Jacob and I comfortably settled on the couch. I knew there were people around us, many people around us, but sitting next to him made the moment feel small and slow. Despite his gaze on the stage, I had his attention. I allowed my eyes to linger on Joey, inspecting him for the bristle from my hand entwining with Jacob's, but the anger didn't surge. Joey's eyes softly landed on our hands as his shoulders rose and fell with the weight of a sigh. He lifted his eyes to meet mine and gave me a weak smile before they again fell to the base of his microphone stand. It was a broken moment that let the wish of falling for Joey die within me. A slight shudder soared through me in its wake, causing my hand to twitch in Jacob's. I was uncertain if he even felt it and let my face turn to him to gauge any reaction. He had felt it, and he also tipped his face to me. We hovered there, our faces inches from each other, so close I could feel his hair tickle my forehead.

I froze in his regard. He stared at me so completely that I felt naked before him. Then, he raised our clasped hands and pressed the back of my hand to his lips. The sensation his kiss left burned into my skin long after our eyes returned to the stage. My gaze was on the boys, but I didn't see or hear them. A ringing filled my ears and vibrated through my entire body. I might not have noticed the music was over if Jacob hadn't pulled me up to his side after the set.

"That was great." I smiled, failing in my attempt to mask my distraction.

The boys chatted amongst themselves, but Joey gave a nod of acknowledgment to my compliment.

"I'm going to head out," Joey said in a low tone that barely made it through the crowd.

"What? We can't leave." Matt's eyes grew wide.

"You can stay. I have a headache." Joey shrugged. "We've established that Ubers can get here." His eyes flickered at me with a hint of an apology.

"Come on, stay," Matt complained.

"It's cool; I'll catch you both at home." Joey didn't wait for Matt's response. He swiftly headed to the door.

Jacob witnessed the moment. He squeezed my hand as he pulled me closer. "You should go," he murmured into my ear.

I turned my gaze to him. It was apparent from his response that he could sense I didn't want to leave his side. A soft, forgiving smile crossed Jacob's face as he tenderly placed a gentle kiss on my temple.

"I'll be in my room when you are finished saying goodbye. Go before you miss him."

My gaze lingered on him for a second more before chasing after Joey. I didn't need Jacob's permission, but catching Joey suddenly felt urgent with it. I burst through the door and took the stairs two at a time as I called out his name.

"Riley?" Joey was at the top of the stairs, eyes wide in panic. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I managed before my lungs screamed for air. I panted as I laid a hand on Joey's shoulder to stabilize myself. "I thought I was going to miss you."

"I'm just going home, Riley. I'd have seen you later." He let a hand fall to my side to support me further.

"I just needed to..." my words dropped. I couldn't say it.

"Goodbye," he whispered.

I let my eyes meet him as the sadness course between us as a "yes" passed my lips.

"It was supposed to be us." The assertion came softly, not as bold as the sentiment warranted.

"I'm sorry." My gaze fell; it was too heavy to hold.

Joey let a finger lift my face to his again. "I love you."

Slowly, like the creep of sap rolling down a tree trunk, he leaned in and let his lips meet mine. It was soft and kind, just like Joey, but I also felt the tears. I thought they were his, but when I pulled away, I realized they had fallen from my eyes.

"Goodbye, Riley," he murmured before pacing away from me.

I watched each step he took until he disappeared down the far stairwell. It left me numb from the decision I had made. My heart painfully pounded in my chest and ears, causing a dull throb behind my eyes. I found myself in Jacob's room with my hand opening his desk drawers, searching for acetaminophen, but what I saw made the searing in my head worse; nearly a dozen prescription bottles. I grabbed fists of them as my legs gave out, and I dropped to the floor.

What had I done? I had hurt a pure and gentle soul for curiosity, an impulse. I had thrown real careful, deliberate love away for something as substantial as a hurricane.

"Riley?" Jacob's voice burst into the moment as he crashed around me. The pill bottles fell from my hands as his limbs surrounded me. "Did you take any?" There was panic in his voice as he shoved the pills away from us and pulled me into his chest.

