Shreya sighed. This morning she received a letter. When she saw the sender's address, her fingers shook and her heart trembled. It was from TIFR. This could be her gateway. What she wanted was to pursue a postdoctoral academic career.

She had just woken up and had yet to wash herself. Unable to go into the puja room unbathed, she squatted down in front of the puja room's door, put the letter on the ground, and smoothly pushed it into the room. The letter rested before the puja stand, exactly as she wanted. She gave herself a light smirk. She was a physicist for a reason!

Then she went about her day and was finally fresh. She went into the puja room, recited all the mantras she knew before she was finally ready to take a look inside the envelope. She knew it was regarding her fellowship with the institute, but she was very sceptical. She did not do particularly well

The next second, she backed out. God knew what she would do should she not be accepted.

She let the letter rest and went to grab her phone. She checked the horoscope. It was an unlucky day. She had to wear turquoise, but she was dressed in bright yellow.

She sighed. Because it was not urgent to know the result, she decided to open it another day.

Her phone rang and she went into her room.

Neha, her friend, was on the other side.

Shreya spoke right after picking the call up. "Don't you dare say you can't come!"

"Shreya... my sleeping beauty..."

"What!"

"The club is featuring delinquents this time! Come with me!"

"No. I'll go shopping by myself." She cut the call and sighed.

Neha was dumb at selecting clothes and she had asked her to go shopping together last week and now she ditched her.

She had met Neha during her M. Sc. and they hit it off. Both here knee deep into anime and shared how it saved their lives. The difference was that while Neha would go and mingle with every other anime fan in Mumbai, she preferred not to do that. Moreover, the genres of anime the two enjoyed were different too. For Neha , it was 'Attack on Titan.' For Shreya, it was 'I Want to Eat Your Pancreas.'

Another difference was that she had her fair share of anime crushes in her teenage years and not anymore, but Neha still crushed over them. Shreya sighed again, loudly this time. Her friend did not grow up at all given that they were 24 already.

That day, her father, Shekhar, was home as it was a holiday. She was avoidant of him and opened her books pretending to study.

Her father was very patriarchal. One day she said both genders are equal and boy, she got a lecture on why they were not, why women should be submissive and listen to men, how they were the weaker sex, and finally how she should just consider whatever was caught at college only career-wise and not apply it to the domestic sphere.

It happened when she was in college. At that time she felt very rebellious. She waited two months before she went to the parlour and asked for a boy-cut. Two months because she did not want her father to know this was her reaction, although he never cared much about her style as long as it was modest enough.

When he asked, she said it was summer then and she would fail if she washed her long hair everyday. Her hair had been 3 feet long after all. Baths were earlier with short hair and maintenance was close to none.

Now her hair was reaching her neck, only because she went for regular haircuts and maintained it that way.

"Shreya? Not going out?" her mother, Lalitha, asked her when she was trying to play with her hair. She had to tilt her neck to a painful angle to have enough length of her hair in her hand to twirl it.

"Neha is busy. We'll go next week." Neha had messaged her right after their call to postpone her shopping. Shreya replied after making Neha wait anxiously for two hours.

Lalitha smiled. "Okay. But you should definitely go next week. Also... stop cutting your hair for a while."

"I will." She smiled back. She did not want to negate her mom.

Her parents were planning her marriage. A few days ago, a prospective groom and his family had come to visit them. She wore a fancy dress that day and it was the first time she wore it. She did not understand why her mom wanted her to buy more of those. She said she would need to have a few such grand dresses.

She liked them so she said she'll go and buy them, although she was more of a pant-shirt person.

She looked back into her book with random thoughts. The formula in front of her danced as she started to feel sleepy. She blinked away the haze and studied for real this time.

∼•∽

The next day she checked her horoscope, picked a green t-shirt, which she usually wore on blue jeans, and green night pants, which came with a purple shirt. She did not have a green set but this one time, she could not be uncaring and be satisfied with just one green cloth.

In fact, she even took her mom's green towel and went into the bathroom.

When done, she rummaged through the vanity for a green bindi and found a fancy one. She put it on.

When she checked herself in the mirror, she sighed with satisfaction at the clown she made out of herself.

On her way to the puja room, she was laughed at by her younger brother.

She prayed diligently, took a deep breath, and opened the envelope.

She scanned for a certain sentence.

She read it and then read the whole letter, in some disbelief, as her lips failed to stop smiling.

She felt thankful.

Her life might have some things she felt sad and frustrated about, but it equally had good things.

She went and hugged her mother, announcing that she was selected for her Ph. D. fellowship.

Then she told the rest of the family the news. Her father and brother congratulated her and seeing she was running out of time, she quickly changed into a proper dress and went to the university. She was currently a Research Associate at TIFR.

She got her stipend, but her father did not like her using her own money. Her commute was by her father's car and his driver. She did not sigh at these thoughts though. If she did, she would have to do that every second.

She suddenly smiled. One never knows what goes on in the other's head.

