21 – More Trouble

Rena's POV

When I got home, my father only had to take one look at me to know that we had lost. The whole time we were driving back from the courthouse, the tears were streaming down my cheeks with the result that my eyes stung and my nose was stuffed up.

Noah was sitting in the living room, struggling with his shape sorter by trying to force a triangle block into a circle hole. A smile lit up his face when he saw me and he stretched out his little arm holding the block. "Mama."

His eyes were expectant and I battled the tears down with fierce. Yet, by the time I lowered myself next to him on the floor, my vision was blurred and I wiped my eyes with my sweater. He shouldn't have to see his mother's crying – especially since this was entirely my screw up.

"That's a triangle, baby." My voice trembled when my finger pointed at the triangle hole. "Try that one."

He gazed at me with his big blue eyes that were just like my own and the worry reflected in them cut painfully into my heart. I failed him – in all respects. When I put my own selfish needs above his by going to the party and leaving him with Alyssa, I endangered his wellbeing and now, I couldn't even protect him from Ryan anymore. In hindsight, my actions were totally reckless. What was wrong with me that I couldn't see this before?

My head snapped up when the kitchen door closed behind my dad and Kade. For a moment, I considered joining them, but the time with my son was precious and I was determined to spend any last second with him. Who knew when I would be allowed to see him again? The visits would be supervised, probably by that bitch Angela Davenport, and the mere thought that everything I did from here on forward would be scrutinized to its fullest sent bile up my throat.

Noah and I played mostly in silence. His tongue was firmly tucked between his teeth while he tried to find the right holes for his shapes through trial and error. After some probing and turning the shapes into the right position, he managed the task on most occasions and the blocks disappeared into the holes one by one, accompanied by clapping and giggles. He was smart – and I was one proud mom.

When he got tired, he climbed up on my lap and snuggled against me. A big yawn split his mouth apart before his thumb moved in between his lips. Lately, he preferred his fingers over his pacifier. Doc had said that this was a sign of stress, an unconscious signal that he was struggling with the custody arrangements, and cautioned that I should watch that. For today, my son would get away with it – those last few hours I had with him, I would not risk a tantrum. Let Charlotte deal with it.

His eyelids grew heavy and I hummed his favorite lullaby as I cradled him into my arms, my lips brushing over his blonde curls. My body rocked gently back and forth until his breath became even, only interrupted by an occasional smack when he suckled his thumb.

I scooted over to the couch to give my back some much needed support, careful not to wake him. The tears flowed again as soon as I rested my cheek against the leather cushion, my eyes fixed on the painting on the wall. It was a portrait of my mother when she was still in college.

After her death, I had stared at it for hours, hoping I could send her a message up to heaven. For the first few years, I had missed her so much, but those memories had faded and when I was old enough to understand what she had killed a whole family in her drunken head, I had started to hate her. Her addiction to alcohol had been stronger than her motherly instincts which sucked big time.

Now, I wasn't any better than her – my recklessness pretty much erased my chances to see my son growing up. A probation violation was just a matter of weeks – with the testimony of the private investigator, Marcus had enough to get Mr. Rose involved and if they would only find one person who had been at the party and who would confirm that I had been drinking, I was screwed.

A sob tore at my heart when I imagined how much Noah might miss me, yet the fear that Charlotte would manage to wipe out his memories of me within weeks were even harder to digest. Would he hate me, too, once he found out I had killed his father and had abandoned him because a night of fun had been more important than him.

"Rena." Kade's voice startled me half to death and I blinked at him through my tears.

His head signaled to the kitchen and he helped me on my feet when I realized he wanted to talk to me. Clutching Noah to my chest, I tiptoed to my room and blew a kiss on his forehead before lowering him into his crib. My eyes stayed on him while I backed away, the imminent loss robbing me of my breath. My teeth dug into the side of my hand to kill more sobs – I would probably go insane not having him around anymore at all.

The aroma of fresh brewed coffee flared my nostrils when I stepped into the kitchen and with a forced smile, I accepted the cup my dad was pushing towards me as soon as I slumped into the chair at the kitchen table. The coffee was hot and strong, just a little bitterer than I usually liked it. It burned the roof of my mouth when I took too big of a swallow, my throat tingling after gulping it down. By the time the warmth spread in my stomach, my senses were on high alert.

