"You are nervous." I tease.

"No you're nervous." Mama says.

"Then why are your palms all sweaty?"

"Because it's hot, why is your shirt on backwards?"

I look down and see the washing tag dangling around my turtle neck. "Shit."

Mama laughs.

We're on the road towards the motorpark, Mama is driving but her hands keep leaving these marks from her sweaty palms. It's around two in the afternoon, Etienne races at five but he is already down there preparing himself. Valentino came and picked him up since he was already in the neighbourhood.

Mama and I stayed back and cleaned the house all morning.

"And how is Alicia?"

"I left her a key, it's in the pot by the bushes. Alicia and her mother will be coming around in about an hour to prepare everything for the party tonight."

"I hope Etienne does well today." Mama pleads.

I smile, "Mama I am so proud of you for supporting us like this, Etienne especially."

"Thanks hun, but I'm more concerned about if he doesn't do well in the race, coming home to a big surprise party might make him...."

I nod, "I see what you mean."

It's not like when Valentino and them race, still there is a gathering at the motorpark. I guess people have come to watch their kids or grandkids take part in today's junior races. Mama and I make our way through the crowd and towards the tent. My heart beats faster as we emerge, what if Papa is already here?

I exhale, Uncle Flavio, Valentino and Etienne, are the only ones at the scene. Etienne is not suited up yet, to my surprise we find him sitting in one of the chairs just peacefully looking out to the track. Thought he'd be all over the bike from the way he was acting last night.

"How are you feeling, birthday boy?" Mama asks

"I'm okay Mama." He sighs.

Mama and I share an unsure glance.

"Yeah, he's been acting like this ever since we came down here, think he is nervous or something." Uncle Flavio says. Him and Valentino emerge from underneath the tent, dressed in dirty overalls, looking like two mechanics.

I lean in and whisper. "He doesn't seem that nervous to me?"

Valentino shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe he's just focused? I get real quiet too before a race."

Mama nods understandingly overhearing us, then she crouches down in front of him, their eyes meet. "You're gonna do great baby."

Can't say it doesn't hurt seeing Etienne fake a smile like that, however it does, his gaze wanders back onto the track again.

Mama rises to her feet, "We best leave him alone for a while, give him some time to come around."

Everyone nods agreeingly.

"So..." I kick some invisible pebbles on the ground, "...when will Nonno and them be here?"

Valentino smirks at me while shaking his head amused. Uncle Flavio looks at the watch on his wrist.

"Should be any minute now, maybe they are still on the road."

Mama exhales, "I'm going for a walk, scope out the other kids parents."

"Me too!" I stutter. Etienne gives both of us a longing gaze. "We'll be right back, we just want everybody to hear about the next champ, Etienne!" I'm moving awkwardly while saying this. Etienne just rolls his eyes at us. We're acting stupid I know.

"Anyway, see you all soon." Mama hastily waves.

"Hold on! I want to see this" Valentino is quick out of his overalls as he joins us.

*******

After wandering the paddock, scoping out the other riders, we end up at Angelo's. His brother Michelle is in a much better state than Etienne, which instantly worries all of us. He's doing Jumping-Jacks already dressed in his race suit, despite the race being hours away. Mama gets busy with Angelo's parents, whilst Valentino and I walk over to Angleo who is working on his brother's bike.

"I see Michelle is all pumped up." I cough.

Angelo nods, "Yeah we've been going at it hard. It's all thanks to you bro." Angelo walks over to give Valentino a brotherly handshake. "Ever since you told me to cut the shit and stay focused, I've done exactly that. The focus right now is to make sure Michelle doesn't end up like myself and at the same time heal, so that I can have one last go before I'm off to Law school."

"That's great man!" Valentino smiles.

I anxiously look over to Michelle who is now doing proper push ups. When Angelo turns around I'm quick to punch Valentino in the arm.

He groans in agony, "Whatta hell Lessy!"

"Thanks a lot bro!" I say between my teeth.

"What?" Valentino looks oblivious. I point to the ground where Michelle is still pushing himself up and down.

"This is your fault..." I whisper "Etienne isn't nearly as strong as Wonder Boy over here."

Valenitno looks at me amused, "relax." He chuckles and throws a heavy arm around me. "Etienne will do fine; he is only a beginner, remember?"

I take a couple of relaxing breaths, "You're right, he's just supposed to go out there and enjoy himself, it's not like his life depends on it."

"Exactly." Valentino says, his voice is hoarse. Heat rises to my face as his arm locks around my throat like a snake grabbing its prey, pulling my back towards his front. No one is around to see how his lips roam my neck then how his teeth take a light bite of my ear.

"....And we've got a big surprise for him later this evening.." Mama is still busy talking to Angelo's parents, however she waves for me to join them.

"I was just telling Mr and Mrs Binotto about Etienne's surprise party tonight, remind me which time again."

"Around eight a clock." I say.

"So, shortly after the race, I'm sure you have time to go home and freshen up, we'll be delighted to have you."

"Michelle will love that." Mrs Binotto says.

