"I know I'm selfish and feelings is somethin' I know I lack. The shit I'm doin' now, I know you raised me better than that. You showed me how to be a man and showed me how to act. Sometimes I wonder how you still proud I'm ya son after all the stuff I took ya through and all the shit I done." - Plies

RESHAWD

I glare at my dad as ma wipes blood off of my face. He beat the living shit out of me and Dynasty, then kicked her out and triple dared her to tell somebody what happened. He always doing the gotdamn most.

"Reshawd, you gone have to chill out. I don't want anything to happen to you, baby boy. You could've died when they shot the car up." she says, sitting next to me. I shrug my shoulders. Her eyes tear up. "Why do you do the things you do? Do you enjoy watching me cry? I get so scared when you not around me because I think you'll go mess with somebody and get killed." she mumbles, wiping her eyes. I hate hurting her, she need to quit crying, it's making me feel bad.

"No, I don't like hurting you, ma, stop crying." I say, wiping her face. She breaks down crying. "I'm so scared, Reshawd. I don't wanna have to bury you at all and the stuff you do makes me feel like you'll be dead before the year ends." she cries. My dad wraps his arms around her. She breaks down crying in his chest. I look away, not wanting them to see my eyes tear up. I'm really not even a bad kid, I didn't realize I was hurting her like that.

"I thought you didn't even care." I mumble. "Why? Reshawd, why would I not care? I know I didn't give birth to you, but you are my son, Reshawd. I've loved you ever since you were a baby and I always will. Why would you think I didn't care?" she asks, crying even harder. "You do it for attention?" my dad asks. "No." I mumble.

"Why then?" ma screams at me. "Fine, I don't even wanna do half of the stuff I do but I do it anyway because I know that's the only time yall will even say anything to me! It's always about Keyair or Nugget! Or its always about the baby you got on the way with that hoe and I'm tired of yall constantly neglecting me, then wondering why I don't wanna live!" I yell at them.

"What? You push us away, Reshawd. We try to go places and do stuff with you, but you turn us down. We can't force you to allow us to pay attention to you." my dad calmly says. "See, that's the thing! Of course imma turn it down if as soon as I go with yall, the first thing I hear about is shit that don't got nothing to do with me! I honestly don't think you even care about me, dad! You be blaming me for shit I had nothing to do with, you always go hard on me and don't say nothing to nobody else, and I swear one of my brothers could do anything I do, and I can guarantee you won't even care, but if I do it, all hell breaks loose and you damn near kill me! Ma, daddy, I'm tired of yall bullshit and I can't take it! Just cause I sit up and lie like I'm okay don't mean I am, because I'm not!" I yell at both of them.

My momma stands then shakes her head. "I can't do this." she says, wiping her face as she walks out the room. I shake my head then look at my dad. "Yall so quick to give up on me. I gave up on myself a long time ago. I don't even care about what happens next." I say. He doesn't say anything. "Come smoke with me." he calmly says. I feel like he finna say something deep if he actually allowing me to smoke with him.

I get up then grab my cane and limp out the room with him. "Go wait on me in my man cave, here go the key. Only you." he says, handing it to me. I'll just wait on him. I watch him walk into him and ma's bedroom then close the door.

I stand against the wall, listening to them talk. "Where you going?" he lowly asks her. "I can't take it, I'm stressed." she answers. "You didn't answer me." he says. She doesn't say anything. "So, you leaving me, huh?" he finally asks. My eyes widen. "Don't do that. I don't know if I... nevermind." she mumbles. "Nah, no, talk. You don't know if you what?" he asks. "Look, you have a baby on the way with another woman and as much as I pretend like I'm happy and as much as I pretend to be alright with it, I'm not and I never will be cool with it. I'm so fucking stressed and mad, I can't even describe how I feel. Between the kids and your shit, I'm losing it and I don't feel like myself anymore." she answers. "So, that's it? You just done now? You giving up over a fucking baby I don't even care about or want?" he asks. She sighs. "Leave me alone, I do not wanna talk to you right now." she mumbles. I hear a loud noise, he probably punched the wall. "Bet. Don't get mad when I do me cause I'm single now. You don't gotta stay with me, imma be straight with and without yo ass so fuck you, Zavianna. Fuck you, you don't mean shit to me no more. Leave then!" he snaps.

I shake my head then go to the elevator. I'm not even in the mood to hear the rest of that conversation. My dad be saying the worse shit to her when he get mad, then regret it two seconds afterwards.

I unlock his man cave at the bottom of the mansion then close the door. I turn the light on then sit on the couch in front of three stripper poles.

