Being present with Jacob was when I'd get in trouble. As I looked into his gray eyes, they drew me to him. A voice from within me screamed 'oh shit' as our eyes locked.

"Your friends are playing this Thursday if you would like to come, but it will be quite crowded. You may find you are more comfortable if you were to come to their rehearsal tonight." Jacob spoke of Matt and Joey as though they were mutual friends. It would've been comical if it wasn't so unsettling.

But I was too lost in his words, the even tone and calm cadence, to think about it. It was as though he had practiced the offer, but I knew better. Jacob was in control of everything around him; it was the only way he could live so recklessly.

"You suddenly care if I'm comfortable?" I was still astonished at how off-put I could sound, even as I found my head scrambled from his magnetism. It must have been my years of acidic behavior.

"Did I ever give the impression that I had a disregard for your comfort?"

"Yes!" There was no hesitation in my response. It arrived so quickly and with so much certainty that, for once, Jacob's emotionless expression cracked, but only for the briefest of winces.

"I apologize for any perceived indifference." He slightly bowed his head to feign humbleness.

"Perceived indifference? Are you fucking kidding me? You tried to rip apart my life for the sport after one meeting for reasons I can't even begin to imagine."

"Rip apart your life? I believe we can both agree you're acting a tad dramatic."

"No, we cannot agree, but perhaps we can agree that you're insufferable," I offered as I stared straight into his eyes.

I was determined not to get sucked into them. I'd dive fully in, swim around a bit even, but I wouldn't get stuck there. Instead, I let my mind replay that night at Rigby to seal my resolve.

The boys and I had been in the living room for a half-hour with no appearance from Jacob. No one was surprised, given what Jess had interrupted. Matt and Jess seemed to become fast friends as they traded barbs over some gruesome video game of death and gore.

"This is a ghastly game," Jackson softly spoke. I suspected it was deliberate, so he had an excuse to lean in closer to me.

"Aren't they all?" I muttered, primarily to myself.

"How long have you worked at the record store?" He continued to search for an avenue to engage me.

"Four years, but until this summer, I was just seasonal when I was on break from college."

"Oh, so you have already graduated?"

"Yeah, Matt, Joey, and I all graduated last Spring but took a lost year before diving into the full boredom of adulthood." I gave him a cheeky smile.

It seemed odd that I was among the college set in Boston only a few months prior, suffering through the waning moments of my senior year. Most of the people I had graduated with had already run screaming into careers in Boston or New York. It surprised many when I opted to return to Portland, Maine. I spent enough time in Boston to know that the claustrophobia of a city wasn't for me. I liked my little salt-stained town and my two best friends. Matt and Joey had also returned to fall into the official rank of townies for a year. The three of us received job offers in Boston, New York, and Hartford but deferred. After sixteen years of formal education, we were ready for a bit of freedom, one small slice of unplanned life. My father quickly agreed with my plan of a lost year and even had hints of pride and envy in his eyes. Matt's parents took it the hardest, and I had the distinct impression that they blamed me for their only child's budding delinquency. If only they knew the long list of frowned-upon activities Matt had participated in during our friendship.

I might not have noticed the shift in the room if it hadn't been for Jess' sudden and severe change. One moment, he was throwing verbal jabs at Joey, Matt, and Michael. The next, he stopped dead as the color drained from his face. It was as though he saw a ghost. Michael followed Jess' gaze as his own mouth spilled open in surprise. I turned to find Jacob standing behind me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Brother," Jacob coolly said.

"Jacob," Jess said back after a large swallow.

"Is this what I have been missing from your unreturned invitations?" Jacob's tone had an air of a tease, but it was hard to pluck out of his unwavering formality.

"Yeah," Jess shrugged as he tossed his game controller to the cluttered coffee table. "What did you expect, Marquee?"

I caught Joey's glance as we exchanged nervous looks. The video game still engrossed Matt.

"Are you all just going to leave me hanging?" Matt called out without lifting his eyes from the screen.

