Two days. That's how long it's been since I've seen Emma. Two fucking days.

It was driving me mad. I couldn't function like a proper person, my worry for her had overextended into something unhealthy. I didn't dare to sleep or even attempt to.

It would just leave me vulnerable to my thoughts that were filled with endless what if's over her situation. I couldn't eat and even when I did there was no flavor to the food. My mood grew fouler and I had succeeded to pissing off both Erwin and Hanji.

I told them both to personally fuck themselves when they wouldn't mind their damn business. I don't even regret telling them that. In return they claimed I was unfitted for further work and took me out of the investigation till further notice.

So here I was, lounging on my couch with a cup of alcohol in my hands. Usually I don't drink but I couldn't take this unusual loneliness anymore. My heart was hammering against my chest leaving an aching sensation.

I couldn't think straight, as much as I tried to investigate on my own Emma would invade my thoughts. I didn't want to admit that I missed her voice, her teasing smile, and scrunched up nose when she got angry. But the more I thought about her the more I felt like screaming.

Why was I like this? How come I was taking this harder than anyone here? I had kept telling myself to keep it together and I was a strong man but, that was starting to become useless.

Two days had passed and she was probably laying in some dirty alley dead. Guilt was beginning to ride my mind that became never stopping. All I knew was that it was my fault she got kidnapped.

In the midst of my thoughts there came a knock at my door. With a hazy gaze I turn my head to it. It was late into the night, who had the courage or the stupidity to come knocking on my door?

"Name and business," I gruffle out before taking another swig.

"Um—Petra, sir. I know it's late but there is something important I must tell you."

The memory of me kissing her flooded my mind. Truly I never meant to lay my lips upon her but I had lost it that night. I was frustrated and was in need of way to letting it out. I grimace at the thought with another sip.

"Enter." I cross my legs while lazily holding the cup by the rim. Petra enters wearing a simple grey shirt and black leggings. I eye her apparel with a scrunched nose. I say nothing as I turn my attention back to her face. "So? What is it?" I ask bluntly.

I notice how her brows crinkle at my tone before asserting her gaze to the coffee table before me.

"I never knew the Captain was a drinker." I follow her gaze and stare blankly at the whiskey bottle atop the wooden surface. It was half empty and I was starting to feel the side-effects from it.

"Ask your question, Petra." I demand. "As you can see, I'm not in the mood."

"It's because of Emma's disappearance, correct?" I hold her haughty gaze, slightly surprised she aimed it at me. When did she possess the guts to stare me down like that? When I don't answer she merely shrugs with a small sigh. "I don't understand it," she murmurs. "I don't understand how you care so much about her when she's been nothing but a nuisance to you."  

I click my tongue knowing where this will lead. If she was planning to shit-talk about Emma then she had another thing coming.

"Take that back."

The words stumbled out of me. It was like animalistic growl. My teeth were gritting together and my grip upon my glass was becoming tighter.

I throw her the darkest glare I could muster. In an instant Petra had stiffen before me. But it didn't stop her, it only led her to steal her core and neutralize her expression.

"Captain, for the time I've been here she's been nothing but trouble," she states. "I've seen how she pick fights with you and on that one mission she places your life in danger! I just don't understand how you can worry over someone like her who's nothing like me!"

I slam the glass upon the coffee table. The sound of glass reverberating with wood rings through the air, it was the only sound. Then came my heavy breathes.

It took every once of my strength not to break something or even shake Petra till she gained some sense. Her words cut through me like a knife making that aching pain turn into a stinging sensation. Emma wasn't a nuisance.

"Who I care for is none of your damn business, Petra." I take a stand, pieces of my hair fall over my eyes indicating how poorly kept my hair had become. I faced Petra who could only stare like a frightened deer. "Is that why you came here? To rant about how you're better than Emma?"

"I came here to tell you that you made a mistake, Captain!" She exclaims with pleading eyes. "To care for someone like her, someone who only thinks of themself, is a waste of time. You deserve better—someone like me."

"Oh? And how did you come up with that conclusion?" I drawl darkly.

"For one, sir, I dedicated my life to your behalf. I decided to follow you no matter what, even through hell. Tell me how I'm not the best compatible person for you?"

I narrow my eyes, I knew it. Despite the danger Emma is in Petra doesn't seem to care. Nothing in her eyes showed worry or concern for Emma.

What I saw was nothing but disgust and dislike. Somehow that heated my blood to a boiling rage. I clench my fists down my sides and try to keep in my anger.

