**CONTENT WARNING** Brief description of drug use.

Choking on blood and spit

My vision blurred

When did we slip

Into the absurd?

--From the song Why?

Lyrics by: Orion Bauwens/Benjamin Hill

Two days later the three of us are shivering outside of my house. My house is at the end with Ben's in the middle, Orion's on the other side of Ben's.

"I can't believe he sent a limo to pick us up," Ben says, teeth chattering, in awe.

"Yeah, this is surreal," I agree.

Orion is bouncing with excitement. Literally. "Fucking awesome is more like it!"

Just then a pair of headlights turn onto our street. Sure enough, it's the limo. We happily climb in, Orion flicking his cigarette away.

"Good evening, gentlemen," the driver tells us, twisting around to look at us.

"Hi," Ben says, while Orion and I say "Hey" all at once.

"I'm to let you know there's a bottle of champagne back there, seeing as it is New Years. Compliments of Mr. Pierce."

Personally I've lost my fucking voice. Is this really happening? I look over at Ben and Orion. Ben looks at mystified as I do, while Orion is grinning ear to ear.

"Thanks!"

"Enjoy," the driver says with a nod, then rolls up the partition.

Orion starts rummaging around. We still had no idea what to wear, so we guessed. Ben is dressed in a button down dark blue shirt, khaki's, and a pair of Vans. I've dressed similarly, but with a paisley dark purple shirt, a black sports jacket, a pair of nicer jeans, and a pair of purple Chucks.

Orion is putting us both to shame. Tight black pants, a pair of combat boots, and a tight fitting black coat with decorative silver buttons. He's wearing thick eyeliner, making his eyes pop, and his hands are covered in silver rings. He really looks like a rock star.

"Ah-ha!" he shouts, finding a mini-fridge with a bottle.

"Are we?" Ben asks as Orion begins the process of opening it.

Orion rolls his eyes. "Dude. It's New Years. We're twenty. Lighten up."

After some struggling, he pops the cork and it goes flying. We scream and laugh. It begins to overflow, and, swearing, I grab the champagne flutes that are situated in holders. Orion pours us tall glasses, grinning.

"Well, happy New Years, gentlemen," he says.

"Happy New Years," Ben and I reply, grinning just as wide.

"To Saturn Mutants?"

"To Saturn Mutants!"

Thus began our debauchery, our first night of many to come.

~

"Guys! You made it!"

We happened to walk in right as Brad Pierce was walking past. He walks over, stopping, holding a cigarette and a beer.

He's older than us, mid-thirties. Honestly he looks a little like Jesus. I always thought so, anyway. I'm happy to see he's dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.

I'm star struck. I've always liked his band. Knowing that I was here, in his house, and he was speaking to us, hit me. I'm so overwhelmed I become verklempt, and I really hope it doesn't look like I want to cry. Because I do, I really do.

More to my shock, he hugs Orion, and then Ben, and then me. It's surreal. He smells like weed, but not in a bad way. After the hugs he steps back, taking a drag, looking at us up and down.

"I just want you to know I'm a huge fan. I really dig your sound. You got a good thing going, and I want to encourage you to keep it up."

What?!?!? Oh. My. God. Is this happening?! Luckily Orion comes to Ben and mine aid, because we clearly have forgotten how to speak.

Orion grins. "Thank you so much! That means the world to us, seriously. And thank you so much for inviting us."

"Yeah, for sure! Did you enjoy the champagne?"

"Yeah," I blurt out. "It was good."

It was good. And now I understand what people mean when they say alcohol has a "dry finish". It was dry, but it was tasty. It also was only my second time having alcohol, and I may not may not have been tipsy already.

Brad pats my shoulder and I nearly faint. "Great! It's my favorite."

"Well, thanks for sharing, Mr. Pierce."

He laughs. "Please, call me Brad."

Someone gets his attention and he politely excuses himself. After he leaves we just stand there, drinking everything in.

"Oh my God," Ben whispers. "Brad Pierce was talking to us." He then looks to the left and grabs Orion's wrist in a death grip. "Oh my God is that J-Lo?!?"

Our heads snap. Orion glowers and he rips his wrist out of Ben's grip. "If you don't get a fucking grip I'm throwing you out the fucking window!" He glances left and then responds, eyes wide. "Yeah, that's J-Lo."

