Jane

Pushing a baby doesn't hurt as much as the contractions do. It was almost a huge relief once she was out. I was so caught off guard when they told us she was a girl. She was born on November 7th at 10:06 pm.

I lay on the bed while the baby ate from my chest. Harry took a photo and smiled. "She's a quick learner, already knows what to do my sweet girl." I nodded. "She's so perfect." He kissed her head.

"What are we going to name her?" He shrugged. "You missy were supposed to be a boy, and now we have to come up with a name." I cooed at the baby who just sucked her food. I looked at her and smiled.

On my bedside was a bouquet of pink Daisy's Harry got me earlier, and it got me thinking.

"How about Daisy?" I looked at Harry who nodded.

"I like Daisy." He chuckled and shook his head. "You would name her after a flower." I nodded. "What about a middle name?"

I looked at him and then down at the baby. She was so beautiful and small. I could only think of one name. "Do you want to name her Gemma?" He looked at me and smiled. A single tear fell down and he nodded. "Okay, Daisy Gemma Styles." He leaned in and kissed my forehead and then Daisy's.

"Thank you, baby," he sniffled, "for naming her that. It means a lot to me." I kissed his cheek.

"I love that name." I simply said.

As I switched sides, just like the nurse and my mom taught me, Harry called someone out in the hallway. I watched the baby as she drank and couldn't help but sigh in relief. I felt so happy.

Someone knocked and I quickly covered myself with the sheet.

"Can I come in?" It was my sister. She walked in with a bunch of pink balloons. "Are you feeding her?" I nodded.

"Yeah come in." She sat next to me. "Did you see Harry out there?"

"Yeah, he's on the phone with Louis." She sat down and out of her purse she took out a container. "Brought you some soup." It had been a few hours since I had given birth. They had told me everything went well and that we could go home tomorrow afternoon. "So did you name her?"

"Yeah, Daisy Gemma Styles." The baby had fallen asleep so I lifted her up and covered my self with my gown and burped her.

"Cute, Jane, isn't Gemma Harry's sister's name?" I nodded. "So what are you going to do about all the boy clothes?"

"Well, my co-worker gave a lot of girl clothes too, besides most of the clothes from the party were gender-neutral. The baby's room is yellow so I think we're good. I think the only problem is that we packed all these cute little baby boy outfits that says 'big man' on it." She thought for a minute.

"Well, I'll go over to your place and change the outfits." I let her know where to get everything while she held the baby.

Just then Harry came in, coming over to kiss me and sat in the chair beside me. "She's adorable right?" He said proudly making me giggle.

"Freaking cute as hell." Phoebe smiled.

The nurse walked in and smiled at us. She checked our wrist bands again and smiled. "Alright, mom and dad we have to take the baby back for some more tests. Have we picked a name, someone is here to help you fill out her birth certificate." We nodded as she put Daisy in the baby bed.

After she left, Phoebe left and a man walked in to help us fill out the baby certificate. Harry wrote while I ate. He had me look over everything and we had everything done. "Okay, you'll get it in the mail within a few weeks." The man left and Harry began setting up his bed for the night. It was already two in the morning.

"Sleep Jane, you need to rest." I agreed. "Was it as bad as you thought it would be?" He asked about the birth.

"Honestly I thought pushing her out would have been hard but it was the contractions. After the epidural, I still felt them." He pursed his lips. "I just can't wait to take a shower and be at home."

He walked over and kissed me. "Sleep, love, I'll be here when they bring the baby." I did need to sleep, I was exhausted. "Good night, baby." I hugged him and then laid on my side to sleep.

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No one really explains to you how gross it is after having a baby. It's like all nine months of your period in one go.

I was literally wearing a diaper.

I walked out of the bathroom while Harry dressed Daisy to leave.

Phoebe had brought me a new cute outfit. After we took some photos of us I took a shower and I felt better. I was a little sad that my belly was gone, and now all I had was a squishy stomach.

"She looks so cute, baby," I said to Harry.

"Because she's perfect." He lifted her up and kissed her face making her smile. She was so tiny and adorable.

