It's been a month since I got here, in the the past month Hux and I have gotten closer it's nice to have a friend that you can trust especially in this place. I'm not close to many of the stormtroopers, except for one I have become friends with. He hates it here, it's a cold place to have to grow up, they call him FN-2187 they don't have names here, it's so cruel to think that Snoke completely takes away their identity even their names. Snoke even gave me a new name... he calls me Kylo Ren.

He gave me a new uniform black pants, a black shirt, a black cowl and a black mask.

Snoke gave me a lightsaber, he said it belonged to my grandfather, but I had to modify it to hold my kyber crystal because it was unstable, giving it a unique shape.

When I woke up this morning it was still completely dark outside, the sun had not rose in the dark sky yet and darkness still filled my room.

I didn't see a clock anywhere so I have no idea what time it is, even if there was one in this room I probably couldn't see it because of the darkness that surrounded me.

I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, it was solid gray and had copper beams that ran across it holding up the ceiling, the walls in my room are also solid gray, only it is solid concrete which would explain why it's kind of cold in here, and it would explain my lack of sleep my arm kept touching it throughout the night making me jolt awake from the icy touch on my arm.

The floor is the same gray concrete as the walls, cold and colorless.

I sat up and turned on the lamp that was beside my bed deciding that getting up was probably better than laying on the hard rock that the First Order decided that they liked to call a bed, with it's terrible green blankets disgusting, once I was done putting on my black boots that were on the floor in front of my bed, I walked over to the door that led out of my room.

I opened it and walked outside into the hallway, it was dimly lit just like the rest of the base the only light source was from the light fixtures that hung from the ceiling, but it didn't provide much light to the dark hallway.

I walked down the completely empty hallway, it felt like no one lived in the entire base but me, which I knew to be wrong, but still the eery quite sent a chill up my spine.

I came around a corner, as I did I saw Hux standing by the door that led to his room, that he had apparently just walked out of.

"Hey you're up early," Hux said when he saw me.

"Yeah I didn't really sleep well last night," I replied remembering the cold wall that disturbed my sleep.

"Yeah I understand I didn't sleep good for awhile when I first got here too," Hux said looking down the hallway.

"Yeah" I replied looking at the floor.

"Well breakfast is ready in the cafeteria," Hux said as we started walking in that direction.

With each step I took I could feel the dread rising inside of me, today I would have to go out into the city to collect the children for the First Order, which is the other thing that kept me awake last night.

"Are you okay?" Hux asked looking over at me, he must have noticed my worried expression.

"It's just today...." I said trailing off.

"Yeah I know what you mean," Hux mumbled as we walked up to the big metal door that led to the cafeteria.

I opened the door for Hux and me to walk inside the room. Once we were in, I closed it behind us. The room was already full of people, the odd thing is that I could see some new faces that I've never seen before, perhaps they have been out on a mission for the First Order, which I didn't really want to know what they were doing for the First Order... whatever it was couldn't be good.
Hux gestured for me to follow him over to the line where you were served your food. The line moved along pretty quickly.

A lady that stood behind the counter handed me and Hux a bowl of food and a slice of bread. Once we had our food we walked over to an empty table and sat down to eat. FN-2187 walked up and sat down beside Hux.

"Hey," FN-2187 said.

"Hey," Hux replied.

Hux and FN-2187 started talking about something, but I couldn't seem to focus on what it was, I was to zoned out.

"Are you okay?" FN-2187 asked looking at me from across the table. He must have noticed that I was playing with my food rather then eating it and wasn't participating in the conversation.

"Yeah... I guess," I replied.

"Are you nervous about today?" Hux asked.

"Yeah, I feel like I'm betraying everything my family stood for," I whispered to where only Hux and FN-2187 could hear me.

"Yeah I understand I feel the same way, I wish there was something that we could do," Hux whispered back looking down at his food.

"Why don't you just run, run away from this place?" FN-2187 suggested.

"I can't Snoke will destroy everything and everyone I know and love," I replied.

Silence fell over our table and for rest of our meal It stayed that way, FN-2187 had to stay here he had not yet passed to be a stormtrooper yet. But both me and Hux were dreading what we knew we had no way of stopping, hurting the people and taking their children away from them, and betraying everything our families had worked and died for. That is the thing that is haunting me, it's keeping me on edge, no matter how much I tell myself it's what my father would do if he were here, I can't help but feel like he would be disappointed in me. But I would do anything to save the people I love, especially my mother she's all I have left, she is my world and if anything happened to her my world would come crashing down beneath my feet and cave in around me, crushing me under the weight of the rubble leaving me in ash and ruin. That is the thought that is haunting me, my appetite has all but disappeared, I wish I could see my mom right now, to be back home with her. I looked over at FN-2187 he looks worried too even though he wouldn't be there he knew what we had to do, Hux looked devastated, I can't imagine how it must be for him right now.

