Felicity

The next morning I wake up by myself on the mattress, completely buried underneath a huge blanket. My body is sprawled out with all four limbs in different directions. There's one pillow under my head and another under my foot. It feels like my head is throbbing, the floor is moving, and the light shining through the window is blinding. I'm a total mess right now.

As I try to sit up and stretch my arms a bit, I don't see Harry anywhere. He's not sitting on the couch or walking around in the kitchen. I'm alone, which feels a little depressing. I rub my eyes awake and exhale a deep breath. He could just be in the bathroom for all I know, but for some reason Harry's absence makes me miss him. I have an overwhelmingly strong sense of longing for him. If he were to appear right in front of me in this moment, I might actually kiss him. I would-

Wait.

Now that I'm thinking about this, I'm pretty sure I did kiss him last night. The image in my head of the two of us on the dance floor in the club last night ... kissing ... feels far too real for it to have just been a dream. My fingers raise to softly touch my lips, a place where Harry's lips once were. My heart starts to race and I can feel butterflies in my stomach until the reality of the situation brings my happiness to a screeching halt.

I cheated on Colton.

It's like he didn't even exist last night. Not once did I think about him or how my actions would look in the morning. I kissed another man and I'm having crazy mixed emotions about it. On one hand it feels so wrong. I never wanted to be that girl that cheated on her boyfriend. That's just not who I am and not who I wanted to be. Knowing that people will think I'm a horrible person for cheating on Colton makes me kind of feel scared about interacting with others. I mean, what's my mother going to say when she finds out? She'll be furious with me. I don't know what my dad will think, but I know my mother will try to disown me.

Yet on the other hand, I feel good about kissing Harry. Great, in fact. I've never felt as alive as I did last night. The excitement and electricity I experienced when Harry's arms were around me are things I never experienced with Colton at any point in our relationship. The way my heart raced with every touch of Harry's hands at my waist and the way it nearly exploded when we kissed sends my mind over the edge now. My legs were very close to giving out and the world around us disappeared when our lips touched, and I'm pretty sure that means something.

Maybe I should be ashamed and guilty for kissing a guy that isn't my boyfriend, and in a sense I definitely am, but I don't really feel any of those emotions. It sounds bad but I don't feel anything for Colton anymore. I used to feel attracted to him and I really liked him, but after kissing Harry, all of those feelings disappeared. It's as if any emotion I used to have toward Colton has been erased. I don't find him attractive and I don't even like him.

It's probably best if I give him a call and tell him what happened, but just thinking about that makes me nervous for some reason. Part of me is scared of how he will react, but the other part of me doesn't care what he says.

"You're awake."

I jump in my spot on the blowup mattress as Andy enters the kitchen. I must have been so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even hear his footsteps. It takes me a moment to inhale a few breaths, slowing my heart rate from being startled like that. As I look up at Andy I notice that he's wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants, watching me curiously. I shake my head, quickly regretting that decision as the pounding headache I feel worsens.

"Yeah, I'm up. What time is it?"

He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a blue Gatorade bottle. "It's almost noon. Here, drink this. You're probably a little dehydrated right now."

I gladly grab the bottle from his hand and take a gulp without hesitating. It tastes delicious and better than I ever remember a Gatorade to taste, but that's most likely because, like he said, I'm a little dehydrated.

"Where is everyone?" I ask once I nearly finish three-fourths of the bottle.

"Maz is still asleep. Harry left this morning for the grocery store I think. He mumbled something about needing to get food for breakfast."

The thought of Harry having gotten up this morning feeling fine enough to go out driving for food makes me feel pathetic for sleeping in this long. I watch as Andy walks over to the couch and sits down, propping his feet up on the coffee table and waving at me to sit next to him. Very slowly I get up, still wearing the clothes I wore last night. I wrap the blanket around my body and sit beside him on the couch.

"So how have you been, Felicity?" Andy asks me as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. The comfort I feel being around him is familiar and relaxing. I guess I never really thought about how much I missed his presence until now. "What's going on in your life nowadays? We haven't spoken in so long."