Just as we were about to return to our tent, a breathless Hilda-Maria showed up. As usual she is dressed for the equation, with her high knee boots and fur coat.

"It took me forever to find it, but I think i got it, is this the tape?" She hands Angelo a packet of Duct Tape.

My eyes narrow, I still haven't gotten over what she did, she almost ruined Valentino and I.

"Oh hey Alessia." She waves nonchalant as she spots me.

"What are you doing here?" I find myself saying, I don't mind the rudeness.

"She's helping me." Angelo says confident.

"With what?" I frown, I suddenly feel Valentino's calming hand on my shoulder.

"Well it's not easy managing all of this on my own especially with one fractured leg." Angelo's cheeks slightly blossoms "Hilda-Maria has actually been helping me with all of this."

"How sweet." My jaw clenches. Hilda-Marias smirk behind Angelo's shoulder makes me wanna come over there and knock her teeth out.

"We should probably head back." Valentino says, he is already pulling my arm.

"Mama!" I shout, eyes still focused on Hilda-Maria.

" I Hope your brother does his best!" She shouts behind us.

"Hope your brother does his best!" I repeat in a more mocking voice.

"You shouldn't let her get to you like that." Valentino says, which makes me even more angry.

"I can't believe you don't even hate her a little, she tried to break us up."

"Well she didn't." He smiles. "Besides." Valentino hugs me from behind, intertwining his hands over my stomach. "We got better things to worry about." Footsteps emerge as Mama comes running. "Okay, let's get this over with shall we."

******

One hour left before it's time for Etienne to race again. Returning to the tent, time stops. I'm sure I've stopped breathing because I can't hear my heartbeat anymore. As we approch Nonno and Whitey are seen discussing viguriously, Uncle Flavio is hovering over the motorbike with tools in his hands and right there, twirling a now smiling Etienne in his arms....

"Papa?" I gasp.

Everyone stops what they're doing at the sight of us. I don't know what to do, how to act? Papas ebony eyes, identical to Etiennes, glow at the sight of us. He puts Etienne back on the ground and starts walking towards us, towards me.

Don't cry, don't let him see you cry.

He is taller than I remember, more handsome than I remember. Anger strikes me as he doesn't resemble the train wreck I thought he would be, he seems to have been doing just fine without us.

"Monique." My mother's name is the first word that leaves his lips. His voice is deep and full of base.

My mother has gone stiff beside me, however she is quick to collect herself.

"Anthoine." She says professionally. She stays reserved not wanting him to enter her space. Papa stretches out his hand for her to greet. Mama stops and looks at the hand a little too long before she eventually reaches out and gently squeezes it. It's an intimate exchange despite the limited interaction.

I can't feel my body by the time they let go and he moves over to me. It's like everyone around us suddenly disappears, Papa and I becoming the only people left in the world. He is moving his lips, but the words are inaudible, matter of fact I can't hear anything, no roaring engines, no breeze. I'm deaf, I'm sure I've gone deaf.

I clench my fist as they are shaking uncontrollably. "I...I'm.." My lips are trembling as I try to get the words out. I'm trying to tell him how he hurt me, how he hurt all of us, I want to scream out in pain from the depth of my heart, however my voice just won't allow it.

He nods understandingly, like he is able to hear every word, then my feet leave the ground as he picks me up and holds me tightly, like he is never letting go again.

It could be a trick, still I feel safe. Slowly my arms go over his shoulders to wrap around his neck. I'm hugging him tightly, tears streaming down my face. I know he can feel it, my body shaking, as I am now weeping

*******

"Okay everybody hurtle up!"

The race was about fifteen minutes away and up to this point none of us weren't really making it easy for Etienne to prepare himself, at least not as well as Angelo had been doing for Michelle. For instance Whitey was too busy passing around "Team Caps" sporting Etienne's brand new racing number 45. Uncle Flavio and Valentino weren't much help either, I was sure that they had been going around making bets on the race with other people around the paddock, my suspicion rose after seeing Vale and Angelo swipe an handshake too long for my liking.

Etienne was growing anxious and Mama and Nonno's pep talk didn't seem to help.

"Just do better than last time sweetie, that is all"

"Gee, thanks Mama." Etienne rolls his eyes.

"Repeat after me son, easy on the clutch, lean then release." Etienne gave me a pleading look as Nonno said this. "I said repeat!"

Etienne stumbles on his words, "easy on the clutch, lean then release. easy on the clutch, lean then release....."

I felt so bad for him, having to cope with this unit of circus clowns, however there was nothing I could do.

"I said everybody hurtle up!"

Ignoring him the first time, now with proper use of his megaphone voice, you'd believe Papa had made the whole paddock settle down to pay him attention.

Dead silence fell, everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to him.

"It's time for the checklist." He says, now with a voice smooth as the surface of the ocean.

My eyes widen as he looks at me, "Alessia, the checklist?"

"Err...We don't have a checklist." I cough. Heat rises to my face, I have failed him, we used to always make a checklist when I was younger, why didn't I think of that now.

I was relieved to see that Papa wasn't looking at me disappointed, instead he looked at everyone, his eyes starting to calculate.

