**CONTENT WARNING** Mild drug use (marijuana). 

I don't love you anymore

I could care less for your sore

My dreams are taking prisoners tonight

Shackled and chained, it doesn't mean a thing

The things that once kept you safe and sound

Are now nowhere to be found

Are now nothing more than carrion

Vying for my attention

Pleading for my affection

Being naked does nothing for me

Except shows me your scars

You show me your decimated life

And all I can do is laugh

The disappointed look of strangers

As you try to break me

You're wearing rose colored glasses

Yet all you see is black

You had one fan but you blew it

I can taste your failure in my mouth

Sweet suckle this kindly truth

You're my ugly and uncouth

I just need to know right now

Are you really as defenseless

As you make yourself out to be?

--The song Banging On Deceit, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

"Are you high?"

Orion giggles, shoving the cheeseburger he's complained about since Freshman year into his mouth. I gawk at him in absolute disbelief. I'm bewildered, partially because he's not even supposed to be in my lunch.

"You are, aren't you?"

"So?"

"On what?"

He rolls his eyes. "Just weed, dude."

I don't know where he got two, but he starts on his second cheeseburger. You're only allowed one. He shoves fries in his mouth.

"Just? Just?"

Now Orion glares at me. "You're not my mother."

"You're damn right I'm not!" I snap. "Because if she knew what you were doing I doubt she'd care!"

"Fuck, Jake, calm the hell down. You're acting like I shot someone."

All I do is frown at him.

"Are you guys doing Battle of the Bands?"

I look off to the side, scratching my neck. With Stacy's death, we hadn't thought of that. The competition is next week already. "I d'no if you can sign up still...I think we're just gonna skip this year."

"What?! You can't!"

"Orion," I tell him gently, "it's okay."

"But I know how much the band means to you guys."

I shake my head. "Too much going on. We just got back to school."

"So? It'll be a good way to forget--uh--to get back in the swing of things!"

I grin wolfishly. "Only if you sing."

"Okay."

I blink. "What?"

Orion shrugs at me and picks at the nail bed of his right hand. "Sure."

I'm starting to get excited. "Are you just saying this because you're high?"

"No. I want to."

"You're serious?"

He laughs. "Yes. Jesus, Jake!"

My heart is at serious risk of jumping out of my chest. "Are you going to back out of this in a day or two?"

Another laugh. "No. Promise."

"Really?!" I squeal. Literally.

Orion cracks up. "Yes!"

I jump to my feet. "YES! WOO! YES! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY!"

Everyone in the lunchroom stops what they're doing to stare at me. I can feel my face explode into a blush. I awkwardly wave to everyone and quickly sit back down. Conversation picks back up.

"You gonna eat that, spaz?" Orion asks, gesturing to my burger.

It'll be his third one. I agree with him--they're disgusting. He gets them because he's on the lunch program--I forgot my lunch today and had no idea it was burger day. I'm not about to eat it, so I hand it over. Orion smiles.

~

"Aren't you boiling?"

The only class Orion and I have together this year is gym. I'm happy to say Ben is even in the same class. It's better than nothing. We've been pretty much split up this year seeing as we have less and less gen eds, starting to focus on different subjects, gearing up for college.

We're running the mile. I hate running the mile. Not as much as Ben though. Orion, on the other hand, is strangely fit. He's breathing evenly while Ben and I are panting like we might topple over dead at any given second.

"No," Orion replies to Ben.

"You're wearing a black, long sleeve shirt under your gym shirt!" Ben says.

"I don't like how my arms look," Orion replies simply. "I'd wear pants, too, but can't really afford work out pants."

It was an unusually warm late-September. It was still summer weather, 80's and 90's most days with no indication of cooling off anytime soon. Orion had taken to wearing exclusively long sleeves this year, even before Stacy hanged herself. He seemed to have taken a liking to the type that had holes at the bottom so you cold hook your thumbs in, keeping the sleeves pulled in place constantly. I've also noticed he's cut some of his existing shirts to accommodate this fashion.

