Times are tough right now, but they will get better.....hopefully"

Enjoy!

- Gabs

It had all really been fun and games, deciding what to name the baby, fantasizing about this perfect future, this perfect outcome where everybody would be happy and supportive and no one would get hurt. It had all been fun, until I found myself alone on the road in the middle of the night with only a backpack filled with whatever I could get my hands on during Mama's one minute countdown before she threw me out of the house for good. How could I have been so stupid, so naive.

It's around two in the morning when I reach Valentino's house. I knock on his bedroom window. I am shivering, inhaling the night's torturing cold, but I guess it is a mild punishment of what I really deserve. Rattling noise on the other side of the window, then the curtains flung open and a sprung woke Valentino inaudibly said my name, while rapidly trying to turn the slow handle to unlock the window.

Returning to the front of the house, Valentino is already standing in the front door, dressed only in his underwear. He has a frightened expression when he sees me emerging.

"What's going on?" He says, shuffling me into the house.

I really didn't want to wake anybody, but the pain makes me let out a loud whimper as I cry in his arms.

"She knows Valentino, she knows!" I manage to say between the painful cries. However he seems to understand, since he settles me down in the living room.

"What did she say, what happened?"

Valentino quickly runs off before I manage to recapitulate tonight's events, only to return with the duvet from his bed which he wraps around my shivering body. I tell him about Mama over hearing my phone call with Alicia, how I was forced to confess. I had to pause in the middle, a replay of an frightened Etienne replayed in my memory. I could tell that he hadn't understood why we were shouting at that hour, it wasn't until Mama shoved me out the house that he had begun to plead for her to stop. I'm sure we had woken up the whole neighbourhood.

"Vale what is going on?"

My hysteria had woken up everyone in the house. Valentino's mother is the first one to emerge downstairs, dressed in a big robe. Then came Uncle Flavio rubbing his eyes to enhance his night vision. Luca stood halfway up the stairs and stayed watching us from there.

"Err...Alessia's mother err..." Valetino was struggling to get the words out which I don't blame him for. It was bad of me to impose on him like this, but it was the first place I could think of and he is as much of a blame for this as me.

"...She threw her out." He stutters.

"Really, why would she do that?" Mrs Rossi is quick to rush to my side, her concerned embrace makes me think of my mother, I hide my face in my palms.

"Because she is...she is." Valentino is having to clear his throat several times to get the words out."

"Because she is pregnant."

The whole room goes quiet, Luca rushing up the steps, is the only sound echoing through the house.

Mrs Rossi who had been rubbing my back, stops, I feel her twist beside me, reminder that I'm still hiding my face in my palms, although I can imagine the expression on everyone's faces.

"Valentino, why?" She finally says, followed by a sigh of disappointment.

"Sei un ragazzino stupido, non ti ho insegnato meglio?" Uncle Flavio angrily hiss.

I feel like I could die in this instance and it would all be better than this, everything is better than this, I feel so embarrassed that this is the way it all unfolds.

"EVERYBODY HAS TO GO TO SLEEP!"

We all seem astonished by Nonna who seems to have taken her time joining us in the living room. She is supported by her walking stick.

"I am 81 years old and my own family won't let me sleep in peace."

"Sorry for waking you Nonna, but something has happened..."

"I don't care!" She angrily hiss, interrupting Mrs Rossi. "Problems are for tomorrow, now everybody return to your rooms!"

Thank god for Nonna, after that everyone scatters and does what they are told. Before heading down the hallway towards Valentino's room Mrs Rossi stops me, "I'll let your mother know where you are." She gently says.

"Please don't" I mumble.

I'm no longer shivering, however I am still fairly cold. Even though dark I can tell that Valentino's room is messy, which really doesn't lighten my mood either. After shuffling through the piles of clothing on the floor I sit down by the edge of his bed. Valentino enters the room with a folded towel and some clothes.

"You can take a shower if you want." He places the towel beside me on the bed.

As much I would love to, I don't believe that I have the energy to make my way to the bathroom and stand in the shower.

"I...I should call Alicia." I stutter, a million thoughts roam my head, she must think I'm dead. I notice my trembling hands as I reach for my phone. To my surprise it disappears from my grip, not because I drop it, Valentino unhands it from me."