"Don't let me interrupt," Jacob spoke to no one in particular, but then his eyes fell on Jackson as he added, "move." It was a bark of an order with a punch of unexpected curtness that rippled through Jackson.

Jackson paused for a moment, trying to digest the order. I expected him to laugh in Jacob's face. Instead, he got up and moved to the loveseat with Matt.

"Hello, Riley." Jacob didn't look my way as he settled in next to me and lifted his low ball of scotch to his lips.

"Hello, Jacob," I said to the side of his face.

I thought something close to a smile threatened his lips for a moment, but he stifled it with another long sip of his drink.

"What do you think of our makeshift lounge?" He continued focusing on setting his drink down versus meeting my gaze.

"It seems like a lot of effort since you are all in your living room playing video games." I shrugged.

There was a hint of surprise at my judgment draining from his face when he finally met my eyes.

"What do you do?" He asked, but I couldn't tell if he cared or was just feeding the boredom within him.

"I work at a record store downtown."

He continued to gaze at me even though I had answered. I made a habit of not giving a fuck when people wanted more than I was willing to offer, but that flew out the window as Jacob Rigby's expressionless face stared back at me.

"I graduated last Spring, but Matt, Joey, and I took a year off before we resigned to full adulthood."

He gave no hint of his thought on the matter. He simply added, "do you enjoy the record store?"

"Yes, my dad raised me on vinyl, and Red Wall has a big used record section. I enjoy getting my hands on them first. You never know when you might stumble upon a butcher album." I was babbling, and something in my mind desperately wanted to check my hair. I was an embarrassment of self-conscious cliches.

"And have you?" He pressed.

"Have I what?"

"Ever stumbled across a butcher album?"

"No, not yet. But wouldn't it be cool?"

"I have one upstairs if you would like to see it."

"No fucking way," I stammered.

There was a break in his stony expression as he struggled with a smile.

"I mean, yes, of course, I want to see it. I just can't believe you have one." I was still babbling.

He rose in a smooth, calculated movement and extended a hand down to me. I paused as I stared at his hand lingering in mid-air. Something inside me recoiled and urged me not to grasp it, but I foolishly stifled the sense and let my hand slip to his. He effortlessly pulled me to his side before dropping my hand and plucking up his drink.

"Where are you going?" Joey's voice felt crude compared to the consistent stream of Jacob's speech.

"To the slaughter, of course," Jacob answered before taking another sip of his drink.

"What?" Panic rose in Joey's voice.

"He's kidding." My tone came in an annoying chide that a child would give an overprotective parent. "He has a few albums I want to check out. We'll be right back."

"This way," Jacob ushered as a hand fell to the small of my back and pushed me from Joey's concerned eyes.

Jacob was playing with me as a cat plays with a mouse before it tires of the game and just kills its prey, but I was blind to it.

"Your friend does not care for me. How long have you been seeing him?" Jacob asked as we ascended the stairs.

"We're just friends. Matt is my ex," I clarified. I kept offering him more than I needed.

"Don't pretend to be naïve. You know he's in love with you; otherwise, you would've clarified which friend." He raised an eyebrow at me as he spoke. "Toys are only fun when you know of all the levers for entertainment."

"People aren't toys," I asserted, feeling a bit more like myself.

"Ah, perhaps the feelings are not as unrequited as you would like to pretend." As he spoke, he pushed open a door and ushered me inside.

The only remarkable thing about the room was how ordinary it was. It could've been any childhood bedroom, as it was outfitted with a queen bed, a few bookshelves filled with books and records, a desk and chair set, and a tattered loveseat. My eyes clung to the mussed bed as Jacob's sweaty, gleaming torso flooded my memory. The heat of the thought crawled to my face; my only reprieve was that Jacob had turned away from me to shift through a set of albums.

"Rather tame by today's standard," he asserted as he handed me the album.

I looked over the record with The Beatles staring back up at me. "They look happy," I mumbled to myself.

"Interesting note." I couldn't tell if it was an agreement or not. He left my side and settled onto his desk chair before adding, "what do you plan to do when your year is up?"

