I sit in the room

My head spinning with thoughts

Where a fire once burned

Now only a churn

I feel empty and ill

As I sit by the sill

Everything's gone cold

I'm really not bold

And I feel I should care

Soul's got a tear

Sitting here, doorway to despair

--The song Doorway to Despair, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

It's Saturday afternoon, the next day.

"Mom--Dad. I'm not going to college."

Silence.

My mom laughs. "I'm sorry dear, it sounded like you said you weren't going to college."

I swallow. "I did."

More silence.

"You're joking, right?" my dad asks flatly.

"N-no."

"May I ask, why?"

"Because of the band. We're going professional."

More silence.

"No you're not," my dad says.

I can tell this is going to get ugly. I don't want it to get ugly. My parents and I have a really good relationship. We rarely fight.

"Yeah we are."

"Sure sweetie," my mom says dismissively, "after college."

"No--now."

Even more silence. So I break it.

"We signed with EMI Records today."

Kaboom.

"You what?" my mother shrieks.

"Well unsign!" my dad shouts.

"That's not how it works," I tell them, my voice getting louder. "I can't."

"You call them," my dad says, "you call them up right now, and--"

"Woah, guys," Charlotte says, running down the stairs. "What's going on?"

"I just got back from their office," I snap at them, ignoring my sister "that's where I've been all day! It's legally binding. I can't."

"Oh for fucks sake!" my mom screams now. The rest of the discussion we're all screaming at each other. "I raised you to be smarter!"

Charlotte looks at me in a panic. "What's going on?"

"Was a lawyer there?" my mother continues. "Please tell me you weren't stupid enough to sign your life away without legal representation!"

"They provided a lawyer on our behalf, yes."

"A lawyer?" Charlotte says, really panicked. "What--"

"Go to your room Charlotte!" my mom snaps at her.

Charlotte growls loudly but complies, stomping upstairs loudly.

"Are you fucking stupid?" my dad chimes in. "They provided a lawyer--"

"I read over the documents, dad! Every single one! And I didn't fucking sign anything if I had a question, I didn't sign anything until I understood what I was signing. So no, I'm not fucking stupid--"

"You're only seventeen!" That's mom. "Don't you need a legal guardian?!"

"You have to be seventeen to sign, mother. Anything below that and yeah, I would've had to bring you with."

"What about school?" demands my father.

"Well, I'm going to finish out the school year, graduate, and that's it."

"Oh, so you think you have the world figured out, do you?" my mom rebuttals.

My dad's face is crimson. "We already paid for college! We can't get a fucking refund!"

"I'm not the one who wanted to go to college, you're just making me!" My throat is starting to hurt.

"Because it's what's best for you!"

"I know what's best for me, not you mom!"

"Well since you're so fucking high and mighty and have everything figured out at seventeen, then why are you here?"

I blink.

"No college, run away with a band, sign your life away. Since you're so fucking grown up you're not allowed under this roof anymore!"

I stop screaming. "W-what?"

"You're an adult now, Jake!" my mom screams at me. "You've decided you're going to sign with a record label, you decided you're not going to college...We don't support that decision, so if you don't get out of it you can't stay here."

"You're kicking me out?"

"Yes," my father is still bellowing. "You either live here by our rules, or you get out."

I can't believe this. My parents are seriously kicking me out.

"Fine!" I snap. And even though it's infantile, I stomp away. I stomp all the way upstairs where I start filling my bag. My bedroom door's open and I scream at them as I pack. "And here I thought you'd be HAPPY for me!"

"Happy?" my mom says. "Why on Earth would we be happy about you throwing your life away?"

"You hear your song on the radio once," rants my dad, "and it all goes to your head!"

"Twice, dad, I heard it twice! And it's on their rotation now!"

"Don't think you'll come crawling back here when this stupid pipe dream of yours dries up!"

"Why are you being such a jerk right now?"

"Why are you being so stupid right now?" my mom interjects with a retort on my dad's behalf.

