Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and unaccepting parents

Yeah it's 5AM almost 5:30 I should be sleeping but I'm not fight me
I do feel bad for posting a vent tho please don't worry about me I'll get over it I just thought it might help to write this out I guess also yes this is based on a thing that happened if you're wondering it was really shitty

Life is great.

My parents found out that I was transgender. For the first time ever instead of being angry, yelling, acting like I'm stupid, they decide to sit and listen. I'm allowed to explain my situation. My mother finally understands the pain that I have been through, understands that I can't change this. I didn't choose to be this way. My father realizes just how happy I am as a boy, and accepts that maybe he was wrong.

My parents accept me. They love me, truly love me now that they accept every part of me that I can't change. My chest floods with warmth, eyes brimming with tears as I feel happiness like I've never felt it before. I never though I would be able to feel this loved.

I'm able to start my transition with the help of my family now. With every time I hear my name uttered by my family, every time I'm referred to as a male, I get that feeling again. I could have never imagined that being loved felt this amazing. I could never have imagined that this could actually happen.

My mom hugs me while I cry. It happens often now, feeling the overwhelming happiness swelling in my heart, bubbling up until I can't suppress the loud sob that spills past my lips, or the excited blabbering littered with thanks for my family being there for me.

The joy continues to build up until it's painful, like my heart has burst in my chest. The feeling takes my breath away, leaving me gasping for air as the weight of arms wrapped around me disappears. My chest still burns, and when I open my eyes I'm no longer surrounded by a loving, supportive family.

The early morning light shines in through the window, illuminating me sitting up now in bed. I place a hand over my heart, gripping tightly at the front of my shirt, still drawing in short, shallow breaths.

My chest feels cold, and hollow. Memories flash through my mind, a stark contrast to those of my dream. My mom yelling and angry, not believing me when I try to tell her how I feel, barely even bothering to listen to what I have to say. My dad, who doesn't know that I'm trans, saying terrible things about others like me. Saying they should just kill themselves and rid the world of them.

My hand presses harder against my chest, almost as if it could reach inside to try and fill the hollow void that has taken place there. My eyes burn but they're not happy tears. The sobs that scratch my throat are quiet, trying not to draw attention from a family that would never understand, would never accept me, would never be able to make me feel the love that I felt in my dream. Curling into myself I wrap my arms around my body to mimic a hug I never received, squeezing my eyes closed as I wish I could just go back to sleep, that I could live in this happy dream world where I am loved.

A bitter thought crossed my mind as I cry over a feeling that will never be real.

Life is just great.

Also feel like I should mention I do love my parents and know they love me but like y'know sometimes things suck