The Riders had all completed the basic exercises with various levels of success. Hiccup had critiqued them as was his job and allowed the abuse to wash over his head as usual, though he was feeling sick and butterflies were dancing in his stomach. He had to hand in the report on their performance and he knew the others would not be happy with his judgements...not that his father paid any attention to Hiccup's opinion. The exercises were all recorded on surveillance cameras so that General and Gobber could watch themselves and come to their own conclusion. Hiccup had checked: they had never rescinded his grades once.

Exercise Two was a pairs exercise: formation flying. In his wisdom, Gobber had paired Hiccup with Dagur and the Night Fury and Skrill together. Neither Riders nor dragons got on...and while Hiccup could appreciate that the team members should learn to work together, he feared the only person making an accommodation or concession was Hiccup. And even he couldn't make their dragons get on. So he faced the exercise with trepidation.

They hovered up, side by side. Dagur was leaning forward, his mad pale green eyes fixed not he Night Fury. And worse, he was talking to Hiccup's dragon.

"See what you're missing, Night Fury? You don't deserve a name like 'Toothless' do you? Only a total idiot would name a dragon that! You deserve a name with 'Death' in it-like Deathwing here. I'm sure I can rename you once you reject that pathetic coward on your back!"

"Keep your mind on the exercise!" Hiccup said through gritted teeth. "Backwing four beats then upwards ten yards!"

"I don't need you to tell me what to do!" Dagur shouted at him as they rose.

"Keep your distance," Hiccup said urgently. "Dagur-your wingtips are overlapping Toothless's!"

"You're being paranoid..."

"Toothless has a thirty-seven foot wingspan already and you have to respect that!" Hiccup urged him. "You foul that and we both go down!"

"I don't need you to say anything to me, you useless little piece of..."

"Dagur-watch your weight transfer! You're leaning Deathwing into Toothless!" Hiccup screamed as the dragons crashed. Hiccup felt himself jolted from the saddle and fell away with a scream, flailing desperately and knowing no one would make any attempt to rescue him or save his life. He saw Dagur leering cruelly at him as he dropped away...and then he saw Toothless stretch for him, wings propelling him straight down recklessly, his body and wings wrapping around the skinny teen an instant before they slammed into the rocky floor.

There was a shocked silence as the other Riders stared at the crumpled black dragon, lying still on the rocks. Then, very slowly, he raised his head and opened bleary acid green eyes as the Riders stared in shock. They knew dragons were tough but the dragon had accelerated down onto solid rock...and was alright. And then he lifted his wings that were wrapped around a huddled lanky shape. Hiccup opened his green eyes, shocked he was alive...and, apart from a few bruises he could feel forming on his lanky shape, he seemed alright. He lifted his head up and stared into the eyes of his best friend and smiled.

"Thanks, buddy," he murmured, reaching an arm up to press against the muzzle. "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"HICCUP!" the General shouted, storming into the Pen with Gobber at his heels. "WHAT THE HEL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" The boy looked up, feeling his back ache from the solid impact and slowly clambered to his feet as Toothless shook his head and stumbled up by him, his expression less than happy.

"Me?" Hiccup protested. "I did..."

"Not listen to me and crashed into my dragon!" Dagur reported angrily, landing by the General. "Sir, his recklessness could have cost us both dragons!"

"That's NOT what happened!" Hiccup argued, his eyes flashing with anger. "Sir...Dagur disregarded my orders and fouled Toothless's wings as he flew out of formation! He..."

"SHUT UP!" Stoick snarled and Hiccup's forest green eyes widened with hurt.

"But it's the truth!" he protested. "Sir, you put me in charge of the Riders and you disbelieve everything I tell you. Then tell me, sir, what the point of me being here is?"

"Nothing," Stoick shouted at him furiously. "You have no point. You have no worth. And you have endangered two dragons. YOU ARE GROUNDED!"

"Sir, this is unfair!" Hiccup protested. "I have done NOTHING wrong and I am always being punished for..."

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" the General roared.

"Dad...please..." The words were quiet, defeated as all the fight abruptly oozed from Hiccup, his shoulders slumping and head hanging.

