So here's a little info about my family before we start the story

My dad is your classic redneck American dad

Owns a shotgun, overweight, tall, "no dating till you're married", can eat more food than you knew it was humanly possible to eat (omg I love him sm tho)

My mom is your classic sassy Italian lady from the hood

Skinny af but still weight oriented, sassy af as I've mentioned, will fuck you up and give no mercy (not the same way as me tho)

My sister is your classic little sister from hell

Has tried to kill me, cut my hair without my permission, yells at me even tho I'm 4.5 years older and a foot taller, you get the picture

So onto the story

I'm exactly like my dad, except I'm short and I will fight you, and he's pretty docile

Tonight my sister is at her friends house and my mom is in the city with her friends

And my dad's like "Hey, I found this pastrami place, so ya wanna try it?"

And mind you, my sister and my mom are finicky and petite, so my dad and I are gluttons whenever we can

.... we were literally debating making hamburgers with pancakes in place of the buns

.... we're disgustingly American

So I'm like "yeah sure" and he goes to get it

He comes home and it's nauseating how much greasy, fatty food there was, coming from US.

I ate literally less than half my sandwich, and at this point I'm in a food coma and I'm pretty sure I'm going into cardiac arrest

And my dad asks, "Are you going to finish that?"

I look over and he finished EVERYTHING, AND THEN HE PROCEEDS TO EAT THE OTHER HALF OF MY SANDWICH

So I'm a mostly healthy fourteen year old girl with fucking heartburn and this guy is eating three times what killed me

I'm about to get in the shower because I'm just disgusted with myself and need to cleanse like omg