Brad walks past then, calling over his shoulder. "By the way guys! Food and drinks are in the kitchen. There's some coke upstairs should you care to partake."

He disappears into a throng of bodies. Yet again, we're glued to our spot. Finally I blink, looking at Orion.

"Uh...did he just say coke?"

"Y-yeah..."

Ben looks at us and hesitates. "Uh, we're not...are we?"

I look at Ben. "Did you?"

Ben blinks several times and then answers honestly. "I...don't know?"

"Alright, let's at least go get drinks," Orion says, nodding in conviction. "I feel stupid just standing here. We can decide later."

We travel as a trio. I'm surprised when we don't get very far. People stop us, gushing about our music. We take a few more steps and we're stopped again, being told they went to our concert and it was awesome. We're so close to the kitchen when we're stopped a third time, and it's the same.

This conversation lasts longer, and we talk excitedly about music composition and inspiration with the bassist of a group called Red Dots. I've heard of them, not really my scene...But they're famous. Like, Rod Stewart famous. Like, I'm a little surprised they're here honestly. I kinda expected them to live in a chateau on Mount Olympus or something.

By the time the three of us reach the fridge, I'm shaking. Orion opens the door and yet another person passes us, asking if we were Saturn Mutants. Luckily they just say cool and keep going.

"Holy fuck," I say, "we're famous. We're actually famous."

"Apparently," Orion scoffs, though I can tell he's just as rattled as I am because his voice is squeaky high.

"Give me the fucking strongest thing that's in there," I demand.

Orion stands up, cocking his eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I can't deal. I want to fucking get drunk."

Orion laughs and shuts the fridge. He's grabbed a beer for himself. "Well it's not gonna be found in this fridge..."

Orion squeezes past some people to the counter. There's a row of bottles. He grabs five bottles and a large glass from a cabinet. He then goes back to the fridge, grabs a soda, and pours a little in there. He stirs it with his pinky, adds a couple ice cubes, and hands it to me with a grin.

"Enjoy!"

I look at it, eyebrow raised. "Is this going to kill me?"

Orion laughs. "Just shut up and drink it."

"What is it?"

"Triple sec, vodka, rum, gin, tequila, and some coca-cola. Otherwise known as a Long Island Iced Tea. It'll get you fucking obliterated."

He's not lying. I quickly regret drinking it so fast--but it was tasty! After that I decide to not drink for a while. I also decide I need to eat something.

After an hour of talking to celebrities (which is funny, because I keep having to remind myself I'm apparently one now), I decided to do something really stupid. Something I would regret, and something I'm happy to say we all vowed never to do again. I'm also happy to say we all stuck with that vow.

Ben, Orion, and myself have all split up. Ben is having a gay ol' time. Orion, on the other hand, I can tell is starting to get overwhelmed when I find him. So I find Ben.

"Guys--lets do coke."

They both look surprised. Orion flat out laughs at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. At least once. Then I can die saying I tried it."

Ben looks at Orion nervously. "Uh...do we trust it? That shit can kill you..."

Orion looks around. "I don't see anyone OD'ing..."

"Brad could get in huge trouble if something happened," I tell Ben, "I'm sure it's clean."

Orion laughs again. "And here I thought I'd be the first one to want to try heavy drugs..."

I look at Orion. "Are you down?"

He shrugs. "I guess. It never really interested me but yeah."

We look at Ben. "Ben?"

"I...think I'll pass."

I shrug and grin at Orion, who grins back. Then we head upstairs.

We tell the person it's our first time, and we only want to do a little. So he pours and cuts it for us. It is only a little, compared to what other people are doing next to us.

The second I snort it I hate it. I shut my eyes tight, waving my hand in front of my face. Besides me, Orion is coughing.

"Oh God, it burns!" he says. "F-fuck!"

The guy laughs.

I gag, trying really hard not to puke. "I can feel it going down the back of my throat..."

The guy laughs at us again. "You'll be fine. Sniff a few times, go get some water, you'll be fine."

I go to the bathroom, blowing my nose into some tissue. Orion stands outside the door, waiting for me, rubbing his nose and sniffing. I wash my hands and come out.