"So, your dad and I have been talking," Kade started the conversation.

"And?" I asked, trying to fake interest.

"We think your dad should disappear." He took a sip from his coffee, letting the words sink in. "With Noah."

The cup froze just below my lips. "That's insane, Kade." I shook my head, this would make matters worse. "It's still kidnapping if you don't have custody."

"I'm sure there is some type of a loophole if someone hides a child to prevent the commission of a crime." Kade tried to sound convincing but I didn't buy it. "At some point, we'll be able to prove that Ryan is abusive and the judge will be glad that we just didn't turn Noah over to him."

I squinted at him. "Is that what your mother said?"

His gaze dropped as he took another mouthful of his coffee. "I didn't talk to my mom."

"Kade, shouldn't we get at least some legal advice before doing this?" This could endanger my probation even more.

"Okay." He folded his arms over his chest and glared at me. "Do you have any other ideas?"

I gazed at my father. "Dad, what do you think?"

"I believe Kade is right," he said to my astonishment. "Noah will be in imminent danger under Ryan's roof and I'm for once not willing to take that chance."

My eyes darted to the window as I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh. "Couldn't you get fired for that?"

"It's just a job, Rena." He sounded perfectly calm, like this was something he had thought about long and hard. "For years, I have prioritized being a cop over my own family. What happened on Friday is at least partially my fault. I knew how important this party was for you and I should have taken off work when you asked me to. Hell, you hardly do anything for yourself and this one time..." His words trailed off when his voice became thick.

"You shouldn't blame yourself, dad. I should never have left Noah that night."

The sparkling wetness in his eyes was almost too much to handle. For the first time, I realized how much he had been suffering for the past few days.

"I know about the boy, Rena." He wiped over his face with the back of his sleeve, trying his hardest to keep his composure.

I glared at Kade. "You told him about Connor?" The anger flared by his betrayal, but was suffocated by his next words.

"My mom did. She got a last name from Patrice and wanted your dad to run him through the system."

A deep frown cut into my forehead at this new revelation – I was wondering what else had been going on in the background without my knowledge.

"I don't understand –." My protest was cut off before I could even get started.

"Look, Rena, all you have to know is that everyone has yours and Noah's best interest at heart. We are not the enemy here. Hiding Noah is the only way to make sure he stays safe."

I swallowed down a snappy reply, sucking in a deep breath to clear my head. After all, my dad and Kade were adults and probably knew best what to do here. If they felt it was necessary to have Noah drop off the radar for a while, who was I to criticize their decision? Kade was from a lawyer family who would have his and my dad's back if push came to shove. All what was expected of me was to play along.

"Okay, I'm in." I glanced at my dad and back to Kade. "So what's the plan?"

xxxx

When I woke up in the morning, cuddled up on the couch with a blanket, there was no sound in the apartment. I didn't need to check Noah's crib to know he wasn't there, nor my dad's bedroom. My eyes focused in on the clock sitting on the mantle above the heater – six am.

I curled my toes and pulled the blanket closer around me, trying to buy a few more minutes before facing the consequences of my latest actions. My eyes stayed on the hands of the clock as I counted down the minutes. I wondered what the judge would do to me – though I couldn't wait for Ryan's face when he found out that he had lost this round.

With a sigh, I finally jumped up, my body shivering when my feet hit the freezing bathroom floor. I purposely brushed my teeth for a very long time and flipped through a parenting magazine during an extended visit to the toilet, captured by an article about teething. Apparently, a fever was not uncommon and I had worried for nothing when Noah had run a temperature while a few new teeth came in a couple of months ago. No wonder Charlotte had just brushed it off, assuring me it was normal.

I hopped into the kitchen, fighting with the coffee maker to start my day. My eyes kept returning to the cell phone on the kitchen counter and at seven, I finally broke down and called Noel.

His voice was horse from his sleep when he picked up.

"Morning, Noel. It's Rena." I tried to add a sullen undertone to my words. "I thought you should know that Noah is gone."

He gasped and I could practically see him shoot up in bed. "What do you mean he's gone?"

