Is she-"

I don't hear the rest of her sentence as the line goes dead. With everything that just happened in the last thirty seconds, I'm too stunned to realize right away that he hung up on me. It takes me another moment or two to steady my heartbeat and regain my composure before I can even begin to process what just happened. 

Did I just break up with Colton? I mean, I think I tried to but does that count? I said it, but does it mean anything if I didn't get to finish everything I wanted to say? I did not want this to happen over the phone, but my anger betrayed me. 

And what was the deal about a sister? Colton doesn't have a sister. In fact, he's an only child so he doesn't have any siblings. Who was the girl that was talking in the background? Did she think I was the sister? Has he been telling people that I'm his sister? What-

If I'm being honest, I think he's cheated on you before. He just seems like the kind of guy that would do that.

Andy's words from yesterday morning swirl in my head until my anger resurfaces. This time it's a hurt kind of anger. Coming to the realization that Andy is probably right and that Colton has probably cheated on me many times within the past four years we've been together is hitting me like a train. If it's happened when we were in high school, I can't imagine what it's been like while he's been away at college. I've been made a fool this entire time. I have to be legitimately blind to not have recognized any of this. 

Maybe it's true what people say ... that everyone has blindspots. They probably come in many different variations for each person. Maybe sometimes we recognize these blindspots on our own, and maybe it takes someone else to help us see the blindspot. 

I shake my head in irritation and shove my phone into my pocket. I can feel my throat beginning to burn as I try to keep any tears from escaping my eyes. I don't want to cry over Colton. He doesn't deserve it. 

When I get back to the car, I slide into the passenger's seat as Harry sits in the driver's side. I huff rather dramatically before harshly clicking my seatbelt. My movements are so full of hurt and anger that I don't have the ability to hide the lone tear that has managed to slide down my cheek. I quickly rub it away but not before Harry is able to see it. 

"Whoa, hey. Are you okay? What's going on?"

His voice is instantly soothing to me. As I close my eyes and exhale a deep breath, I can already feel my muscles relax. When I open my eyes, Harry is staring right at me. Concern is etched into his features as he tries his best to hide the frown that's on his face. His bright green eyes soften to show he genuinely cares about how I'm feeling. 

"I'm fine. I think," I nod my head and offer a smile as best as I can. 

He hesitates for a moment, unsure if he should press the topic any further. "Were you on the phone with your mom? Or maybe ... your - um - boyfriend."

"Ugh!" I loudly and dramatically groan, which catches him by surprise. If I could see the look on my own face right now, I'd be able to see the mixed emotions of disgust, frustration, and embarrassment. "Do not call him that. He is not my boyfriend." 

"Oh," Harry anxiously scratches at the back of his neck. He almost looks torn between wanting to wait for me to give an explanation and wanting to ask the question himself. "H-he is not-"

"He's not my boyfriend," I speak slowly. "I don't want to be with him, and I told him that. I might haven broken up with him. Honestly, I don't even know anymore."

It's silent in the car. The only noises echoing throughout the vehicle are the sound of the car's engine and the static coming from the radio. Harry might be too nervous to say anything else, so I pick out my water from one of the plastic bags and take a long gulp before I speak up again.

"I don't really want to talk about it. Is it okay if I drive this time?"

"Yeah, of course. It's fine with me if that's what you want." 

I unbuckle my seatbelt and nod my head. "It will help me take my mind off of all this crap."

Harry gets out of the car and switches seats with me. As I adjust the mirrors and settle in, I feel him place his hand atop mine. He gives a gentle squeeze and offers a small smile. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know. Thank you."

"Alright well," his voice is a little more uplifting. "Albuquerque or bust."

A/N: Who noticed the change in this chapter? :O What do you think about it? What do you think about the story as a whole with all the changes?

((Author's note from before the rewrite ... I can't believe I've gone from half a million reads to twenty one million. That's crazy!)) Thank you so much for the half a million reads! Never did I think I'd ever have a story with that many views, so that's still so crazy for me to wrap my head around :)