This chapter is dedicated to winterstar5 who provided some very valuable comments to the first book and the novella. Thanks for all your support and    insight :)

18 – Valentine Dance

Rena's POV

Even after Alex joined our forces, the custody fight dragged on. She watched Ryan like a hawk, but he played by the rules and stayed away from Noah when he was with Charlotte. After she voluntarily forfeited her visitation on his birthday – she felt that I deserved to be there with him on his special day – I decided to ease up.

It was the first time that I could actually picture her being a part of Noah's life. He had turned into a very happy child and was thriving and my motherly instincts began to consider what was best for him, battling more and more my pride and stubbornness.

Since Patrice had left for college, I felt alone again. Kade made himself rare and we hardly saw each other. School was still a drag, making my therapy sessions with Doc my highlights of the week. We had reached a new milestone and we were talking, but more like old friends who had known each other for years. There was a new respect I appreciated, though it was still incredibly painful to talk about my feelings.

One of those days, he asked if I could ever picture myself having a boyfriend again.

'What the hell,' was my first thought, but considering that I was only nineteen, the question seemed reasonable.

"Honestly, Doc, I don't know," I replied. "I'm not sure if I can ever trust a guy enough not to hurt me."

He studied me over his reading glasses. "Fair enough, but you still have your whole life ahead of you, so sooner or later, you might meet someone who is interested in you and who you might even like. What do you expect him to do to convince you that he is worth a chance?"

I shrugged, but he shook his head like he usually did when he didn't like my response and was not intending to change the subject.

That earned him an eye roll. "I don't know." I sighed. "This is just a hypothetical scenario that might never happen. Maybe I become a nun and lock myself away in a convent."

He laughed. "I don't envy the head nun. You probably start a mutiny with your attitude."

My jaw dropped, but the twinkle in his eyes suggested that he was only trying to get a rise out of me. I let it slide.

"What do you think needs to happen for me to trust a guy again?" I asked instead.

"Well." He puckered his lips in thought. "I think first of all, you have to trust yourself again. You're still full of self-blame that you didn't see the signs and when Brent showed his true colors, you were not strong enough to turn away. You're scared that it'll happen again and that's holding you back."

I avoided his eyes when I fought a lump in my throat. Of course, I blamed myself – I was plain stupid.

"What you have to realize it that you were very young, emotionally neglected and in desperate need for someone to love you," he said. "This made you a prime candidate for Brent's manipulation."

I played with my fingernails, unable to look at him. "I still think it was partially my fault."

"I admit you made some very bad choices and should take responsibility for that, but beating yourself up is not the right way to work through this. Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on."

As usual, he made it sound like a piece of cake. I tried a few times to talk to guys in school, but as soon as they smiled at me, I panicked, thinking that behind the friendly facade hid a terrible abuser. Plus, there was the problem I had with hands in general. I was so fixed on the potential damage they could cause that everything else around me just evaporated in thin air and I couldn't focus.

"So what do you suggest?" I asked, my voice that of a whiney child. I knew he hated those types of questions since it was contrary to the purpose of my therapy. It was up to me to find solutions, but on occasions, he let me get away with it, probably to speed things up.

He rubbed his chin, obviously debating whether to give me a jump start. "Maybe you should think about going out more. Not with one guy, but with a group of friends. That'll make it easier to build trust."

My eyebrows knotted together, that was exactly my problem. "As you know, I don't have any friends."

"Then I suggest you work on that first." His smile was thin. "Maybe you should join a sports club."

I snorted. "I hate sports."

"Chess? Book club?" He grimaced. "There must be something you like."

I knew he was trying to be helpful, but all this sounded like a big drag I could live without. "I'll think about it some more and get back to you." For good measures, I folded my arms over my chest to show him that I was not willing to discuss this further – at least not today.

