Felicity

In the twenty seconds that my phone has to ring, I contemplate whether or not I actually want to answer it. Seeing my mother's name written at the top makes me hesitate. Knowing that she called me several times last night, all of which went to my voicemail because I was too drunk to know I owned a phone, isn't making this current situation easier. I know I need to answer it because it's my mother, but the topic of our upcoming conversation is not one that I want to have right now. 

As I hold the phone in my hand, my thumb hovering over the answer and ignore buttons, all I seem to be able to do is stare at the screen. I can already accurately predict the way this conversation will play out. I'll answer the phone and my mother will scold me for having ignored her previous calls. She will give me a lecture on how irresponsible I'm being and how I shouldn't have a phone if I can't even use it to answer her. And then of course she will get mad at me again for not being in California. 

I already know what's going to happen. Do I really need to talk to her right now?

"Are you going to answer that?" Harry's voice pierces through my thoughts. He takes a peek over at me from his seat behind the wheel, a skeptical expression written all over his face. "Or are you just going to keep staring at it? If you are, I'd rather you silence the ringtone. It's really fucking obnoxious."

As my twenty-second ringtone comes to an end, I exhale a deep breath and tap on the green circle at the bottom of the screen.

"Erm," I clear my throat as my voice surprises me by coming out a bit hoarse. "Hello?"

"Felicity Jane!" The sound of my mother's angry voice travels through the phone and echoes in my ear. "I cannot believe you right now! You have some explaining to do!"

Sitting in the car with Harry as he listens to me get scolded by my mother is going to be the most embarrassing thing to happen in my life. He may only be able to hear one side of this conversation, but I would rather he not hear any of it. He's going to get his first taste of what it's like to deal with my mother. It will probably shock him. He didn't have the pleasure of listening to my conversation with her yesterday, so this will be interesting.

"I ... uh. What explaining?" I'm hesitant to speak. I have an idea of where this can go, but I'm also unsure of what she's going to say. I can't help but pick at the thin fabric of the blanket around my legs.

"Who is Harry? Why are you gallivanting around the country with some guy that is not Colton? Do you realize how bad this makes you look?" 

She's irate and she seems to be talking a mile a minute. The moment Harry's name left her mouth, I nearly lost track of everything else she had to say. How does she know his name? I didn't tell her yesterday. All I said was that I was traveling with Louis Tomlinson's friend.

"You should not be spending that much time with a guy that isn't your boyfriend. You told Colton you'd be in Los Angeles in three days, yet you've changed your mind last minute to be on some joyride with a stranger," my mother continues to speak, her voice growing angrier with each word that comes out. "What have your sleeping arrangements on this trip been so far? Have you been sleeping in separate rooms? I can't believe my child has grown up to be so irresponsible and foolish. I knew attending a college in the city would ruin your behavior."

The volume of my phone must be much louder than I think because by the look on Harry's face, it's safe to assume he can hear every word my mother says. He looks sad and upset, as if he's the one being scolded. I know he's doing his best not to listen in on my conversation, but with the tiny space we're in, it's hard to ignore. 

"Mom, you're asking so many questions. I can't keep track."

"I received a call from Colton yesterday. He's worried about you, Felicity. He hasn't seen you in a few months and he's patiently waiting for you to get there, but you seem to be having more fun with a random guy that isn't your boyfriend. Who's idea was it to travel with him? How could you not have known that it would put your relationship in jeopardy?"

"Wait," I shake my head as I process all of what she's just said. "Colton called you?"

Annoyance builds up within me as I take in the situation. Why does Colton think he has the right to call my mom? I'm not a child. Just because things aren't going his way, doesn't mean he has to find another way to get me to do what he wants. I'm sure he assumed that my mother would have a big influence over my actions. Had this been just last week, I definitely would have jumped at the snap of my mother's fingers. But now, now that I'm a little more aware of the crap going on around me, I have no desire to do what she says.

She may be my mother but I'm nineteen. She technically doesn't have authority over what I decide to do. 

"Of course he called me. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he wasn't concerned for your well-being? Christ, Felicity, you shouldn't be out doing what you're doing with another man. I did not raise you to be a little sl-"

"I'm not doing anything," I finally interrupt her scolding. 

I can feel Harry's eyes on me, watching and waiting to see if anything goes south. I wonder what's going through his mind as he listens in on it all. Does he side with my mother? Does he think she's crazy? Maybe I am being irresponsible.

The only thing I can't wrap my head around is the fact that Colton called my mother to check on me. He had to have lied right through his teeth to make her think he's waiting patiently for me to arrive. He's been anything but patient. He's been demanding and manipulative and self-centered. And I don't believe him for one second when he claims to be concerned for my well-being. With everything that's been going on, I'm honestly beginning to question this 'relationship' I have with him.

Colton lied right to my mother over the phone, making him seem like he's a nice little boy waiting for his girlfriend to visit him. If he could do that so easily, what lies has he been telling me over the phone in the past year that we've been on different sides of the country? I'm already questioning if he lied to me about not being able to visit for the break when he just texted me about having been able to go to Florida. Money has never been an issue for him, so why did I believe everything he ever said about not having enough money to do things? 

Harry startles me as he sets his hand on my forearm, giving it a light reassuring squeeze and offering a faint smile. He's always so sweet to me. And I still can't get over the fact that something so small from him has such a large influence over me. His touch instantly calms me, and the stress I feel from speaking with my mother suddenly flies out the window. I'm more relaxed and at ease. As I glance up at him, our eyes meet for just a fraction of a second. In that short amount of time, that connection we shared in St. Louis makes another appearance. This time it's brief and disappears in an instant, but it was as if it made itself present just to let us know it still exists.