"I've been good, you know, just doing school and stuff."

"And you're still with Colton, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

He exhales a disappointed sigh. "No offense, Felicity, but I just don't understand why you're still with that guy."

"I don't want to be," my voice is quiet and hesitant, like I'm unsure of what the reaction to that statement will be. I can already sense a wave of emotion coming my way and I don't know if Andy is ready for the floodgates to open.

"Wait, what?" He pulls back from me, staring with a puzzled look on his face. "Did I just hear that correctly? You don't want to be with Colton?" At the shake of my head, I swear the tiniest smile makes an appearance on his lips for a fraction of a second. "Then what are you still doing in that relationship?"

"I only just made this decision like ... two minutes ago," my nerves are growing more and more present with every second that passes by.

Andy looks at me like I'm a completely different person. I'm not sure how that makes me feel, but seeing a smile on his face puts me a little bit at ease. Maybe I shouldn't be so afraid to tell him everything. He was never judgmental about anything I felt when we were younger. He always listened to me and gave me pretty good advice. It's a shame I never listened to him when it came to Colton.

"What's changed your mind?" Andy slightly tilts his head to the side, waiting for me to answer. I can tell just by the look on his face that he has prepared himself for this conversation for a long time.

"It's Harry," I finally admit out loud. Saying it to another person makes it all the more real and makes me realize just how true it is. "It's just that ... this past week I've spent with him ... I think I'm on some kind of journey for self-discovery. I'm realizing just what it is I want in a relationship and what I don't want. I'm becoming more aware of the way Colton acts towards me. He's mean and demanding and belittling. I don't like it, nor do I think I deserve that. I mean, I deserve to be with someone that makes me happy, right? I deserve someone that makes me smile and never makes me feel bad about the things I love."

Andy simply nods his head in agreement to everything I say. He doesn't bother to speak up once or interrupt me. He kindly lets me continue to talk until I feel that I have said everything I need to say. And at this point, it feels like I'm just saying things to get it off my chest and finally express my emotions to someone else. It's one thing to constantly think about it in my mind, but saying it out loud puts everything into reality.

"I like Harry. He's kind and caring and encouraging. He always makes me feel good about myself and he wants the best for me. And I just love the way I feel whenever I'm with him. Things just seem so much more exciting and fun when he and I spend time together. I've never looked forward to being with Colton for a day like I do with Harry. Sure, when I originally planned this trip it was to see Colton, but I feel like I was planning to visit him just to do it. I wasn't really excited about it. I was more so annoyed that I had to be the one to make the move to see him. And just so you know, I kissed Harry last night. It prob-"

"What?! Okay now I definitely have to interrupt you here," Andy laughs as he turns to face me on the couch. "You actually kissed him last night?"

"Is it bad that I did? I mean, technically I cheated on Colton and that makes me a horrible person, but it also doesn't feel that way. I feel liberated and happy, and I really want to kiss Harry again."

"Jesus," Andy shakes his head. I'm afraid he's going to tell me I'm being an idiot, but the smile on his face says otherwise. "Felicity, I am the worst person to ask that question to. I've always hated that prick. I don't think he's as great as you used to think he was, and if I'm being honest, I think he's cheated on you before. He just seems like the kind of guy that would do that. So no, I don't think it's bad that you kissed Harry. I'm ecstatic that you did because somehow that made you realize that your current boyfriend is a piece of shit. If you want my advice, break up with that guy and have your fun with Harry. I don't know him well, but from what I've observed from last night, he's good for you."

Wait a minute. Andy thinks Colton has probably cheated on me before? Why wouldn't he have said anything about it? Why didn't he pull me aside all these years prior and tell me what he thought? Did he? Did he tell me this before and I was just too oblivious to know what was going on?