I let my eyes linger on the album for a few moments before I lifted them to find Jacob curiously inspecting me. "Most likely find some boring office job, get married, pop out a couple of kids, and then, eventually, die."

Jacob nodded at me, unmoved by my negative murmurings on the American dream. His unwavering stare made me feel uncomfortable, like he could hear my inner thoughts or, worse, my insecurities.

"And your friends?"

"Matt will probably follow the same path. Joey is different, though. He's quite a talented writer. He had several offers when he graduated. I imagine when he's ready, any of the same publications would be happy to offer him a position in Boston, New York, or wherever he wants to be."

"He had offers he declined for this lost year?" Jacob evenly spoke.

"Yeah, it's our last hurrah."

"And you are spending it playing video games with my brother." It was not a question; it was an observation.

"What's your story?" I settled onto the loveseat.

Something between a wince and a smile crossed Jacob's face. "My story." There was the peak of a laugh to his tone. "I am a rich family cast off."

"Why was Jess surprised to see you downstairs tonight?" I needed to find the question that would unravel his locked demeanor.

"I am not very social."

"You seem to be social with me."

"I find you attractive; perhaps I am just trying to sleep with you."

My pulse increased as I tried to hide my quick intake of breath at the abrasive comment by shifting. "Are you? Trying to sleep with me?"

"What the fuck is going on in here?" Joey growled from the doorway.

"Uh-oh, dad's home," Jacob said before taking a sip from his drink.

"Did you just ask him if he's trying to sleep with you? He fucked some chick less than an hour ago." Joey's eyes gleamed with anger.

"Calm down; he was kidding. I was kidding."

"Yes, Joey, Riley and I do that. We kid." Jacob looked directly into Joey's eyes and accented the word 'we,' knowing its effect.

There was no 'we' between Jacob and me. We barely knew each other. Joey and I were just toys he played with to quell his boredom.

"Let's go, Riley," Joey demanded from the door.

"Joey, it's fine. We're just talking. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Yes, Joey, all is well here. We will be down in a few minutes to join you and your friend in your video games." Jacob had a talent for belittling with just a tone.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Joey snarled.

"Joey," I shot up from the force of my scold.

"Should I leave you two to your lovers' quarrel?" Jacob paused for just the briefest of moments. "Oh, forgive me. Riley already explained the nature of your relationship. What does one call this type of quarrel? I mean, aside from unsatisfying."

"You're talking to him about us?" Joey's eyes fell to mine as hurt overcame his anger for a moment.

"Nothing too deep. You came across as quite noble. I, for one, could not manage the life of a eunuch, even for someone as beautiful as Riley." Jacob lifted his glass to Joey before taking a sip.

"Fuck you," Joey spat at Jacob. "And fuck you, Riley." He spun from the doorway in a flash.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I shot at Jacob.

He gave me a simple shrug before adding, "I was bored."

"You were bored? You humiliated my best friend because you were bored?"

"I believe you humiliated your best friend when you let him give up his future to follow you around this hellhole for a year. I simply pointed out the humor." He took another sip of his drink. "It's not my fault he didn't care for the joke."

"You're a fucking dick," I stammered.

"Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder why you are here calling me a dick instead of chasing after your best friend in his time of hurt and need." An unsettling smile crossed his face. "I find you alluring. You never seem to respond as I suspect you will."

"What?"

"It's a compliment. That's two for the record. I find you both beautiful and alluring." His brow furrowed a bit as he pondered his thoughts. "And I would also like to sleep with you. So, I suppose that is three compliments."

"Ew," I announced as I stood. "You're a self-centered, over-indulged asshat."

"Asshat," he said back to me with a laugh. "Fine, I will apologize to your friend."

"That'll be a problem," Matt said from the doorway. "He's waiting in the car. Riley, it's time to go."

"Gladly," I muttered as I crossed to leave.

Jacob stayed silent behind me, but I could feel his eyes follow me across the room. I fought the urge to look back at him.

"Joey," I began my apology as I slipped into the front seat beside him.

