My body is a pit

A pyre for your soul

It catches fire from the embers

Of your demons

My mind is a safe

I've long since lost the key

You're the only one who knows

The combination to

My heart, is a anchor

It keeps me in place

While you walked away

I was trapped in

My dreams

Are where you are

And I wonder if maybe

Someday I can catch you

So here I go--

"What song is that?"

Orion nearly topples off his chair. It's after school, the day before Battle. I had gone to the music classroom to practice. Orion evidently had the same idea and had beat me to it.

"Fuck, dude," he says, bright red, "you scared me."

I laugh, walking over. I grab a chair and sit next to him. "So what was that? I've never heard that song. I dig it. What band is it?"

Orion turns deep red now. He shuffles away, starting to pack up his guitar. I watch him, confused.

"Uhhhh, hello? Orion? Earth to Orion."

"It's not a band," he mumbles, still not looking at me.

"Oh, so who's the artist?"

"Me."

"What did you say?"

He turns around, still bright red. "I said, me. I wrote it."

I rush to him. "Dude that's awesome! I didn't know you write music!"

"You weren't supposed to hear that," he tells me before rushing away. I go after him, gently grabbing him by the arm.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," I say, gently swinging him around so he can't leave. "You're doing it again."

He moans.

"You're doing that thing you do, where you're good at something and try to deny it."

"Ben can write fucking circles around me," he tells me, and I can tell he actually believes that.

I cross my arms stubbornly. "What else ya got?"

He covers his face and whines. "Please don't..."

"Look, if it's shit I'll just laugh at you and I'll never bring it up again."

Orion peeks out between his fingers. "And if it's good?"

I grin. He presses his fingers back together.

"You're cute when you're embarrassed, you know that?"

That got his attention. I hadn't even meant to say that. Oops. So I roll my eyes. "Come on. Do you have any other songs?"

Orion bites his bottom lip. After a moment he goes to his backpack and digs out a spiral notebook I've never seen before. It's old, overflowing with papers that are poking out every which way. Covering his eyes with one hand, he holds out the notebook to me and I take it, sitting down.

The entire thing is filled with lyrics. Sometimes doodles accompany the lyrics, and those are all really good, too. Occasionally there's a full drawing, and I'm impressed. But of course I'm more impressed with the lyrics.

"Holy shit. Is this what you do when you pretend to take notes in class?"

He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "M-maybe?"

It takes me about a half-hour, but I read every single one. They're all good. They're all a little on the angsty, dark side, but there's definitely something there. With a little refining, I'm sure they'd be great.

"Play me more," I demand, handing him back his notebook.

"Jaaaaaaake--"

"Please?"

"Ugh, damn you! You asked me nicely..."

So he goes back to his electric guitar, unzips it, and plugs it back into the amp. He plays me a few songs. I absolutely love all of them.

The lyrics are so much different when put to music. There's something about how they fit with his guitar playing...I think if you extracted them from one another, neither would be that good. But together? It's unique, and bitter, and raw, and strangely beautiful sometimes.

"You're playing one of your songs at Battle tomorrow."

Orion does his hyena laugh.

"I'm serious, you should!"

"It's crap... it's all a bunch of crap--"

"Please?"

Orion glares. "Sorry, not going to work this time."

I grin. "Not even if I tell you you're cute again?"

Orion wrinkles his brow and cocks his head to the side a little. "Are you trying to butter me up?"

"Yes."

No, no I wasn't, I was shamelessly flirting.

Orion rolls his eyes.

So then I do something stupid. I do something really, really, really stupid. I close the gap between us, gently cradle his face in my hands, and I kiss him.

It's immediately awkward. We're just staring at each other, our lips pressed together. I can't take it anymore so I close my eyes, because I hate the look of panic on his face, and if I'm gonna be a fuck up, I want to at least enjoy it.

To my surprise he begins to move his lips against mine. But then he shoves me away, and I almost fall over a chair. He's wiping off his lips, and I can't exactly tell the look on his face. I know my look--I'm horrified.

"I am so sorry--"

"What the fuck?!"

Before either of us can say anything else Orion rips his guitar from the amp, grabs the cloth guitar case and his backpack, and literally runs out of the room.

~

We don't win that year's Battle. We don't even place. Orion refused to perform one of his own songs. We're not bad, but we weren't exactly good, either. I'm pretty sure my antics are to blame.

Orion can't even look at me. Every time he accidentally does he immediately starts blushing. Ben picked up on the weirdness almost immediately, but we both assured him everything was normal. Which Ben clearly didn't believe because when Orion told him that, he did his chirp laugh. It was a dead giveaway he was lying through his teeth.

After school Orion tells us he's not feeling well and isn't going to come over to my house. Which leaves just Ben and I. Which is fine. 

It's fine until Ben opens his mouth.

"What was Orion's deal today?"

"I d'no."

"Jacob!"

I look at Ben. He narrows his eyes, pointing at me. "I will break out your last name next, mister!"

I groan. But then I go to the garage overhead door and close it. Then I go to the door leading to the house, locking it. I never lock it. Ben raises his eyebrows when I do that.

"Are you about to murder me? If you are, make it quick. I don't want to suffer."

I punch him in the shoulder. But then I pull up the lawn chair next to his drum kit. I look at him seriously and clasp my hands together.

"Before I tell you anything, there's two things I have to get out of the way. One--are you homophobic?"

He laughs. "What?"

"Benjamin!"

He rolls his eyes. "Why would you even ask me? Of course not."

I take a deep breath. "Okay, two. If I tell you, you have to promise not to say a word. To anyone."

"Orion's gay, isn't he?"

I screw up my face. "What?"

"After Stacy killed herself he realized he was gay. Or decided he was gay. Wait--can you make yourself gay?"

I literally shake him. "Benjamin!"

"What? I'm being serious!"

"I kissed Orion."

Stunned silence. So I rush on, letting go of his shoulders. "It was stupid of me, I shouldn't have done that. He just lost Stacy, and he just lost their baby, and I don't know what I was thinking!"

"Are you gay?"

"No!"

He crosses his arms and gives me A Look.

"I mean--I don't think so? I don't know."

"Why did you kiss him?"

I roll my eyes. "Why does anyone kiss anyone?"

Ben grins at me. "So you like him?" His mouth drops open. "Wait--does he like you?!"

"He ran away. Literally."

Ben frowns. "Oh..."

"I know he's not straight, though." When I say that Ben raises his eyebrows. I glare a little. "I'm not telling you how I know that, though. I'm sure he'll speak up if and when he's ready to."

"So...what are you going to do?"

I sigh and sink down into the plastic lawn chair. "I don't know..."

"Do you think you offended him?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think he doesn't want to be your friend anymore?"

"I don't know!"

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

I sit up. "No. I mean yes. Maybe?"

Ben chuckles, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I fucked up the band..."

"Who says you fucked up the band?"

"We were a mess today!"

Ben merely shrugs.

I look at the ceiling. Orion is my best friend. He was the best thing that could have happened to our band. And in one, arrogant, foolish move, I ruined all that. "I'm an idiot..."

To my surprise, Ben comes over and hugs me. After a moment I wrap an arm around him. He rubs my back up and down, and then pats it. When he's done hugging me, he grins at me. "No, you're not. C'mon, let's practice."