Once Hux, FN-2187 and I had finished eating, Me and Hux were told to go to the front of the base and stand at the bottom of the white marble steps. We said our goodbyes to FN-2187 before we left.

Once we reached the bottom of the steps we stood with the other men and stormtroopers, Snoke walked out and stood at the top of the steps I assume that he takes great pleasure in seeing everyone below him.

"You will split up and make your rounds in pairs, go out and reek havoc on the city, my troopers," Snoke shouted to the stormtroopers in front of him. He then turned around and walked back into the base leaving us to do his dirty work.

"Snoke seems like he likes to stand above everyone else and control them" I said looking over at Hux as we walked down the street away from the others.

"Yes, he likes to think he can replace our family that he is the only thing we have left, to provide a false sense of security," Hux said looking at the houses that we passed by. "He wants us to believe it so in reality he can send us out into the galaxy like blood thirsty heathens that he claims we are to the innocent people of the galaxy and descend on them like they are our prey," Hux said looking over at me.

I nodded my head. I hated Snoke more than ever before, how could I have let this happen?

Hux and I reached the first house, we walked up to the door and Hux knocked on it. A lady that looked to be in her twenties opened the door, there was a little boy holding on to her skirt. "How may I help you?" the lady asked with a sweet smile.
I looked over at Hux I couldn't do it, I just couldn't she seemed so sweet, and her warm smile was breaking my heart, along with her child holding on to her like that.

"Um..." I started trying to find anything to say but nothing I could think of would keep that sweet smile on her face. Hux had the same look on his face, pained, like he was going to break if he said anything to do with the First Order. "I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to the city center?" I asked unable to say anything else.

"Oh yes you just keep following this street and you'll find it," the lady replied smiling.

"Thank you," I said and turned to leave, Hux following behind me. The lady went back inside her house with her child and we continued on. I heard a sigh escape from Hux when we were away from the house.

"I couldn't do it," I said as we walked down the street.

"Yeah me either... did you see her face? I haven't seen anyone that happy in a long time," Hux said.

"Yeah I didn't want to see it leave her face," I replied.

"And the boy when I looked at him I just saw myself I knew if we took him he would become like me," Hux said.

I nodded my head.

We continued to the next house each one was just as hard as the one before, we had to take some children if we didn't get any Snoke would take it out on the people, but we just couldn't. Luckily for us the first house was the only one on that street who had any children.

It was around three in the afternoon when we reached the center of the city. When we did Snoke and everyone from the base had gathered there, but no one from the city, I assume they are in their houses with their doors locked, I don't blame them though.

Me and Hux stood aside in a line awaiting our orders. Once everyone else had finished giving the children over to the people in charge of the stormtrooper program, Snoke stood in front of us walking back and forth looking all of us over.

"Kylo Ren I need to speak to you," Snoke said once he got to me.

I froze, he couldn't have known what I did could he? No one was there but me, the lady and... Hux, how could I be so foolish I never should have trusted him and now Snoke knows everything I said.

I looked over at Hux expecting to see an evil smirk on his face, but when I did I saw a worried expression, he was biting his lower lip, his brows were frowned together and his eyes held panic. I don't know if that comforted me or made more nervous.
I walked over to Snoke, he was standing off to the side. Once I got to where he was standing, he looked down at me, "ah Kylo Ren, this was your first time coming out into the city, how was your time?" Snoke asked.

I was confused what was he up to? "It was thrilling", I said trying to sound as believable as possible.

"I'm glad you think so... you are Kylo Ren and I want you to lead the six knights of Ren upon the city to collect the children and other things, would you be interested?" Snoke asked will an evil smirk on his face.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing Snoke wants me to lead the knights of Ren around the city? I have only been here for a month? There has to be something he's not telling me, there has to be something else.

"I would be honored," I said deciding that I would talk to Hux about it later.

"Good," Snoke said as he nodded his head.

"Kylo Ren," Snoke said putting a hand on my shoulder, I wanted nothing but to shove it off but I reframed from the idea, so I just started at him expectingly. "Kylo Ren... One of my pilots informed me that, we located the Resistance this morning, it was destroyed, I'm afraid no one was left alive" Snoke said.

At that my mind went blank she was dead... my mom was dead. At that I died inside, my world fell apart I had nothing left. I could barely even acknowledge Snoke leaving.

"What's wrong?" I hard someone ask but I felt too numb to realize who it was or to even care.

"Kylo Ren... Kylo Ren what's wrong?... are you okay?" The voice kept saying.

"Ben... come on you got to talk to me... Ben... you're worrying me," Hux said holding my shoulders trying to get a response out of me.

"My mother... everyone I know and love is dead," I whispered a single tear ran down my face.

Hux looked down "I'm sorry," he whispered sadness spread across his face.

That was all I could take, the tears ran down my face non stop, Hux pulled me into a hug, he let me cry on his shoulder as my world fell apart beneath my feet.