"No, of course not," but as I spoke, I saw myself through his eyes, sprawled on the floor with tears in my eyes as my hands clutched bottles of pills. "But you take them," I managed as he cradled me to his chest.

"You didn't take any?" His voice was still anxious.

"No." I let him clutch me and rock me in his arms. "I was looking for acetaminophen, but all I found were these." I pushed off from his chest to see his face. "You take these. This, what you're feeling right now, is what you make other people feel about you."

He gazed at me for a long time. His hand smoothed over my hair as the alarm softened in his eyes. "I will be careful," he said in a low voice, "as should you."

"I don't take pills. I barely drink," I reminded him.

"You should be careful around me."

"You won't hurt me."

"How can you say that?"

"I trust you." It felt so obvious as the words slipped from my lips.

He let me fall from his chest as he pushed himself up. "I have proven nothing to you other than you should not trust me."

"Why would you say that?"

"How can you say anything else?" A manic laugh slipped from his lips as he slumped to his bed. "I don't even trust myself."

Anger selfishly snarled within me. I had given up kind, sweet Joey for Jacob. I had put my faith in this draw to his presence. Guilt quickly quelled the anger. Jacob had never asked me to choose him; in fact, he had asked the opposite.

"I want you. Let me choose you." My voice came as a distant grating, like a barn door creaking in a midnight wind.

Jacob looked at me. His expression wasn't placid; it was full of wonder, confusion, guilt, and hope. "I would be a better man if I said no."

"Maybe it's time to let in someone. Let me in. No one deserves to be this lonely." A plea in my voice twisted my tone and hollowed it.

"You don't know what I deserve."

"Let me find out."

"And what if I am the monster and not the altruist?"

"Not all beasts are evil, and not all saints are faultless." As I spoke, I moved closer to him.

I slowly inched to him until I could let a hand flow through his hair. As I combed through it, his face lifted to mine. A pain was apparent in him as he clung to the isolation he had carefully constructed around himself. Then the pain shattered into exhaustion as he let his face fall to my stomach and hands grasped for my waist like a little boy clinging to his mother.

"I don't deserve happiness." My body muffled his words.

I shifted to see how malleable he'd be. I pushed him back on the bed and kneeled to take off his shoes. His eyes watched my fingers as they nimbly untied his shoelaces. I tapped his knees when I was done, and he lifted them to sprawl across his bed. Then I tucked in next to him, letting my head fall to his chest.

"Tell me your last memory of happiness," I asked; my hand fell to his chest beside my face.

We laid in near-silence as his mind wandered through memories. In his silence, only the beating of his heart and the sound of his lungs filling and dispelling air surrounded me.

"We would come here in the summers when I was young. My dad would send us up here with a housekeeper to get us out of the way while school was out. Ethan would often come with us. He was more like Jess than Michael; fun, mischievous. Michael and I were always the reflective ones. A river flows by the back of the house."

"Presumpscot," I noted.

"Mmhmm, I've never said that correctly." His hand flowed over my back in sweeping movements while his mind remained lost in the memory. "On hot days, we would go swimming. I don't have any negative connotations with that memory. We were just kids having fun." His voice dropped out with the memory, but his hand continued to sweep up and down my back. His lips dipped to the top of my head.

"Is that why you came here after the accident?"

"We had to go somewhere. The elite upper class fascinates New York. I was accustomed to the photographers. They would follow me to parties, clubs, openings, wherever. I supplied a fair amount of headlines with Ethan at my side, but they wouldn't let me grieve for my best friend." Disdain filled his voice. "Then they started writing stories that I had been the driver. My family sued and easily won, but the sentiment was out there, and people believed what they wanted. So, my father sent me here to quiet the rumbles."

"And you resented it?"

"No." The word came on the edge of a breath. "I don't resent this place. This is where I belong now."

"So, what? You're just going to stay locked up in this house forever?"

"No, I've had no intention of staying in this house forever, but..." His words dropped out, and his hand stalled in its motion, pulling my eyes to his.

"But what?"

"But I also never intended to leave."

"Jacob..."

He let a hand cup the side of my face. "I am not strong enough to say no to you, to tell you to go with your friend Joey and never look back, but you should."

"I've already made that choice." I nestled back into his chest. "I'm with you."