~ Wynne prepares to leave but wants Legolas' to know why it has to be that way. ~

60. Writing a Letter

When she was alone, Wynne felt numb. She would miss Thranduil too. In the rare occasions he had shown his real self, he had seemed more like a parent to her than her mother and father had ever done. But now she would lose both him, her family and her lover, all in one go.

She wished she could at least say goodbye to Legolas. To leave him without notice was such a cruel thing to do, but she knew he would stop her if she went to him first. He would say that he didn't mind giving up his life – she knew him well enough by now to know as much. But that was wrong, and she couldn't allow it. The lives of him and his father were at stake and it was evident that kind of death was horrible. Wasting away... one's soul dying. She shuddered.

No, Thranduil was right. She liked Éowyn despite being slightly jealous of her. It would be a good home to live in. Perhaps later she could get a job as a stablehand or something, or maybe move to Sidra in the orc town. She could survive without Legolas and he would survive without her too. He still had his father, and his friends Gimli and Aragorn, and he would be busy doing whatever princes do.

But maybe she should at least write him a letter and explain. Yes, that was a better option than just disappearing.

She found a small piece of parchment and a quill on the table beside the chair and sat down to write. How would she begin? How do you convey in just a few words that you have to leave someone you love and never see them again?

Maybe she should just tell him to ask Thranduil about the details? That would save her explaining but it was also rather cowardly.

Dear Legolas, she began. I love you. She wiped her eyes to avoid tears dripping on the ink and make a blotch. I am sorry to cause you pain.

Oh this was terrible, her words were so empty. Cause him pain? He would be miserable just like she would. And angry. He would feel betrayed.

I know you are angry, she wrote. Well, she was angry too, actually. He had made her believe a child would make their relationship work. But there was no space to complain about that here. ...but this is really for the better, she wrote instead. I couldn't let you die of grief when I die. Great, now she had written "die" twice in the sentence.

She had still not decided what to write next when her door was forcefully thrown open and her intended recipient burst in, slamming it behind him. His face was thunderous.

"Why did you not come?"

It must be well past midnight; she had spent too long mulling over the letter!

She tried to hide it behind her back but he had already seen what she was doing and tore the scrap from her. His eyes were dark and stormy as he read what she had written, brow furrowing deeply.

"You were going to leave," he accused. "After letting me wait in vain, you would leave me with only a note?"

"I-I'm sorry..."

"You are sorry." His voice was cold but his neck flushed hotly. "Well that is a huge comfort."

"Why did you lie to me about our children's immortality?" she countered, face heating as well. "Had you told me earlier I would never had agreed to that stupid secret relationship."

"Stupid? You seemed to enjoy it," he growled. "And I did not lie, I just did not know. How could you even think I would lie about such a thing? After all this time." Now he looked hurt instead and she felt slightly ashamed.

Yet, Thranduil must have set him right on that account and still he had not told her.

"Why didn't you tell me as soon as you learned the truth, then?"

"I... I was going to. I was. But I figured it was not important."

"Not important? They would die, and so would you, and I can't believe you didn't tell me of that at least!" Now she was crying again and she wiped her face angrily.

"We do not have to have children. And I would rather live a few decades with you and then die, than be alone and die immediately."

"Why would you die immediately?" She squinted at him through her tears.

"I might," he muttered, but he didn't seem to really believe that.

"You just made that up! Why can't you be honest?"

"I am honest, but you... writing a note and just leaving! How could you be so cruel? You have let Ada turn you against me! Do not deny it, I know it must be he who set you up to this. He wants to hide you Eru knows where, conveniently stowed away so he will not have to deal with your mother. He is afraid of her."

"Now you're unfair. Thranduil wants me to be happy. And he wants you to survive, and I shouldn't think that's very strange!"

"He wants you to be happy, you say. But would you really be?"

The question hung between them, unanswered.

