Alyssa ♔
_______________

The moment she says it, this tremor in her voice, I'm in survival mode. My mother is in no position to fix this, which means I'll need to be the one to take control of this situation, even if I have no idea what I'm doing.

I go to sit down before realizing that the barstools are gone. Leaning against the counter, I take a deep breath, then another, letting the gravity of our situation settle in. And when it does, I feel sick.

It shouldn't surprise me that Justin's dad would do something like this. Justin had to get his bad behavior from somewhere, and I'd never felt comfortable alone in his presence, but to threaten to kill my mother over something my father did is too extreme for me to process.

"Alyssa, I'm so sorry," Mom says, walking around the counter to hug me. "Not just for this but everything. Your father and I have made too many mistakes to count, and driving you away was the biggest."

"Forget about that now. Come on," I say, leading my mother into the living room. Sunlight filters through the lattice windows, casting ghostly rays on the vacant spaces. I try not to think about how screwed we are and place her on the lonely ottoman.

Kneeling in front of her, I take a deep breath. Talking through our issues is going to have to wait. "I need you to tell me everything from the beginning, and don't leave anything out."

She balls her hands into fists in her lap, taking a moment to collect herself. "All I know is that your father made a business deal with Justin's dad, and when things went south, and they started losing money, your father took it as an opportunity to shave some money off the top without anyone noticing."

My eyes harden when it occurs to me so many of these problems are a result of my dad, who has somehow skipped out on the consequences. "How much is there left to pay?"

She pauses, looking at her hands like she can't bear to look at me. "Three million."

What feels like a clenched fist hits my stomach. Three million dollars. Pulling together that kind of money when there's nothing left to sell would mean selling the house, and even then, that would take a long time. Something tells me Justin's dad won't want to wait around.

For a second, I contemplate running. We could use what little money we had to rent a motel somewhere, find a job to keep us on our feet, and put I'd college on hold until Justin's dad stopped looking for us. While it's not exactly a tip-top deal when it comes to my future, at least we'd be safe. But deep down, I know I can't do it. I didn't stand up to Justin just to fall victim to his father, and I didn't go through all I have just to give up now.

We need to stay and fight.

"Can he go to the police if we don't pay?" I ask.

"I don't think so," she says. "Not without incriminating himself."

The panic eases slightly. I can finally breathe. "Then we don't need to do anything," I say. "We're not going to give in to his bullying tactics. He's not getting a penny from us."

Mom gets up now, the lines on her forehead showing her age. "He sounded serious on the phone, Alyssa. Your father is gone, I'm alone in this big house, and I no longer have money to hire security. I'll be a sitting duck."

I don't say anything for a minute. Part of me can't help but think this is some rouse to get me back, but then I look at her face, at the fear in her eyes, and I know I'm being ridiculous.

"What if," I say, my breathing slow, "I move back in for a while – just until this whole thing blows over."

She looks up slowly, surprised. "You'll come home?"

I falter, but seeing her broken like this tugs my heartstrings. Maybe she doesn't deserve my help after everything, and maybe after this, nothing will change, but Maddie's right. I have to decide how I want things to be, and right now, I want to forgive.

"For now," I say, "and only if we agree on some rules beforehand." She nods and sits down again, waiting for me to continue. Feeling like the parent here, I fold my arms. "For starters, you no longer have any say in what I do. Not how I look, where I go, or who I hang out with. Okay? I've been living by myself just fine, and I'm not giving up my independence."

"I promise," she says, hugging me again. "I won't say a word about any of it. I'm just glad you're coming home." 

I hug her back, feeling every bone in her body as she stretches around me. Please don't make me regret this.

Eventually, I pull away to squeeze her hand, giving her one last look. "I have to go and visit a friend in the hospital now," I say, "and then I need to grab my stuff from my friend's dorm, but I'll be home straight after. We can talk properly then, okay?"

She swallows hard. I can tell she's afraid of being alone, but she's trying not to show it. "Okay."

"I'll be back as soon as possible," I say. "Keep the doors locked and your phone next to you. The security system is still in place, even if no one's operating it, so as soon as there's a sign of forced entry, it should automatically call the cops. You have nothing to worry about, okay?"

She nods again, her shoulders easing, and with a final hug, I grab my keys before heading out. As always when it hits this time, the LA traffic is a bitch. I power through it, trying to keep calm despite my growing frustration, but by the time I arrive, it's almost the end of visitation. I hurry into the reception, where a kind nurse offers to show me the way to his room. When we get there, I smile and thank her before stepping inside, walking toward a sleeping Kino.