There were a few things that needed to happen for us to take her home. We needed to have a car seat test, which is having her sit in her car seat for an hour, she passed. Then they check that we installed the car seat right. They talked to us about a million things and Daisy would just sleep. She'd only cry when she needed but other than that she was very calm.

On our drive home, Harry drove more carefully. We made it home and he grabbed the baby and bags.

We walked into the house and Daisy looked around. "Look, Angel, this is your new home." Harry took her out of her car seat and showed her around.

I went to put away everything and turn on the heater since it was a bit chilly. As I entered the room my eyes widened at the sight of a giant stuffed elephant.

The card read it was from Louis. "Aww."

After I put everything away I went to the room where Harry was changing her diaper. "Louis got her a giant stuffed elephant." He raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to lay with her on your chest like nurse told you?"

"Yeah, in a minute. Let it get warmer in here." I walked over as he put on her little socks. My boobs hurt really bad so I knew it was time to try pumping.

"I'm going to be in the room, pumping I guess." He nodded holding her. "I love you."

He looked at me and smiled. "I love you more. Give me a kiss." I leaned in and kissed him. He stroked my cheek. "You did amazing, baby." I smiled going into the room.

Pumping was very weird but I did as my mom had told me, and I got it down. After I was done I walked out to find Harry shirtless with the baby on his chest. Her back covered with a blanket and only in her diaper and socks. We lay there for a while.

Eventually, Daisy began crying so Harry got up to get the breast milk and heat it up. He told me to relax so I did.

After she ate I showed him how to burp her. "She's so tiny I feel like I'm patting her too hard." He said worriedly.

"Baby's are strong, huh Daisy." I kissed her forehead. She burped loudly making us laugh. "Okay back on daddy's chest."

A knock was at the door. I had changed into some PJs and had my robe on so I wouldn't get cold. I opened the door and it was my parents.

"Hi, Sweetpea how are you feeling?" She said as she walked in.

"I'm tired but I'm okay." We all sat on the couch. Harry smiled at my parents handing Daisy to my dad. He went to put on a shirt and came back a minute later.

"She is so precious." My mom began crying. I sat with my dad and yawned. "What's her middle name?" She asked.

"Gemma, after my sister," Harry told her. "We were so sure she was going to be a boy." He chuckled.

"That happened with Sunny, we just decided to keep the same name." We talked for a while. I eventually dozed off on the couch.

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A few weeks later

Today was my six-week postpartum appointment.

Harry carried in Daisy wrapped in a blanket. We sat waiting in the check-up room as Harry held the baby, feeding her from the bottle.

The doctor knocked and came in."Hello, Jane nice to see you again." She shook our hands and looked at the baby. "She is adorable." Harry smiled wide at her.

After she checked the baby and the umbilical cord area, that had already fallen off, she asked Harry if he could step out with the baby. "So how are you feeling, any pain or concerns."

"No nothing at all." She nodded writing it down.

"What about bleeding, has that stopped?" I nodded. "How long ago?"

"Two weeks ago." She looked impressed. "I feel really good physically, sometimes I'm really tired."

"Have you been feeling sad?" I looked down.

"Yes, it's odd, I was fine but, I began feeling almost jealous of how much Harry spends with Daisy. He has her all the time and he's not as affectionate as he usually is." She nodded. "When she cries, I cry."

"Well Jane, you could be experiencing postpartum depression. It's common, but in your case, since you've had depression before the baby, it's most likely going to occur. I'm going to give you some info on support groups and websites that have really helped new moms feel better." I nodded. "As for what you can do now is talk to Harry. One thing parents forget is that they were a couple before the baby. You need to remind him of that and remember communication is key."

She was right, but the feelings I was going through made it hard to talk to him.

She had me lay back and checked me. It was odd being back in this position with no kid coming out of me. "I looked down there and it looks almost normal." She chuckled. "I was afraid to look."

"The female body is amazing isn't it." I nodded. "Well, I'm clearing you for sexual activities. You had a very good labor and you are doing well physically. Just remember never do anything you aren't comfortable with, okay?"