He sighed and nodded, moving on to something else. For that therapy session, I bit the bullet, but sooner or later, he would bring it up again and by then, I should have some answers ready.

xxxx

Yet, his words stayed with me over the next days. I knew he was right and in school, I actually tried to be more social. We were only a few months from graduation and the mood was light, everyone eager to start their life as adults. College, travel and so many plans were in the air that made me feel totally excluded. I was a single mom on probation and couldn't relate to the others in my year at all; instead of making friends, I was more isolated than ever.

Patrice finally came through for me when she invited me to a Valentine dance that was hosted by one of her college friends. In comparison to me, she was doing great, the fact that she had finally broken free from Marcus changing her for the better. Over Christmas, she had told me she was dating again and she appeared incredibly happy. I faked that I was thrilled, secretly envying her for being able to move on so quickly.

Valentine's Day fell on a Friday this year and I organized for a babysitter well in advance since my dad was working nights again. The afternoon before the big day, I hit the mall while Noah was with Charlotte, strolling around for hours in search of a new outfit. Yet, as so many times before, Brent was haunting me. Every time I tried something on, I considered if he would have liked it and when I got my manicure, the word pink rolled over my lips before I could stop myself.

In the end, I settled for a new jeans and plain t-shirt – the only thing daring were new stilettos in which I felt rather uncomfortable but forced myself into to prove a point. Brent would have hated them, because they would have raised me to his height, so I bought them even though I knew I would only wear them this one night.

I was almost ready when Charlotte dropped Noah off. The flu was going around and he was sneezing, but she had taken him to the paediatrician and gotten him some baby Tylenol. He would be out cold for the night since that stuff always made him really sleepy.

Patrice came by an hour later and I felt myself getting excited, looking forward to the evening. When I was feeding Noah his dinner, my phone buzzed. In the best of moods, I picked up.

"Hello."

It was Miriam, the babysitter. "I'm sorry, Rena, but I won't be able to make it." She was coughing with a stuffy nose, her voice croaking like she was about to die. "I have a cold and just started to run a temperature."

I cussed under my breath. "That's okay, Miriam. I hope you'll feel better soon." I hung up with a sigh, gazing at Patrice with a grimace. "I can't go. The sitter just cancelled."

Disappointment was written all across her face. "Come on, just for a few hours. I can ask Alyssa to babysit."

Alyssa was only ten and my instincts told me absolutely not, but my need to get out of the house and do something different overpowered my objections. Noah would be asleep and I would make sure to be back before midnight. If worse came to worse, Mrs. Tullay, our old neighbor, was also around and would give Alyssa a hand if Noah woke up and she couldn't settle him down. "Okay, but only for a few hours."

Patrice beamed. "I'll tell my mom to drop her off on her way to the movies. She can even pick her back up afterwards."

It sounded good and I ignored the warning bells and whistles, not asking once what she would tell her mom or considering that Marcus would be with her. It was like my reasoning had been sucked up by my desperate need to go – to prove to myself that I could move on. Things would be fine without me in the house for a few hours.

xxxx

The party turned out to be at the house of a friend of a friend of the guy Patrice was dating, and except for Kareem, she didn't know any of the other guests either. They were much older than I expected – all of legal drinking age – and the smell of booze and cigarettes mixed with sweat and testosterone lingered in the air before I even passed the threshold.

Patrice was pinned against the wall when Kareem stuck his tongue down her throat as a welcome and I stood next to them with flushed cheeks, my eyes fixed on a squished cigarette butt on the floor until they were done.

"You must be Rena." He grinned while raising his hand to the peace sign, signalling for a friend of his to come over. Introductions were made before he whisked Patrice away, leaving me alone with his friend – Connor.

"Hi." His smile was even wider than Kareem's. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Sure." My eyes were fixed on his hands that were opening and closing rather nervously. I wondered if they were sweaty and if his heart was beating as fast as mine.