I lean over his bed as he lies there motionless, his body covered in a kaleidoscope of bruises. The air is heavy with the scent of antiseptic, mingling with the faint smell of tulips from the small bouquet I brought to cheer him up. I place it with all the others, my gaze falling to the Ipad on the table, paired with a sticky note that says, In case you need some music to listen to. I sink into the armchair opposite and pick up the IPad, scrolling through Tupac songs.

Of course.

"Twenty-three to be precise," Kino says. "I think he did it just to torture me."

My eyes widen, and I put down the Ipad before turning to face him, seeing his eyes are still closed. "Hey," I say softly, scooting forward. "How are you feeling?" My hand finds his across the duvet, squeezing it tight. "You look terrible."

He tries to smile, then winces. "I feel terrible, but at least they said I can leave tomorrow."

"That's good, at least." I pause and then, "How's your mom doing?"

"Oh, she's furious. Said she doesn't know what she did to give birth to such stupid kids. I can tell Max feels pretty bad about it–" he turns his head fully and grins, "–he's never been so nice to me."

My eyes soften. I haven't wanted to talk about him, not when I'm here for Kino, but I can't help but ask, "Have you seen him today?"

"He stopped by this morning," he says. "Looked pretty cut up. Said he'd back later after his delivery shift." He stops to tug on a fray on his quilt, looking guilty. "I feel bad for him. He got a call from his coach this morning, and it didn't sound good. I think he's out of the fight for the good."

"That's awful for him." My voice cracks, and the sterile white walls of the room close in on us, the bright lights too harsh against his pale skin. Even though I'm fighting them back, the first few tears fall.

It's not just Max's bad news making me upset. It's everything, from Kino being in the hospital to my dad on the run to my mother sitting alone in her home, too afraid to leave the house. For once, I want the people I care about to catch a break.

"Hey, don't cry," Kino says, sounding uncomfortable. "He'll be alright."

"I know," I say, swallowing my tears. "I just hate that everything is so messed up right now."

He drops his gaze to the tubes in his arm, thinking deeply. "You know what I think?"

"What?"

"Sometimes things have to get messed up to get better."

I can't help it; I smile. "So profound, oh wise one."

"I know. I'm a profound guy." He waits a beat and then, all serious, says, "I know I've never said it before, but I'm sorry for how I acted when I found out about you guys."

My eyebrow flies up. "That feels like forever go."

"Maybe," he says, "but I've been meaning to say it for a while. Nothing like a little near death to make you realize what's important. He'd kill me if he knew I said this, but–" his eyes find mine, dark and concerned, "I know he misses you."

My gut feels torn for the second time today. "I know he does," I say softly, "but I'm not here to talk about Max; I'm here for you."

He smiles. "Well, in that case–" he reaches for the Ipad, playing the first Tupac song in the playlist: Soldier Like Me. 

For the rest of visitation, we don't talk about Max. We sit and watch TikTok videos, laughing and listening to the Tupac playlist like he isn't in a hospital bed; we're just two happy teenagers waiting for college to begin. For a while, I really believe it. 

Once visitation is up, I say goodbye to Kino and head to Maddie's to get my stuff. She's not yet home, so I send her a message to explain what's happening and hurry to get back to my mom.

When I finally walk in, it's to her sitting on the ottoman and painting her nails. She looks up, first in panic, and then when it dawns on her, it's me, relief. "Do you want something to eat?" she asks. "I can make us some pasta for dinner if you'd like. Or maybe something else? We don't have a whole lot in the fridge but I'm sure I saw some–"

"Pasta's fine." There's an awkward silence as I stand here with my bags, still not used to being back. "I'm just going to put my stuff away. Do you need anything before I go?"

She shakes her head, so I heave my bags across my shoulder and hurry upstairs to my bedroom. Like everywhere else, the room is empty. The only thing left is my four-poster bed, standing lonely in the center of the room. Exhausted, I put down my bags and collapse onto the duvet, staring at the spot where my vanity table once stood.

I should be terrified. Or distraught. Or something, at least, but all I feel as I look around my bare, stripped room is relief. Maybe – just maybe –  this could mean a new beginning.

A/N

Comment a heart if you're ready for the next chapter! ❤️