~ Legolas has bad memories, and later he learns something about himself. ~

39. Knowing One's Heart

With Wynne's hand still in his, Legolas leaned back in the heather, pulling her down with him. They had to keep that annoying distance, of course, but it felt good to have her within an arm's length at least.

He stroked her fingers with his thumb, loving how small her hand was compared to his.

Relaxed and unusually happy, Legolas tuned into all that was alive around him. He listened to the heather, which he always thought of as tiny trees, heard their whispering murmurs from neighbor to neighbor about the joy of blooming and attracting bees, about seeds to come and the future of the saplings.

In patches between the heather, tufts of old grass sighed in languid voices about the relentless drought, their tiredness, and how they looked forward to letting their withering strands droop and allow a new generation to take over.

A young birch nearby lamented the loss of its leaves and worried over the cost to grow new ones. Stelpa, his lovely girl, was the culprit he knew. The tree would become stronger by the effort though, and he told it so, trying to comfort it.

It had been so good to see Stelpa today, to renew their connection and brush out her coat. She reminded him of Arod, the horse Éomer had given him a long time ago. They didn't look much alike – Arod had been white, not chestnut – but they had that same friendly, trusting character and graceful gait. The stallion's death still pained him though he knew the old fellow had lived a full life.

"Tell me about the Fellowship." A gray eye peered at him through the purple blossoms that hid the rest of Wynne's face.

"What about it?"

"Everything. Moria, Mordor, all of it."

Legolas realized he had involuntarily stiffened and willed his thumb to resume its caressing. Everything? He didn't even want to remember everything, let alone talk of it.

He broke eye contact. "That is such a long story; we would be here well into the night!" He tried to sound casual and unconcerned. "I shall tell it another time."

"Alright."

She seemed disappointed but he really couldn't bring himself to dwell on those memories, not now, not in this beautiful place and on his first real day out since the troll fight. He just couldn't.

Fortunately she didn't press the matter. Instead they remained in companionable silence, basking in the pleasant sun, enjoying the afternoon and each other's vicinity. Not until Legolas' ears picked up the sounds of the elves and uruk-hai returning from weapon exercise he reluctantly let go of her hand and eased himself a little further away.

At dinner, he shared a table with Nanna and Goltur. And Thranduil, of course, that ever-present shadow.

He was tired after the long climb back and his side smarted. "When will you take out my stitches?" he asked the healer, scratching the scar. It only made the itch worse.

"I'd say... maybe in four or five days." The orc was messily chewing his stew. Perhaps it was difficult to uphold good table manners with those pointy fangs getting in the way, and he also didn't have very many of them.

Legolas didn't look forward to enduring another four days with prickling stitches, but at least he was on the mend for real now. He walked so much better, and it had made wonders for his mood to finally be able to have a bath.

He took another bite of the boiled fish, abiding Wynne's advice to stay clear of the meat. But maybe he would try the crickets too some time. They smelled surprisingly nice. Either way, it was a huge relief to be able to eat solid foods again.

"Stew tasting good?" he asked his adar.

"Very."

"Do you know what's in it?" Wynne asked innocently from the next table.

"Of course, I never eat anything I have not identified. I asked Goltur the first day."

"What?" Wynne gaped at him incredulously. "You knew we were eating bugs and you never said?"

Legolas couldn't hold back a chuckle at her bewildered face. She clearly had underestimated his adar.

"If you were curious you could have asked as well." Thranduil shrugged nonchalantly, face expressionless, but Legolas knew him. He was markedly smug.

Wynne glared darkly at him, grumbling something incoherently. She was so cute when she was annoyed! But he couldn't look too much at her with Ada seated next to him.

On the way back to their room afterwards, he slyly dropped his crutch in her direction. When she picked it up for him, he whispered: "Want company tonight?"

Her sour face instantly disappeared and she nodded, smiling in that sweet, a bit shy way she had, cheeks coloring.

He wanted to kiss her right there and then, but managed to constrain himself.

When they had gone to bed he waited a long time in the darkness while the others drifted off to sleep one by one. At last he heard his adar begin to snore softly – or breathe heavily as he always claimed he did, refusing to admit to being a snorer.

Legolas counted to five hundred before soundlessly slipping out from under his blanket. On hands and knees he rounded the shelf, homing in on his target in the dim light, knowing she could neither see nor hear him. 

He paused to just admire her sleepy face. It was relaxed, eyes partially closed and her lovely brown curls spilled over the pillow. From her breathing he could tell she was awake, and he hoped she was impatient for him to come. The fire in her eyes today when he bathed had been beyond exciting. Somehow he needed her to need him, especially now in his physical weakness.

Was it true then, what Ada had said? Were these feelings only his body's hunger?

No. He knew that was only part of it. As much as he desired the union of their bodies, he desired the union of their souls more. That intimacy which comes from long years together. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about her, even the bad sides she was bound to have – though he had yet to see them. He wanted to be her friend and soulmate, forever at her side.

He knew what that meant.

Feeling his chest burn with emotion, Legolas closed the distance between them and placed a hand on hers not to startle her. She turned her unseeing eyes in his direction, an expectant smile on her soft lips. He would kiss them soon, but first he reached out to caress her smooth cheek and the amazingly silky baby curls that framed her forehead. He admired her ear's symmetry, round and even, like a rose petal.

If there ever had been any doubts of the strength of his regard for her, those were gone tonight. His heart knew the truth with crystal clarity.

It frightened him, and not only a little, though of course understanding his feelings didn't really change anything. They would have been the same regardless whether he had become aware of them or not. And he would live – or die – with the consequences.

Wynne moved aside, lifting her blanket invitingly and he slid in next to her, reaching out to take her hand. With his mouth close to her ear he whispered, clothing in words the extraordinary feelings that soared through his heart and mind.

"I love you."

She cupped his cheek with her free hand. "I love you too." The whisper was shaky but in her eyes he read it was the truth. She felt the same.

He kissed her, but this time it was unlike any of the kisses they had shared before. A slow and tender caress, brimming with love.

All the other things Legolas had planned to do could wait until another time. Instead he just held her in his arms, feeling her warm body relax and her breathing become even.

Long into the night he stayed, holding his sleeping love, savoring the moment and adding it to one of the happiest memories of his life.

A/N:

Who would have thought Thranduil knew about the cricket and bug diet! He even surprised me haha; I had planned that Wynne would tell him and he would be shocked, but the sneaky elf outsmarted us all. :/

(And yes, I know I'm the author, but sometimes stories almost write themselves. A new idea appears out of the blue and suddenly seems right in a weird way.)

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