She shook off all those thoughts as she got down her father's car. She went to her research team and brightly greeted everyone. Then she told them her career there was going to be long.

"Wow!"

"Shreya! Congrats!"

She smiled and thanked them.

∼•∽

Days rolled by until a family came to visit them for her one morning. She sat looking all pretty and gave them all a pretty smile.

Unfortunately for her, all of them were so talkative, except the guy, that it was evening when they left. Her cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

She went into her room and opened a notebook. It was a rough book she used to note down observations and work out formulae. She flipped to the last page.

There was a table there.

The rows had names of the men she had met till then. The columns had certain criteria and calculations, which, in the order, read:
Age (50 - age, max.25),
Number of Common Interests (*5, max. 25),
Experience with Relationships (past girlfriends *5, max. 25),
Health (25 - major issues *10 - minor issues),
Expectations (*-10),
Appearance (?)

Total (max. 100, min. ?)

At this point, 3 rows had a name, but they were barely filled, she did not fill the total score column. Either, there was not enough privacy to extract the required information and make her observations or the guys were shy and thought she was incredulous.

Shreya sighed and added up whatever was available. The guys scored 20, -45 and 42. Then she opened her phone and looked at the texts she sent to herself now and then during her conversation with that day's guy. She wrote down his name, Sharat, and filled in as many boxes in that row as she could. His score stood at 18.

Without a sigh she closed the book. She guessed it would not cross 20. Why did she even bother normalising and calculating?

She wondered if all these even matter. What ever the score, they were all men, the stronger sex. She would remain as someone weak in her own life book. All of them would want her to be obedient and listen to them and wait on them and treat her like she was not worthy to make a point.

She wondered if her life would really be any different from her mother's.

She turned off the life and lay down on her bed. Facing the dark ceiling, she remembered how she once asked her mom to divorce her dad and take her away. A couple of years later, she was filled with hatred for her mother.

If it all meant anything at all to her, it was a mistrust in marriage and a need to walk away without things getting ugly. After all, she was like her mother, more or less. She always backed down when things got loud.

∼•∽

It was Sunday soon. This time, Shreya and Neha met up at a coffee shop as per their plan.

"Are we going to buy or sell things?" Shreya asked as they sat at a table.

Neha looked at the bag in her hands and then looked at Shreya with some displeasure.

"Sell! Sell to you!" Then she took out the black fabric from the bag and teased Shreya if should show her more. Then she revealed the golden letters

"Toman uniform." Shreya said, "You bought it last week?"

"Here, happy birthday! I got two for the both of us. We should wear these and go next time."

Shreya sighed. At this rate, her friend was turning into a professional cosplayer. For Neha's birthday she had gifted her a Wings of Liberty necklace. Out of consideration, she also bought a flower pendant so that if ever she felt embarrassed to wear the necklace, she could replace the pendant. However, her concern was for nothing since Neha wore the necklace with the original pendant everyday without a care, even today. But how was going to ever wear this uniform any day? Well, she could at least flaunt in front of her brother.

Shreya smiled and said, "It was a month ago. You should have at least gotten me Brahman's uniform." She was not complaining though.

"It wasn't there! Take it as the 2nd generation's uniform, okay? Senju fangirl."

Shreya frowned. Something was wrong with the way Neha said the last phrase. "Senju is by far the best character ever! Brahman uniforms must have been sold out."

Neha clapped twice and put her hands in defence. "I know, I know. She is the only one who is not a love interest to someone else and is a great gang leader."

They left the shop and entered a mall.

Neha said, "I don't have one decent dress to wear for my sister's wedding." Neha was originally from Bengaluru and decided to go back a week prior to her sister's wedding. And so, she had to shop on her own.

"What do you want to wear?"

"Something big."

The two then shopped for two hours, tried on numerous dresses and finally settled on two each.

∼•∽

Once home, Shreya did not want to step in. She could hear her father shouting.

She waited by the door for a while. It would be great if those shouts were going into his phone. If not, if her mother was the one being shouted at, then he should fear for his life. If only he knew how much inspiration she drew from Itachi.

After a minute, she rang the bell. How long could she delay facing reality, which had now become so repeated? This is another of those times where she wanted to sigh, but held it in.

Lalitha opened the door with a sullen face. Shreya looked at her once and did not bother with her anymore. What was the use of looking sad now? Years ago she had asked her to divorce her father and take her away. Sure they'd be poor. But their own control over their finances was what she considered rich.

She took out the money left over from shopping and put it on the counter near her father's purse and went into her room.

It was past one in the afternoon and she was hungry. But she waited for ten more minutes before she went to the dining table. By then, her father decided he was done venting. The issue would be something very small. For the sake of her peace she had stopped bothering to know what the matter was years ago.

In the evening, she tried the dresses she had bought and showed them to her mother.

Her mother was satisfied and said she looked very pretty. She reminded her once again not to cut her hair.

As Shreya put her dresses away, she saw the Toman costume.

