❝ Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person? ❞ — Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star

Either the weather got milder that night or I was growing used to the cold from all those nights in Azkaban, where I went to bed shivering in my flimsy pajamas and even flimsier bed sheets. The promise of a crackling fire just behind me gave me the strength to endure the night as I sat outside the door of the shed with a dagger in hand.

I used the hem of the oversized coat that warmed me to sit on, so that my butt wouldn't freeze on the ground. Maybe the idea of staring into the pitch black forest for three hours would've sent goosebumps down my spine once, but I wasn't scared, despite Matt's constant worrying. Whatever sulked in the darkness had nothing on me now.

Besides, the forest wasn't all that dark. The magic it thronged with during the day seemed to have come alive in a different way now. The grass glimmered from the light of some fluorescent purple flowers I didn't remember seeing during the day. Or maybe they only glowed at nighttime. A strong scent of clove and something spicy, but not overbearing, hung in the air, and an aspen tree sparkled in the distance as though its trunk was wrapped in fairy lights.

What was this place? Did someone live here? We had yet to explore the other side of the island, but I wondered how safe it was to do so. I leaned back against the wooden door, closed my eyes and felt the crisp air blow on my exposed face. When everything was over, I wouldn't mind buying myself a remote island like this one with all the money I'd inherited from dad. I could use some peace and quiet, away from the chaos of everyday life, away from everyone and everything. I would need it.

My trail of thoughts was interrupted by a noise that made me jump in my seat. I strengthened my grip on the dagger. In the distance, there was a sloshing of water. My ears picked up the sound because it was unlike the gentle swirling of the tides. It was messy and loud, like someone propelling a boat through the sea. I held my breath. The sound of the boat rippling the waters got lower and lower—it was sailing away.

I debated whether it would be smart to run towards the beach and see if I could catch sight of it. How many people could be aboard? Would they be friendly, the type of people we could show ourselves to and scream for help at? After some consideration, I decided to stay where I was. There was just as good of a chance they wouldn't be all that nice, and I couldn't run the risk. The last thing I needed was to give our location away to potential Ministry Aurors or people that worked for them.

"Polly?"

I turned and drew the dagger. Matt jumped back from the half-open door, holding his hands up in defense.

"Whoa. It's just me."

I lowered my dagger and exhaled. "Time to switch already?"

"I mean, don't let me stop you if you're enjoying yourself out here, but I thought you could use some sleep."

As if it were his words that reminded me it was four in the morning, a yawn tore out of my throat. I rubbed my watery eyes and stood up, the familiar sensation of pins and needles creeping up my legs. I was sitting with them crisscrossed for god knows how long.

As soon as the feeling ebbed, I handed the coat and dagger back to Matt and entered the shed. The fire was almost out, but the warmth of it lingered in the small living room. It was the last straw my exhausted brain needed.

At least the night shift system took care of the sleeping arrangements. I all but collapsed on the block of stone covered by the woolen blanket, and drifted off the moment my eyelids fluttered shut.

I woke up to the sound of arguing.

"And why not?"

"Because, Theo, you still haven't recovered, and like you said, it's only getting worse. Leave it to me."

"You're running on four hours of sleep and spent the night on guard duty. And you got us food last night, and wood for the fire. Polly did the other half. What do I get to do?"

"My guy, trust me, I'd love to split the work. You think I wouldn't like to sit back and relax too? You think I don't need it?"

"My point exactly. So let me go out there today."

"No, dude," Matt insisted. "You're gonna get worse."

"For the love of God, I'm not made of glass!" There was the screeching of a chair being pushed across the floor. "How 'bout I have a say in any of this, huh?"

"Theo, what's up with you? You've never acted like this before."

"Oh, my bad. I forgot you were the one with a fatal disease here, Matthias."

"Jesus," I groaned, sitting up. "Are you two really in the mood to fight this early in the morning?"

Theo turned to me and pointed an accusing finger at Matt. "He started it. He won't let me go out to get wood."

"Seriously?" Matt rolled his eyes. "What are you, five?"

Theo scoffed. He shot Matt a look of contempt, glared at me, then stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

"Geez," I said.

Matt closed his mouth that was left hanging and shook his head like he was thinking 'what the hell did I just see?'