"OUT! NOW!" Stock shouted at him and he slowly turned and walked from the Pen, his face ashen and eyes shining with misery. Toothless gave a small sad croon as he left and that broke the boy: as soon as the Pen door closed behind him, he slid to the floor, slumped on his knees, his hands pressed to his face in utter incomprehension. He could do no more: he had done everything asked of him and no matter what he did, his father rejected him. As he had every day since his Mom left them...

oOo

[Fifteen Years Ago]

It was a cold day with drizzle and grey, menacing skies as they arrived at the cemetery. The service had been too long and difficult for Hiccup to understand, but everyone was in black and most people were crying or at least looking very sad. All of Mom's friends had been there and his Dad had stood up and talked about his Mom a lot, saying how much he loved and missed her, how happy they had been together, how they had met, all the fun things they had done, just the two of them. He had never mentioned Hiccup once but the boy hadn't noticed because he had been fidgeting and had just wanted the long service to end. They had sung Mom's favourite hymn, the one even Hiccup had known and his little childish voice had joined in, perfectly on key until the nurse had nudged him to shut up because his Dad was scowling at him. Hiccup hadn't understood why: the man in white had asked everyone to sing and he knew he hadn't been too loud.

Now they were out in the rain and Hiccup understood they were saying goodbye to his Mom in this grassy place with all the little cream stones in rows. He gripped the nurse's hand tighter for reassurance. Apparently her going away mean she was never coming back. That when he had found her asleep in the car, it was a sleep she would never ever wake from. He would never see her again and this was the last goodbye. So he was in a little suit of black with a black coat and scarf and shiny shoes and he felt very alone as they stood by a big shiny black wooden box over a hole surrounded by greenish carpet. There were seats and his Dad was standing by the box, a white rose in his hand. As Hiccup watched, his father laid it on the wooden box, his hand lingering on the wood for a long moment.

"Goodbye, Val," he murmured. "Until we meet in Valhalla..."

The nurse had made Hiccup stand by his father and the little boy had looked up...to see his father's eyes shining. The boy had stretched his hand to try to catch his father's. "Don't be sad, Daddy," he said in his little voice. "You still have me..." But Stoick had pushed the small hand away.

"I don't want to hold your hand," he had said coldly. "And I don't want to see you cry. You caused this. You don't get to mourn her. She was my wife. You are just...the baggage she left me with."

Hiccup stared up at the face and heard the anger in his father's voice. His heart broke because he felt so sad and he had been as brave as he could be but he just wanted his Dad to hug him and tell him it would be alright. His stunning emerald green eyes shone with tears and they trickled down his pale, freckled face. He bowed his head, trying to be brave but knowing he had failed his Dad again.

"I-I'm s-sorry, D-daddy," he whimpered. "I-I just wanted to help..."

"Keep out of my way, boy," Stoick told him coldly as the priest began to final part of the service. "And shut up. I don't want to heart you whining or complaining or causing me any distraction ever again..."

oOo

The external alarm sounded and Gobber stared at the alert for a long moment before stabbing an interrogative into the system. The answer was very clear: A dragon was out of its pen and in the glen behind the base.

Instantly, the Colonel had activated all the protocols and called security while activating the external sensors and cameras. He also ran a base-wide scan of personnel and VID-visual identification of dragons. The results were somehow not a surprise...for the camera showed the sleek black shape of Toothless, perched on a ledge just below the huge external doors of Pen One with a familiar non-uniformed shape with messy auburn hair and a beat-up green training top on. The base com tracker confirmed that Hiccup was outside the base by the entrance to Pen One. Wearily, he contacted Colonel Spitelout Jorgensen, the base security commander and asked him to take a team to retrieve the errant Rider and Dragon.

The jeeps with the team had bounced round the perimeter and up the very rough track that led over the lip of the glen and round towards the huge brushed steel doors cut into the depression in the granite of the mountain. The road had been largely obliterated to discourage walkers and casual ramblers but it meant accessing the back door that much harder...both for maintenance and for security. But they roared up the glen and saw the two miscreants, sitting quietly as if expecting the security detail to come and take them in. Hiccup raised his pale face, his emerald eyes red and face grubby and sighed as he saw his Uncle and the guards. And Snotlout.

