Jane

I felt bad that I had asked almost the second it slipped out of my mouth. When he replied my stomach dropped and I felt like I had just ripped open an old wound. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry I asked, that's really personal and I shouldn't have asked-"

"It's okay Jane, don't freak out." He held onto my hand and tried to calm me down. "It doesn't hurt my feelings that you asked, you're my friend right?" I nodded not saying anything. "Jane, I'm fucked up, okay. I have trust issues, I hate people, and I've been in fights. When my sister killed herself, I didn't know how to cope with everything. Sometimes I blame myself because I could have stopped her if I was there." He shook his head fighting back tears. "I've never talked about this to anyone."

"Harry, it's okay to talk about it with me, if you want." I sat up on my knees and reached out for him. At first, his arms rested at his side, but he eventually hugged me back. We pulled away and he examined my face almost to see if I was sincere.

"When I was twelve my sister was my best friend. She and I did everything together. When she turned sixteen I was fourteen and she was seeing this guy named Kyle." He said his name with disgust. "Kyle was very popular and my sister was a smart girl. She had the best grades and he was ashamed of her because she wasn't cool. He would get mad and they'd fight on why she couldn't be with him in public. During prom, she was humiliated by him. He stood her up and then took someone else. She cried for hours and she broke up with him, but be refused. He began controlling her, abusing her. He told her that if he couldn't have her no one could. He made her feel stupid and worthless."

"One night, when he was over. She began yelling help. I had told her to leave him and she didn't listen. When I got up to her room he had left through the window, she was hurt. He had raped her."

I gasped and he put his face in his hands. "What did you do?"

He wiped his face looking out into the water again. "I went after him." My palms got sweaty at his dark tone of voice. "I beat the hell out of him. I shattered his jaw, broke his arm in three different places. And I ruined any chance of him playing any sport ever again." His face became serious. "But he got away with it."

"What?! He hurt your sister!" I was angry.

"Yes, but there was no evidence. Only my testimony, but it didn't help that I had just beat the hell out of him and he was in the hospital."

"What about your sister?" He laughed dryly and ran his fingers through his hair in anger.

"She was traumatized, she wouldn't talk." He sighed. "My mum was so angry at me for getting involved and fighting Kyle. I ended up getting arrested and sent to a juvenile prison until I was seventeen."

"Wait, so that means-" I thought about it.

"It happened while I was in prison. She was tormented in school and a week after her seventeenth birthday she ended it."

For what seemed like hours, we sat there on that beach in silence. I couldn't imagine losing my siblings in such a horrible way. "I left home when I turned eighteen. My mum didn't care about anybody except herself so I left. I was depressed for years and I have scars on my body from... That's why i didn't want to take off my shirt." He pulled his shirt off. Under it, he wore nothing but the ink that scattered all over his skin, and the small scars of self-harm on his chest, stomach, and arms.

"Oh, Harry." In most places, it was as if he was clawed at by a wild animal. The scars were healed, most of them were covered by tattoos so you couldn't really see them anymore.

"I've been clean for a year. Haven't had a drink since February, and I went back to school." He said proudly putting his shirt back on. "I'm trying to be a better person, I want to be happy again."

"Can I hug you?" I asked shyly. He laughed pulling me into a big hug. He sighed quietly and I could feel his heart slowly begin to relax. My head was pressed up against his chest. His head lied on top of mine, his arms securely around me.

"You know, you're the only person I've ever felt like I could be myself around. Like my real self, not this person I pretend to be. I'm just Harry."

I pulled away and poked his cheek. "I like 'just Harry' he is...perfect" And I meant it.

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We spent the day talking on the beach about the stupidest things. I tried to lighten up the mood by asking him if he'd ever been to a farm before. He laughed and said he hasn't but he had a great joke about a cow trying to get a good seat at the movies.

"That's a terrible joke." I laughed at how bad it was.

"You're laughing aren't you?" My stomach growled and I realized it was dinner time. The sun was still over the horizon but it was starting to get a bit cold. "Do you want to get something to eat? There's a nice restaurant over on the other side of the beach. I looked into it." He offered.

I agreed to help him clean up our stuff, walking over to wash our feet in the shower area. He put on his boots and I put on my jacket. "You must get cold riding your bike at night?"

"I layer clothing, and always cover my face. That's one of the reasons I wear my leather jacket too." We decided to walk to the restaurant. When we made it they gave us a table with a nice view of the ocean.

The waiter was kind and took our orders. Harry seemed to be enjoying the view a lot so I decided to ask him one more question. "Can you swim?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because you didn't want to get in the water. I know why you didn't take your shirt off, but I assume you couldn't swim." I was so painfully awkward.

"I'm afraid of open water." He confessed. "Aren't you afraid of sharks, jellyfish, not to mention a giant wave taking you under?"

I guess I never thought of it that way. "No?" I looked at him confused. "You know it's funny, I'm pretty calm in the water. On the other hand, I'm afraid of spiders, like, deadly afraid."

"Interesting, what's the word for fear of spiders?" He asked more to himself.

"Arachnophobia," I answered. "Do you know what someone who takes comfort in the rain is called?" He shook his head. "Pluviophile."

"I might have that now that you say that. The rain reminds me of home, and it hasn't rained here that much since I've gotten to California." He chuckled. "What other words do you know, I like new words."

"Uh, logophile, someone who takes interest in words." He laughed.

"How do you know that?" The waiter came by putting down our drinks and told us our food would be out in a minute.

"I work in a library, Harry, I read a lot." I took a sip of my iced tea. He drank some of his and looked like he was going to say something, but he hesitated. "What are you thinking?"

"You're smart?" I shrugged not really knowing what defined me as smart. "What are you doing in a local community college, why don't you get transferred to a university or something."

"Well that was the plan, I need a few classes first," I explained. "But I'm not sure. I wanted to be a teacher, but somedays I don't want to leave work at the library and have to start being an adult. Especially since my sister left, I'd rather help my parents out than be out there."

"It is scary being on your own, paying rent isn't pleasant." I felt slightly embarrassed that I had no experience in being an actual grown up. I still lived with my parents and they still took care of me.

"Do you live by yourself?" The waiter came by with our food apologizing for the wait.

"I have roommates, but I'm trying to get out of that situation." I didn't respond as we ate in very comfortable silence. I thought back to everything that he told me out on the beach and how even though he's been through a lot, he could still want to fix himself. He wanted to make use of his life and that made me very happy for him.

After we ate, it was beginning to get dark and he suggested we leave before it gets colder. We walked next to each other back to his bike and he told me about each one of his roommates.

"Louis' a prick, doesn't respect boundaries at all. He walks around completely naked, like one time he opened the front door naked." I gasped laughing along with him. "Tommy is cool, but he works the night shift a lot, so if he's sleeping and you wake him up, he gets really mad."

"Do you have your own space?" We made it to the bike and he opened the lockbox taking out his jacket.

"Yeah, I pay the most rent so I get the big room." He helped me put on my helmet again and looked at me. "You're gonna get cold, here wear my jacket." He took it off and put it around me.

"But then you'll get cold."

"No, I'll just layer on another shirt, besides I'm used to it." He shrugged. "I don't get cold."

I ended up listening and got on behind him. The ride back home was a lot colder than before but I stayed warmer because of the jacket he gave me. I held onto him as he drove on the highway back home. I didn't realize I was holding so tightly again until he put one of his hands on mine and told me. "Are you scared again?"

"No, sorry." I let go a little.

"It's okay, I like it!" He said over the sound of the wind and bike.

So did I.

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Thanks for reading. Xx

-k