"I don't know what's up with him," he said. "It baffles me, honestly. I've never seen so much anger in him before, and I've known him since I was eleven."

"You've known him in a different time."

Matt's shoulders slumped. "I suppose you're right. Some days, I wonder how I haven't lost my own sanity yet." He approached the fireplace and took the bottle of water in one hand. It was almost empty. "I'll go fill this up. Also, I plan to circle the whole island today. Find out what's on the other side."

"I'm coming with you," I said. "I didn't tell you last night, but I heard a boat. There's definitely people in the island with us. You can't go alone and, well—" I tipped my chin in the direction of the bedroom. "I don't feel like sitting around with Mr Angry Face for the rest of the day."

That made Matt chuckle. "Alright. I could use company, and someone with more guts than me."

He filled up the bottle with water from the sink as I used the rope in the storage to form some sort of belt around my wait, where I fastened one of the daggers. Matt took the other dagger and thrusted it in the pocket of the coat, which he decided to take with him, even though I told him we wouldn't need it. Well, I wouldn't; I'd gotten used to the weather and I figured it would be more of a nuisance than a help, but he insisted it might come in handy regardless.

So we drank two glasses of water, took an empty container to store any food we might find, and took off. The chirping of birds and the buzzing of cicadas followed us as we made our way deeper and deeper into the enchanted forest.

"Theo said he needs Shrivelfig," I said once we were a considerable distance in. "It's the only ingredient he's missing from a Healing Potion."

"Alright," Matt said. "We'll see if we can find any."

I decided to lead the way since I had explored more of the area than Matt. Every now and then, I kept turning my head, even though the beach was no longer in sight. I kept my ears peeled for another sound of a sailing boat.

"Look," Matt whispered. I stopped and turned. He was pointing to some bushes of blueberries. "I told you we would need the coat."

He approached the bushes and started filling his hands with the berries, as I held one of the containers open. I only told him to stop when the container was filled to the brim. He took it from my hands and put it inside one of the large pockets of the coat.

"We have to be careful," I said. "If we hear a noise, we turn the other way and run."

"Good point. I don't feel like being eaten alive after all the hell I went through to survive."

Survive. The word brought back images from that night, Stella's pleading voice muffled by the water and bubbles, her head bobbing in and out of water, her hand so out of reach . . . I shook my head. Matt took notice of my change in mood and put a hand on my shoulder. I managed a smile and forced myself to continue forward.

The deeper into the forest we went, the more it felt like trudging through different land. The grass turned a deeper shade of green, almost artificial—looking in its perfection, and the trees grew towering—when I craned my head to look at their crowns, I almost fell backwards.

"How about this?" I said. "We go back and start walking around the island. You know, along the seashore. I don't think this is safe. How does that sou—Matt?"

I turned, confused. There was no sight of him. My heart started to pick up its pace. I took a couple of steps forward, but something made me freeze in my tracks. Footsteps. A snapping of twigs. Before I could turn, a hand seized my arm and pulled me behind a tree.

"Wha—"

A palm pressed against my mouth.

"Shh," Matt said, raising a finger to his lips. My eyes, from widened with shock, narrowed in a frown. He lowered his voice to a panicked whisper. "There's someone out there."

He lowered his hand and I breathed hard. We pressed our backs further into the trunk of the tree as the crunching of leaves under heavy steps grew closer. Then it stopped, five feet or so away from us. Matt and I exchanged a confused look.

"Did you get the chance to see who it was?" I asked nonverbally, too scared to risk being heard.

He shook his head. "I was trying to catch another rabbit when I heard them approaching and then hid."

We waited. The frenzied beats of my heart still hadn't calmed, and I grew more aware of them once the sound of footsteps picked up again. Then I realized the person was leaving. Slowly, I inclined my head around the tree trunk, ignoring Matt who was pulling at my sleeve to discourage me from doing so. Nobody was there. I was about to withdraw my head again, when I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye. A flock of waist-length black hair disappearing behind the trees.

I stepped out, cold sweat running down my back.

"Did you see anything?" Matt whispered.

He moved away from the tree and started scanning the area.

"There was a woman. I saw her hair . . . she was leaving in a hurry."