Just as I'm about to continue this conversation, the door to the apartment opens up and Harry walks right in with five grocery bags. I don't want to continue this conversation with him in the room, so I simply keep my mouth shut and take a sip of my blue Gatorade.

"Hey! What'd you buy?" Andy shouts across the room.

Harry looks up at us and the moment our eyes meet, it's like my insides turn to mush. He smiles at me and I forget my own name. Just seeing him now brings back a rush of images that happened last night: dancing with him in the club, his hands at my waist, my lips on his. I wonder if he's as much of an emotional wreck like I am. Is the event of our kiss swirling around in his mind like it is for me? Or is it possible that he doesn't give a damn about what happened?

I want to kiss him again. I want to feel his touch and feel his heart beat against his chest. I want to smell his cologne and run my fingers through his hair. I want him. I want-

"Hello?! Earth to Felicity!"

I jump at the sound of Andy's voice at my ear. With both guys staring at me with confused expressions, I'm beginning to realize that I totally spaced out thinking about Harry. My face instantly turns red in embarrassment, and I pray that neither one of them has the superpower to read my mind.

"What did you say?"

Andy rolls his eyes and laughs at me, getting up from the couch. "Do you want a bagel or a breakfast burrito ... whatever that is."

"It's a burrito with breakfast stuff in it!" Harry defensively responds as he removes all the items from the grocery bags on the counter. "It's going to have eggs, bacon, cheese, and hashbrowns. It's good stuff."

"Sure," Andy walks over to the kitchen and grabs the bag of bagels. "I'll just have one of these."

"I'll have a burrito," I shrug.

Harry's face lights up as he smiles, making a quick nod before getting right to cooking. Andy glances over at me and raises a brow, discreetly pointing between Harry and me and mouthing something I can't decipher. I try to ignore him as my face grows red once again.

I stay seated at the couch as I'm too exhausted to move. I've finished the blue Gatorade and as much as I'd like another one, I don't feel like getting up to grab it. The boys make their food in the kitchen and chat amongst each other while I turn on the television and flip through the channels. Harry asks me if I'd like to check out the shopping downtown, to which I nod my head and say yes.

A few moments later, Maz finally appears from his room with his hair in a mess. He rubs his eyes and stretches his arms before yawning dramatically.

"Something smells fucking great."

"It's a breakfast burrito made by Harry," Andy pulls a purple Gatorade from the fridge and tosses it to his roommate. "Apparently it's good stuff."

"Awesome. I'll take one," Maz chugs half the bottle and sits down at the kitchen table.

I feel like the only one on the outside, so I get up from the couch and walk over to the table with Maz. It isn't much longer until all the food is prepared and Harry is placing a plate in front of me. He looks so proud of this dish, like it's some great masterpiece when it's really just a mixture of food wrapped in a tortilla. But I can't deny that it looks and smells amazing.

The four of us all sit at the kitchen table quietly eating breakfast. I'm not sure if we're too busy stuffing our faces or if we're just too tired but not one of us says a word throughout the entire meal. I eat everything on my plate, not even leaving a crumb behind. I'm starting to realize that I eat a lot when I'm around Harry. My best guess for this is that it's because he doesn't judge me or make comments about my weight, asking me if I think it's good for my figure or noting how I probably eat more than what the other females around me are eating. Colton does that a lot. I guess I never really thought about it until now, which goes to show how oblivious I've been to so many things in our relationship.

By the time we've all cleaned our plates and had a moment to digest, Andy and Maz have gotten into a conversation about some plans for later in the evening. Normally I'd pay attention to what they're talking about because I'd want to join, but right now I just don't care. If there's anything I'm doing tonight, it's staying in and sleeping. Going out partying two nights in a row is a new record for me. Two nights in just one week is a record. I'm exhausted and I know Sierra would be so proud.

"We have a birthday party thing we're going to tonight," Andy begins to say as he puts all the dishes in the sink. "You guys can come with us if you want. It's kind of open to whoever wants to join."

"No thank you," I shake my head. "I have had enough partying. I need a break. If it's cool with you, can I just stay here while you're out?"