"Okay..." He sighs. "Race starts in 12 minutes." There is a ticking noise as he sets the time on his watch. "We haven't got all day so we better get to it.

" Papa?"

"Ai!" Nonno salutes.

"Check the bike and make sure there's no issues..." With that Nonno disappears to the back and immediately starts knocking on the bike.

"Flavio!"

"Yes sir?" Flavio salutes by straightening his back.

"I need you to bring out some signboards that we can use during the race, let Etienne know his grid position and time."

"Sir yes sir, I'll go get the one Valentino uses."

"Affirmative." Papa nods.

I can't help but to stare with my jaw left open, he still got it. It was not like he used to be in the army or nothing, he just used to watch a lot of war movies I guess, to him it takes the same leadership preparing for a race weekend.

"Valentino!"

When it comes to Vale he nervously steps forward.

"You know this track better than anyone, let Etinne know what he needs to do to get ahead and what to look out for." Vale nods, him and Etienne both step aside and begin discussing.

"Mama!"

"Excuse me?"

When it comes to the only people left, I can tell he is unsure what to do with us.

"I meant Monique...." He coughs. Mama stands cross armed.

"....Make sure you find yourself a good spot to watch your son win his first grand prix." He winks. I see the left side of Mama's lips twitch as she tries to hide the creeping smile. She wouldn't wanna let him off that easy would she, still, she does what he says and walks towards the gathering of people standing around the outlined fence, sculpturing the track. Soon she finds Angelo's parents and joins them.

Now with just the two of us, I dare him to make me go join Mama, see if I won't cuss him out. I'm not a hopeless braud.

My whole body stiffens as he grabs me by the shoulders and starts leading me towards the tent. Whitey is gazing the horizon standing behind Valentino's empty merchendise table.

"Whitey?"

"Huh?" Papa makes him come out of his trans.

"Could you pass me one of those caps?"

I raise my eyebrows in confusion, but before I could comprehend I'm squinting my eyes as Papa presses down the cap on top of my head, making my big hair spill out like cotton candy.

"Now you listen to me Alessia."

I'm striked by the firmness in his voice.

"Your brother is scared and he needs you to tell him that it's gonna be alright, that riding is the closest thing one can come to face death, meaning it's the closest thing one can come to truly being alive."

He was putting words in my mouth, I thought.

"Why won't you tell him?" I mumble.

It was like looking into the eyes of a sad Etienne, only to know he was much taller and I didn't feel that it was my place to comfort him.

"Because you've always stuck by his side, making you the one he trusts the most in this world." Papa has trouble continuing. "You guys are too young to understand right now so all I can say is this, trust is everything, don't ever make someone you love lose that, not like I did."

I guess he wanted me to cut out the last part. I nod agreeingly since it felt like the right thing to do.

"Okay everyone, 6 minutes to go!"

Nonno began shuffling the bike towards the starting line on the track. Uncle Flavio took his place in a corner somewhere Etienne would Easily spot him holding up the sign.

"I'm gonna help your grandpa with the bike, If he lets me close enough." Valentino sighs. "You'll do great little man." His last words before running towards the track.

Papa gives me a signaling look as he and Whitey also satrts walking towards the track, leaving Etienne and I behind.

Etienne is looking pale, I can't help to smile remembering how nervous I used to get before each and everyone of my races, however everything always turned out alright and I always had the time of my life out there.

"Got your helmet?" I ask.

Etienne throws an anxious gaze towards the gathering of people waiting for the junior races to go on.

"You alright there little buddy?" I turn his head for him to look at me.

Etienne nods, "I just need to remember everything." He starts to mumble... "easy on the clutch, lean then release. easy on the clutch, lean then release...."

"Forget about all of that" I sigh.

Etienne frowns, "But Nonno said..."

"Forget what Nonno said, trust me."

Etienne looks at me, still unsure.

"You trust me don't you?"

He slowly nods.

"Good, now all you have to do..." I grabbed the helmet, my old helmet, from the table where it had been resting, it was like passing over the legacy. "...put this on and go."

"W...what do you mean?" He stutters.

Poor thing probably got a million thoughts roaming in his little head, enough of that.

I get down on one knee so that our eyes can meet. "When you practice you practice, but when we race, we race."

"Huh?" He frowns.

"During practice you think about how to ride faster, what to do in this corner and that corner, when to brake. However when it's time to the actual race forget about all of that, otherwise your mind will explode."

"How will I know what to do then if I don't think about it."

I brush my knees as I get up from the ground. "Simple, all you have to do is put this on" I tap on the top of the helmet "And it will all come to you."

"Are you sure Lessy?"

"I asked you if you trusted me, now prove it."

Etienne is quick to put on the helmet.

"Good, now it's time to go." I smile. The dark visor covers his eyes as he is now in a world only a racer would know it's abode.

"Don't forget to wave when you win!" I watch as he runs towards the track. It was time for him to race.

Sparkling echo, when it is announced throughout the park that the junior races is about to start, I adjust my cap before heading towards the track myself.