"Yeah, fuck that, never doing that again."

"I agree," Orion says, patting my back.

We head back to the party.

The rest of the night is a blur. I don't think it's the coke, because that actually perked me up quite a bit. About twenty minutes after doing that line I felt awful, swore I would never do it again, and went and threw up. After that I was feeling better, though, so I continued to drink. Which, looking back on it, was really stupid.

There's two things I remember about that party. The first is playing a really strange version of strip poker (don't worry, J-Lo was well gone by that point). First you stripped to your skeeves. Then if you continued to lose, you had to put clothes back on--of the opposite sex.

I'm happy to say by the end of it I was in my socks, boxers, and just had a pink feather boa around my neck. Orion ended up looking a bit like Frank from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was...Interesting? Okay, it was kinda disturbing. People can do whatever they want but cross-dressing isn't my scene. At all.

(By that point Orion's arms weren't scar-riddled yet, so he was okay stripping. He was wearing sleeves more for the times when he did hurt himself, or just in case he got the urge.)

So it was that night I learned Orion should never, ever, be allowed to play poker. He's terrible. Everyone else loved his misfortune though.

The next thing I remember is waking up on a balcony the next morning, back in my clothes (thank God), freezing my God damn ass off. I climbed in through a window, finding myself in a bedroom with a naked man and woman, sleeping. Averting my eyes I crept out and found my way back down stairs.

Most everyone had left. Ben is passed out on a couch. Not far away from him, Orion is sitting on the floor, constructing a rather impressive house of cards. There's four empty card boxes next to him, and he's pulling cards from a fifth.

I screw up my face. "Did you sleep?"

He jumps, and I watch in absolute horror as the entire thing comes crashing down. He jumps to his feet.

"You fuck face!"

"I'm sorry!"

Orion scratches his head with both hands and then sighs heavily, looking at the mess. "It's okay. I guess. Just wish I would've gotten a picture of that..."

I'm shivering violently, teeth chattering. Ben is still somehow asleep in all the commotion. Orion cocks his head to the side. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in hours."

"On the balcony, evidently."

"Oh fuck! Dude!"

Orion rushes to me, slipping on the cards before he makes it to me. "It's like, negative three out there!"

"Is it?"

"Yeah!"

Well, that's scary. I begin to look at my hands and feel my ears. Everything is pretty numb.

"How long were you out there for?!"

"Fuck if I know dude! I just woke up!"

Orion takes off running and drapes my jacket over me a minute later. He then goes off running again. When he returns, he has two blankets. Lord knows where he found them. He then takes off running again. When he comes back he has Brad, who is yawning and stretching.

"Are you alright?" he asks me with a chuckle.

"I-I guess?"

"Do you have frostbite?"

"I d'no."

"Here gimme your hands."

Never did I think in my wildest dreams Brad Pierce would be holding my hands and looking at my feet for signs of frostbite on January 1st. When he's done checking me over, he chuckles and shakes his head.

"I don't think you were out there long. You probably passed out and the cold woke you back up. C'mon, I'll make you some hot chocolate, get you warmed up."

"Thanks..."

It was six in the morning. We waited a few hours for Ben to wake up. Brad was nice enough to make breakfast for the stragglers (we weren't the only ones). Once that was done, Brad called limos for all of us to take us to where we had to be.

As our limo picked us up, and we trudged through the snow, half-asleep, half-hungover, I stopped to look back at the mansion. Brad waved from the door, and I waved back. He looked so happy, smiling.

As our limo pulled away I twisted around, staring out the back window. I didn't know in that moment Brad would become a casualty of the lifestyle a few years later, dying at the young age of thirty eight. I didn't know we'd come to know a lot of people who would end up dying of overdoses, or becoming addicts, and ending up in rehabs. All I knew right then was I had admittedly had a lot of fun last night.

Once the limo turned, and I could no longer see the mansion, I looked at Orion. My dearest friend Orion, curled up, his knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, finally sleeping.

The only thing I knew right then was I worried about Orion. If I had fun last night, well...Then he was fucking screwed.

Author's Note: Please note that I tried to make doing coke sound disgusting. I have never done it myself, so I based it off movies and autobiographies of actual rock legends I've read. I wanted to make it sound as unappealing as possible.