how can one fit in with their old friends that you have so many memories with?

I don't understand....

I can't talk to anyone the way I used to....

I can't reply to a roleplay without feeling intimidated or the feeling that someone will be mad at me....

Especially since they laughed at my mistake yesterday....

I can't reply to them now....

I can't reply to anyone anymore.....

It feels like  I'm nobody....

It feels like nobody cares about me or what I say anymore....

The only time when someone replies to me when I rant is when I say that I want to die

But that's only one person out of 6 people on the server....

My friend who I said that I trusted and that I sometimes go to for help is barely on anymore and is now hanging out with his skype friends more than those on the discord server....

they told me to be more active

they told me to say more

but when i do that....

no one replies to anything

no one says anything to a rant or to something they like

or they just leave and come back when someone more important says something

Do they know how much it hurts?

How much it hurts to try to get someone to listen to me

How much it hurts to try to find someone who will support me

How much it hurts to find my savior to bring me out of this neverending suffering

When can I be happy again?

When can I feel like I have friends again?

When can i feel loved again?

......................................................................................

is it okay......

if i can die?

Can i die now?