If anyone else would have started abruptly wearing long sleeves exclusively (especially in stifling weather), I would've pestered them. Everyone knew about cutting these days. It was on most kids' minds, either because they did it or they worried about eventually knowing someone who did.

But Orion? He was just...Orion. He was weird. Years later I would be kicking myself for taking this excuse at face value. It was literally never brought up again, not until his future husband found out his secret. But until then, I was woefully none the wiser.

"So!" I say finally, barely able to control my excitement. I start side stepping as I run, facing them. "Guess who's going to join Teenage Mutant Ninja Freaks, Ben?!"

Orion laughs. "Not if the band is fucking named that, I'm not."

Ben stops running, his mouth hanging open. Orion and I quickly run back to him and drag him back into running before he gets in trouble. "Really?!"

"Yeah," Orion replies with a huge grin.

Ben pauses a second before speaking between gasps. "It's nice seeing you smile, Ori."

Orion is still smiling. "It's nice to smile. That's why I'm joining."

And without another word Orion runs faster than us, leaving us behind.

~

"So what are we playing for Battle of the Bands?"

Ben and I look up. I grin immediately. "I half expected you to not show up!"

Orion tosses down his backpack on the garage floor. He walks over to us and then sits on the ground. Which...is weird. There's a chair. I just ignore him.

"We're not doing Battle," Ben tells him.

"Yeah we are."

I shake my head. "No, we're not. It's too late to sign up. I checked." I smile. "It's okay! There's always next year."

Orion moves to the side a second, pulling a piece of paper out from his back pocket. "Yes, we are."

I snatch the paper out of his hand. Unfolding it, I take a peek. It's a list of the bands participating in this year's Battle. Which, I've already seen. However, as my eyes scan over the list, I see something unexpected, something that wasn't on the list earlier today.

"How did we get in?!"

A slow grin spreads across Orion's face. "Do you wanna know?"

"Yes!"

He looks wicked. "Are you sure?"

Ben walks over and grabs the paper, his eyes going wide. I cross my arms as I stare down at Orion. "Ori..."

Orion gets to his feet, brushing off his backside. "Lets just say I know a guy who's a hacker."

I moan. "What if they find out?!"

"They're not going to."

"What if it's a set number of entries and they figure out we got added?" Ben asks. "If we win, it wouldn't mean anything!"

Orion crosses his arms. "Officially it wouldn't mean anything, sure. But it's a popularity contest. So if we win, we know we're good regardless."

Ben rubs his forehead. "I've managed to avoid getting any detentions this far into High School... I'd like to keep it that way."

Orion rolls his eyes. "Do I have to pay Chris again to undo that?"

"You paid him?"

"Well, I didn't have to, I just threw him some money for his troubles."

"Who's Chris?" Ben asks.

"One of his friends," I grumble. Then I shoot a glare at Orion. "How much money did you give him? You're broke."

Orion doesn't answer that. Instead he opens up his guitar case and takes out his electric. "Let's warm up, okay?"

We each do our own thing. However, I can't help but notice one of the songs Orion is using to warm up is Yesterday by The Beatles. I stop playing and just watch him. Ben takes notice, too, and we can't help but stare.

By the end of it I feel like crying, but I don't. Orion hadn't noticed we were watching him. When he lifts his head his look hardens.

"What?"

I quickly look down at my own guitar, pretending to tune it.

"You're really good," Ben tries to cover.

"Well," Orion says, "that's kinda why I'm here."

The rest of the practice goes well. We play through songs we all know, seeing how well we can play them together. Of course whatever we play, Orion can. I'm seriously impressed, the guy is some sort of musical genius.

It's great though--we're all feeding from one another, pushing our limits, keeping pace with one another. And even though it's just practice, we're all trying really fucking hard to not make mistakes. We barely make any. I'm admittedly surprised.

None of us comment how weird it is without Stacy being there, making her smart ass comments. I'm sure we're all thinking it though. And as we wrap things up, I can't help but wonder if maybe that's part of why we're playing so well, too--for her.