Me: devo ammettere che mi manca il vostro spettacolo… dovrei rischiare di svenire più spesso.

Newt: e poi picchiarmi? Evita, grazie.

Me: comunque, Доброе утро! Как дела?

Tutti: Хорошо!

Grindie: ma cosss?

Me: ho chiesto “come state?” e mi hanno risposto “bene”. OGGI IMPARIAMO UNA PAROLA RUSSA NUOVA! Город!

Tutti: Gorat!

Albus: e cosa significa?

Me: “città”. Come avrete di certo capito…

Newt: …non lo avrà capito nessuno, dato che non studiano russo…

Me: …quando la “o” non è accentata, si legge “a” e…

Fra: *fa partire una canzone a caso*

Me: PORCO CRONO, FRA! PERCHÉ PROPRIO “Secret Love Song, Pt. II”? *Piange e canta nello stesso momento* (//EdaMadda sei un genio)

Newt: pfff, piange per una canzone!

Newt: …
Newt: *gli scivola una lacrima*

Tutti: *piangono*

Grindie: pfffffffffffff! È una canzone!
*Si gira e si asciuga le lacrime*

Me: WHY CAN'T YOU HOLD ME IN THE STREET? WHY CAN'T I KISS YOU ON THE DANCE FLOOR? I WISH THAT IT COULD BE LIKE THAT, WHY CAN'T WE BE LIKE THAT? 'CAUSE I'M YOURSSSS!

Fra: *toglie la canzone* qui ci stiamo deprimendo.

Nonna: e poi ga sum mí, che nun capisi nient di 'sta rop. (//Un biscotto a chi traduce questa frase. Dai, è facilissima!)

Me: *smette di fontanare (//nel vocabolarioh!)* Oggi cominciamo con la rubrica “Ti LANCIO una canzone!”

Newt: a posto allora.

Me: Newt Ciclato Scamander, vuoi iniziare tu?

Credence: *spinge Newt* SUUUU! LA VEETA È BELLA!

Grindie: ancora mi chiedo come io sia finito qui.

Newt: pfff, eri geloso di me perché pensavi che ti avrei preso il tuo Al!

Tutti: UUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Nonna: *chiama il nonno* ué! Va' che mi nun turni minga a casa, che chí c'è 'na roba che mi ha fatto passare la voglia di guardar ul “Beautiful”!

Me: bene, intrighi amorosi a parte, vogliamo iniziare?

Newt: daje, che devo fare?

Me: “ti LANCIO una canzone”. Cosa dovrai mai fare?

Newt: cantareh?! Miei dei…

Me: suh! Scegli una canzone!

Newt: …va bene. *Parlotta con Fra* *torna sul palco* NON DITEMI CHE SONO BANALE.

Me: *alza le mani e si siede in prima fila*

Newt:

Newt: What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m on your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright *comincia a scendere dal palco*

My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind *si avvicina a Tina*

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
'Cause I give you all, all of me
And you give me all, all of you

Me: *sclera malissimo*

Newt: How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I’m around through every move
You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you *prende Tina e la fa girare*

My head's under water but I am breathing fine.
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.

'Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All tour perfect imperfections.
Give your all to me,
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all, all of me

And you give me all, all of you (//e dopo questa vado ad ordinare un Newt su Amazon)

Tina: *arrossisce*

Tutti: *standing ovation*

Nagini: *si alza di scatto* SHE'S BLUSHING! (//Altra possibilità per comparire in un capitolo: capire il riferimento)

Me: *si scioglie sulla sedia* CRONO. CI SONO. Teen? Tu la devi dedicare a tua figlia.

Tina: mh… d'accordo… *va a parlare con Fra* *fa cenno a Queenie e all'Autrice di salire con lei sul palco*

I, I have known love before 
I thought it would no more 
Take on a new direction 

Still, strange as it seems to be 
It's truly new to me 
That affection

I, I don't know what you do
You make me think that you
Will change my life forever

I, I'll always want you near
Give up on you, my dear I will never

Tutte e tre: You thrill me, you delight me
You please me, you excite me
You're all that I've been yearning for
I love you, I adore you
I lay my life before you
I only want you more and more
And finally it seems my lonely days are through
I've been waiting for you

Tina: I'll carry you all the way
And you will choose the day
When you're prepared to greet me
I'll be a good mum, I swear
You'll see how much I care
When you meet me (//sto piangendo guys, aiuto)

Tutti: You thrill me, you delight me
You please me, you excite me
You're all that I'd been yearning for
I love you, I adore you
I lay my life before you
I only want you more and more

And finally it seems my lonely days are through
I've been waiting for you
Oh...
I've been waiting for you

Tutti: *standing ovation* *cascate del Niagara*

Newt: *quello che piange più di tutti*

Grindie: E BASTA! SIETE RIDICOLI! *si mette le mani sulla faccia, ma in realtà è per non farsi vedere mentre piange*

Jacob: vado io, su! Un po'di allegria!