"I'm not having this discussion with you Petra—"

"No, tell me!" She pushes. "Tell me why you're so interested in a selfish person like Emma? You kissed me that night before she interrupted, did that mean anything to you? Does the fact I came in your room to see if your alright worth anything?"

"She's not selfish!" I hear myself yell. I was breathing heavily feeling every ounce of anger beginning to suppress me. "You don't know what she's been through! Hell, even I don't but at least I don't have the damn audacity to shit-talk about her when her damn life is on the line! You know what's different about you two? The fact she's more caring and selfless than you try to look. Here we are in a situation where she's been kidnapped and who knows if she's alive or not but, you're over here trying to win me over. Don't you have any ounce of worry for her?"

Petra seems taken aback by my outburst. She takes a moment to process my words and once she does she blinks rapidly and attempts to speak.

I shake my head, disappointment stirring inside me. "I don't want to hear your stupid excuse. You say Emma's selfish but from what I've seen she's caring towards her subordinates. On missions she attempts to save everyone she can. She risks her life for those who don't even show her the damn respect she deserves. She knows everyone hates her because of that one mistake she made as a rookie Squad Leader. But that doesn't stop her to fight with her life. That doesn't stop her from trying to give everyone around her a chance to be free from Titans. Out of all the soldiers I met she's the one with the most compassion for the people and would risk anything to see that we live out of these walls."

Just speaking about her. About how Emma truly is on the inside hurts. She may put up a strong barrier but she's just as kind and just as fragile as a lonely girl would be.

Countless times I had to remind these people, my own subordinates, that she's not a monster. She's not someone who only cares for herself and she's worth the amount of respect she deserves.

I stare angrily at Petra who could only stare pleadingly back. I didn't even realize I was in her face while breathing heavily. I had it with people hurting Emma.

I'll knock anyone down, remind them their place no matter who they are. And right now, I don't give a shit Petra was my subordinate. Right now I care about is that I get it in her head to respect Emma.

"She's a strong solider," I state with pride. "And even a stronger woman. If you can't respect that or even acknowledge the fact she brings us a step closer to saving humanity then you don't deserve to being on my squad. You don't even deserve being in the Survey Corps."

I was sure my words had made its mark. The way she stared at me—something broke in her gaze. She acted as though I knocked the wind out of her.

"I'm sorry," I say curtly. "I shouldn't have kissed you that night. There's nothing between us and there never will be, Petra. If I were you I would find someone else, stop trying to win me over."

She doesn't reply for a long moment and stands stiff before me. I listen to her suck in a shaky breath and I swore I heard something breaking. She doesn't cry.

No, she sucks back in every ounce of her despair and loss with a straight face. She doesn't speak and only nods stiffly before turning a heel. I watch silently when she stops at the doorway.

"I just—I just don't understand why you care for her."

I chew my inner cheek, why did I? I knew she was a strong individual but does that explain how shitty I feel right now? Does it explain why she's been on my mind constantly?

I care for her, yes, but what sort of reason could justify that? When I don't answer Petra had given up speaking to me. She nods solemnly with a frown before exiting the office.

I was left alone once more but this time with a more troubling thought. I slump back down atop the couch while releasing a tired sigh. I cover my eyes with my hand and rub them gently.

Why was she so damn important to me?

"Well, that was a rough to watch."

I jolt out of my thoughts, pulling my hand away from my face. I whirl to the doorway to see Hanji with crossed arms while staring down at me. My body eases and I look away.

"No one told you watch," I mutter. "Why are you even up?"

"I just got out of a meeting with Erwin," she replies with a yawn. "I was drawn to your little outburst. I never realized you have a soft spot for Emma."

I roll my eyes with the click of my tongue. "Does anyone around here have anything else better to do than bother me about her?"

"We do," she agrees. "But you've been sulking for the past two days that it's starting to worry most people." She strides into the office and picks up the bottle of whiskey on the table. "Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest, is pining for a young woman who he claims he doesn't have feelings for."

I click my tongue while turning my head. This was utterly insane. I'm not some hopeless romantic. The audacity of Hanji to even compare me to one.

"I am not pining for Emma," I grumble. "Can a man have a drink?"

"Oh, sure they can," Hanji nods. "But in your situation drinking is a rare occasion itself."

She places down the bottle before setting her questioning stare upon me. She cocks her head and I wasn't necessarily happy with what's coming next.

"What's with you lately?" She asks. The question itself brought everything I had to keep myself under control to slowly disappear.

What was wrong with me? I wasn't sure what to feel anymore, my heart pounded with different emotions each time. I would be angry at first then utterly sad the next.

All I could think about was Emma and how much I let her down. Everything that was occurring inside me was all so foreign—so strange. Was I going mad?