"Oh so now you're not doing anything?" My mother's shrill voice pierces through the air, ripping apart such a peaceful moment. My immediate reaction is to pull away from Harry, frowning as he lets go of my arm. "Felicity, do explain what's going on. I'd love to know."

"I don't have anything to explain. Nothing needs an explanation. I told you yesterday that I'm on the road with one of Louis Tomlinson's friends. His name is Harry and he's a really nice guy," I exhale a shaky breath as I stare out the window beside me. Somehow I can't bring myself to look at Harry while I speak with my mother. "And of course I am aware that Colton is waiting for me, but ... if there is anyone that is jeopardizing this relationship, it's him. Not me. I haven't done anything wrong."

"You are doing everything wrong! I don't care if this Harry is a nice guy. Do you realize how bad this makes you look? Suddenly you're making horrible decisions and it's only come after you met this stranger. Look at how negative his influence is on you!"

"I'm not making bad decisions! I haven't gotten arrested or killed anyone. That's a bad decision. I'm only traveling across the country and stopping in places I haven't been before. It's not a crime to want to explore new cities," I use my thumb and index finger to pinch the bridge of my nose. As I close my eyes, I exhale a frustrated sigh. Nothing I say will get through to my mother. She will never understand what's going on. "Harry's influence is far from negative. I haven't had this much fun in life in a long time. I'm finding myself throughout this trip. He's helping me to realize what it is that I want and where I want to be. Is that really such a crime?"

There's a pause on the end of the line. It's entirely possible that my newfound confidence to speak up to my mother has shocked her. I never talk to her like this. Usually I go along with everything she tells me, but right now I'm standing my ground and saying how I feel. There's an odd sense of pride within me now. 

"You're out of control. I don't know what's gotten into you, Felicity, but this is absurd. Finding yourself? People don't find themselves. That's foolish," I can hear my mother scoff in the background. 

She continues to talk but I'm not listening. Her scolding and lecturing has worsened the headache I already have. I lean back against the seat and sigh, loud enough for it to feel slightly satisfying yet not loud enough for my mother to hear on the phone. 

Everything she says to me always makes me feel like crap. I don't know if it's the things she has to say or just her tone of voice. Now that I think about it, she has always talked to me like I'm not good enough. She makes it seem like the only thing I have going for me in life is my relationship with Colton, as if he's the best thing to happen to me. I wish she could see it from my point of view. I wish she could see the things I'm beginning to take notice to.

Harry reaches over once again, this time taking a hold of my hand. He laces his fingers with mine and gently squeezes. There's nothing about the gesture that's romantic. It's comforting, almost like he wants me to know he's here if I need a shoulder to lean on. As I glance over at him, he smiles. His eyes are soft and his cheeks have the tiniest tint of pink. When he speaks, his voice is loud enough for me to hear but too quiet for the phone to pick up. 

"Take a deep breath. Don't let it bother you."

If he wasn't driving, I'd ask him for a hug. 

"Felicity!" My mother's voice yanks me back to my current situation with her. I tuned out her lecturing so well that I forgot we're on the phone together.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"My god. What is wrong with you? I agreed to let you go on this trip instead of spending the holidays with your own family because I thought you would be spending it with Colton. You haven't even gotten to California and it's been a week since you left! Why would you spend your time with some guy that doesn't care about you like your boyfriend does?"

"Pretty sure I care more about her than the fucking boyfriend," Harry irritatedly huffs, mumbling the words as if he's speaking directly to my mother. I'm not sure if he meant for me to hear it because he doesn't bother to look over at me. His grip around the steering wheel tightens, mirroring the upset expression written on his face.

"What was that?" My mother questions, her voice full of skepticism and annoyance. "Is someone there with you? Is it that boy, Harry?"

I shake my head and groan. Why am I continuing to have this conversation if it's doing nothing but making me feel like crap?

"No, Mom. It's ... it's just the radio. Listen, I have to go. Don't worry about me. I'm safe, I'm happy, and I'm being responsible. I'll call you later."

I hang up the phone without waiting for her to respond and toss the device behind my seat. If I can't reach it, I won't be able to answer anymore calls. This trip so far is beginning to make me hate my phone. All it does is ring and vibrate and show me all the text messages and missed calls from people I don't want to talk to. The only good call I've had was from Sierra in Nashville, and it feels like centuries ago that we spoke.

The next time I see my mother, it's not going to be a pleasant reunion. Maybe I won't come home for a while. After my winter holiday, I don't have another break until spring break, and I hope by then I have plans to be somewhere other than New York. 

With all that is going on, I can only hope and pray that Colton and my mother have not brainwashed my dad into this. As much as my dad seems to like Colton, he isn't like my mom. He can't be easily persuaded by a boy that's dating his only daughter. My dad is nicer and more aware of how I feel about things. He's just as strict as my mother, but they are far from being similar in personality. 

"Are you okay?" 

I look up to see Harry watching me with concern. There's an uneasiness visible in his facial features, like he's ready to pull over on the side of the highway if I need him to. I shrug my shoulders and lean against the window.

"Not really, but I'll be fine. I just can't believe he called my mom. Who does that?"

"Yeah ... that's kind of a dick move."

"A little," I nod my head as a light laughter escapes my lips.

Harry is quiet for a moment, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and biting down on his bottom lip before he hesitantly speaks up. 

"I do care about you. You know that, right?"

Slowly nodding my head, a small smile makes its way onto my face. "I do."