Gobber had suggested-well, ordered, more like-that the second in command of the Riders came along to talk to their nominal leader. As a Sergeant, Snotlout was rough and ready but he did understand military protocol and Gobber hoped he could install some of that knowledge into the teen. Spitelout pulled up alongside the two and the dragon curled his long tail around the huddled boy protectively, the fins flaring slightly in a very possessive gesture. Snotlout noticed it with a small hint of jealousy: he had wanted...no, deserved...the Night Fury as most senior officer and clearly the potential Rider with the greatest aptitude. But, no matter how much Dagur tried to deny it, Toothless had chosen Hiccup and rejected all others and they all had their own dragons now. And, though he would not admit it aloud, Snotlout wouldn't swap Hookfang for any other dragon.

There was something wretched about his cousin, the skinny useless streak of congealed piss that he was. What sort of soldier slank away and sat huddled outside like some street urchin, staring across the wintery glen in the cold? What sort of idiot broke protocol when he knew he would be discovered immediately? What fool disobeyed the General's orders that he was grounded...since there was only one way the boy and dragon could've gotten out here. So Hiccup was in huge trouble once more.

Though, to think about it, Hiccup was always in trouble. And no matter what he did or how well he performed, he never got any acknowledgement and only fielded abuse and scorn. And he wasn't a soldier: he had never undergone any training or wanted any party to the military. Instead, he had been ordered to come to a military base and forced into working in the IT department...and then with the Riders when he bonded with Toothless.

He had been in more trouble than usual today, the General being much crueller to the boy than was strictly necessary.

And the General was always cruel to Hiccup. Snotlout hadn't seen his cousin for a few years after he joined up but he had been shocked how awful their relationship had been. He and his Dad had a good relationship and though they were divorced, he spoke to his Mom regularly as well. Hiccup really had no one...

Why did he think about that now?

"You'll be confined to the brig for this, boy," Spitelout had said and Snotlout snapped back to the present. His Dad was an older version of himself-jet hair, pale blue eyes, stocky body type. But his Dad lacked compassion...and occasionally Snotlout felt a pang of pity for his cousin. One of those hit now as the boy lifted his head and nodded.

"I was expecting that," he murmured wearily. "I'm sure it will make someone happy."

The note of utter despondence in his voice was gut wrenching as well and Snotlout, as insensitive as he was, knew something was appallingly wrong. He clambered from the jeep and strode to stand by his sagging cousin.

"What's up, Useless?" he asked brashly. Hiccup stared at him, eyes dark with misery and despair and he managed three words.

"It's fifteen years."

Snotlout stared at his father, his eyes widening. Spitelout frowned, already realising he needed to go see his brother. But Snotlout was more concerned about his cousin. "It's okay, Dad," he said calmly. "I'll take it from here."

"But..."

"I'm sure the lecture I will give will get the point over just fine," he said with total self-belief. "I can come in the back door." Spitelout glared at him, then nodded and, without a word, he turned the jeep and roared away, the second jeep in the security detail following swiftly. Snotlout waited until the sounds of the wheels tearing up bracken had died away before moving to settle down by Hiccup. To his credit, Toothless didn't growl at him.

"Just say what you have to," Hiccup managed hoarsely. It was obvious from his voice that he had been crying.

"I'm sorry."

Hiccup gaped, his eyes widening in shock at the words. He clasped his arms tighter around his knees and exhaled. "What have you done with the real Snotlout?" he asked.

"I am the real Snotlout and if you tell anyone, I will beat you to a bloody pulp!" the older boy told him. Hiccup sighed.

"...and there he is..."

"Seriously, cuz...you okay?"

There was a long pause.

"No," Hiccup whispered. "I-I just can't do it, Snot. Every year on this day, I feel such blackness, such grief and such shame and such awful guilt about Mom..."

"Guilt? Why the Hel are you feeling guilt? You were three, for Odin's sake!"

"Because I was asking Mom to play a tune on the CD player and I must have distracted her because when we were sideswiped, she couldn't react..." Hiccup said painfully. "I distracted her at the crucial moment..."

"Useless...she died on impact," Snotlout told him gently. "The impact where the vehicle hit her, not the crash. The driver they never caught killed her outright. It wasn't your fault!"

"No, Dad always says it was," Hiccup replied wearily. "I was the reason why she died. And after that...he basically abandoned me. I really can't understand why he brought me here. He could have left me to finish High School...or make my own way in the world. I never wanted to be here."