"What are you doing?" I frown.

"Call her tomorrow, you need to rest,"

I'm too sad to protest so I simply kick off my shoes before crawling up in a ball on top of his bed. Valentino doesn't say anything more that night. He simply lays down beside me and covers us both with the duvet. Sometimes during the night he plants soft kisses on top of my head and moves his hands to dry my tears as he lets me cry.

********

It didn't take long for the word about Mama kicking me out of the house and the reason for it, to get around town. And during my quarantine in Valentine's bedroom I had a fair amount of visitors come to the house as if I was really ill or something.

Poor Nonna, since everyone was either off to school or their jobs, she had been the one left to answer the door everytime the bell rang. I must admit that she took her role fairly seriously. If the person knocking on the door didn't give her a great impression she would send them away. This resulted in me only having two visitors, Alicia and Dario.

Alicia had to brive Nonna with retail merchandise sold at The Palace Hotel, and Dario, she knew from his father's church which she regularly attended. Dario comes around to help me with the school work that I was missing out on and Alicia comes bearing news, often the current gossip heard through the grapevine.

One morning I lay staring at the wall, something I've come to learn to do for several hours a day, when Alicia suddenly enters the room. With obvious despise for the mess, she steps over the pile of clothes eventually joining me on the bed, she is holding her nose whilst doing this, which makes me think of laughing, although I can't bring myself to do it, I don't think I know how to anymore.

"Urgh how can you live like this?" She says overlooking the messy room.

Honestly the mess doesn't bother me anymore, besides, I can't tell If the room is messy or not, I'm mostly staring at the wall or crying under the covers all day.

"Anyways, I come bearing good and bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?"

"Which one is gonna make me disappear?" I groaned.

"Neither, but one of them is gonna make you wanna make somebody disappear."

I immediately sit, hearing her say this, "Who?"

Alicia squinted her eyes as if something was about to strike her, "Hilda-Maria." She says reluctantly.

I sigh hearing her name, "What is she saying now?"

"Well, I'm not sure she is the one saying it, however I'm pretty sure she is the one spreading it."

"What?"

"Well there is a rumor going around, saying that you and Valentino have been intimate even as children."

"Whaaat!" I shout.

"I know!"

"Why would she say something like that? They were the ones fucking at 14 years old not me."

"My theory is that she is really mad that you and Valentino are forever bound together now that you're having his baby, it has driven her to a point of desperation to hurt either one of you."

"Don't be ridiculous, why would someone do such a thing."

"Trust me, loving somebody you know you can't have will make you do and say a lot of crazy things" Alicia looks at the sheets as she says this.

I sigh bringing the covers to cover me all the way up my shoulders exposing only my head, I am ready for things to end now.

"I have another theory...."

The way Alicia says this makes me roll my eyes and sigh. "What else?"

"Well these rumors are quite avid and the only way she could even have come up with these things, is if..." Alicia bites her lips, not wanting to finnish her sentence.

"If..?" I say, encouraging her to continue.

"...Is if she hears it from someone who knows you very well."

I swallow the big lump in my throat, could she be that angry with me, angry enough to go blabbering about private things with her poorly qualified, sales assistant Hilda-Maria. Mama could never, although what opposing reason have I given her not to do it?

"What does Valentino say about all of this?" I ask, he can't excuse Hilda-Maria's behavior anymore.

"Well. I haven't really seen him at school..."

"Not even In Miss Caruso's class?"

"Alicia shakes her head, "nope".

Later when Alicia leaves for school, I feel worse than when she had first arrived. Following her to the door, I return stopping by the kitchen so I can feed myself before heading back to my nest.

"You look terrible." Nonna chuckles, as I enter the kitchen. She is seated by the table knitting what looks like a pair of socks.

I give her an unbothered nod before retrieving milk from the refrigerator.

With a glass in my other hand I join her at the table, pouring me a glass of milk.

"Tell you what, why don't you go on and take shower? It will make you feel much better. Maybe then you can move on to cleaning up the pigsty you have been living in these past week."

I finnish my drink before speaking, "Why would I do that?"

