"Hey." Riyaadh joined Saudah on their deck.

He wasn't sure about Paarl as a honeymoon destination but the look on Saudah's face when she stepped onto their private deck was more than enough to tell him that he made a good choice.

"Hey." She smiled at him before she looked back at the scene before them. The night air was cool on their skin and there were no sounds apart from the crickets dancing along the trimmed grass beneath them. The dark black of the mountains had kept Saudah mesmerised from the moment she stepped into the room. The sky was painted with billions of stars in praise of the bright moon beneath them- a sight rare in Johannesburg.

"You feeling cold?" He asked, looking down at her arms that had been dotted with goosebumps.

"A little but..." she shrugged, "It's a nice cold."

He found his eyes trailing along her arms to the sheer cover she had thrown over her silk shorts and thin chemisole. "You're looking nice."

"Ya?" she looked back up at him, her eyes crinkling as she smiled.

"Ya." He felt his neck heat up beneath her gaze before he turned back to look before them.

They were taking things slow.

He hadn't even touched her except for holding her hand on their wedding night.

They talked though.

God, they spoke a lot.

They hadn't slept till four the previous night because she was so busy talking about her niece and just how awfully she got on with her brother. In hindsight- she spoke and he listened.

He didn't mind it though. He liked listening to her speak.

He liked her voice. She had a throaty voice that was rich and full.

He looked down at his arms, covered by the thin material of his long sleeved t-shirt. He couldn't touch her yet. She didn't know what he was hiding beneath his sleeves. Nobody knew.

He hadn't allowed anyone to find it.

They were small raised dots that had extended till past his elbow and time hadn't allowed them to completely fade away. They had simply lingered as a bad memory.

He hadn't even realised he had been rubbing his hand over his arm till Saudah placed her hand over his, halting his movements.

"Are you okay?" she asked, watching him carefully. The breeze fluttered over their skin, allowing a shiver to pass through her body.

"I'm fine." He smiled softly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "Don't you want to go inside?"

She shook her head, stepping closer to him. "I like it out here."

He didn't miss the way her skin warmed against him. She looked up at him, a wide grin on her face at his bright blush.

"You blush more than me." She teased, looking back towards the magical sight before her.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, his fingers tapping against the box hidden in his pocket. "Do you mind?" he asked, pulling a cigarette out of the box.

She shook her head but moved away from his hold. "I don't want my clothes to smell like smoke though."

He lit up, taking a deep drag as unwanted memories surface to his mind at her words.

"You're smoking again!" Farhana walked into their bedroom, flinging his jeans at his face.

He shook his head, knowing better than to lie but unable to help it.

"Don't lie to me." She said, her voice low as she leaned over him, sucking his earlobe into her mouth before she bit down. "You know better than to lie to me."

She sat down on his lap, running her fingers through his hair before she tugged hard at the strands near his neck, pulling his face back to look at her.

"How did you figure it out?" Riyaadh asked, licking his lips nervously.

"Your jeans smell like smoke." She smiled, her nails curling over his neck, trailing over his shoulder, down his arm till she wrapped her fist around his wrist. "You shouldn't lie." She brushed her lips over his own, parting his lips as she deepened their kiss.

This was just a ruse.

She was so angry, he could feel her body shaking beneath his arms.

"Every action has consequences." She whispered against his mouth, tightening her grip over his wrist as she bit his earlobe. She wouldn't stop, biting hard enough to taste blood against her lips...

...

Saudah woke with a start as she felt him toss and turn behind her.

She sat up, watching as his eyebrows creased at images unknown in his mind. She didn't know what time he had gotten into bed, but it was well past 2. She laid back down on her side, watching as he turned to his left, then to his right and with a gasp, he sat up, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair.

She closed her eyes.

She didn't want him to know that she had seen him.

Riyaadh turned to look at Saudah, relieved that she still lay fast asleep.

He rubbed a hand over his neck, wiping away the wetness that had clung to his skin before he got up and walked into the bathroom to wash his face.

He wasn't over it.

Five years and he still wasn't over it.

He looked up into the mirror as he stripped off his top. He had lost more and more weight as the years went by. He was so thin he was sure if he lost one more kilo, his ribs would stick out. But he couldn't help it. He looked down at his torso, at the spirals that she had drawn onto his skin. At the marks running up and down his chest.

At his arms so littered with pink dots, that he could barely see his own skin any longer.

He looked at himself, really looked...

He could barely remember what he looked like before Farhana came into his life.

He put his top back on before he walked back out into the room to fetch his box. He looked back at Saudah once more. The moonlight shone upon her back, lighting up the fading henna tattoo on her back as she turned onto her stomach. She was beautiful. Far too beautiful for him.

For who he was after Farhana.

He shouldn't have married her. But deep down, he knew he was just selfish.

He swiped his box from the pedestal before he walked out onto the deck, amongst the crickets and the night sky and the millions of stars. Here, he could be alone with only them to listen to his sorrows.

...

He was watching the sun rise when she walked up behind him, leaning over the back of his chair. "Did you sleep last night?"

"Not really." Riyaadh said, knowing it would be fruitless lying to her.

"I was worried when I woke up and you weren't there." Saudah said, almost hesitant to admit her worries to him.

"Sorry." He looked up at her, his eyes widening at how close she was to him.

She began to run her fingers gently through his hair as he looked back to the front, delighting at the soft strands beneath her touch. His hair was far too nice for a guy. It was a light brown and velvet soft... she was almost jealous of his colour. She would never, ever find that colour in a bottle...

She lifted her hands to place them back along the headrest when his hands sought out her own.

She was surprised when he placed her hands back over his hair, a silent plea for her to continue.

Her lips tilted up as she ran her hands through his hair, rubbing gently at his temples before her fingers trailed along the tops of his ears. Saudah had become so lost in thought, she hadn't realised he had fallen asleep till his head dropped to rest on his chest.

She looked down as she felt a strip of raised flesh behind his ear. It was tucked neatly beneath his hair but she could still feel it. She shifted the strands away, gasping at the jagged line behind his ear.

It looked as if someone had taken something to his scalp and it had left its mark forever.

She looked down at his arms, biting her lips as she dared herself to take just a peek. She needed to know why he wouldn't sleep and what followed him even in his dreams. She needed to know why he would take a step back, without even realising it, every time she took a step towards him.

She needed to know why he never wore any other shirts except for long sleeves, even to sleep.

She bent down to find his eyes blinking beneath his eyelids before she rolled up the sleeve on his right hand. Softly, one fold at a time till it was raised as far as his elbow.

She wanted to cry as she brushed her fingertip gently over the marks along his skin.

She knew those marks. She had seen them almost every day from kids whose parents had taken lit stubs to their skin.

She rolled his sleeves down once more, watching his face twitched as his dreams lit up beneath his eyelids. She wanted him to have a good dream. She really, really wanted him to have a good dream.

She leaned up on her knees and brushed her lips softly over his forehead, lingering for only a moment, before she stood up and walked back in.