4 - The Most Beautiful Thing

4 - The Most Beautiful Thing

Rena's POV

I loved Noah from the first moment I laid eyes on him and I will never forget the day he was born. It may have been the most miserable December day of that year, with snow already on the ground and temperatures just around zero with a killer wind-chill.

Light pains in my abdomen woke me up that morning, but they didn't alarm me too much since I had had cramps on and off for days. Dr. Hayman had found everything to be normal when she had examined me during my routine check-up. 'It happens sometimes' she had reassured me. I was right on track with another month to go.

My head was pounding and I had a sore throat but dragged myself out of bed to call Doc to cancel my counseling appointment. He didn't go for it despite my pleading and nagging and an hour later, I sat across from him in his office on the couch.

"You don't look so hot," were his greeting words.

I sighed. "I told you on the phone I wasn't feeling well but just as usual, you didn't believe me."

He apologized with a crooked grin. "Truthfully, I thought you were just exaggerating."

I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"And since you are already here, we can as well get some work done. No need to burden the tax payer with an hour worth of wasted therapy."

Leaning back into the soft cushion, I stared at the ceiling. The pain had turned into a persistent throb that was drilling at my insides. I stroked my belly to calm the baby who had started to kick.

"So how was your week so far?" Doc asked.

"Fine."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Nope."

It was always the same game. He would ask a question and I responded as briefly as possible. We were in our seventh week of therapy and I had not opened up to him though I had truly tried to convince myself that he was there to help me. The sessions were a drag for the both of us but so far, he had bit his tongue, assuring me it would take time. All this was part of the healing process. At the rate we were going, it sure would take the full four years for me to be fixed.

"Tell me about school."

I exhaled through pursed lips. "School is still the same, Doc."

My new high school was dreadful. After my release from jail, my father had gone to my old private school to have me readmitted but they had blown him off. Apparently, I was no longer of good moral character and as a pregnant seventeen year old, not suited as a role model for the younger students. After talking to Mr. Rose, my probation officer, my dad and he had agreed for me to enroll in the local high school two blocks from my house. I was not consulted in the decision and resented it.

"How are you managing your work load?"

I gritted my teeth - what a question. They had put me back into junior year since I had missed over a month of school and would also be out of commission for a while after the birth of the baby. Yet, the curriculum was far less demanding than in my old school and I could have passed the senior year exams with my eyes closed. Those arguments had likewise been discarded by those who were running my life now without further consideration.

"It's fine, Doc. So far, I got all 'As' on my tests."

A sharp pain stabbed at my stomach and I cringed, fighting sudden nausea.

"What about making new friends?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "No, Doc. No friends." Sweat tickled me at the nape of my hair line.

"Isn't there even one girl you like?"

I shook my head and my arms instinctively cradled me when another sharp pain pierced at my side. A hiccup prevented me from throwing up.

Doc was on his feet. "Are you okay?"

The room was moving in and out of focus. "I think something is wrong. I'm having this pain."

His eyes went wide. "Oh my god, what am I supposed to do?" His fingers ran through his hair and he had paled by three shades.

"Relax Doc. I'm sure it's nothing. It doesn't feel like contractions, just a constant dull pain."

"I should call an ambulance."

That's the last thing I needed. Those calls were logged with the police and if my name was mentioned on the scanner, my dad would freak out.

"Call Kade. He'll know what to do."

Fifteen minutes later, I was wheeled into the emergency room, Doc by my side. Kade had insisted on him bringing me in to ensure that there were no serious complications with the pregnancy and on the way to the hospital, Doc had also called my dad with the result that I had three unnerved men hopping around me.

Kade took charge since he was the physician but his green eyes were still full of worry. The nurse hooked my up to a fetal monitor and read my vital signs. My blood pressure was through the roof but she couldn't tell me anything else.

My dad and Doc were banned to wait outside while Kade performed an ultrasound. He was about halfway through the examination when he was joined by a woman - Dr. Gainsberg. She was the obstetrician on duty and soon, they huddled over the images on the monitor, pointing to various spots.

