Moment of honesty
Someone's gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?

- Alicia Keys

PROD

I'm on the couch in Naly's hospital room rubbing on Zaya's stomach. "You think this is bad timing for the baby, huh?" she softly asks. I sigh. It's like I take ten step forwards and twenty back. Something always gotta go wrong when things are good.

"No." I lie. She sighs. "I know when you're lying..." she mumbles.  I sigh. "Naw... don't get me wrong, I'm happy. But you pregnant and this war shit going on." I say. She sighs. "Yeah... Craig, you know I hate abortions, right?" she asks. I look at her. "I didn't ask for one." I say. She shakes her head, crying. "The baby... I don't wanna lose it over this. I'd rather get an abortion before I do that." she says. I sit up, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Seriously?" I ask, chuckling. I'm trying to keep my anger to a minimum. "It's just that... think about it, I've lost baby after baby over this street shit. I'd rather-" I cut her off. "You sound dumb as fuck." I simply say. She sighs. "Whatever. It's your fault we in this mess anyways." she says. I glare at her. "So, you just through riding for me?" I ask. She looks at me like I'm stupid. "Pregnant or not, nigga you know I let that .40 bang real quick over your ass. Click, clack, pow. Man the fuck down." she says, using her fingers to make a gun and pretending to shoot somebody.

I laugh and wrap my arm around her. "You corny as fuck." I say. "And? My corny as fuck ass riding through thick and thin. Remember that." she says. "I love you." I say. "Love you too." she says. We lean in and kiss. "Love you three." Naly softly says. We look over there. Even through hella pain, my baby girl still giggling and smiling.

"I see somebody's up." Zaya says, standing. "Wassup, Princess?" I ask, standing. We walk over to the bed. "Everything hurting, dada." she says. I chew the bottom of my lip. Seeing this breaks my heart. "Mommy, don't cry." Naly says. "Cause then I will cry." she adds. "I'm sorry, princess." Zaya says. I koss kiss Naly's forehead. "Ew... dada that one was wet." she says. All of us laugh. "What was the thing the doctor took out of my stomach, arm, and thigh?" Naly asks. "Bullets." I answer. "The pow pow things?" she asks. We nod our heads. "I promise when I get big, I'm getting a pow pow thing and I'm gonna pow pow them for pow powwing me. That was mean." Naly pouts.  "Daddy got it." I say.  "I'm still doing it." she says, mugging me. Stubborn ass Analya. I don't want her to be no killer.

DEJUAN

"Ronnie, come on, quit complaining. Your leg hurts, my back hurts. We both look like old niggas in wheelchairs." I tell him, opening the bag from McDonald's.   "Will we have to stay in these forever?" he asks. "Nope. They temporary until we heal." I say. "Daddy, why you jump on me when they was shooting?" he asks. "Cause you would've been dead and I would've been dead as well because I would've killed myself if you got killed, son." I say. "Killing yourself is bad. Never do it, daddy. Stay alive if I die before you." he pouts. I nod my head. "Ain't nobody dying, lil man." I say. "Promise?" he asks. "I promise. Now say your grace." I say. That's a promise I hope I can keep. Who knew I'd be a father at eighteen?  "Okay... promise again." he says. I chuckle. "I, DeJuan Aden Crippen, promise nobody dying." I say. He nods his head.

The streets of Cali just turned into a battle field. Ain't no way around it.

HEAVEN

I feel like I'm losing my mind. How do my parents do that for a living? I can't get the image out of my mind.

I'm pregnant and depressed. I gotta smile in Damion's face like everything is good. I don't even want to live.

I look over at the bottle of Naproxen on my nightstand and grab it. I stare at the bottle full of the white pills. Fuck it. I pour a handful in my hand and pop them in my mouth, chewing them. I scrunch my nose up at the disgusting taste. I gasp and grip the bed, feeling my chest tighten.  The room starts to get darker and darker. I just wanna be free from everything and this is my only way out.