"Of course it's cool. Make yourself at home. Don't get too wild," he winks at me before making a quick glance at Harry. I know exactly what he's trying to do here, and it's both embarrassing and unnecessary. "Anyway, we'll be gone for a few hours."

He excuses himself to take a shower, bringing a Gatorade bottle with him. I'm not sure what it is about the Gatorades but these guys seem to love them. Maz soon excuses himself as well, claiming that he needs to go back to sleep for a bit. Harry and I are left alone in the kitchen and the air is quickly turning awkward. I don't know what to say or what to do. I can't seem to bring myself to move from my seat at the table.

"So," Harry finally says to break the silence. He fidgets with his hands as he sits across from me at the table. His body language tells me that he's nervous but his face doesn't give that away. "Andy said there are some shops on 2nd Street and a few more on Congress Avenue. We can go check those out later today. Did you have another place in mind?"

"Not really. I don't care where we go. There are always cute things to find around Christmas time," I shrug my shoulders and pull my hair up into a ponytail. I think I definitely need to take a shower before we go anywhere.

It grows awkwardly quiet between us once again, which drives me a bit mad. I hate that it feels this strange in the air. I'm sure it's just because we have yet to address the situation from last night. Maybe Harry is just as nervous as I am to approach the subject.

Eventually he clears his throat, coughing a little before his eyes watch me carefully. "Do you ... um. Do you remember anything from last night?"

I kind of want to lie and say no, just to see what his reaction would be. Would he tell me the truth or just ignore it happened? But as much as I want to test that out, I don't feel like making this situation any weirder.

"Are you talking in particular to the kiss?"

He holds his breath, biting on his bottom lip for a moment before he nervously pouts. "Yeah. I mean ... how are you feeling about it? Do you think it was a mistake?"

Deeply exhaling, I lean forward onto my elbows on the table. Here's the moment of truth ... the moment that could really change everything between us. Of course the event of our kiss changed a lot for us already, but whether or not I admit my actual feelings about it is the game changer.

"Honestly?" The way my voice unintentionally raises at the end makes it seem like a question, to which Harry quickly nods his head. "I don't think it was a mistake. I think it has put everything into perspective for me."

"In a good way or a bad way?" His anxiety is getting the best of him as he fidgets in his seat. His words are rushed, like he wants to get it all out before he forgets about it. "Because ... well you know, you have a boyfriend. And you kissed me when you were drunk, so your feelings from last night might not actually be the same as they are right now in this moment. I just want to make sure you're okay and-"

"I'm fine. I'm actually feeling pretty great about it," I interrupt his rambling. His shoulders relax and the feeling of relief washes over his face. My nerves are slowly building up as the next few words sit on the tip of my tongue until I'm ready to say them. "Last night changed a lot of things for me ... in a good way. That kiss ... I really enjoyed it. And if I'm being honest, I want to kiss you again."

"Well what the hell are you waiting for then?" Andy's voice startles me as he walks into the room from his hallway. His hair is wet from that quick shower he just took. His sweatpants sit low on his hips and he hasn't bothered to put a shirt on. He tosses his Gatorade bottle up into the air, letting it flip twice before catching it in his hand. "Kiss Harry. He's better than that douche nozzle you've been calling your boyfriend the past few years."

"Douche nozzle?" Harry looks over at me with an amused expression. "So that's where you got that 'insult' from."

I nod my head, my cheeks slightly red in embarrassment from Andy's comment. "I'm beginning to think pickle juice sounds better."

A/N: Hey hey! Anyone notice this chapter is (almost) completely new? Basically the same events happened, just a couple new ones and a change in the way it all played out. What do you guys think about it? About the story so far? Also that's a new manip up top 

And sorry for the delay in updates. A family member passed away, another has been in the hospital for a month, and I'm juggling two jobs so I've been too exhausted to even think about writing. Hope you guys aren't losing interest in the story, I'm still planning to finish it xx