"Let's get some blood work done to be sure."

A large syringe drew blood from the vein in the crook of my elbow while I kept my eyes squeezed shut - I could never handle needles well. Kade disappeared with the sample and when I asked Dr. Gainsberg what was going on, she evaded the question.

"We called your OB/GYN and she is on her way."

My dad and Doc were allowed back into the room and danced attendance on me despite my protest. Ice chips in a cup were placed on the nightstand next to the daily newspaper and my IPod. I was on the bed, rolled up in pain, with constant nausea crawling up and down my throat, just wishing for them to evaporate in thin air. When Dr. Hayman finally arrived and kicked them out again, I felt relief.

She made another ultrasound and reviewed my lab tests before giving me the verdict.

"You have something which is called HELLP syndrome. It's a form of toxemia which attacks the liver. I'm afraid we have to deliver the baby by C-section as soon as possible."

My mouth dried up. "Is he okay?"

She squeezed my hand. "I'm more concerned about you at the moment, Rena. There is already blood around your liver and I'll have you prepped for surgery immediately. The sooner we get the baby out, the better."

My heart threatened to jump from my chest as I shrank into my pillow. "But it's still a whole month."

"Don't worry, your son will be fine. He might have to stay in an incubator for a few days but that far into the pregnancy, there is usually no permanent damage to the baby."

Her words did nothing to ease my growing tension. "Where is Kade? I really need to speak to him."

"I'll get him for you." She turned the volume down on the fetal monitor before leaving the room.

I pulled the blankets closer around me, tears rolling down my cheeks. It was too early - I was not ready to be a mom. There was this class on the weekend before Christmas I had enrolled in that was to teach me all about caring for the baby and breastfeeding. My midterms were going to be next week and I would miss them. Hell - I hadn't even decided on a name for the baby yet.

The pop from the door brought me back to reality from my sullen thoughts and Kade lowered himself next to me on the bed.

"I'm scared, Kade." A sob battled my body, my voice barely audible under my tears.

His hands firmly enclosed mine. "Don't worry, Dr. Hayman is a really good doctor. Things will be OK."

My heart rate slowed down a little but there were still no guarantees. "I want to ask you a favor. Could you be his godfather?"

His eyes softened. "You mean that?"

I mustered a feeble smile. "You are my only friend left. Will you do it? If something happens to me, my father will need help and I couldn't imagine anyone else but you who I would trust with my son."

His thumb stroked the back of my hand. "I'd be honored."

My head was swimming. There was so much I wanted to tell him but didn't know where to start. Crazy thoughts were racing through my mind - what if the baby would be disabled or brain damaged from the early birth, what if he could never walk, or talk, or jump. Would I still love him? Maybe this was my punishment for killing Brent. Maybe God didn't agree with the jury and I deserved the death penalty. A life for a life - why else would this be happening to me?

My gloom finally ended when the nurses arrived and distracted me with surgery preparations. I was hooked up to tubes and more machines before being wheel to the surgery wing.

My fingernails clawed into Kade's skin. "Can you stay with me? I can't do this alone."

He nodded. "Sure."

The calmness of this one word was balm for my soul. As he pushed the bed along the corridors, my father and Doc were in a jog beside him. With a teary vision, I watched my three heroes, glad to have them in my corner. My spirits lifted, though not completely. There was still this nagging sensation that something could easily go wrong.

My father and Doc were left behind when the doors to the restricted section closed in their faces and Kade disappeared shortly thereafter. I glanced around. The smell of disinfectant was irritating my nose and the bright neon light bit my eyes. Despite the blanket, my teeth were clattering and my feet were like little frozen ice cubes. The needle, on the other hand, that they stuck into my arm to keep the tube in place burned like hell.

I clenched my jaw, talking softly to the baby. "Mommy loves you and can't wait to meet you." I wondered if he could sense the uncertainty since I was actually terrified. When Kade's hand grazed my shoulder, I jumped.

"Ready?"

He had changed into green scrubs and brought along a nurse. It was show time. With a pounding heartbeat that drowned out all other sounds, I was pushed into the operating room and many hands around me got busy. I was lifted onto a metal table and covered with a paper sheet.