JAYLEN

I'm in Kennedie's hotel room holding Legend. It's three in the morning. My phone starts ringing.  I sigh in frustration. God, don't let this be nobody telling me somebody else dead.

"Hello?" I answer. "Jay... Heaven tried to off herself." he says.  I hand Legend to Kennedie. "You okay?" she whispers. "She good, right? Like... tell me it didn't work." I say. "It didn't. Her dumb ass is okay. Now she feeling dumb for doing it." he says, chuckling. I blow. "Damn... I need to come?" I ask. "Naw. You ain't gotta come right now. I understand you got yo son and all that. She fine, I swear." he says. "You sure? Cause I'll hate myself if she not good." I say. "Nigga, I'm sure. Besides, she knocked out sleep anyway." he says. "Alright. I'll be there soon as I wake up though." I say. "What you doing up so late anyway? Where you at?" he asks.

I might as well come clean. Everything tumbling down anyway. "With Kennedie." I say. He gets quiet.

"For what?" he finally asks. "I'm helping her." I say. "Do you. Cause I don't want the girl and I mean that. So... yeah, Jay. Maybe she was in my life to be put in yours." he says. I shake my head. "It ain't like that." I say. He chuckles. "Just let me be the bullet boy." he says. "The what?" I ask. "This family so savage, bruh. So, when you wind up marrying her ass, we not throwing flowers down the aisle. We throwing bullets. Fuck a flower girl, let me be the bullet boy." he says.

I fall out laughing. "Eric, it's too late for this shit." I say. He laughs. "For real, shit about to get really wild and I just want memories and shit, ya know?" he asks. "Yeah... ain't nobody else dying. Look, I love you, bullet boy" I joke. He laughs "I love you too, Kennedie's bae." he says. I laugh. "Bye nigga." I say. "One." he says, then hangs up.

I look over at Kennedie, holding Legend. She starts laughing. "What?" I ask. "His eyes are red... and he grunting. He taking a dump." she says, laughing. I shake my head. "Who finds babies dumping funny?" I ask. "Me. He's so cute." She says, then kisses his cheek.  I shake my head. "You so weird." I say, laughing.  "So." she says. "Give me him so I can change him." I say. She shakes her head no. "Nope. Lay down and let me do it. You had a long day." she says. "Yeah... but I'm good." I say. "It's okay to cry. Remember when you told me that? Everybody get tired of holding it in." she says. I look at her and sighs, watching her change him.

"You right." I say. She nods. "You've seen me at my worst, trust me. I don't mind you crying." she says. "She was only eleven." I say, shaking my head.  "Man... where the loyalty at in this messed up world?" I ask, not necessarily talking to her. "Right here." she softly says.

I look at her. She looks down at Legend and starts playing with his toes. "What you say?" I ask. "I said... the loyalty is right here." she says. "What you trying to tell me?" I ask.

"I'm telling you... I got your back. All I ask is for you to take me to learn how to shoot." she says. I chuckle. "Aight. That ain't what you was saying though..." I say. "I don't know what it is, but I'm attached to you, Jaylen. Over these four weeks, I swear I can't see myself without you." she says. I grin. "I'm attached to you too." I admit. She starts blushing. "You feeling me, huh?" she asks. I chuckle. "You cool." I say.

I don't want no girlfriend tho. She got too much she need to deal with first. Well, we need to deal with cause I'm helping her.

"All I ask if for you to ride for me and we good." I say. "So... we dating now?" she asks. I laugh. "What? No." I say. She laughs. "Alright, Jaylen.  We need to go to sleep before Legend wakes up and start crying." she says. She lays him between us in the bed. I lay down and snuggle up close to Legend. She gets a little closer to him on his other side. "We look like the Huxtables and shit." she mumbles. I laugh. "Go to sleep." I say, closing my eyes.

All I need is L's. Love & Loyalty.

JUST A LIL FILLER CHAPTER.

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