The door opens up. He walks in with his hand wrapped up, then closes the door. "You was down here the whole time, right?" he asks me. I shrug my shoulders. "What happened to yo hand?" I ask. "I'm straight." he says, sitting next to me. He pulls a blunt from behind his ear then lights it. He takes a few hits, damn near smoking the whole thing, then hands it to me. "This some type of test to see if I'll really smoke it infront of you?" I ask, feeling paranoid. "No." he answers. I shrug my shoulder then take a hit. I lean back and smile as I feel the high. I hit it a few more times then cough. "Slow down." he says, laughing. I chuckle then hand it back. That's the fattest blunt I ever held in my life.

"I love you, son." he says, laughing as he smokes it. "Love you too, G." I say, coughing. He hands me the blunt then opens the man cave door. Two fine ass strippers walk in behind the guards. The guards walk out then close the door.

I smirk at one of the strippers as she dances on the pole infront of me. I look to my left as my dad stares straight past the stripper in front of him, looking at the picture of ma hanging on the wall instead of the stripper with his sprung ass. She fine as fuck and he ain't even looking at her.

"You are so sexy." she whispers in my ear, then kisses it. I turn her head to face me. She so fucking sexy, her eyes literally shine, she got the sexiest honey colored skin, long brown hair, and she got ass like a horse. I lick my lips, staring at her mouth as she dances in front of me. I'm not even the type to ever kiss, but she got me in this mothafucka ready to kiss, give her my baby, and lose my tongue virginity in this hoe.

"How old are you?" I ask while she lap dances me. I grip a hand full of her ass then slap it as she bends over in my face. "Nineteen." she answers. Yes! And this bitch older than me too. I never saw myself thinking about cuffing a stripper but I damn sure can see it now.

"What about her?" I ask, nodding my head towards the bad bitch that came with her. My daddy over there clipping his toe nails, not paying her any attention while she plays with her půssy on the pole, trying to get him to look at her but he won't.

"She twenty nine. Dang, this is the first time anyone has ever just not paid her attention." she whispers in my ear. I chuckle. "Let's go somewhere alone." I say. She raises her eyebrow. "You look like a baby. How old are you anyways?" she asks. "Old enough. Come here." I say, standing on my cane. Gotdamn, this shit embarrassing. I'm over here walking with a cane infront of a bad bitch.

"Why's your face turning red?" she asks, laughing a little. "It is?" I ask. She nods her head. "It's okay, you're still so cute." she says. I lead her into Chevy's room. He ain't even here. I'll change the sheets before his ugly ass get home.

I close the door then lead her to the bed. I tap my lap. She straddles me then grinds back and forth on me. I bite my lip then bite the thin bra she has on, moving it out of my way with my teeth. I take her nıpple into my mouth then lightly suck on it. I ain't ever did that before but I'm finna go all out with her, she too fine to not do it.

She moans then stands a little bit. I watch her pull her panties down. She pulls my gym shorts down then pulls my dıck out the top of my boxers. My eyes roll back as she bobs her head up and down on me with it deep in her mouth.

"I'm finna murder you." Chevy says, walking into the room. She jumps. I roll my eyes then pull her head back down. "No, fuck him, don't quit." I say, pushing it back in her mouth. He can kiss my ass and take a picture, I ain't stopping til I bust down her throat.

He comes and pistol whips me with his gun, knocking me and her out the bell. She screams then puts her stuff back on, hiding behind me. He narrows his eyes. "Violet?" he asks like he know her. She slowly stands. "Chevy... what the... why are you here?" she asks in tears. His face softens. "Why you here and giving my brother head?" he asks her, looking all hurt. "I didn't know he was related to you, I was paid to come dance for him and it went from there." she explains. He shakes his head then scratches his head with the gun.

"When you become a stripper?" he mumbles. "I'm confused as fuck, G, who is this?" I ask. He shakes his head. My mouth slightly drops as a tear rolls down his face. He walks over to his drawer then throws her a pair of sweats and one of his LRG shirts. "The towels in the cabinet in my bathroom, I got extra soap in there too. It's a keypad to turn the shower on, I'll show you. Shawd, get out my room." he says, looking all stressed. I shrug my shoulders. "Yo bitch still sucked my dıck." I mumble, getting jealous as fuck.

I don't even know who she is to him. He throws the remote control to Keyair's remote control car at the back of my head. I throw my middle finger up then walk out, still wondering how Chevy ugly ass know a bad bitch like her.

