i need to speak like i mean it, but i'm trying: when i grow up i want to be dead. i tried to wash these thoughts away but soap is fucking placebo.

i thought i was finally going to be happy. i thought i would go back to running through supermarkets and dancing in thrift stores. wearing yellow crop tops and sloppy-kissing cheeks, cold coca cola cans at sunset and pink pants on dates with scorpios. kicks in brown boots and walks in black uggs, marriage in yellow converse and exams in green vans. i get on the bus and feel alive at every hard turn, get car sick and vomit a whole forest right in front of him. shit.

i live my life like i'm waiting for something else. i live my life through shower curtains and duvets. like my friends don't love me and like i'm flying through dimension x. like i just got kissed. like i just met the love of my life. like curly hair ruffled by the wind. like headbangs with bobs. like a garage band by fifteen year olds. like i'm just saying whatever comes to mind. like january and november had a baby in september.

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hello dis book needs to retire but ill keep her alive just in case i develop a crush (god forbid!) when i go back to school next week

also "it" was mad good who watched it i think eddie had some hard ass lines lmao he just said them at the worse times what u gotta do man his pills are fucking gazebos