"Well, you are, Useless, and you gotta man up," Snotlout told him practically. "I mean, moping like some pathetic girl is just totally wet!" Hiccup leaned forward, resting his chin on his knees. Toothless gave a small warble.

"Thanks, bud," he murmured. "You know, you are so lucky, Snot. Though your Mom and Dad divorced, you can always pick up the phone and your Mom will be there. I...I can barely remember mine. I was only three when I lost her and I only have fragments...just a few images and sensations...and I know she was warm and soft and she loved me. That her hair was long and I loved to suck it. That she smelled of roses and coconut and I always felt safe in her arms." He gave a small sob. "I haven't felt safe since..."

Snotlout awkwardly wrapped an arm around the younger man and felt him lean into him, head burying against his shoulder. He patted the boy's back self-consciously, knowing he had contributed to his pain. No one on the base stood up for Hiccup and most of them bullied or scorned him. And he wasn't useless because he could ride his dragon better than anyone. Hiccup was sobbing, the jerking motions of his lean back making the older boy feel uncomfortable. Snotlout hadn't cried since he was four.

"Look, you know I can't treat you any different when we're in the base, cuz...but if you are in real trouble...call me," Snotlout offered quietly. "I knew your Mom and she was a lovely, kind, gentle woman. And I am sure she would be proud of you because you are smart and you love Toothless and you know what you are doing with the exercises despite what Dagur and your Dad say!" Hiccup lifted his head, the tear-streaked face surprised.

"Are you sure you're Snotlout?" he asked softly. Toothless gave a laughing warble. Snotlout slapped him on the back of the head. "Ow!"

"If...if you ever want to talk about your Mom, speak to me," Snot offered awkwardly. "I knew her all your life and she was great. I'll dig out what pictures I have of her as well, cuz. Just...don't tell anyone else."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hiccup said, straightening up and palming his face dry. Sighing, his cousin stood up and brushed the dirt from his fatigues.

"You coming in?" he asked.

"I'll wait until the sun sets," Hiccup said, quietly, his green eyes grateful. "Then I'll come in and take my medicine." He grimaced. "Sorry, Snot. Didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed." The stocky young man cuffed him on the back of the head gently.

"Me? Takes more than a bit of snivelling to make all this Vikingness awkward!" he said vainly. Hiccup smiled.

"That's for sure," he shot back.

"Take care, Hiccup," Snotlout said kindly and then turned and trudged back towards the small door at the back of Pen Seven, which was kept empty for emergency evacuation and access. Listening to the crunch of his steps recede, Hiccup wrapped his arm around the Night Fury and hugged him close.

"Just you and me, bud," he murmured softly. "My only friend...but maybe...I may just have a little bit of family too..." Toothless grumbled and leaned against him and they remained still as the sun slowly set over the Cairngorms. As the sky flushed with rose and gold and purple, Hiccup's eyes shone once more.

"Me again," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Mom. Still a screw-up. Dad still hates me and blames me for your death and I'm still not sure I didn't cause it. Please forgive me if I had any part in it. I wish I could have known you better...and I wish you could've met Toothless. He's amazing...my friend, my brother, my protector...I mean...he's a dragon! How cool is that? And yet...he's the only one who gives me a chance. I hope one day I could have friend as well...and maybe someone who loves me as much as Dad loved you. Maybe..."

The sun vanished over the mountains with a flash and the glen grew darker and colder. "I'll see you again, one day, Mom," he murmured and gave a small smile as the pain in his chest eased just a little. "Until then...Toothless and I have some flying to do..." And he scrambled up, swinging his leg over the dragon's back and kicking them into the darkening sky...

oOo

Alone in his office, the bulky shape of the General stared at the two photographs in his hands. One showed his wife and he when they were first married...deliriously happy and in love; the other was the image of two parents with a newborn tiny baby with a tuft of dark auburn on his head. His lips tilted in a smile.

"Val," he murmured. "I love you. I miss you."

And he deliberately put the image of the family away in his drawer, sitting back in his chair with the picture of the newly married couple in his hand. His thumb rubbed her laughing face tenderly.

"I miss you...my love..."

oOo