I lower my gaze to the alcohol upon the table. I would only let a frown appear over my lips, indicating how troubled I was.

"I—I don't know anymore," I mutter. "I've been such an asshole lately."

"Heh, you got that right." Hanji sits beside me. I could sense her eyes laying upon me. "It's about Emma, isn't it." She stated as if it was fact and it was.
Everything was about her. Hanji sighs when I don't reply, I feel her leans against the couch. "You're one confusing man, you know that?"

"What the hell does that mean?" I demand.

"It means exactly how I said it. When it comes to Emma you confuse everyone around you about her—even yourself."

I shake my head before sending her a look. "That's not true—"

"Really, it's not?" She challenges. "You can't even sort out your feelings for her. You tell me you don't care for her or even have the slightest interest in her and yet these past two days you've been doing nothing but worry over her and yell at Petra about how much you care about her."

I bite my inner cheek refusing to think on the subject. But she was wearing me down. I could feel the locks upon my feelings being broken. It was all too much.

"Look when I say Emma's name what's the first thing that comes to mind?" She asks.

It didn't take much for me to come up with an answer. Many things popped to mind and I knew the list could go on forever. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol but I heard myself telling Hanji everything on my mind.

"Annoying," I answer gruffly. "She's probably the most annoying person I ever met. She's obnoxious with a terrible temper. And she would rather solve things with violence than with words. She likes to cuss a lot and when things don't go her way she throws a tantrum like a spoiled brat."

I swallow thickly knowing she's not all that. I know she's much, much more.

"But she's also selfless and also caring. Despite the terrible things people say about her she fights for them. Emma is also fearless—there's many times that I've seen her face Titans head on without a single ounce of hesitation. She's independent which is what makes her beautiful. And the fact she won't take any shit from no one makes her one of the strongest women I know."

There was silence when I finished and I hadn't realized that I rambled on just about Emma. Worst part was Hanji was here to listen to the whole thing. My ears began to burn while my stomach churns slightly.

When I glance back at her I see nothing but a warm-hearted smile sweeping across her features. Somehow that embarrassed me more.

"Look—I drank more than usual which is why I—"

"You do like her." My body stiffens at her words.

My cheeks began to turn rouge and I had to look away. Deep down I knew this was something I truly wanted to avoid. My feelings for Emma was stronger than it was before.

I began to realize how much I miss our bickering and our stupid fights over nonsense. It finally came to me that she's the one I truly want. But I shake my head as I try to push away those feelings.

"I can't—like her."

"Why's that?"

I swallow thickly, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach. "Because I let her down," I mutter feeling utterly pathetic. "I left her alone that night because all I cared about was catching Edward. Not once did I think about her or how she felt in that situation. If I just stayed with her—comforted her then she would still be here. Not with Edward battling between life and death." I run a hand through my hair, "And on top of that we live in a world where Titans can dominate humanity in a blink of an eye. We risk our lives day in and day out for a small chance at beating them. It would be selfish of me to give myself to her and then see her die right before my eyes."

I finally said it. Finally voiced out the true reason I kept avoiding this conversation—avoiding to truly confess to Emma. I can't make connections that run deep. I already lost the two people who I considered family.

If I were to lose Emma because of my stupid mistake to make that same connection then I would surely lose her.

"I don't believe you're at fault for her capture. We were all careless and ignorant of Edward's true intentions. And yes, we will live where humans are at the bottom of the food chain but—don't you think we all deserve a little bit of peace in our lives? Something that makes us fight or makes us happy?" She gives me an encouraging smile her hand over mine squeezes in assurance. "She's already given herself to you—she's willing to risk that chance to be with you. Maybe it's not so bad as you think. I can't tell you how to think or what to choose but I can tell you to think it over. So when we get Emma back you can finally tell her everything."

I was beyond speechless. I wasn't sure what to say or what to think. Nothing was processing correctly. And that seemed to impress Hanji because she simply patted my hand before taking a stand.

"I'm glad you feel that way because Erwin possibly found a lead."

I blink once, all my previous thoughts floating away. I gain back that hard exterior and narrow my eyes in questioning.

"What do you mean?"

Hanji sends me a wicked grin. Her eyes shining with determination. "I mean we have a chance to get back Emma. And a chance to capture Edward."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

I know this is SUPER long but I've been sick and the idea for this chapter came to mind.

Anyway, your thoughts on this chapter in general?

Lemme know in the Comments!!

I'm sorry I made Levi a little OOC but he's a little drunk or tipsy in this chapter so I guess it justifies it....?

Anyway hope you enjoyed it!!^.^

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