Credence: dopo questa ti meriti il diploma, amico.

Jacob: pf, Fra?

Fra: *gli fa il pollice in su*

Jacob:

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one two three
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like four three two
You'll be there
'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Whoa, whoa
Oh, oh
Yeah, yeah

If you tossin' and you're turnin' and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song
Beside you

And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will
Remind you

Ooh
Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one two three
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like four three two
You'll be there
'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Oh, oh
Yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go
Never say goodbye
You know you can

Count on me like one two three
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like four three two
And you'll be there
'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Oh, oh
You can count on me 'cause I can count on you

Tutti: *standing ovation*

Me: Queen?

Queenie: subito, dearie! (//Riferimenti aaahhh)

Quick kid quick, so harsh and cynical
Touches stricken, cold and clinical
What a transformation to behold
But I don't like this new, I want the old

It's not the words that make it final
You've said such things such things before to rival them
But it's how you say 'em now that's changed
Cold but sympathetic all the same

Lie to convince me that I'll be better off
Oh, you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier
You go on, yeah, you go on
You'll be gone and I'll be happier

Shoot me with your rubber bullets
Your finger's on the trigger, pull it
I know you want this suffering to end
So it is forgivable my friend

It's all to convince me that I'll be better off
So you go on and I'll be happier,
You go on and I'll be happier
You go on, yeah, you go on
You'll be gone and I'll be happier

Bo bo ba do bo
Bo bo ba do bo da da da

Say what you mean, what you mean
'Cause you'll be happier without me, without me, without me, oh

You won't convince me, that I'll be better off
So you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier
You go on, you go
You'll be gone, and I'll be gone
You go on and I'll be happier, you go on and I'll be happier
You go on, you go on, you go on and I'll go on and I'll be happier
You on and I'll be happier, you go on and I'll be happier

You go on, and I'll be happier

Tutti: *piangono* *standing ovation* GOLDEN BUZZ! GOLDEN BUZZ!

Me: professore, Grindie?

Grindie: no, aspetta, perché noi in due?

Me: hehe *dice a entrambi qualcosa all'orecchio*

Albus: uuuhhhh ok!

Grindie: va bene. Solo perché le v-v-v-voglio b-b-b-bbb-

Me: Willy Wonka is back. Bene!

Grindie: LO HAI DETTO TU! *Sale sul palco*

Albus: *fa spallucce e lo segue* uno…due…tre…

Entrambi: EdaMadda, ECCO A TE!

Grindie: All damn night I was here waiting
Cooked your favorite, dressed up real nice
I know you were with her, I know that you kissed her
You came home late and I was so mad
Had my break up speech ready then you kissed my face 
It's the way you persuade me

Albus: You're dirty, disgusting
But I can't get enough of your loving
Boy, I hate you, really hate you
My momma said I shouldn't date you
You cheatin', you lyin', I know that you're hiding two cellphones
But boy, right before I say that it's the end

Grindie&Albus: You sweet talk me again, yo
I don't wanna be friends, no
Why am I such a fool when it comes to you?
A, B, C, D, E, F.U.

Albus: All my friends say I'm a sucker
Can't explain it's complicated
I wish you were dead 'till you take me to bed
You're so good, so good
You lead on my love, oh, them brown eyes and that body
I'll get my revenge, take my key to your Benz

Grindie: You're dirty, disgusting
But I can't get enough of your loving
Boy, I hate you, really hate you
My momma said I shouldn't date you
You cheatin', you lyin', I know that you're hiding two cellphones
But boy, right before I say that it's the end

Grindie&Albus: You sweet talk me again, yo
I don't wanna be friends, no
Why am I such a fool when it comes to you?
A, B, C, D, E, F.U.

Grindie: I wanna say "shoo, shoo"
I wanna say "screw you"
I practice my lines in the mirror
Then you smile, that's my killer
So I say "love you" and "baby, I need you"
'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous
And cupid ain't coming to warn us

Albus: You're dirty, disgusting
But I can't get enough of your loving
Boy, I hate you, really hate you
My momma said I shouldn't date you
You cheatin', you lyin', I know that you're hiding two cellphones
But boy, right before I say that it's the end

Grindie&Albus: You sweet talk me again, yo
I don't wanna be friends, no
Why am I such a fool when it comes to you?
A, B, C, D, E, F.U.

Pubblico: *standing ovation*

EdaMadda: *attacco cardiaco*

Yusuf: *fa per rianimarla*

EdaMadda: NO.

Me: bene! A domani avec WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Me: sono morta a “It's Credence the big question”. Me lo immagino, dopo questa frase d'effetto, a dire…

Credence: SEI FELICE QUANDO ARRIVI ALLA FINE DELLA DEPRESSIONE!