When he disappeared in the crowd to get my drink, I exhaled, trying to calm my frayed nerves. This was harder than I thought. I quickly checked my phone for a message from Alyssa, but all was quiet. Plopping down on the edge of a sofa with my feet firmly planted on the ground, I glanced around. If it was up to me, I would have bolted, but luckily, we came in Patrice's car and I had to stick it out. This would be good for me – at least that was what I kept telling myself.

Connor returned and I noticed that instead of the Coke I wanted, he brought me a beer. Strictly no alcohol was part of my probation, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself and figured that by the time I would meet with Mr. Rose again to give my urine sample, all the alcohol would be gone.

I smiled a thanks at Connor when he passed me the cup, taking one big swallow. He sat next to me, sipping his own drink.

"So, Rena, what's you major?" he asked after staring at me for a good while.

My smile was forced. "I'm still in high school."

"Oh." His jaw bone became twitchy. "But you're over eighteen, right?"

"Yeah, I just turned nineteen." Not sure why that mattered, but the tension was wiped of his face after that.

Silence followed my words. My fingers played along the rim of the cup, captivated by the couples on the dance floor without soaking anything in. The music was blasting – some rapper song I was not familiar with – and I tried to drown out my racing heartbeat, threatening to jump from my chest every time I glanced at Connor. A goofy grin was plastered on his face but no sound left his lips. The whole situation was painfully awkward.

To muster up my courage, I downed my beer in one go and he took off for a refill. When he returned, I studied him discreetly, avoiding to look at his hands at all cost. He had leprechaun written all over him, his hair of a reddish blond with deep green eyes of the same color as the needles of our Christmas fir.

"So, are you from Ireland?" I finally asked when the silence between us became unbearable.

"My grandparents were," he said, running his finger through his thick waves which gave me the chills. His eyes came to rest on my cup and I realized that it was empty again. "Another refill?"

I nodded – why not? He had not asked me to dance and there was not much else to do. Maybe at some point, we could get a conversation going once we were both more comfortable with each other.

The beer tasted bitterer than the first two with a hint of salt – they had to have changed the keg. The music was now modern hip hop and I tapped along with my foot while sipping my drink to show him that I really wanted to dance. Yet, he didn't get the hint, his eyes fixated on my drink in my hand, probably ready to jump to get me a new one as soon as I was finished. This was all he seemed to be good at.

A dizzy spell hit me totally unexpectedly and for a second I thought I would have to throw up. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans, glancing around for the bathroom.

"If you would excuse me." My voice was slurred and hardly recognizable. When I stood up, the images in the room began to double up on me - I definitely had too much to drink. Staggering forward, the nausea was getting stronger and I held on to Connor's arm who had risen at the same time I did.

"Are you feeling okay?" His words swooshed in my ears and I nodded while fighting the urge to hurl right in front of his feet. Every breath was painful. I had to find Patrice and ask her to take me home – I probably caught the flu as well. Sweat pearled on my forehead when I took a step forward, every move an effort while the world around me glimmered almost dream-like in front of my eyes.

I stumbled when I took my next step and would have fallen if Connor's arm had not slit around my waist.

"Don't worry, I got you," he mumbled in my ear as he pulled me closer, his hot breath grazing against my neck. "I'll take good care of you."

I wanted to push him away, but my muscles were limp like jelly. I felt like a puppet whose strings were pulled on Connor's command. After that, my mind went totally blank.

Okay, now you met Connor and as you can imagine, Rena is in big trouble. Can you see how this might cause her to lose custody? 

As many of you know, my stories usually feature some alcohol and/or drug awareness and this chapter and the next will highlight the dangers of date rape drugs. It is unfortunately something that is part of today's culture and I hope to raise awareness that this could happen to anyone, so be cautious and don't accept drinks from a stranger. The results can be devastating and could have an impact on the rest of your life.

 Please leave feedback and don't forget to vote if this chapter deserved it. Hope to see you next week when we will find out what happened to Rena after she blacked out. Thanks for reading and stay safe :)