"Yes, thank you, doctor." She wrote some stuff down and then turned back in her chair to look at me.

"So have we thought about a new type of birth control, maybe an IUD." We talked about it and I decided to set up an appointment to get the 5-year birth control implant. She reminded me to use condoms until then and I left.

When we got home Harry went to change Daisy in her room while I went to sit in ours. I sat there for a while and eventually I began to start feeling the same sadness when I heard Harry sing to the baby. After a while, I heard him walk into the room.

"Jane?" I nodded. "You alright?" I sat on our bed and looked out the window. It had begun raining hard outside.

"I feel sad," I said to him. "I don't know why." He walked into the room grabbing a chair and sitting in front of me.

"Is it because of the lack of sleep?" I shrugged. "Is it the baby?" He said carefully.

"No!" I put my face in my hands. "I love my baby." I sobbed.

"My love, I never said you didn't. Tell me what your feeling, what's going through your mind?" I cleaned my eyes and looked down at my feet.

"I feel like you love the baby more than me, and I know you do, but it feels like you are ignoring me. I just feel ugly and like you don't think I'm pretty anymore because of my stretch marks. I haven't been able to look pretty." I cried. "I feel lonely, and I know I shouldn't but I do." He looked at me for a while, using his thumb to clean my tears.

"Jane, I love you with every ounce of my body. I love our baby too, equally you have both stolen my heart." I sniffled. "And you're not ugly, you are so beautiful, I mean you are the most beautiful women in the world to me. I'm sorry if I've been ignoring you, I just wanted to give you time to sleep and relax." He explained holding my hands.

"You don't even kiss me anymore," I said sadly. "Or hold me at night."

He nodded and sighed. "You're right, I haven't been there, I've been preoccupied. But that doesn't mean I don't love you, and that I don't think you're gorgeous." He put his hands on either side of my face and ran his fingers through my hair. "How about we have dinner together and just be the two of us tomorrow?" My lip began to tremble.

"I'm a bad mom, aren't I." I felt guilty leaving her.

He grabbed me and put me against his chest. "Us having some alone time doesn't make you a bad mom. We need time to ourselves too, Jane." I knew he was right. We had been couped up in this house and Christmas was in a few days. The only time we went out alone was so we could go out and get a tree together just the two of us. But that didn't last.

"Where's Daisy?" I asked.

"Sleeping in her bassinet, right out there, so how about we lay down a little while and cuddle, hmm?" I nodded.

He stood up fixing the bed and laying down. He opened his arms for me and let me lay down next to him he kissed my cheek and began running his fingers through my hair. "Never feel like I don't love you."

I just snuggled into his chest and fell asleep.

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The next day I woke up when I heard the baby crying. My boobs hurt so bad, probably because I needed to feed her. "Ow." Harry was fast asleep so I got up quickly to get her. She was swaddled so I picked her up. She looked at me and smiled. "Hi baby, I'm going to feed you now okay?" She looked at me and her lip trembled. I walked to her room and sat on the rocking chair pulling off my shirt.

Immediately she began sucking and I felt instant relief. As I sat there she put her little hand on my chest and I grabbed her finger. "I love you, even though I'm having my issues. You are the light of my life." I switched sides when Harry came in. He rubbed his eyes and waved.

"I needed that sleep." He scratched his bare chest. "How's my princess?"

"She's fine just eating-"

"I meant you." He chuckled, walking over to lean on and press a kiss to my head. "How do you feel?"

"Eww, don't call me princess." I made a face. He pecked my lips taking a seat.

He sat on the little footstool by my chair. "You don't mind me calling you princess when I'm fucking you-"

"Harry!" I whispered yelled. "Don't talk like that in front of her." I smiled.

"Why, she doesn't know." I rolled my eyes as I realized she was falling asleep. I picked her up and lifted the straps of my shirt. "Do your boobs hurt?"

"Just the nipple kinda, but I've been using that cream stuff. It's helping a lot." He nodded. "They look weird."