Matt frowned. "A woman? Who do you th—"

He trailed off as his eyes landed on something in the distance. His mouth hung open. Before I could ask what he saw, he broke off in a run toward the area where the strange woman had been. Then I saw it too. She had left behind a basket. It was covered with a white cloth and the more I stared at it, the more surreal it seemed.

Matt was leaning over it with a dagger in hand, as if afraid a baby dragon would pop out.

"We could check it out," I said. "I don't think it's anything dangerous. Do you think that's the woman helping us?"

He considered the thought and lowered the dagger.

"That makes sense. You said she was running off, wasn't she?"

I nodded. "Do you think we should go after her?"

"No," Matt said. "She's probably gone now. Could have Apparated somewhere else, which would further prove my point that this place isn't safe. If we try to go after her, we could run into the people she's running away from."

"Good point."

I glanced down at the basket. It looked so innocent and promising, sitting in the middle of the tall grass like an image out of the perfect picnic scenery. I only hesitated for another moment before my growling stomach got the best of me. With shaky fingers, I lifted the cloth.

"Wow," Matt breathed.

The basket contained two large loaves of white bread, a whole roasted chicken inside a plastic bowl—like the type you'd buy on the pre-made meal section of a supermarket—and a glass container holding two large figs. As I looked closer, I realized they weren't normal figs. My stomach dropped. They were Shrivelfigs, the ones we set out to find for Theo's Healing Potion.

"Is this a dream?" Matt said. "I feel like I'm having a fever dream. Polly, pinch me."

I laughed in disbelief. The more I stared at the food in the basket, the more surreal it seemed. I reached a hesitant hand to touch one of the loaves that emitted that delicious scent of freshly baked bread. It was warm and soft under my fingertips. My mouth started to water.

"At this point," I said. "I'm so hungry, I don't even care if this is a trap and I end up poisoned."

"Oh, honey, I'm right there with you."

With happy tears and beaming faces, we took the basket to the shed as fast as our legs would carry us, the goal of getting to the other edge of the island temporarily forgotten. As tempting as the roasted golden-brown chicken looked, we decided to save it for lunch. I sank my teeth into the soft, warm bread and drank glasses and glasses of water until my stomach was full and I could hardly move.

It was the closest to feeling happy I had come in a long time. So, naturally, it didn't last.

It started when the door of the shed opened and Theo walked in. Matt and I stared first at each other, than him. We thought he was sleeping in the bedroom. His eyes fell on the food and narrowed.

"Where did y'all get that?"

"Our anonymous hero," said Matt with a tiny smile. "Look what else she left for you in the basket."

"She left a basket?"

Theo approached the basket that Matt had placed on the empty chair and lifted the white cloth to look at the small container of Shrivelfigs. He opened the lid and started examining the fruits like it was his first time seeing them.

"Did you get to meet her?" he asked.

"No," I said. "We hid behind a tree when we heard her approaching. I could only catch the back of her head as she ran off."

"Why would she run off if she's tryna help us?"

"For the same reason she didn't show her face when we first got here," Matt said. "It's probably not safe. There are other people on the other side of the island. Polly heard a boat taking off last night."

I nodded. "It's true. We decided to circle the island today, but after seeing that woman flee like that, it wouldn't be safe. We don't know who else is here."

"And you realized that only after seeing the woman?" Theo retorted.

"I realized it as we were getting deeper into the woods," I defended. "I was about to call for Matt and tell him to take the route along the seashore, but then the woman was coming and there was no time."

"Along the shore or through the woods, it don't matter. It's a stupid plan. We got no wands and there could be Aurors on the other side, waiting for us to come out. Y'all almost blew our cover, and for what? Curiosity?"

"We need proper shelter," Matt said, sensing that Theo was starting to get heated again. "Food, too. Hunting will only get us so far here. There's not many animals and most of the plants are inedible. Besides, we can't stay hidden in here forever. You need help."

Theo rolled his eyes. "Here we go again. Back to me and my sickness. If y'all didn't notice, I just came back from being out. And what happened? Nothing. Did I drop dead because I stepped outside?"

Matt said nothing. But it would be ridiculous to ignore the abnormal shade of red that had spread across Theo's face. Even that morning, I'd noticed he was looking feverish and paler than usual, but now it was evident from a mile away, and I knew Matt could see it, too.

