The sun was just beginning to sink deep in the hills of Devon when Sirius decided it would be nice to go on a walk.

"Wanna go on a walk?" Sirius asked, standing up from the large oak he and Remus' were leaning on. They found it and both of their minds roamed to the tree near the Black Lake ("Ugh, just imagine what my mother would say," Sirius groaned when he first found out the name of it when he was 11, " 'of course us Black would have our respectable spots for all of eternity on the grounds of Hogwarts.' " he then mocked in a shrill voice) causing them to be instantly drawn to it.
"Was about to ask you the exact same thing." Remus replied, standing up too. The two stood beside each other, neither bothering to move as their elbows knocked, signifying that they were standing a bit too close
"Rem, are you taking your pills?" Sirius asked lightly. He couldn't lie and say he wasn't worried, because he was, and it was slowly eating away at him. He remembered he had tried a couple of other anti-depressants before he found one that slightly helped. It didn't push away all of his problems- obviously- but it wasn't slap bang in his face anymore. They were fuzzed around the edges and only haunted his nights, he shivered when the were near and blocked his ears when they screamed, but they were still there. It's so much more easier to pretend to think your absolute perfection then actually believe it. Sirius learnt that the hard way. Now, he was going to shield Remus and try to pull him through the mud.
"Yes." Remus said stiffly. He avoided Sirius' gaze with his life.
"And is it working?"
"I don't know, I don't feel like shit all the time, but I don't know if that's because of the pills or because yo- I mean, we're on this trip." Remus let his tongue run away with the words, and nearly said 'you're here'. He wondered if perhaps it was tru- no, wait, it couldn't be. He didn't deserve it, not now and probably not ever, but that's not what Sirius thought. Sirius thought Remus deserved the moon and stars, he'd always put people before himself, but sometimes that just wasn't good for him, so surely he deserved a ray of light. Soon enough, Sirius knew he couldn't offer that, he couldn't give Remus the happiness he deserved.
"Well, don't worry. I'm here." Sirius gave Remus a friendly punch on the shoulder, just like he used to when they were young skedaddling kiddies.
"I don't get it though." Remus finally said after a few seconds of thought.
"Don't get what?"
"Why you're still here with me." Remus looked at Sirius for any signs that may confirm his suspicions. But they weren't there. Instead, there was a look of... Of something unrecognisable. It looked as if he felt sick and... Was it a sort of guilt, like as if he left a job unfinished?
"I'm here because I can't... I can't just leave you. That's fucking messed up. I've told you so many times that I wouldn't let you be here alone for the world, as cheesy as it may sound." Another silence followed. Another eternity, it felt like. Sirius felt two arms wrap around him just underneath his shoulders. He also felt two knees bend.
"You're tryna make me feel shorter than I actually am, aren't you?" Sirius heard his voice crack and he knew he was on the verge of tears. Cuddles and hugs were very different in Sirius' opinion. Cuddles were cute, and great when the Winter wind blows, a crackling log fire warming the tips of your nose. Hugs were so versatile, when you needed a shoulder to cry on; Sirius doesn't actually remember the last he felt the comforting heat from a hug, but Remus' one felt so... Beautiful. For a split second, problems ceased to exist.
"Thank you and let me hug you in peace. You're like a really fluffy puppy."
"I don't smell like one though, right?" Sirius said, pulling his head out of Remus' chest.

"You know, whenever it's the full moon, I have an urge to rip curtains." Remus sighed, staring up at the moon. He never actually tore curtains, he just, if he was near one, play with the edges.
"Is that why you fiddle with the hem?" Sirius poked Remus in the ribs. Remus gave a quick "hush, you" then bit the inside of his lips. The stars hung in the sky so clearly (which is not something Remus was used to), but his mind had to roam to the darker parts. The memory of that fist. Who's hand was it? It may not seem like big deal, but for Remus, he'd had so many unanswered questions for so long, that he would to anything for the truth. He could call his mum, but he didn't want to stress her out or cause her to have a panic attack. Also, what was he supposed to say? "Hullo, mum, I was just wondering if you remembered this hairy fist trying to murder the table in our dining room?". He couldn't just say it like that! Pictures flashed in his head like a broken projector, each one more horrifying than the last; it could've been someone that hurt him, or worse, someone who hurt her. He felt his chest tighten and lungs become plastic bags. Air was running out and he started to shake like a leaf.
"Remus- wait, Remus!" Sirius sat up as Remus had a couple of seconds ago. He knew what was happening to Remus. A panic attack.
"Remus, breathe. Just, in and out. Try to breathe." Sirius said frantically. He put a hand on Remus' shoulder and shook it. He moved himself so Remus could see him sitting in front of him. Remus stated dig his fingers in the dirt.
"You're having a panic attack, you know that, and I promise you that there's nothing to be worried or- or scared about."
"Go, l-leave." Remus choked, pointing to the car.
"No, no, no. I'm staying here for as long as you need, which won't be long because this won't last for an eternity. I'm here." After no more than a minute, Remus' breathing started to regulate. He felt his eyes swim with tears; Sirius just saw everything.
"Don't worry. I'm still here." Sirius gave him a fierce hug.

panic attacks succ. also, i'm on holiday (i got a new phone) so yeah. i'm actually leaving day after tomorrow, so this is my fifth day here.
see you next millennium.