"Not really, they look really nice compared to the one in the pregnancy books. Like sometimes the ladies in the books peel and bleed. This one picture had a woman with blisters." He touched his own chest as if he were in pain. "Your's are still sexy."

I blushed knowing he was trying to make me laugh. "Thanks, Harry, I know how much you love my boobs." Daisy burped and then farted. "Nice munchkin." We sat there and Harry looked at his phone. "Louis and Olivia said if they can come over to see you?" He asked.

"Me or the baby?" I said sadly. He put the phone in my face and I looked.

Louis: ask Jane if it's cool if we can go over. We miss her.:(

I smiled and nodded. He typed and then put the phone in his pocket.

"So I've been thinking about this for a while now. And I thought it would be a good time. So I was wondering if you wanted to go down to the courthouse and marry me in February?" I was caught off guard looking at him. "We can go and get married and then next year we can have a big wedding." I sighed. I felt as if he was trying to make me feel better and saying that just to try and make me happy.

"Are you only saying that because of what I told you yesterday." He shook his head.

"Baby, I told you this a while ago, but now that the baby's here, I want us to get married."

"Okay then, we'll go." I ran my fingers through Daisy's short brown hair. The doorbell rang and Daisy jumped a little. "Can you get it I'm going to put her down in the swing." He left and I went to sit her down.

Now that time had gone by she was beginning to look like Harry. Green eyes, brown hair, and cute little dimples. I brushed my hair and went out to the living room to find Louis and Olivia.

"Jane!" Olivia whisper yelled hugging me. "Your boobs are huge, lucky." She giggled.

"Thanks 'liv," I said sarcastically. "Hey, Louis." He came over and hugged me.

They both looked really happy and full of life. Compared to Harry and me who looked tired and probably smelled like baby poop. "So we have a surprise for you guys," Louis said pulling out a key. "Now, we all know you guys love hotel rooms so we got you a nice room at the Hilton for the night if you want to spend some alone time together." Harry looked at me and I sighed looking at the baby. "We'll watch her here."

"Louis, you didn't need to do that-"

"Thank you, Louis." Harry went to hug him. "Jane pack your bag." I gave him a look. "Now." He said making me walk to the room. I went in and looked around. Was he serious?

He walked in and closed the door. "Are we really leaving our daughter for a night, what will we do at a hotel?"

He turned slowly to me. "We can take a bath, cuddle, make love, or sleep for more than an hour at a time and then come back refreshed. Baby, we need this, believe me, it will help us." I sighed.

"I need to make a call." I went into the bathroom and called my mom. She told me it was a great idea. I sighed feeling bad that I was leaving my six and a half week old baby while I went out with Harry. I walked out and Harry was putting my clothes in a bag.

"Come on, get dressed." I shook my head. "Jane, please."

"You're so quick to leave her here." He stopped and I could tell it had bothered him what I said.

"Jane, our friends are doing something very nice for us. It's one night of relaxation, will you please get ready so we can go and spend time together like you said you wanted." He crossed his arms.

"No, you go if you need it so bad." I turned and went to the bathroom, locking the door. A few seconds later he knocked. "Go away."

"Jane open the door." I ignored him. "Jane open the fucking door." His voice became annoyed. I opened it and he walked in closing it. "Why are you acting like this?"

"I don't want to leave her, she needs me." My eyes began to water. "If I go she'll think I left her. It's only been six weeks, are you already so tired of being with her-"

"No for fuck's sake! She does need you, but I also need you. I need us to be okay, and right now we're not okay. You say you feel lonely when I'm sitting right beside you." He paced in the small bathroom. "You want to know how I feel? I feel tired too, and I feel like we're pushing each other away. I don't want to feel like that Jane!" I took a deep breath and knew he was right. We did need to be alone.

"You promise she'll be fine?" He grabbed me and held me close.

"Baby, she'll be great. Louis is great with babies. Now please get dressed so we can go." I sighed.

"Okay." I gave in. We did need this.

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Thanks for reading.xx

-k