Though I didn't know whether bringing that up would be the smartest idea right now.

"There's no reason to get so heated, dude." Matt sounded tired. I didn't blame him. "We just care about you. If I was still recovering from freaking Dragon Pox, hell, I'd understand."

"But y'all are treating me like a child. D'you think it's not driving me nuts, sittin' here all day, staring at these bland walls, while y'all go out venturing into the woods?"

Something told me I'd later regret interfering, but I couldn't help myself.

"We weren't going on a fun little excursion," I said. "And for the record, finding Shrivelfig was also on our to-do list. You're welcome, by the way."

"Oh, so you were expecting a thanks as well?" he sneered. "It ain't like you went out of your way to find it when someone dropped it off."

I rose from my seat.

"I don't know what's gotten into you—" I could feel the heat rise to my ears. "But you need to stop taking your anger out on me and Matt. I don't care that you're sick and tired of sitting around. Boo freaking hoo. We're doing the most with what we can. Sorry for giving a shit and not wanting to see you dead, I guess."

"Stop acting like that's what this is all about, alright?" he snapped. "You don't care, not really. You just feel guilty."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're tryna compensate for what happened to Stella."

I felt the blood drain from my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Matt rising to his feet. I could feel the weariness in his movements. Theo gave a scornful smirk that looked so out of place on him, I felt like I was staring at a completely different person. Sure I hadn't known him that long, but what I had known of him never came across as mean-spirited. Now, it seemed like I was standing in front of a version of Theo that was possessed by a demon.

"Alright, dude, that's enough," said Matt firmly.

But I wasn't done. "You don't have to rub it in my face, you know. I beat myself up about what happened every damn night. You could never blame me as much as I blame myself."

"Good," Theo snapped. "Cause the more I think about it, the more I realize Jo was right about you. You're rash and immature and only seek your own interest."

"Stop it," Matt said. His voice was angry. "I know damn well Jo never said that."

Theo ignored him and stepped closer towards me. "Jo talked to me for a long time that night that he was telling me he wanted to stay behind. He mentioned how y'all didn't see eye to eye. How he told you to give it one more day, just one more darned day so he could think of a better plan. But you were in such a hurry to leave."

"I was in a hurry to leave—" I was yelling now. "Because you caught Dragon Pox and were about to die. And you're supposed to help me end the war. There's a whole fucking prophecy we're meant to fulfill! I didn't want all my effort to go to waste because you had a death wish."

His face shifted from rage to utter confusion. "What on earth are you on about?"

Of course, he didn't know. The day Matt told me all about the prophecy and Breeze's plan was the day Theo caught Dragon Pox, so Matt hadn't explained anything to him because he felt all hope was lost.

"Let's all calm down," said Matt, raising his hands as if to still the waters. "Theo, I'll tell you everything once you've chilled out."

"So you're just proving my point," Theo said, ignoring him once again. "It wasn't about me. It was about this stupid prophecy and your effort not going to waste." His voice took on a mocking pitch. "I wonder if it was even about Stella. Did she have some part in this prophecy, too?"

"Don't you dare," I spat out between clenched teeth. "Don't you dare bring her into this. I cared about her life more than I did about mine."

"That's why you let her die?"

Matt grabbed his arm in warning. "Theo—"

"I bet you're wondering if you shoulda let me die instead. That's why you're pretending to act all worried now. To hide the fact you wish you had let me die, and that you'd given it one more day as Jo suggested. Don't even deny it. I can see your thoughts."

"You know what—"

He cut me off. "You killed Stella."

"Theodore!" Matt cried.

My vision darkened. I reached for a plate from the table and hurled it in his direction. Matt yelped; Theo ducked. The plate hit the wall and broke with a loud shatter into hundreds of shards that flew across the room. My whole face was burning.

Theo let out a scoff. It seemed like he was about to say something, but I didn't let him. I strode out of the shed, slamming the door so loud that its hinges protested, and headed for the beach.

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hsjsjshj soo there's so much angst rn but it will make sense & get better eventually, i promise 🤧

also update on my driving shit: i passed my theory exam and got my permit eyyy we love to see it!