His gaze softened slightly. "I know I would be unhappy. And I would search for you everywhere and never give up. And if I still didn't find you, I might not die, but... I am not sure I would stay here. I might sail to Aman – Valinor, as some call it. Frodo went there. I could join him."

"So you would just abandon your father? And you accuse me of cruelty."

"He could come with me and be reunited with my mother." Legolas shrugged. "Death is not so final for us. Unless we do not want to, we are reborn there." He sat in the chair Thranduil had left a while ago and Wynne again sat on the bed. He seemed calmer now but still angry.

"So, what you're saying is, if I hide like Thranduil wants me to, you will sail away and take him with you. Which would be almost the same as dying?"

"Aye."

"Sounds like an ultimatum to me."

"It is not!"

"It is. You're acting just like Mother." She frowned at him.

"Nay." He frowned back at her. "Be sensible now, Wynne. We could live together and when your time is up, I sail west. If Ada wants, he can come too. But the point is, we would have many happy years first. Can you not see this is a much better plan?"

"What about the children, would you leave them behind? Because in most marriages you get those, you know. Or maybe you don't want to bed me."

"Of course I do." His lip twitched slightly. "Very much, actually, in case you had not noticed."

Wynne smiled despite herself. "Well, yes, maybe I have."

He moved to sit beside her on the bed. "We do not have to have children. I am not sure how it works with humans but I know I can control my part of it. How else did you think elves could live for centuries and only have a handful of elflings, at the most?"

"Well I... I thought maybe they stopped doing... you know."

Legolas grinned. "Sounds boring."

"Yes. But... how?" Wynne was curious, she had wondered this before.

He blushed. "Well... I have... hm. Sort of... seeds, you know? That join a female's egg to make a baby."

"I know." She was not stupid, she had seen animals mate.

"Well, elvish females can choose when to release an egg and us males can choose whether to release the seeds during... uh... the act." He was cute when he was embarrassed.

"My eggs will come monthly whether I want it or not." She felt rather jealous of female elves.

"But without a seed to join it there would be no child."

Wynne nodded thoughtfully. So, they could actually be together, not having children, and then he would sail. But if it was that easy, why had Thranduil been so emotional? He had talked of wasting away, the soul dying...

She narrowed her eyes. She had a feeling Legolas was still hiding things.

"So, those ships you sail with... are they just there, waiting for elves who wish to go to Aman, or?"

"Nay, I would have to build one first."

"And this you would do, still in mourning, heartbroken... Do you even know how to build a ship?"

"Well, I..."

"Legolas, you're doing it again, evading the problems. You can't just postpone thinking of them."

"You are making this needlessly complicated." He tried to kiss her but she dodged his lips.

"I don't want you to waste from grief. I don't want your soul to die! If I make it complicated, it's because it is complicated!"

"Fine, be like that then." He rose angrily.

"Someone has to be sensible!" She stood in front of him, eyes locking in an unintentional reprise of that morning's fight between their parents.

"Sensible? Try pessimistic!"

"I prefer realistic."

"Call it what you want."

"I will."

"Fine."

They stared at each other for another minute until Wynne began to feel a bit silly and she could tell from the quiver in the corner of Legolas' mouth that he did too. That of course made her own lip twitch as well, and before they knew it, they were both laughing.

She took a step closer and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back so hard she almost lost her breath.

"I love you so much, Wynne. Do not run away without me. Please," he murmured into her hair.

"I won't... And... sorry about the letter."

"Sorry for hiding things."

"This still doesn't solve anything though."

"I know. We can sleep on it and maybe we think of something tomorrow."

"Mm. Legolas?"

"Aye?"

"I love you too."

A/N:

At least they have each other... I don't like stories where the love interests have a hard time forgiving each other. 

What should they do? I love to read your thoughts. :)

A note about elves and fertility: I've made it up that elves can control whether to beget a child, in most of my other fics they can't (such as in Matched From Birth).

More hugs and kisses to all who supported my story with comments etc! <3 

Image Credits:

Public Domain