"Don't, Riley. Not right now." He kept his eyes trained out the front window as he spoke.

An awkward silence filled the car all the way home. Even Matt kept his mouth shut. I expected Joey to escape to his room when we got to our apartment, but he didn't.

"Matt, can you give us some time?" Joey asked. It struck me that he asked. Jacob would've made a demand. It was a request that left the door open for Matt to decline.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be at the tavern if you need me." Matt shrugged as he picked up his keys and left.

As the door closed behind him, I let my eyes linger on it. I expected to hear yelling, or at least a low growl, as words fell from Joey, but what I got was much worse.

"I love you, Riley." Joey's voice came with a tired slump to them.

My eyes fell to him as he mimicked his tone and fell to the couch.

"I'm in love with you, and you think I'm a joke." He sighed.

"I don't think you're a joke," I argued. It wasn't my finest moment.

His eyes lifted to mine. "Why would you even talk to him about me? Of all the things you could talk to a stranger about, you talk to him about how I'm pathetically in love with you?"

"We didn't talk about that, I promise. He just..."

"He just what? I'm not hiding it, so he could see it. I've never hidden it."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Can you just admit that you knew? That you've known for years?"

"I have known," I sighed, "but I don't think it's been years. I was with Matt, and then... yeah, I guess I knew."

"And your plan was what? Just let me be your fucking eunuch? I mean, the guy isn't wrong. He's a dick, but he's not wrong."

"No, I mean, that wasn't the plan."

Joey let out a laugh. "How fucking embarrassing is this? Even you admit I'm a dick-less loser."

"Joey, no."

He shook his head as though he were trying to shake off the thoughts. "What do you think of me?"

"I love you. You're my best friend. You're kind and sweet." I breathed as I whirled through my warm thoughts of Joey. "I guess I just know nothing terrible will happen if you're around. You'll protect me."

"Are you attracted to me?"

"Yes," I gave an evident tone for my obvious answer. "You're handsome. You know that."

"I didn't ask if I was handsome. I asked if you were attracted to me."

I didn't want to admit it. I knew it'd only make things worse. "Yes."

"Yes? You said yes just then, right?"

"Yes, but Joey, that doesn't mean we should..."

"Why the hell not? You find me attractive; I make you feel safe."

"Yeah, but, I mean..."

"What? A guy you're attracted to, enjoy being around, is good to you, and you feel comfortable with; that's who people date. What could you possibly be hesitating on?"

"I don't know, Joey."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"What?" I asked, genuinely not understanding my confusion.

"It's him, isn't it? He got to you."

"Who?"

"Jacob fucking Rigby," the name came out in an angry growl.

"No, it's not him. He was just a dick. I just... I just need a little time. We've known each other for so long; been friends for so long. I wouldn't want to end up like Matt and me."

"What? Have a solid two-year relationship and come out as stronger friends? Yeah, what a shitshow you two are."

"What if we don't end up stronger friends? What if you end up hating me?"

He scanned me for a moment. "It's not Rigby?"

"No, of course not."

"Fine," came out on a sigh, "but just think about it, Riley. We could be something."

I had lied to Joey. I'm not sure if I knew I had lied to him, but my reluctance to give in to trying with Joey was partly because of Jacob Rigby. Despite his entirely off-putting display and stony demeanor, I was drawn to him. I was like the busty girl running into the poorly lit basement in a slasher movie instead of out the front door.

My mind was back to Jacob standing before me in the record store as though he had made no previous transgressions. It wasn't enjoyable and entirely expected of his character.

"So," he broke my rising annoyance at him with his velvet voice. "Would you like to come to see them rehearse tonight? Joey is quite good. Perhaps it would make amends for my failed attempt at humor."

It hadn't been a failed attempt at humor. Jacob didn't fail in any attempts. He did everything with intention. Every decision he made was calculated and moved him to his goal. It was like all the surrounding people were pieces on a chessboard that he was the chess master. There was no volition; I had no free will.

"Fine. If the boys go tonight, I will as well."

My defeat was his success, and it was apparent in his eyes.