I walk back upstairs to my parents' room. I open the door up then close it behind me. I walk out on the balcony where my momma is crying her fucking heart out, on her knees, screaming and crying, literally. It hurt me to see it, she never acted like this infront of me except for when Naly got shot when she was four.

She tries to stop and act like she wasn't crying. Her lip starts trembling as she forces a smile on her face. "Have you been smoking again? And you having sex now?" she asks, pointing at the hickey on my neck. I look away from her. She breaks down crying. "Yall stress me out. Do you even care about me? Be honest. Am I the only one giving one hundred percent around here?" she asks. I wrap my arm around her then wipe the tears that are rolling down my face, not even bothered about hiding em.

"I love you, ma. I don't care about the woman who gave birth to me no more, she don't even matter. I know I don't ever show or tell you this but you mean more to me than anybody living and I'm not just saying that. You sacrificed a lot for me and as many times I disrespected you or did stuff I shouldn't have, you never gave up or stopped loving me. I know you would do anything to make me and my brothers and sisters happy and I apologize for the way I've been treating you. I'm not promising to be an angel but I promise I'll try to do better. I love you, mommy, I'm still your baby." I say from the bottom of my heart.

I sigh in relief, feeling like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I have never in my life expressed how I felt towards anybody, and I have never said anything so deep that I actually meant until now.

"Ma, don't leave us, please. I'm so sorry but if you go, I'll cry like a baby and smoke a lot of weed and be depressed all day. I can't deal with you leaving. Those times my daddy made you leave, I cried all day and night when he wasn't around because I missed you. I know I pretend like I never care but I'm sensitive, ma, don't go, it'll hurt too bad." I mumble, feeling like a bitch for even acting like this right now. I hope she don't tell my daddy I'm out here begging and crying.

She looks away from me. "Momma, please, I promise to do better. You can't leave me, it'll hurt me so bad and I won't know how to function. I resent my daddy so much for running you off all those times. Don't leave me. If you leave, take me too." I blurt out. She stands then wipes stray tears off her face. She opens her arms. I walk over to her then hug her tight, crying in her neck. I'm so hurt right now I can't understand why. I feel like all of the bottled up anger, stress, and depression I had is all rising inside of me right now. When Delila lost my baby, that shit really hurt but I didn't show it, when she cut me off, that cut me so deep, I still think about it, when I caught Laylani and Nugget, that shit hurt me for some reason, when she got shot, it hurt, and now that she walked out of my life, it's killing me on the inside, I miss her so much and I never realized how much she meant to me until she got shot.

"What you thinking about?" mom asks, rubbing my back as I cry on her. "She cut me off, ma. I didn't even do nothing wrong." I say. "Laylani or Delila?" she asks. "Both. I don't even care about Delila cutting me off that much no more, Laylani kinda means more to me. She cut me off for no reason, she told me who shot her. It was somebody who rąped her. I don't know if she found out I burned his baby momma house down and got scared of me or something . She just cut me off." I say.
"Plus, she hiding something and it pisses me off cause I care about her and she can't even come clean about whatever it is." I add. "Do you treat her wrong? Be honest." she says. I sigh. "Yes, but only cause I don't wanna get hurt. I'd rather hurt her than her hurt me." I answer. "You and her remind me so much of how me and your daddy were." she says, chuckling as she wipes a tear from underneath my eye with her thumb.

I sigh then bury my head back in her neck, feeling myself about to cry again. "I feel so lame for crying over this girl, mane." I say, shaking my head.

"You can't let your pride get in the way of how you feel, Reshawd, it fucks things up. Your dad's a prime example." she says. Both of us laugh a little. "Forget her, she won't even talk to me." I say. "You love her?" she asks. I pull away from her then look down. "I don't know." I answer. She chuckles then kisses my cheek. "Maybe she's going through something you don't know about, you never know what a person deals with when they're not with you. Give her some time, she'll come around when she's ready. Just like you sitting here missing her, she missing you too, Shawd. Trust me." she says.

I nod my head. "And tell your dad if he ever brings another stripper in my fucking house I will stab him in his chest. I'll be back, I'm about to go get something to eat." she says. "Can I come too?" I ask. She nods her head. "Sure. Go get Keyair ready." she says. I nod my head. All my brothers and sisters went out except me, Chevy, and Keyair. "Aight." I say.

COMMENT 35
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THIS CHAPTER WAS IMPORTANT, I WONDER WHO CAUGHT ON.

HOW YALL FEEL ABOUT RESHAWD OPENING UP TO ZAYA?