"The anesthetic will totally numb your lower body," Kade explained. "There will be two injections - the first just into the top layer of your skin, so you don't feel anything when we'll give you the shot into your spinal cord."

The thought of a long needle being forced into my body was dreadful. He helped me up into a sitting position and I had to bend forward to hug my knees. He gently stroked my arm when the first needle pierced my skin. I whined when a burning pain spread across my back but it wasn't as bad as I had expected.

"That was the local anesthetic, now comes the spinal one."

I held my breath and felt the needle enter my body but surprisingly, it didn't hurt. The whole ordeal didn't even take a minute and I was allowed to lie back down before my legs were secured in stirrups.

"Will I be able to watch?"

Kade chuckled. "No. Most patients would probably pass out from all the blood. There will be a surgical divider placed between you and the operating team which will totally obscure your vision."

My eyes narrowed, of course I would be denied the fun part. A warm sensation was slowly spreading through my body and at some point, my legs began to tingle before becoming totally numb. Kade and Dr. Hayman exchanged a few low words and she was ready to begin.

The wait was driving me nuts. "How long will it take?"

"Only a few minutes," Kade said. Our fingers intertwined. "Try to take deep even breaths. There is nothing to be scared of."

I closed my eyes, biting my trembling lip. My heart pounded rhythmically in my chest, though twice as fast as usual. I forced myself to breathe. Shudders ran though my body and my ears tuned out the mumbling voices of the surgical team. The excitement was battling fierce exhaustion, yet, my whole body was about to break in half under the anticipation of the unknown.

There was a pull on my insides and a whimper filled the air. I gasped. Was that him? Than a cry, loud and strong. My heart overflowed, tears spilling from my eyes. This was really happening. The cries continued and I was getting restless, wanting to tear that damn surgical divider away.

"Where is he?"

Kade peeked around the barrier. "They are cleaning him up."

I balled my free hand to a fist, my teeth nibbling on my lip. "I want to see him."

There were tears in Kade's eyes. "It won't be long now. They have to run a few tests first to make sure he's healthy and doesn't need an incubator."

It seemed to take forever before someone called Kade's name and he left my side, just to reappear with a bundle in his arms. All I could see was a small face with two crystal blue eyes and a little button nose. My heart burst with love. It was the most amazing sight of my life.

I stretched out my arms, ignoring the pain when the tube almost tore from my vein. I was longing to hold my son who I had waited for so long to meet and for whom I had risked my freedom. When I finally cradled him against me, I couldn't hold back the waterfall of tears. In that moment, I knew it had all been worth it.

"Oh my god, he is beautiful."

Kade's grin had never been wider. "That he is and he is totally healthy. His Apgar scores were high and he is just a bit over five pounds. He won't need to go into an incubator."

The baby stirred in my arms and wrinkled his little nose. It took my breath away, my whole body floating on a blanket of sheer happiness. I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

"What's his name?"

Kade's question brought me down from my ecstasy, a boy like this deserved a strong, meaningful name.

I remembered the different Hebrew names we had just recently discussed in class. "I want to call him Noah. It means "comfort" and I always liked the story with the arc since it symbolizes a new beginning."

Kade couldn't take his eyes off him. "That's a great name."

"And his middle name will be Kade - after you."

Our eyes interlocked. "Thank you. I'll promise to be a good godfather to him."

Noah yawned and began to suckle with his little mouth.

"He's hungry." Kade glanced around the surgical divider again. "They are almost done stitching you up and then we can get you set up in a room, so you can start being a mother."

All of a sudden, the thought didn't scare me any longer. I had received the greatest gift of all, a healthy baby boy who I was going to love and protect with everything I got. I was always going to be there for him and if anyone ever intended him any harm, they would have to answer to me.


OK - how do you like it so far? I know that many of you wanted to be there when Rena's baby was born so I hope you weren't disappointed. I would be thrilled if you left me a comment as a little motivator. Don't forget the little star in the corner which always makes my day. Thanks for reading.

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