"Oh yeah, mom, call me stupid, real mature--"

"It comes from a place of love, Jacob--"

"Love?" I shriek, my voice cracking. I stop what I'm doing and turn to the door, screaming in fury. "Love? Love would be you guys supporting my dream, no questions asked! Love would be being happy that my band got scouted at a gig!"

I quickly go over in my head if I have everything. Underwear, clothes, socks, school bag, guitar...it comes out to two duffel bags, my backpack, and my guitar. I literally was just grabbing everything and shoving it in bags. I go to my dresser where I have a picture of Stacy and I, hugging, tucked into the mirror frame. I carefully take it out and put it in my pocket.

When I turn around, Charlotte is standing in my doorway, looking like she might cry. I go to her quickly and pull her into a hug. When I do, she breaks down.

"What's going on?" she asks in a shaking voice.

"The band signed with EMI. But they're kicking me out."

We stop hugging and she cradles my head in her hands. She looks fiercely devoted. "I am so proud of you, do you understand me?"

I go to hug her again but she stops me, whispering.

"Don't listen to them. I believe in you. You got this." She then gives me a rogue-ish smile. "Don't be a stranger."

I gather up my things and hurry downstairs. When I get there, I glare at them.

"Love would be having faith that I'm not going to fall on my face." I sneer. "But you know what? It's fine. I know we're going to do well, and I'm going to prove you wrong. I don't need your encouragement. I got this."

I go towards the garage door.

"You're not taking the car," my mom calls.

I audibly growl and turn back around. When I stalk past them, I give them a final glare and leave.

~

"Hi."

"Uh...hi, Jake. What's up?"

"Well," I say happily, "my parents just kicked me out, so I was kinda wondering if I could stay here tonight, because I have to figure some shit out."

Orion's eyes go huge. "Your parents did what?"

"Yeah," I say, laughing. "They kicked me out when I told them I signed with EMI."

Orion gives me a sidelong look. "Uh...are you okay?"

"No," I laugh. "I cried most of the way here."

Orion moves aside and holds the door open so I can come in. As we head to his bedroom, he talks to his dad. "Jake is staying with us for awhile."

His dad waves a dismissive hand. I look as I pass his mother, sitting on the couch, but she doesn't seem to care, either. So I just adjust everything I'm carrying and follow Orion.

As I dump all my bags on the ground and stretch, Orion sits on his bed.

"Why didn't you go to Ben's house? I mean, not that you're not welcome here, of course you are, but..."

"I haven't heard from him yet. I didn't want to show up unannounced if they were tearing him a new one, too. My being there would've made things worse."

"And...you didn't think the same for me?"

I give him a look. "Orion."

"Okay, fair point. They're happy I'll be getting out of their hair soon." He scratches the back of his head. "Did you really walk across town with all that?"

"Yeah."

"You could've called. I would've asked my parents to pick you up."

"I didn't want to bother you."

Orion narrows his eyes. "Jacob."

"I know how it is with your parents," I whisper at him, "I didn't want to inconvenience them and have them take it out on you!"

Orion rolls his eyes. "You fucking got me out of jail, Jake. The least I could do is have my parents pick you up because you got kicked out."

Awkward silence. He speaks then. "So...how did all that go down, if you don't mind me asking?"

I shrug. "I screamed. They screamed. But it wasn't for ice cream."

Orion chuckles. 

"They said I was throwing my life away, I said I wasn't. They threw me out and here we are."

"What did Charlotte say?"

"That she supported me."

"Well that's good at least."

I nod.

"I thought you got along with your parents?"

I tisk angrily. "Yeah, so did I..."

Orion nods towards my two bags. "Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah...well, minus toiletries, I didn't grab those...But I'll buy those."

Orion looks at me seriously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Jake..." He gets up and comes over. "I know you. I know your parents not having faith in you is hard..."

"Whatever," I say, forcing a grin, "we'll just have to prove them wrong, right?"

Orion pulls me into a hug. I'm grateful for it, so I hug him back. We stand like that for a while, and honestly it's one of my favorite memories, period. It's one of my favorite memories because for once in my life I knew I was doing the right thing, and I had Orion confirming that.