[i'll see myself out for that chapter title also, as I literally wrote that title, the song came on on my Spotify playlist]

The flight back after the few days in Germany consisted of my sitting by Josh and sleeping. I hadn't really spoke to Simon since the Cal thing happened and I hated it. I was so confused. 

One moment I was in love with Simon, and the next I felt bad for not being in love with Cal whenever I told him I loved him. 

When we got back to the house I went to my room and slept more, slept right through to the next morning when I was awoken by Josh. 

"Elise, wake up, Cal's here," He says and I wave my hand at him. 

"Tell him I don't want to see him," I say and Josh sighs. 

"He said he's going to stay here all day and night if he has to," Josh says and I roll my eyes. 

"Ugh, fine," I mutter, grabbing my phone from the bedside table and I follow Josh downstairs. I brush my hands through my hair, pulling it back into a high ponytail before straightening out my pyjama shorts and the vest I had on. 

I step into the kitchen, Josh behind me. Cal was leaning against the counter, staring towards the sink. 

"What do you want?" I ask and he looks round quickly. 

"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't mean anything I said, I'm so sorry," He says, looking me in the eyes as he says it. 

"I don't care, you really fucking hurt me, Cal, and...I realised something," I say and he looks at me, confused. 

"El, I love you," He says and I shake my head. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't love you," I say and Josh walks forwards, getting his phone off the counter top. Josh gives me a funny look, he'd heard me say I loved Cal hundreds of times. 

"What? You do, you told me you do! How can you say you love me and not mean it?!" Cal asks, rubbing his face with his palms. 

"I'm sorry, I thought I did, but I don't, and I'm sorry Callum," I say and he just shakes his head before kicking over one of the stools. I shudder at the sound of it smashing off the floor. Cal looks at Josh, then me. 

"Whatever, have fun with whoever you suddenly love," He says before knocking past me and he slams the front door behind him. I shut my eyes, listening to the sound of his car pulling off the drive. 

"Elise?" Josh asks softly. I look up at my cousin who wears a sympathetic look. 

"Mind explaining?" He asks, picking up the stool Cal kicked. 

I sit down and rest my arms on the counter. 

"I realised I don't love him at all, and on top of that, I don't want to lose you, or Vik, or JJ, or Harry, or Ethan, or Tobi or even Simon," I explain and he nods, reaching his hand across the counter and holding it. 

"As your cousin, I think you did the right thing, you've been growing further and further away from us, and I love Cal, he's one of our best friends, but he doesn't get to treat you like that. Family stick together, yeah?" He says and I nod, smiling. And as I said he would, he leans forwards and swipes away my tears with his thumb. 

"Thank you Joshua," I say and he smiles. 

"You can go back to bed now if you like?" He laughs and I smile. 

"I'm good, I think I'm going to shower and then see if some of the girls want to hang out," I say and he nods. 

"Sure thing," He says before heading over to the fridge, "I'm making a chicken stir fry for dinner," 

"Nice, I'll make sure I get some of that before Simon finds out about it," I laugh and Josh smiles. 

I head upstairs, seeing Vik coming out the bathroom. 

"You alright?" He asks and I smile. 

"Yeah, thanks Vik," I smile and he offers me a hug. 

I hug him tightly- sometimes I think he needs a hug just as much as everyone else. 

We pull apart and he gives me a wide smile before heading into his room. 

I grab a towel and go for a shower. Afterwards I head back to my room, get changed and blowdry my hair. I text Kylie, Sophia and Anna to see if they want to hang out- I knew Maggie was out with Tobi today, and Florence was in Italy. 

 I get replies from all of them, saying they'll all be over to the house soon. 

I head downstairs, finding Josh cutting up the food for the stir fry in the kitchen while JJ and Simon talk about Fifa 17. 

"Whats up losers?" I ask, sitting beside JJ who smiles at me. 

"Nothing much, talking about Fifa," Says JJ and I nod. 

"Kylie, Sophia and Anna are coming over in about 30 minutes," I say and I watch Simon glance at JJ and then at me. 

"Anna?" Simon asks and I realise. 

"Oh shit, I forgot you and Anna don't get on...Oh well, looks like you'll have to just stay away from us," I shrug and Simon sighs. 

"But I can still chill with you right?" JJ asks with a smile. 

"Obviously," I laugh and JJ grins, laughing at Simon. 

After awhile the girls arrive- Kylie had picked them up.

Me and the girls chill in the living room, leaving the boys to cook dinner in the kitchen. 

"We're so sorry about Cal, that was a dick move," Says Kylie, giving me a soft smile. 

"Its okay, I found out that Maggie and Tobi did it last night," I say and they all grin. 

"I knew she would end up with Tobi to be honest, they just suit so well," Says Kylie and I smile, nodding. 

"How are you and Harry?" I ask and she grins. 

"Harry is amazing, he's just so sweet and kind and he's always there for me, you know?" She says and I smile. 

