disclaimer: self harming blades mentioned. read at your own risk.

"Call her Charley, I do. No, come on, she looks like a Charley!" Sirius insisted after seeing the look on Remus' face. Charley was black Range Rover, with a certain elegance wavering around it. Maybe it was the silver lining the edges, or perhaps the crystal clear windows. Whatever it was, Sirius loved it more than his own body, and that's saying something.
"Charley? Looks like a Range Rover to me." Remus raised one eyebrow at the car. It seemed like you could crash it easily seeing as it was so big.
"Don't be smart with me, you arse. It looks like one of those cars you'd see in those music videos those spoilt kids would make, you know, like that Cash Me Ousside girl. Really fancy." Sirius explained, brushing his fingers past the smooth paint. It was his second car, his first being a shitty red Honda. He hated the car and was glad when he found out he could afford a Range Rover with the money from his job and the price his car was going up for.
"How much did you pay for it?" Remus asked. It did look fancy and expensive, so it was quite the mystery how Sirius had it. His job as a bartender was low paying, but he had been doing it for long, and Remus didn't think his car would go up for lots.
"The girl there, she gave me a proper good discount. It didn't even take that much negotiating. She kept brushing her hair back-" Sirius was about to get in to the whole story, but he couldn't.
"So now you find her super sexy and you want fuck her?" Remus interrupted, raising both eyebrows. He felt a snake in the pit of his stomach, slithering and hissing with jealousy. No, Remus thought, that's just how normal friends think for each other when a female gets involved.
"Jesus, fuck no! I mean, she was pretty, but I'm not... attracted to her. I don't see her as the romantic pretty. Plus, she kinda looked like a basic bitch." Sirius shrugged at the end. The girl's dyed blonde hair, heavy make up and extremely skimpy clothing made it hard for Sirius to trust her. She could be super humble and nice, but he would never be able to know that as Sirius rushed out as soon as the car was sold.
"It's a nice car, I guess, but you're sure we won't like die or anything?" Remus repeated for the umpteenth time that weekend.

But today they were actually leaving. As if it was picked on purpose, today was one of those days Remus didn't feel like breathing. The sheets were bundled tightly around him, as if he was in a cocoon of his own insecurities.
"Oi, Remus, are you- oh." Sirius opened the door in a loose tee and skinny black jeans, only to be greeted by an I'm-Feeling-Shit Remus. Sirius entered the room and shut the door soundlessly behind him. He knew Remus was awake because he never slept with the sheets so tight or all around him. It pained him like a familiar blade seeing Remus like this, for he knew the feeling could almost feel like hell.
"What's going on, Remus? What you feeling?" Sirius sat down awkwardly on the edge of Remus' bed. A wave of uncertainty washed over him, this seemed like a very dad thing to do. Dads are meant to support, even though Sirius' didn't, as are best friends. So its not weird. Yeah, it's not. Still, Sirius was replied with silence.
"One of those days, huh? The days that make you feel like a worthless piece of shit even when your not. The days that get... devoured, by grey clouds, even if it's bloody shining outside. It goes away, soon enough anyway, you don't go through this alone. I promise." Sirius whispered the last bit. Remus still heard it, and he crumpled, tears streaming down his face. He ruins everything. The world would be better without him. Why can't God end him now?
"Fuck everything." Remus mumbled from the many layers above him. Scratching his hands violently became a habit of his when he needed to vent. It was a bad habit. Deep, scarring scratch marks were etched upon his legs and even his stomach. The most terrifying ones were one his arms. Resembling claw marks, each one was like a mirror to his past.
"We don't have to go today, you know. We don't have to go at all. It was probably just a stupid idea of mine anyway, I-"
"We're going today. Don't think about me. I'm getting the fuck over it." Remus couldn't disappoint Sirius now. That was sick and twisted.
"Moony-" Sirius' expression softened. He knew what Remus was doing. Remus hated disappointing, even though he never did, and would always punish himself when he thought he did. Sirius didn't want him to feel like that. During their time at school, everyone would call Remus 'nerd' or 'study dick' but really, Remus was terrified he wouldn't do well enough for his family.
"I said we're leaving. No matter how fucking long it takes, we're leaving today." Remus finalised with a certain sharpness in his voice. Sirius exhaled, and stared to get up. When reaching the door, something on the desk caught his attention. It was a packet of blades (Sirius remembered back in school they did paper cutting art where they cut out a pattern with craft blades and stuck it on to spray painted paper, Remus said he hated it) except it was empty. He picked it up and his eyebrows knitted together tightly.
"Siri, what are you doing?" Sirius didn't reply. He went around lifting papers and pencil pots. Remus stayed silent during this, he knew Sirius would soon give up. But, of course, he didn't. Sirius was determined to find whatever he needed. After minutes of frantic searching, Sirius found an extremely small square shaped lid sort of thing pressed on to the table. He looked at Remus one last time before he pulled it open. What he found inside made his eyes become glassy. Just what he was hoping not to find. A large, blood stained blade.
"Remus?" Sirius croaked. No. No, no, no! He should've known. He should've helped sooner. Remus didn't reply, he only started to scratch his hands.
"I'm sorry." Remus hardly believed it. Why was Sirius saying sorry?
"What?" Remus looked up. Sirius was clutching the blade harder and harder.
"Stop, wait, stop!" Remus yelled as he saw beads of blood forming on Sirius' pale hands. Sirius realised what he was doing and quickly stopped. He looked at Remus with one word clearly dotted among his face.

Why?

all the worst updaters, all the worst updaters, put you hands up. my hands are up. shit chapter, shit writing, sozzz. also, sorry about the almost furious writing about dads, just needed to vent that little bit. if you were unable to read this chapter but still decided to read the a/n, i really just want you to now that you're fucking worth the whole world. my confidence has grown so much because of the love and support that you guys give me with all your reads and votes. it hurts like hell knowing that some people feel like shit and i can't do anything. i've battled through depression and other sorts of mental illnesses and it was horrible. if you feel the need to speak to someone, i promise that i'll help you even if it's the last thing i do. all of you are my world. every single vote and read makes my days gems.

oh, and sorry if i sounded like an attention seeking bitch in my last author's note when i was talking about comments. you don't have to comment if you don't want to lol.
see you next millennium.