"Firstly because you are stinking up my kitchen with your body odour, secondly, no woman should be living the way you have been in that boy's room."

I found myself letting out a quiet laugh. Nonna can tell it catches me by surprise. I lower my head, I don't want to laugh, I don't deserve it.

"There, there" Nonno moves close enough so that she can lift my chin. "You go on and take a long shower, so that you can feel better, it's not good for the baby, having you mope around all day."

Nonna was right, later that night after finishing cleaning up Valentino's room, I did something I haven't dared, since I've been feeling so out of myself and embarrassed, I decided to finally join the Rossi's for dinner.

"It's like someone went and bought a whole new room and replaced it with the old one!" Mrs Rossi says, she returns from Valentino's room with a smile on her face. We all are seated around the table, dinner is served.

"See Vale, that's how you clean a room."

I feel my cheeks blossom. Valentino waves away her words and brings another spoonful towards his mouth.

He speaks despite not having swallowed all of his food, "I know how to clean, I just find it easier to find stuff, when it's all scattered over the floor, that way you can see everything."

Everyone laughed, even I let out a tiny chuckle.

"So how is work going boys?" Mrs Rossi continued. Apparently Valentino's reason for not attending school once again, was because Uncle Flavio and him are making the arrangements for Vale to move on to Moto2 in a couple of months. To be honest I rather have him doing that then walking around school hearing these bogus rumours about us.

There is a moment during dinner when Uncle Flavio tells a story about how he once proposed to one of his best friend's mothers. During this moment I found myself surrendering to the loving atmosphair around me. Despite what Valentino and I are growing through there is no denying that his family is by his side no matter what. They might call him stupid, irresponsible, nevertheless they never made him or me feel less family.

"You could have just told me to clean my room, I would have done it myself, you shouldn't have to do it for me."

After dinner Valentino and returned to his room.

"Thanks, but I didn't mind, made me feel a bit better actually."

"In that case..," Valentino jumps on to the bed, bouncing his body up and down. With a smirk on his face he says: "Feel free to clean any other time."

"Nah uh!" I hiss. "Because there won't be..." I climb on top of the bed on top of him, " a next time, or else..."

"Or else what?" Excitement fills his eyes as I settle on to him , crushing his pelvis. it doesn't take long for me to feel his excitement beneath me and I may or may not move around a little bit, to feel his arousal against me. Truth was, Valentino and I haven't been this close in a long time, I'm usually in bed crying at this hour while Valentino does his best to try and comfort me. I really long for some lovin now that I'm finally starting to come around. We only get to making out before there is a knock interrupting us. We both freeze fearing someone entering however, they don't.

"Alessia, sweetie there's a call for you."

I sigh, "It's probably Alicia checking on me again."

"Leave it." Valentino says pulling me against him to prevent me from leaving.

"Just gotta let her know that I'm alright, won't be long."

I leave Valentino lookin like a child who doesn't get his candy.

Why would she call the homeline and not my cell? Thought hits me on my way to the kitchen where the phone is resting on the counter.

"This is Alessia" I'm taken by how cheerful I am.

There are sparks on the other end of the line, then...

"Lessy?"

By the way Etienne says my name an invisible sword immediately penetrates my chest.

"Etienne, are you alright?" His voice sounds so anxious.

"Are you coming home?" He almost whispers.

"Are you alright what's going on, where is Mama?"

"She's downstairs and Papa are shouting at each other."

"W...what why?"

"Well I haven't been to the tracks in a while, Mama doesn't want me going anymore so today Papa came looking for us.

Etienne didn't have to say no more, I was already imagining Mama furious, taking out her anger on others. Papa coming to the house was just like a turtle swimming into a fisher's net.

"Don't worry Etienne, It's gonna be alright." The most comforting words I could come up with, truth was, at that time I wasn't sure if I was ever coming home or not, which I later would realize that I wasn't.

Returning to Valentino's room I was back to square one, tears streaming down my face. Although he had patiently been waiting for me, without a word I curled up into a ball next to him and began to whimper. At one point Valentino rose from the bed to turn off the lights so we could sleep, he spent the rest of the night just holding me in his arms, letting me sleep me cry.