"That sounds like actual goals to me," Says Anna, looking at her phone. 

"Same," I add and Anna smirks. 

"So you haven't got your eyes on anyone?" Anna asks, looking at me and I shake my head. 

"I'm just broke up with Cal," I laugh and she shrugs. 

"You should have hate sex with Simon, you know what Florence always says to you?" Sophia says and I roll my eyes. 

"I'm not having hate sex with Simon," I say, laughing at my friends. 

"Hey, Anna had sex with him before, ask her what he's like," Sophia says and I look at Anna. 

Anna sighs deeply, looking away and back. 

"I need to talk to you, El," She says and I look at Kylie and Sophia before looking at Anna. 

"Okay..." I say and Anna gives me a small smile before we both head out into the hallway. 

"So...Simon asked me not to tell anyone, and you might already know that I told Maggie, and she told Simon...But...Simon called me Elise when we were...You know," She says and I feel my eyes widen and throat clenches. 

"W-What?" I ask, my voice barely audible. 

"He called me Elise, thats why I left, I had to get out of there- Do you know what its like to have someone say someone elses name during a moment like that?" She asks and I can't look her in the eye. 

"Anna, I'm so sorry," I say and she shakes her head. 

"Its...Its alright...But, I guess that means Simon likes you, and he doesn't hate you after all," She says and she puts a hand on my shoulder, "Don't take it to heart, I honestly didn't like him that much," 

"Okay...Thanks for telling me I guess," I say and she nods. 

"Coming back inside?" She asks, gesturing to the door. 

"No, I actually need to use the bathroom, you go ahead," I say and she nods before heading back into the living room. 

I don't even know what to think. 

I don't know whether to jump for joy or whether to start crying. 

He called Anna 'Elise' during sex for fuck sake. 

I sigh deeply, trying to think about what someone else would do. 

I look at the stairs, all the boys were in their rooms right now. 

I jog up the stairs, I go to the toilet like I said I would to Anna before walking to Simon's door. 

Just as I'm about to knock Josh's door opens. 

I gulp and turn quickly, making it look like I'm going to my room. 

"You okay, El?" Josh asks and I look over my shoulder and smile. 

"Sure am, Josh," I say and he nods before heading downstairs. 

I wait for him to definitely be gone before knocking on Simon's door. 

"Come in," He calls and I open the door and peer inside. He's at his desk. 

"Hey, Si," I say and he looks round, smiling. 

"Lise," He says and I step inside, closing the door behind me. 

I walk forwards, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

He pulls off his headphones, placing them on his desk before spinning his chair round. 

"Are you okay?" He asks, trying to look into my eyes, but I just look down, staring at my fumbling hands. 

"No...Yeah...I don't know," I whisper and he puts his finger under my chin, tilting my head to look at him. 

"Tell me whats bothering you, and we can sort through it together," He says and I look into his eyes. 

"Its you," I say, my eyes starting to well with tears. 

"What? Me? What did I do?!" He asks, worrying. 

"Nothing, thats the point, you did nothing, you did nothing wrong," I say, wiping at my eyes with my jumper sleeves. 

"Then whats the matter?" He asks, a soft smile on his lips as he places his hand on my thigh. 

"I can't even explain to you, its eating away at me," I say and he looks at me, confused. 

"Just, tell me, whatever you tell me isn't going to surprise me," He says and I shake my head. 

"Anna told me what you did," I say and he looks into my eyes and moves his hand off my thigh. 

"She did?" He asks and I nod. 

"O-Okay..." He whispers and I look away and back. 

"I'm caught between loving you and hating you," I admit and he looks into my eyes. 

"Really?" He asks and I nod. 

"I think I'm swaying more towards loving you," He says softly and I smirk. 

"Thats a start," I say and he smiles. 

He looks into my eyes before looking at my lips. 

"Can I kiss-" I cut him off with my lips, pushing them harshly on his. 

The kiss only lasts a few moments, but its enough. 

"I should have done that ages ago," I say and he smiles. 

"Y-Yeah...You should have," He says and I smile, pushing a strand of hair over my ear. 

"Listen, I want to keep this quiet? I only just broke up with Cal," I say and he nods. 

"Yeah, but you broke up because you love me right?" He winks and I roll my eyes. 

"Don't push your luck," I say, standing up and as I walk past he smacks a hand my ass. 

"Si," I groan, throwing a glance over my shoulder. 

"I've wanted to do that for so long though, like come on," he says and I roll my eyes. 

"I'll see you later, Si," I say, opening his door. 

"Yes you will," He winks again and I shake my head, stepping outside and shutting the door. 

I stand for a moment, just breathing, smiling, looking at the ceiling and wondering if that actually happened. And the best part about it all, was that yes, it was all real. 

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Damn, that took so long to write and I don't know why? 

Also, thank you so much for reading! 

~KatnissBajanCanadian<3