"I woke up and he wasn't here anymore?" That sounded awfully nonchalant, but I had no idea how to phrase it any better.

He mumbled something under his breath. "God damn it, Rena, what did you do now?"

"Nothing." I felt the anger rising. Why did he automatically assume this had been my idea? "I swear I had nothing to do with this. Ask Kade."

There was a moment of silence. "My brother knows about this?"

"Look Noel." I wasn't actually sure how much to tell him. "All that matters is that Noah is gone. What do we do now? Tell the court?"

"I'll call Tivon and try to work something out. You have to cooperate with the authorities or they will violate your probation for sure."

"But I don't know anything."

"Cut the bullshit, Rena." He sounded furious. "This is really serious. Meet me at the courthouse at nine. I'll call Kade in the meantime and get to the bottom of this."

While I got dressed, I considered to run, but knowing my luck, they would have found me within a few hours and I would end up in jail. I had to face the judge and the Parks – if I wanted to or not – and hopefully, Noel would get me out of this bind.

There was no sign of Kade when I arrived at the courthouse and Noel ushered me into an empty courtroom.

"Tivon filed a writ of habeas corpus for us to produce Noah. The judge set an emergency hearing in half an hour to rule on the petition."

"What will happen if we don't turn him over?"

Noel shrugged. "I have no idea, but the court could hold you in contempt." Frustration was oozing from his eyes – he looked utterly defeated.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means they can lock you up until you tell them where Noah is."

I swallowed hard, this is not at all what I expected. Going to jail had not been part of the plan.

"I'm scared, Noel," I confessed.

He squeezed my hand. "Don't worry about it for now. We'll argue mental unfitness and get Doctor Sullivan involved."

I nodded with newly found hope, neglecting the worried expression on his face. The minutes to the court hearing ticked down in agonizing slowness – Noel was mostly on the phone, speaking with a hushed voice, while I sat on a bench with my heart beating in my throat. The fear of jail was floating in and out of my mind. My teeth kept me occupied, gnawing my nails down until I drew blood.

To my surprise, Ryan was alone when I stumbled into the hearing behind Noel. No sign of Charlotte at all. I sat at the respondent's table with my eyes glued to the floor while his gaze burned into me. Tivon appeared just as the judge walked in, panting like he was out of breath.

"All rise."

Mechanically, I obliged and waited while the judge said his good mornings.

Tivon jumped right into action as soon as everyone had retaken their seat. I avoided his stare as he went through his petition, my heart beating now so fast that I was scared it would zoom across the courtroom and hit him in the head if I just flinched a muscle.

"Mr. Fallon, what's your client's position?" the judge asked when he was done.

Noel jumped on his feet, shooting the other side a nasty glance. "Your Honor, my client doesn't know where the child is."

"Ms. Cooper, can you confirm this?"

I finally tore my eyes off the water pitcher on the desk and faced Judge Oaks.

"Yes, Sir."

Noel signaled me to stand and I slowly rose.

The judge glared at me in a way that sent a shiver down my spine. "Well, then I have no choice but hold you in contempt of court until such time you decide to cooperate." He turned towards the bailiff. "Bailiff, take Ms. Cooper into custody."

The dull thump of the gavel was the last thing to seal my fate. I was going back to jail – and judging from Ryan's gloating eyes, that was exactly what he had wanted.

Okay, we looped back to the beginning and you know now everything that happened between the time Rena was let loose after her sentencing and the moment she found herself back in front of the mirror with Doc in Chapter 1. A lot has happened - so let me know what you think overall how this story has been progressing. Also, don't forget to vote if this chapter deserved it :)

I apologize for the late update - the holidays have been busy which threw me back by miles. I will now start to republish the older chapters after some editing, so you will get updates twice a week until we are caught up. After that, here are about nine chapters left, so stay tuned for some action and plot twists.

Thanks for all your support with this story. For the moment, I have decided to take a break after this book from Rena's quest, so I am not sure if/when the third book will be published. Follow me for the latest updates and future projects and if you want to read another domestic violence story, don't forget to check out 'When The Past Catches Up'. 

Thanks for reading and see you again on Wednesday :)