She tried it on and proceeded to show off to her brother. Unfortunately, her father stepped into the house.

"Wow!" Her brother was excited. "I want it too!"

She ruffled her hair and grinned at him to provoke him.

Her brother was named Shreekant and he was a whole 7 years younger than her. He was just a silly kid to whom she felt an inexplicable guilt for.

"Do I look good?"

"Put your hair like Mikey's!"

She sighed and was about to go back when her father asked, "What does it say?" He gestured to her dress.

She sighed. Who knows what was going on in his mind. Maybe he was afraid that it said something flirtatious. "Oh, this?"

She walked a little closer to where he sat.

"Omae wa mou shinde iru." She looked down at him, her eyes masking all of her emotions and showing plain indifference.

Behind them, Shreekant choked on his water, rather terribly.

As he calmed down, Shekhar further asked, "What does it mean?"

Shreya said nonchalantly, "My dreams will come true."

He nodded and dismissed her.

On her way to change out of the costume, her eyes stopped on Shreekant, sending a silent warning.

That night her brother barged in while she was going through some books for an easy Monday.

"How could you say that to dad?"

She simply sighed.

"I don't get it! What's the point?"

When he got more agitated, she looked at him seriously. For a moment, she despised his privilege of not understanding. As she saw his frown ease, she got a hold of her emotions. "That's exactly the point," she said before she drove him out.

∼•∽

It was morning before she knew it. Last night she could not sleep much.

She thought back to the days when she did not understand the whole picture. At that time, her brother was a baby. She thought she would protect him and his childhood from the bitterness of her parents' terrible relationship. Then she hated both of her parents equally.

In fact, years of anxiety had turned into hatred. But then she realised something. While her father had an unhealthy narcissism, her mother was completely useless.

If she thought about it, she, at the age of 12, was also useless. As pathetic as it was, that sentiment was strong. That was the only solidarity she shared with her mother.

She grabbed her phone from the night stand. Hours had passed since she last looked at the screen but did not feel rested at all.

The time was 3:50 AM. She was pissed off. Her day was going to be so frustrating!

∼•∽

That whole week was frustrating to her.

Then came the weekend. She relaxed through the evening of Saturday and Sunday was another making session.

Waking up that morning, she looked at the mirror. She badly wanted to cut her hair. If she turned her eyes 35 degrees to the left, she'd see the little cupboard that had the scissors. She sighed and closed her eyes.

After an hour, she was ready in her new dress. She loved the dress.

That wasn't really the look she liked though. She gathered her hair into a bunch with quite some effort. Some unruly hairs were out of it. She took out a cap and put it on.

Oh well, here it was. The androgynous look that she loved. It was her signature style all through university. She sighed at the memory. Back then her hair was very short, just enough to cover her head in back.

She clicked a few pictures, posing with a hand on the hip and an unclear smirk, with slightly parted lips.

She looked beautiful and handsome at the same time.

Done, she pulled off the cap and the rubber band that secured her hair. She shook her head a few times and ruffled it with her hand, and her hair was all set.

As she and her parents waited for the guy and his parents to arrive, she hoped he would not think she's being rude if she asked something.

Half an hour later, the family arrived.

Shreya was curious.

She quickly got a glimpse at the family. There were 4 people. An elder couple, a woman who could be older than her, and a guy trailing behind them. She only saw a part of his limbs.

Her father glared at her. She simply looked down like a proper lady. She was yet to see the main person in full.

It was only when they came inside the house and greetings ensued that she saw him.

For a moment, her eyes were stuck on him.

Somewhere in her heart something grew, an obsession, almost. She was drawn to him. In every way. They had not even spoken to each other but she felt an uncontrollable determination.

He was the one.

He was everything she never could be. He had the aura she always wanted, one of freedom and self. He was unbothered, unafraid, and most importantly, happy.

Jealousy too found its way into her heart. Her self-consciousness reminded her of her unwavering gaze. She snapped out of her reverie feeling a little uncomfortable by her own thoughts.

She shook off the feeling and decided she had to give a proper weightage to appearance and include it in the score. He looked lean and athletic. He had a chiselled face. But most importantly, his curly hair was long enough to put it together. Quite a handsome guy he was.

Maybe he realised her gaze on him, he turned to her with a little frown, whatever he took offence for. He then patted his head, showing that he quite cared for his hair. He looked at her and then turned his face away.

Shreya sighed and shrugged it off.

∼•∽

A/N:
Thank you so much for choosing this book. ♡♡♡ I hope to update regularly until we reach the end, although very slow kind of regular.

I hope you enjoy this book as much as I enjoy writing it. I am always welcome to criticism and suggestions.

Please vote, it helps the story rankings and thereby get a greater audience. I would also love to know your thoughts, I live off of your comments. So please don't hold back even the tiniest of thoughts. Let's talk!

Here is a big THANK YOU to Shruti! She made these following covers for this book! Do check out her book on shruti_vivi! It has got a pretty cover too!

Have a nice day and I'll see you on Oct 21.